Hollow (Perfect Little Pieces) (17 page)

“We can’t—it’s not allowed.”

I raised my brows. “Oh, so
now
you follow the rules?”

“This is different. I don’t want to make life more difficult for you when I’m gone.”

“Let me worry about me, okay?” I pulled on his hand, but he resisted.

“You’ll get in trouble,” he said.

“You’re worth it.”

He smiled and let me lead him to the supply closet. It took only moments for us to slip on the scrubs over our clothes and climb up to the roof.

“I’m going to miss coming up on the roof,” Jayden said as he led me over to the railing. “It was my sanctuary, you know?”

“You’ll find something else to help ease your mind, I’m sure.” I snaked my arms around his middle and rested my head against his back. “Besides, you won’t be away forever. When you come back and visit…” My voice hitched as emotion swelled up inside of me.
He was leaving in the morning.
It still didn’t seem real.

“Yeah.” He turned his body, wrapped his arm around me and dragged me close. “About that. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to visit—”

“Shh.” I put my finger to his lips and shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Not tonight.”

“No, not tonight.” He bent over and brushed his lips against mine. The kiss started gentle but quickly turned urgent and hungry. If this was going to be our last night together, I wanted to spend every moment I could in his arms.

“I need you, Jayden,” I said as I tore my lips away and gasped for air.

“I need you, too.” He rained kisses along my jaw and neck. Urgency tightened my chest and suddenly I couldn’t get enough of him. I tore at his clothes, desperate for the feel of skin on skin. He lifted his head and captured my lips once more. Tears stung my eyes, and I squeezed them shut against the building desire.

“Lucy,” Jayden lifted my clothes over my head and then began working on my bra. I gasped as he took my hardened nipple into his mouth. He sucked and flicked, using his tongue to fuel my need.

When he finished with one breast, he moved to the other. I opened my eyes and threaded my fingers through his hair as he teased and stroked my sensitive tip. I curled my fingers into his head as he fumbled with the tie on his scrubs. I felt the constricting clothes loosen around my waist.

Suddenly he stood and slipped his fingers under the elastic of my pants. With a quick, smooth motion, he removed the rest of my clothes.

“Beautiful,” he whispered as he took a step back and let his gaze roam over my body.

“Your turn.” I held out my hands. Jayden smiled and stepped into my embrace. He kissed me hard as I helped him remove the rest of his clothes.

I moaned as flesh touched flesh. He laid me down on the clothes and covered my body with his. It was amazing how safe he made me feel and how well our bodies fit together. We were made for each other, and it was going to break my heart to watch him go.

Don’t think about it
. I grabbed the back of his head and held him close as I brushed my tongue against his. With each passing moment, desperation grew. I needed to feel him inside of me, needed to feel connected to him in every way possible.

I spread my legs, allowing him closer. Jayden slipped between my thighs and groaned as his erection rubbed up against my entrance. I wrapped my legs around him as he adjusted himself. Within moments his swollen erection rubbed up against my core.

He broke the kiss on a gasp. Silence descended around us as he stared in my eyes. The only thing I heard was our heavy breathing and the thudding of my heart against my ribcage.

“Is something wrong?” I finally asked.

“No.” He smiled. “Not at all. I just want to remember this moment. How you look, how you feel.”

A stubborn tear slid down my cheek. I wiped it away. “Hey – it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.”

“No, of course not. It’s just—” His words dissolved into a groan as he slid himself home.

I arched my back, accepting everything he was willing to give. He kissed me again, and our bodies started moving as one. Again and again he pushed himself inside of me, until the world around us faded away. All that existed for me was Jayden and how wonderful he made me feel. Pressure built in my lower abdomen, and I moaned as he plunged deeper and deeper into my body.

“God, Lucy,” He pushed himself up on his arms and thrust harder, faster.

I clawed at his back, his arms, his shoulders. I wanted more from him, everything he had. I could feel the urgency building within me. I was close, so close.

He shifted his arms and on the next thrust, touched an extra-sensitive spot deep inside my core. Joy exploded through my body as I cried out his name. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed through me, numbing my body in ecstasy.

Jayden’s whole body stiffened. His thrusts became harder, faster. I heard him cry out, felt him release inside of me. For one brief, glorious moment, we were connected. We were one.

For the rest of the night we laid in each other’s arms, sharing our minds and our bodies with each other. When it got chilly, he covered me with his clothes and offered me his body heat. He was so sweet and sensitive in the way he took care of me. I was going to miss it.

“I have to go,” he finally said as the sun peeked over the horizon.

“I know.” I traced his tattoo with my finger.

“Does it bother you?” he asked.

I thought about it for a moment. “No. The tattoo is a part of your past and who you are. It’s a good tribute to your sister.”

He pulled me tight against him and kissed the top of my head. “I love you, Lucy.”

“I love you, too.”

We got dressed slowly, lethargically, as if the weight of the world was on our shoulders. Then I was in his arms once more, and the unthinkable was happening. I was saying goodbye to someone I loved. Again.

“I’ll come and visit,” he said.

“I know.” Tears filled my eyes. I blinked them back. “I’m counting on it.”

“And if I’m able, I’ll be here when you get out. I promise.”

“Okay.” I took in a ragged breath.

We walked back in silence and disposed of the scrubs. I watched Jayden head back to his room to pack and my heart felt heavy. I knew that he said he’d visit me, and that he’d always be there for me, but I also knew that he was still haunted by the demons of his past. Good intentions could be overshadowed with reality. Jayden needed me as much as I needed him. It was entirely possible that he’d relapse and be placed in another hospital, or not survive until I could make myself well.

I knew that I couldn’t dwell on the negative. I had my own recovery to think about. If Jayden and I ever stood a chance, then I had to focus on making myself well enough to walk out of this place.

I steeled my jaw as I turned my back on Jayden and walked back to my room. On the way I passed Flynn and Martinez, walking to the common area. They nodded to me as I passed, both looking as solemn as I felt.

I then passed the meditation room, where Rose was giving another Tai Chi lesson. Carter stood in the front row, watching her every move with an intensity I had never seen on him before.

I flicked open the bathroom door for Iris as I passed and smiled at the relief in her eyes.

Jayden might be leaving, but that didn’t mean that I’d be alone in my recovery. Far from it. With a little luck, I could beat this thing. Then perhaps one day, I could walk out of this place with my head held high and into Jayden’s arms.

Until then, I had a lot of work to do.

Epilogue

Six Months Later

I hugged my duffle bag to my chest as I walked down the halls of Newton Heights Psychiatric Hospital for the last time. Iris walked next to me, still wearing those worn bunny slippers she had when I first met her. I wondered what would happen to her now that I was leaving. In fact, I worried about all of the patients I’d be leaving behind. I knew that their journey to healing wasn’t my responsibility, however. Each one of them had to forge their own path back into society on their own. No one could do it for them. Not even me.

The reception desk came into view, and my steps slowed as the grinning faces of the other patients shook my hand.

“Say ‘hi’ to him for me,” Flynn said as he grabbed my fingers in an iron-like grip. “Tell that knucklehead not to be a stranger, okay?” He stepped back and shoved his hands in his jeans. “You don’t be a stranger, either.”

I smiled and realized that my affection for him was genuine. Not only did Flynn help Jayden with his own recovery, but he helped me. I just hoped that, someday, Flynn would be able to overcome his own demons and find happiness.

“Of course we won’t be strangers.” I tapped him playfully on the biceps. “Besides, if you ever want to get a message to us, you can just talk to Mia.”

“Yeah, well…” He ran his hand over the back of his neck and took a step back. “I don’t think she likes me very much. I wasn’t exactly easy on her during her training. She hasn’t exactly forgiven me for it.”

“Of course she’s forgiven you. Don’t be silly” It would take a lot for Mia to not like someone. It just wasn’t in her nature. Besides, I had seen how she checked out Flynn’s ass when she thought no one was looking. “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Thanks.” He glanced over at Iris, then at the Elias at the front desk. I knew that he didn’t quite believe me.

“Hey.” I rubbed my hand on his arm. “We won’t let you waste away in here. I promise.”

He lowered his hand. “Bye, Lucy. Iris.” He pressed his lips together in a thin line and turned his back, but not before I saw the tears in his eyes. There was something going on that I wasn’t aware of, I was sure of it. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to help him. Flynn had to figure things out on his own. We all did.

I moved forward, shaking hands and saying my goodbyes to the rest of the patients until I stopped, stunned at the front desk.

“Nesto.”

He shifted his stance and looked down at his feet. “Yeah, they let me come back this morning.” He knocked on his temple. “Hard head and all that.”

Nesto was in and out of Confinement more often than anyone else in the ward. How the man coped with spending so much time locked up and alone was beyond me. I couldn’t help but grin as I walked over and gave him a big hug. “I’m so happy for you.”

He stiffened at the close contact and then slowly put his arms around me. His grip was light and unsure, but I didn’t care.

Tears stung my eyes as I leaned back and met his gaze. “Promise me that you’ll stay out of Confinement for good this time.”

He smirked. “You know me. I don’t make promises.” He shifted his gaze over my shoulder at Iris. “But I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

I turned away from Nesto to face Elias and took his outstretched hand.

“It’s good to see you well again, Ms. White.”

“Lucy,” I corrected him. “After all we’ve been through together. You can call me Lucy.”

He grinned and nodded. “Lucy.”

It suddenly struck me how young Elias looked. For some reason, I had always associated him with Dr. Polanski and therefore thought of him as at least a decade older than me. His grin lightened his features. He looked less troubled, less stressed. In the bright hospital lighting, I realized that he was much closer to my own age, barely an adult himself.

“You and Jayden are the first patients I was able to see walk out of this place,” he said. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but don’t come back.”

I laughed and gave him a hug. “I won’t. I promise. At least, not as a patient.”

“Good.” He patted my back and stepped to the side. I turned to Iris. “Well, I guess this is it, then.”

She nodded. The movement caused her hair to fall in front of her face. “This is it.”

I moved over to give her a hug. She had been working on touching others for months and the fact that she now let me hug her was a huge breakthrough. It showed just how close we had become, and how much she trusted me.

“Stay safe,” I whispered in her ear.

She squeezed my shoulders with surprising tightness and nodded. When she moved away, I noticed tears in her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand.

“I’ll visit, I promise,” I said.

Iris pressed her lips together in a half-smile and glanced over my shoulder. Then she shrunk back, as if stung.

“I have to go. Take care.” She hurried down the hall before I could respond.

I turned and saw Nesto leaning against the front desk, staring openly at her retreating form. I slapped him on the arm. “Don’t scare the other patients.”

He jerked back and blinked at me. “I wasn’t staring.”

“Sure.” I smiled and turned back to Iris, but she had disappeared into the crowd. Why did she keep disappearing like that? Where did she go? What did she do? I didn’t know. Part of me wanted to help her, but I knew that she was beyond my abilities. She was in the best place possible for her recovery. It was out of my hands.

I grabbed my duffle and gave my new friends one last wave. Squaring my shoulders, I walked through the doors of Newton Heights Psychiatric Hospital a free woman.

Dr. Polanski was the first to greet me in a huge hug. “I knew you could do it.”

I hugged her tightly and closed my eyes. “Thank you,” I whispered.

She sniffed and stepped back. “Take care of yourself.”

“You, too.”

She moved away, revealing a shiny new mustang convertible. Mia stood by the passenger’s side door, grinning from ear to ear. I laughed as she ran up and gave me a bear hug. “Don’t get too excited–it’s only a rental. But we’d thought you’d want to ride away from this depressing place in style.”

I let out a bark of laughter and squeezed her shoulders. “It’s perfect.”

Mia pressed her lips to my temple and stood back. “I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m happy for you, too,” I said and realized I meant it. “I’m sorry I was such a pill these past couple of months.” Our relationship had been rocky for a while, but it was getting better. Someday, I hoped that we could be best friends once more.