Home For Christmas (10 page)

***

Days later, even though Layla still hadn’t read any of Tate’s emails, he was still sending them. She had however gone into town and bought another shovel, a gigantic box of gnomes and a litre of dark red paint. Her Halloween store on eBay now sported more blood-splattered zombie and regenerated gnomes than she would ever sell. She was busy photographing and wrapping them in bubble wrap when she heard a familiar voice.

‘Time for morning tea?’ Carise wandered in dangling a packet from the bakery, Toby gurgling from his harness strapped to her chest. ‘I’m famished. We walked over and I must say it’s a bloody long way.’

‘I’ll say. I’d better get the kettle on.’ Layla stood and went to take the bun from Carise.

‘What the heck? There’s a bloodbath in here.’ Carise’s mouth was wide open as she surveyed the workroom benches. ‘Anything you want to talk about?’

‘Not really.’ Layla ushered her cousin out and pulled the door closed behind her. ‘It’s just sometimes, you know, life’s not all sunshine and light.’

‘Definitely not in there.’

‘No.’ They walked across to the house in silence. Layla opened the screen door and ushered Carise into the kitchen. ‘I’m trying to figure something out.’

Carise unclipped Toby from his harness and sat him on the floor. She stared at Layla, tilting her head to one side. ‘It’s your soldier, isn’t it? He’s okay isn’t he? Healing okay and everything?’

Layla filled the kettle and turned it on. ‘Yeah, it’s not his health. And I don’t know if I can call him my soldier.’

‘What happened?’

‘It’s not him, it’s me.’ Layla pulled the bun out of its packet and started savaging it with the bread knife. ‘Him getting injured. All I could see when I heard it was him, was Dad’s face as he took the call about Ben, and Mum’s face when she realised.’

Carise took the knife off her and pushed her into a chair. ‘That’s understandable. You lost your brother. Of course Tate getting injured is going to affect you. But he’s going to be okay.’

Layla swiped at her eyes. ‘My head knows that but my heart can’t see it.’

Carise abandoned the bun and pulled her chair closer to Layla’s. ‘Hon, this is normal. You’re in shock. I know how important keeping your family close and safe is to you. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. And that’s what happened to Tate. You know that. You can’t hide away in your workroom and never take a risk on getting to know someone on the off chance something bad will happen to them.’

‘I want to.’

Carise engulfed her in a big hug. ‘Of course you want to, we all want to sometimes. But you can’t.’

Layla let the tears flow. ‘He’s waiting for me to email him back.’

‘So, email him back.’ Carise pulled a tissue from her pocket and handed it over. ‘You know you want to.’

***

Long after Carise left for home, Layla finally powered up her laptop. She shuddered when she realised there were almost two hundred emails waiting to be read. A quick scan showed most of them were from Tate.

Her stomach churned and she stared at the ceiling.

If only she could go back, do things differently. He must have been worried when he didn’t hear from her. She’d probably delayed his healing, and given him more stress when he needed less. Why else would he have come here? She swallowed down on a groan.

What had she been thinking?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Carise was right. She couldn’t spend her life alone, any more than she could wrap everyone she loved in bubble wrap and keep them safe from the horrible things the world threw at them. She blew out a shuddery breath and clicked into the most recent email, from yesterday.

Layla

I miss you. Talk soon
.

Tate
.

She blinked and checked the screen again. No recriminations, no angry abusive rants or questioning of her decision. Just five simple words that told her exactly where Tate was at. Pain burned in her gut. How could she have been so stupid?

She’d nearly thrown away the best thing to happen to her in years.

Fingers shaking, she hit reply.

Tate
,

I miss you too and I’m really sorry it took me so long to get back to you. You’re right, I was scared and I only acted that way because I don’t want to lose you. You’re important to me
.

I never said it when you were here, but I’m sorry about the loss of your mate Russell, and that you and your mate Dougie were injured. War is ugly. I hope they catch the men responsible
.

Thanks for adding me onto your contact list. I didn’t sleep a wink until I knew it wasn’t you. When Ben died, I hated he was gone but I had to accept it because it was a tragic accident. Knowing you might be hurt because someone deliberately targeted you
—
it fried my brain. I think I’m still recovering
.

If there’s anything you need, let me know
.

Stay safe
.

Layla

***

Tate’s grin was a mile wide as he re-read Layla’s email.

‘Macca.’

He jumped. ‘What?’

‘CO wants you in his office.’

‘Why?’

‘He didn’t say.’

Tate ran his hand across the stubble on his head. What now? He was healed. He’d sat through multiple debriefs and the mandatory counselling. All he wanted was for everyone to stop treating him like he was a leper and get back on active duty. He donned his vest and helmet and headed out into the compound.

Before the attack, he would have crossed the open ground. Ever since he’d returned, he shadowed the walls. It was going to be a hard habit to break. He pushed the door and entered the office, his eyes adjusting to the dim light. ‘You wanted to see me?’

The CO looked up from his computer. ‘Sit down. I won’t be a minute.’

Tate eased down onto the edge of the chair.

‘Right.’ The CO pulled a file from the stack on his left. ‘A couple of things. I wanted to check how you think you’re placed for return to normal duties.’

‘I’m ready.’

‘I want you to think about that answer.’ The CO opened the folder. ‘Really think about it. What would happen if the team came under fire when you were out on patrol?’

Tate cleared his throat. ‘It would depend on the situation. I would secure my team, look to the team leader for direction and carry out their instructions.’

‘And if he wasn’t in a position to give instruction?’

Tate shifted on his seat. ‘I’d assess the team and look to the next person.’

‘And if that next person was you?’

‘Me?’ Tate took a second to regroup. ‘I’d get the team to safety, assess the casualties, do first aid, call for backup and if necessary, I’d engage the enemy.’

The CO slipped a form from the folder. ‘What else?’

Tate shook his head. ‘Those would be my immediate actions. I’d try and keep the team alive long enough for either another team to arrive, or for someone to give instructions.’

The CO nodded his agreement. ‘Spot on. So, why does this,’ he picked the file up and gave it a shake, ‘say you’re not ready.’

Tate’s shoulders stiffened. ‘I’m ready.’ He looked the CO in the eye. ‘The only difference, now I’ve felt the fear. I’ve seen how it affected me. That’s what I was worried about. Those guys keep trying to trick me with their questions. I knew I was getting it wrong.’

The CO tossed the file back onto the pile. He spread the form out and grabbed his pen. ‘What else?’

Tate bit the inside of his lip.

The pen was poised. ‘What else?’

‘This is going to sound stupid.’

The CO stifled a laugh. ‘McAuliffe, I’ve been in this army for twenty-seven years, and at this desk for the last ten. Believe me, between the political guff we have to put up with and the ten thousand recruits I’ve supervised, nothing you say is going to sound stupid.’

Tate looked at the ceiling then down at his lap. ‘It’s my fault Dougie was injured.’

The CO laid the pen down. ‘So, it wasn’t sniper fire?’

‘A sniper caused the injury. It was my fault. I was fixated on getting those sapphires.’ His breath hitched in his throat. ‘I met this girl, Layla, and I wanted a gift for her for Valentine’s Day, and if I hadn’t been busting my boiler to get them, Dougie would never have been shot.’

‘Bullshit. If it wasn’t Timms, it would have been someone else, because those bastards were lying in wait. I’m sorry no one realised it. The focus was on denying the traders access to the camp in case the vehicles were booby-trapped and that put all of our teams at risk.’

‘The jeweller. He knew what was happening long before we did.’

‘Maybe.’ The CO stroked his chin. ‘Or maybe he’s seen enough of his fellow countrymen’s underhanded tactics to be more suspicious than we were. He’s not one of the bad guys.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Remember I said there were a couple of things.’ He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a brown paper bag. ‘This belongs to you.’

Tate took the packet off his boss. ‘What is it?’

‘Open it.’

With an eerie sense of déjà vu, Tate took the bag from the CO. This time though, he didn’t hesitate. He ripped out the staple holding it closed and emptied it onto the desk. ‘The sapphires.’

‘The jeweller came back to make sure you had them. You saved his donkey, which is a substantial asset. He was worried how this whole episode would affect his business. He needs to make sales to feed his family. I think he’s an honest man, trying to make the best of a bad situation. When I asked, he said you did a great job. He felt safe with you in charge. His words, not mine.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes really.’ The CO leaned forward. ‘You ready?’

Tate didn’t hesitate. ‘I’m ready.’

‘Good. You’re back on active duty.’ The CO picked up the form and tore it in half.

Layla wriggled her fingers and jammed her hands into her pockets. An arctic wind roared off the ocean, buffeting the small crowd gathered around the Gibbs Bay Anzac memorial.

Her father was right.

Not dressing warmly for the Dawn Service was guaranteed to give you a better appreciation of what the soldiers went through that fateful day at Anzac Cove. Another family tradition she hadn’t been able to shake.

A shiver coursed down her spine.

‘Hi.’ Carise slipped into the chair next to hers. ‘Thought I might find you here.’

‘Hi,’ Layla whispered back, as the president of the RSL blew into the microphone. ‘With everything that’s going on, I had to.’

Carise nodded then tucked her hand through Layla’s arm. ‘I know.’

A mournful bugle call signalled the start of the service. Throughout the two minute silence to remember the fallen, the hymns and the address that focussed on the Australian experience overseas, the warmth from Carise’s arm was her lifeline. All too soon, it was time to lay the wreath she’d brought with her.

As the junior school choir sang, Layla rose on shaky legs and joined the short queue in front of the towering monument. At her turn, she took a moment to reflect at the main face of the monument, then stepped around to the northern side where Ben’s name was immortalised forever by a tiny brass plaque. He hadn’t died at war, but he was lost in service to his country. She laid her handcrafted wreath on the step below the plaque and reached out to touch his name.

The metal chilled her to the bone.

She bent her head and sent up a silent prayer that everyone serving their country would be returned home safely. ‘Stay safe Tate,’ she whispered. ‘I need you to stay safe.’ She walked back to her seat.

Immediately Carise took her hand, holding it between hers. The now familiar words washed over her.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn
.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them
.

Her eyes filled with tears and she scrabbled in her pocket for a tissue.

After a few seconds she pulled the grainy colour print of Tate’s photo from her purse. He’d scanned her a photo from a few years ago, long before she knew him. Warm brown eyes stared back at her. He was smiling, revealing a seriously cute dimple. His mahogany hair was short-cropped and thick and he looked years younger than the shadow of a man who’d visited her a few weeks ago.

Since he’d sent it, she hadn’t gone anywhere without it.

Could she do this? Be with a military man, live with the risk he might be killed at any time, cope with the realities of life in the service? Could she deal with the fear every time he was deployed overseas, or even back home where accidents did happen?

Layla shivered again.

She looked down into Tate’s smiling face, remembering the rich timber of his voice, the touch of his hand on hers.

How could she not?

Tate
,

Hope you are well and had a good Anzac Day. I attend the Gibbs Bay RSL service every year and the men and women serving in Afghanistan were in the forefront at this year’s service. We said a prayer for Richard Kitchener and your unit was mentioned by name. Our RSL president also laid a special floral tribute
.