Homecoming Girls (35 page)

They travelled on to meet and stay with Jed and his family at his farm; then they rode towards the Sierra Nevada mountains, where Larkin told them more of his travels with Jewel’s father and how they had been trapped in the winter snow.

The trail up to the high passes was more defined now but still rutted and difficult. The air was fresh and sharp and they looked down from jagged rocks into the green valleys and sparkling lakes below; the Colorado river glinted in the far distance and they imagined how hard it had been for those travelling on foot or by waggon.

They stayed one night in a small mountain hostelry lit by lamplight and roaring pinewood fires and the following morning, with one last look down the mountain, they set off on their return to San Francisco. Then Jewel and Clara made ready to depart.

Jewel had tried on the cheongsam and it fitted perfectly. She wrapped it up again in the soft paper and put it carefully in a cupboard in her house. ‘So that you know that I will return,’ she said to both Soong Daiyu and Pinyin. ‘But I must go to see my English mother.’

‘I think she needs you,’ Pinyin said, and Jewel didn’t know if it was a question or a statement, but she answered, ‘Yes.’

Soong Daiyu clasped her hands and spoke, and Pinyin translated. ‘Soong Daiyu says that you are right to go, and that she knows you will return. She says that to forget one’s ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root.’

‘I won’t forget you, ever,’ Jewel said softly. ‘And I will return. The winter is long and hard where I am going, but come spring or early summer I’ll be back.’

She said the same to Lorenzo and his mother, and Maria said, ‘So long? My son will be unhappy.’

Jewel whispered, ‘And so will I.’

‘Your
madre
is sick, yes?’ Maria asked and when Jewel hesitated, she raised her head and opened her eyes and mouth wide and breathed out,
‘Aah!’

Federico came to the restaurant on the day before they were due to depart. ‘I must speak to you, Clara.’ He looked pale and ill. ‘Please don’t go away.’

‘I must,’ she said. ‘Everything is arranged.’

‘Then cancel!’ he said urgently. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve been a fool. Please believe that I don’t usually behave in this way. My intentions are sincere. Ask anyone.’ He grasped her hands. ‘I can give you so much. Wealth, your own carriage, anything that you desire.’

Clara eased from his grasp. ‘But I don’t need any of those things,’ she said calmly. ‘And you haven’t mentioned love.’

He shrugged. ‘That goes without saying. You are beautiful. I shall be the envy of all men with you on my arm.’

She turned away. Another possession, she thought, something else to boast about. ‘I’m sorry, Federico, I am already
committed. And as I told you before, I’m going home to England.’

He was angry and yet his tone was icy cold as he spoke. Again she had the feeling that he wasn’t used to being crossed. ‘On our first meeting I was given the distinct impression that you were inclined to be more than friendly. Is this the way English women normally behave?’

Clara drew in a breath of astonishment. Had she? By approaching his table that first day at Lorenzo’s had she indicated something more than mere sociability? She wouldn’t have been so forward in England with an unknown man, but had assumed, wrongly it now seemed, that amiability was allowed here between unmarried men and women.

‘I’m sorry if I unwittingly gave you the wrong impression,’ she told him. ‘You are a friend of Lorenzo’s and I did not think that a little banter and conversation would be considered to be more than conviviality.’ Her voice was now as cold as his, though she was hot and furious inside, not just with him but with herself for being so foolish as to trust him. ‘I beg your pardon for my mistake.’

He stormed out, not speaking or acknowledging anyone. Maria shook her head and then, catching Clara’s eye, pointed her finger to her forehead, indicating an unhinged disposition. She came over.

‘Don’t be concerned about him,’ she whispered. ‘Federico has set his own path. No one can move him from it.’

Clara swallowed down her fury. She was sure that Maria was right, but she felt both sad and furious about Federico. But it’s my fault too, she realized. I had thought that here in this new country men and women could be equal. And perhaps they can, but not with Federico. Charming as he can be, he’ll always want to be master. He is so assured of his own importance. Could I ever love him? Thoughts of home flitted through her head and she knew that she couldn’t. That very morning she had received a letter from her sister, Elizabeth, with news which made her even more determined to return.

Lorenzo and Maria, Soong Daiyu, Pinyin, Chen and two
of his sisters came to the railroad station to see them depart, but not Federico, and Clara didn’t know whether to be glad or sorry. Lorenzo was steeped in gloom and seemed to be on the brink of tears.

‘I can’t bear to lose you again, Jewel,’ he whispered to her. ‘I’m bereft. My heart is breaking.’

‘Please don’t say anything more,’ she pleaded. ‘I must go. If I leave it too late I should never forgive myself.’

He nodded. ‘The weather; I know. I wouldn’t want you to be in any danger. The rail journey is hazardous in winter.’

‘Not the weather,’ she said. ‘Although the valley becomes closed in winter.’

‘Then wait here until spring,’ he said urgently, clutching her hand. ‘It’s not too late to change your mind.’

She gently squeezed his hand. ‘And what of Clara? She wants to go home to England. She misses her family. This is the first stage of her journey. Besides, I have written to my parents to say that we are coming.’

He swallowed. ‘Then I must be patient, but I don’t know how.’ He gazed at her. ‘Is there someone else you care for who makes you rush back, apart from your mama and papa, I mean? Someone else?’

‘No.’ She smiled. ‘No one.’

There came a sudden screech of steam and they all jumped. Clara moved towards the carriage. Chen carried their hand baggage, packed with everything they would need for the week-long journey. Pinyin carried a box of food: tea, bread, biscuits and cake which Maria had baked early that morning; ham and smoked sausage to supplement the food they could buy at the station houses. She had also provided knives, forks and spoons and snowy-white table napkins.

Clara kissed Maria, offered her hand to Chen and Pinyin, and climbed the high steps on to the train. Lorenzo was still holding Jewel’s hand, unwilling it seemed to let her go.

‘I’ll write,’ she said softly. ‘Don’t forget me.’

‘Never,’ he said, pressing her fingers to his lips. ‘And not a
song will pass my lips until you come back. Not a single note. There’s a Chinese proverb—’

‘Yes,’ she said, taking a sudden deep breath, recalling Sun Wa’s phrase. ‘I know it.
A bird does not sing
—’

‘Because it has an answer
,’ he finished for her.
‘It sings because it has a song
. I have no song now. Nor will I have till you return.’

‘Jewel!’ Clara called urgently. ‘Come quickly! We’re getting under way.’

Jewel saw the head of steam from the engine and the guard waving his flag. ‘But I have an answer,’ she told Lorenzo, and drew her hand from his and touched her lips. ‘All I’m waiting for is the question.’

There were fewer passengers on the return journey and they had a car to themselves, although they joined others in the minuscule kitchen when they went to make tea or coffee or to prepare a meal. They were both quieter and introspective, lost in thought, Jewel more so than Clara.

‘I have something to tell you,’ Clara said to Jewel as they climbed into their cots on their first night. ‘I’ve received a letter from Elizabeth. She’s expecting a child. She thinks it’s due in January.’Jewel heard the joy in her voice. ‘I’m going to be an aunt!’

It was Jewel’s turn to be thrilled. ‘How lovely! I hope she’ll be all right and doesn’t suffer too much pain. That’s what worries me about Mama, whether or not she can bear the agony of childbirth.’

‘They can have chloroform if it gets really bad,’ Clara said practically. ‘Or ether. I’d really like to be home in time for the birth, Jewel. Will you mind terribly if I leave for home soon after we arrive in Dreumel?’

Jewel sat up and leaned on her elbow, and Clara saw her pale face and dark eyes framed by her loose silky black hair by the dim light of the lantern.

‘Of course not. I understand perfectly. It’s such an important time and Elizabeth will want you to be there.’ She leaned
back on her pillow. ‘I wonder what it’s like, having another being growing inside your body. And how difficult must it be to be totally confined to the house during pregnancy! Some say the woman must remain completely secluded.’

‘Not all women do,’ Clara murmured. ‘Some women, who have to work for a living, stay working right up to the day the child is delivered. It’s not healthy, of course,’ she added, turning over on to her side. ‘But then neither is staying in bed for the whole time, for that makes the mother weak.’ Her voice grew sleepy. ‘But both Aunt Gianna and Elizabeth will have doctors and midwives in attendance and will be guided by them.’

During the night Jewel woke. She lay for a while listening to the clang and clank of the wheels, the snorts and hiss of the engine, the rattle of the windows and the strident snores of someone further down the corridor.

‘Clara,’ she whispered, ‘are you awake?’

There was no answer, but Clara turned over with a mutter.

‘I just wondered if you’ve missed Thomas whilst we’ve been away.’

‘Mm,’ Clara murmured. ‘Yes.’ She turned over again. ‘I have.’

‘Will you be all right travelling home alone?’

Clara considered for so long that Jewel thought she had fallen asleep again. ‘I will,’ she answered at last. ‘There’s no other option. Unless some other person decides to travel home again too.’

‘Yes,’ Jewel said. ‘That’s what I was thinking about.’

The thought of Dan was causing her considerable disquiet. Had he really travelled all this way because of her, or because he had decided to break free from the constraints of home? If he has come because of me I must tell him straight away that I could never love him enough to marry him; I know now that I can only ever care for him as a friend. She felt a pleasurable warmth steal over her. I have only just rediscovered Lorenzo, but I know – I feel sure – that what I feel for him is love.

The train was cold and both declared that it was as well they had decided to travel now rather than later. They wrapped up in shawls and scarves, warm stockings and gloves. The weather outside was dreary, with only an occasional shaft of sunshine breaking through the grey cloud. After two days they reached Ogden in the pouring rain and waited in the chilly station rest room to begin the next stage of their journey, remarking on the difference in temperature from when they had been there previously. When they were on the move again they read books until both complained of headaches. They missed the camaraderie of other passengers and although the view from the windows was still spectacular, they were both busy with their own thoughts and didn’t appreciate it as they had done on the journey in the other direction when everything was fresh and new and exciting.

‘It was such fun travelling out, wasn’t it?’ Jewel said softly. ‘So thrilling to be going alone on an adventure and not knowing what was in front of us. And now, although I am really looking forward to seeing Mama and Papa again, I am also rather sad.’

Clara nodded. ‘I know; but you’re sad because of the people you are leaving behind. And have you thought, Jewel, that if Lorenzo should propose and you should accept – that’s always supposing that you care enough for him – then you would undertake the outward journey again, and perhaps not go back to England?’

‘I’m torn, Clara,’Jewel said miserably. ‘I do care for Lorenzo and can’t bear to think that I shan’t see him again. Yet I feel bound to Mama, especially now, and although I’m sure she will stay in Dreumel to have the baby – she surely won’t travel – they might decide to return to England afterwards.’ She swallowed hard. ‘And then I won’t know what to do.’

Clara smiled. ‘I think you will, Jewel. I
know
you will.’

The following day the journey was slow, with the train stopping from time to time for no apparent reason. Then the porter came along and, apologizing profusely, told them that they must stop at the next station to change the engine.

‘You may stay aboard if you wish, ladies, but you might find it more comfortable in the station house. The weather’s not good but at least there’ll be a fire.’

They decided they would get off the train and since in spite of the murky weather it wasn’t raining they were able to walk about the platform for some much-needed exercise and chat to the few other passengers, before eating a bowl of broth and a plate of sausages. An hour later they were on their way again.

‘The journey seems so long this time,’ Clara said and thought with a sinking heart of the journey from New York to Dreumel’s Creek and then back again before her voyage home. ‘I’ll spend a week at Dreumel,’ she told Jewel, ‘then ask Uncle Wilhelm to book a berth for me.’

‘Only a week?’ Jewel asked. ‘Oh, Clara, how I’ll miss you! Must you go so soon?’

‘You said that the valley becomes closed in because of the snow. I don’t want to be trapped until the spring.’ And Clara realized that now she had decided to go home, she didn’t want any delay.