Homespun Bride (3 page)

The icy wind gusted hard, pulling him out of his thoughts. He'd gone a fair ways down the driveway. There was nothing around him but the lashing wind and the pummel of the iced snow, which had fallen around him like a veil. He gave thanks for it because he couldn't see anything—especially the house he'd left. Noelle's house. The twilight-dark storm made it easier to forget he'd seen her. To forget everything. Especially those early years away from her and how his heart had bled in misery until one day there'd been no blood left. Until he'd felt drained of substance but finally purged of the dream of her and what could have been.

Sure, there had been times—moments—since then when he'd thought of her. When he saw a woman's chestnut hair twisted up in that braided fancy knot Noelle liked to wear. Or when he saw an intricate lace curtain hanging in a window, he would recall how she'd liked to sit quietly in the shade on the porch and crochet lace by the hour. Any time he heard a piece of that fancy piano music she liked to play with the complicated chords and the long-winded compositions, he would remember.

It was the memories that could do him in, that were burrowing like a tick into his chest. He tried to freeze his heart like the winter's frost reaching deep into the ground. Usually that was the best way to handle those haunting thoughts of her and of the past.

He would never have come back to Angel Falls except for his kid brother. The boy didn't know what kind of a sacrifice Thad was making in coming back here and in his decisions to stick around, help the family and start to put down roots for a change.

Roots. He'd been avoiding doing that all this time, aside from the money it took to buy the kind of land he wanted—because settling down would only remind him he wasn't building a life and dreams with her.

Don't think about Noelle. He willed the words deep into his heart. Now, if only he were strong enough to stick by them. Whether she was married or not, their past was dead and gone. He was no longer that foolish boy thinking love was what mattered. He was a man strong enough to resist making a mistake like that—like her—again.

The white-out strength winds blasted harder; Sunny shied and veered off the faint path of the road. Not a great sign. Thad pulled his mustang up, so he wouldn't lose his sense of direction. It wouldn't take much for a man to get himself lost in a blizzard like this. He shaded his eyes from the wind-driven downfall to try to get a good look, but he couldn't see a thing. Still, he dismounted, to make sure. Something could be in the road—like another rider driven off track by the storm in need of help.

The curtain of snow shifted on a stronger gust of wind, and something red flashed at the roadside only to disappear again. Keeping hold of Sunny's reins and his sense of direction, Thad knelt to find a lady's hatbox tied up with a fancy red ribbon and, next to it, a small flat ice-covered package.

Must be Noelle's things, he figured, scanning what little he could see for landmarks. This sloping slant of ground was probably at the junction of the main road. The sleigh had made a sharp turn onto the driveway here. Combined with the wind, the goods had probably slid right over the edge of the sleigh.

It looked as though he wasn't completely done with Noelle yet. The small package fit into his saddlebag, but not the bulky hatbox. That he had to hang over his saddle horn by the ribbon.

Just his luck. Now, as he nosed Sunny north into the storm and toward home, there was a reminder of Noelle he could not ignore. The blizzard grew with a ruthless howl, baring its icy teeth. He was cut off from the world. He could see only gray wind, white snow, brutal cold and the cheerful slash of a Christmas-red bow, making it impossible not to think about her. To wonder, but never to wish.

No, not ever again.

 

Shivering between the cold sheets, Noelle burrowed more deeply into the covers. Her toes found the metal bed warmer heating the foot of her bed. Ah, warmth. Above the background drone of the blizzard, she heard the hiss of the lamp's flame as it wavered, pausing to draw more kerosene up its wick.

On the other side of the bedside table, her cousin's mattress ropes groaned slightly as she shifted, probably to keep the lamplight on her Bible page. “‘The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'”

There was a gentle whisper of the volume closing and the rasp as Matilda slid her Bible onto the edge of the table. “I didn't want to say anything when Mama was around, but did you two almost drown in the river? You know how she exaggerates.”

“We didn't fall into the river. The sleigh stopped before that could happen. Fortunately.” Noelle knew she would never understand why this runaway horse had been stopped short of disaster, when another one hadn't. Why the stranger had been in the right place at the right time to help them—this time. There was a greater mystery troubling her, though. Their rescuer. She wouldn't stop wondering about that man—against all reason and all wisdom.

“Divine intervention, beyond all doubt.” Matilda sounded so sure. “Mama said that man was an angel. She said she wasn't sure how he'd been able to come through the storm like that and to stop that new horse of Papa's just in time. Then he disappeared like he was called up to heaven.”

“He took my hand to help me out of the sleigh and, trust me, he was a man and nothing more. He was no angel.”

“Then how did he disappear?”

“It was a blizzard. All he had to do was walk three feet and he would be invisible. You know how your mother is.”

“Yes, but it's a better story that way.” Matilda sighed, a girl of nineteen still dreaming of romance. “Do you think they exist?”

“Angels?”

“No, of course
they
do. I mean, dashing, honorable men who ride to a lady's rescue.”

“Only in books, I'm afraid.”

“But the stranger, he—”

“No.” Noelle cut her cousin off as kindly as she could and pulled her covers up to her chin. “He was probably mounted up and at the edge of town when the gelding broke away. I heard other men shout out to try to stop the horse. He himself said he only did what anyone would do.”

“You don't sound grateful.”

“Oh, I am. Deeply.” She'd done her best to try to keep her calm; as she'd told her aunt, all's well that ends well. But the truth was, about midway through supper the calm had worn off and she'd trembled in delayed fear and shook through most of the evening. Now, she felt worn-out and heartsick.

Why hadn't Thad introduced himself? Why had he used her blindness against her? He knew she couldn't look at his face and recognize him, so he'd chosen to stay safely in the dark. Certainly no hero, not in her book, she thought, knowing that was the broken pieces of her heart talking, apparently still a bit jagged and raw after all this time. He'd been the one to leave her waiting at her window, with no note, no one to break the news to her, nothing.

She squeezed her eyes shut, as if that could stop the hurt from flooding her spirit. It was a long time ago, and it didn't matter now.

Put it out of your mind, she ordered, but her heart didn't seem to be listening. She would never forget the way it had felt to wait through the heat of the September afternoon and into the crisp twilight and refuse to give up on him. Vowing to wait however long it took, that's how much she believed in him. How strong her love. But as the first stars popped out in the ebony sky and the cool night set in, she'd had to accept the truth.

Thaddeus McKaslin, the man she'd loved with her entire soul, had changed his mind. Not the strong stalwart man she'd dreamed him to be, but a coward who couldn't tell the truth. Who couldn't commit. Who'd changed his mind, broken his promise and left town without her.

Why was he back after all this time?

Sharp footsteps knelled in the hallway. “Girls! I know you're in there talking. Lights out! It's past your bedtime.”

“Yes, Mama,” Matilda answered meekly.

Noelle knew her cousin was rolling her eyes, greatly burdened by her mother's strict role in her life. She herself had been that way once, but it had taken tragedy and maturing into an adult for her to understand the love that had been behind her mother's seemingly controlling behavior. Love, the real kind, was what mattered.

“Good night, girls.” Henrietta's steps continued down the hallway to check on her other children.

“Good night, Matilda.” Noelle curled onto her side, listening to the rustle of bedclothes and the squeak of the mattress ropes as her cousin leaned to put out the light.

She tried to let her mind drift, but her thoughts kept going back to Thad. To his questions as he'd walked her to the door. He'd asked about her blindness and her parents and her unmarried state. She added one more silent prayer to the others she'd said, as she did every night before she fell asleep, kneeling beside her bed moments earlier.
Please watch over him, Father. Please see to his happiness.

If a tear hit the pillow, then she was certain it was not hers. The storm droned and, finally warm enough, Noelle let sleep take her.

 

Thad put away the last of the dishes and hung the dish towel up to dry. “You all set for the night, Ma? Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Not one thing. You've been a great help. You've had a long day, too. You go put your feet up and read some of the newspaper with your brother.”

His older brother, Aiden, gave him a forbidding look over the top of the local paper.

“I'll go on over to the shanty, then, where my books are. Good night.”

“I'll make pancakes tomorrow morning just the way you like them.” Ida glowed at the prospect and untied her apron. “Good night, son.”

Aiden didn't look up from his reading. “'Night.”

The clock was striking nine as he closed the back door behind him. He had to fight the blizzard across the yard and through the garden to his dark, frozen shanty. Typical Montana weather, snowing just when you thought there couldn't be any more snow left in the skies.

He found his home dark and empty and cold. As he knelt to stir the banked embers, air fed and sparked the coals. They glowed dull red and bright orange and he carefully added coal until flames were licking higher and bright enough to cast eerie shadows around the tiny simple dwelling.

He left the door open and the draft out, keeping his eye on the fire as he pulled the match tin down from the high corner shelf. Ice shone on the nail heads in the walls and on the wooden surface of the table. The lantern was slick with ice when he went to light it.

This was not the Worthington manor. Then again, he wouldn't want it to be. He hooked his boot beneath the rung of his chair and gave it a tug. Noelle was as unwelcome in his thoughts as the bright red hatbox on his corner shelf.

Just showed that what he'd come to believe in the last five years was true. The good Lord had better things to do than to watch over an average working man like him.

The shanty was warmer, so he closed the stove door and drew his Shakespeare volume down from the bookshelf. While he read of lives and love torn apart for the better part of two hours, Noelle was never far from his thoughts. He knew she never would be again.

When the shelf clock struck ten, he closed the book and got ready for bed. He shivered beneath the covers trying to get warm, and he prayed for her as he did every night. As he had for the last five years.

“T
hree whole days trapped in this house by that blizzard.” Aunt Henrietta bored through the parlor like a locomotive on a downhill slope. Crystal lamp shades trembled on their bases with a faint clink and clatter. “Three whole days I could have been sewing on Matilda's new dress, and instead I had to spend them in idleness.”

“Well, not in complete idleness,” Noelle couldn't resist pointing out as she paused in her crocheting to count the stitches with her fingertips. “You spent a lot of time composing letters to the local newspaper and to our territorial lawmakers.”

“I hardly expect them to listen to a woman.” There was a
thwack, thwack
as Henrietta plumped one of the decorative pillows on her best sofa. “But I will have them know what a danger that contraption is. What newfangled invention will they think up next? I shudder to think of it.”

“Well, you should,” Noelle said as kindly as she could. “With that dangerous contraption on the loose, do you think we ought to risk another trip to town?”

“It gives me pause.” Henrietta moved on to pummel another pillow on Uncle Robert's favorite chair. “I must post these letters of complaint immediately. Noelle, I am sure, poor dear, you are frightened beyond imagining. Perhaps you ought to stay home with Matilda. No sense the two of you endangering your lives. I shall be fine.”

Across the hearth from her, Noelle could hear Matilda struggling to hold back a giggle.

“I'll come with you. I'd like the fresh air.” Noelle gathered her courage. Driving was a fact of life. She couldn't stay afraid of one thing, because she'd learned the hard way that fear easily became a habit. It had nearly consumed her after she'd first gone blind.

“No, I won't risk it.” There was that smile in Henrietta's voice again. “Although my trusty mare is now reshod, so we shall not have to take that wild gelding, there is no telling what peril we could meet with.”

“If that's true, then I must come, or I'll sit here worrying over you the entire time you're gone.”

“You are a sweetheart.” Henrietta blew a loud kiss across the room. “Now then, I've got my reticule. It's a shame about your new winter hat. Perhaps we can find another.”

“The one I have is serviceable enough.” Noelle carefully anchored her needle in her lacework, so she wouldn't lose any stitches or her place in the pattern, and folded it into the basket beside her chair. The floorboards squeaked beneath her weight as she stood.

“Maybe you'll catch word of the dressmaker's nephew,” Matilda whispered, sounding a little breathless and dreamy. Perhaps she wasn't aware that her affections for the handsome teamster weren't well hidden. “Or, maybe you'll happen into the stranger's path again. If he's new to town—Mama didn't recognize him and you know she makes it her business to know everyone—then perhaps he's looking to settle down. Homestead. Marry. He did rescue
you.
”

“He stopped a runaway horse, it was nothing personal. Besides, he's probably already settled down with a wife and kids at home.” But Thad married? She couldn't imagine it. She told herself it wasn't bittersweetness that stung her like an angry hornet as she crossed the room. Because she was steeled to the truth in life. It was best to be practical. She almost said so to Matilda but held back the words.

Once, like her cousin, she'd been young and filling her hope chest with embroidered pillow slips and a girl's dreams. Maybe that was a part of the way life went. Maybe she would be a different woman if she'd been able to hold on to some of those dreams, or at least the belief in them. She reached for her cloak on the third peg of the coat tree.

“Goodness! I've never seen such poor manners!” Henrietta burst out and threw open the door so hard, it banged against the stopper. “You! Young man! Where do you think you're going? You get back here and do this properly.”

Thad. Noelle knew it was him. Somehow, she knew.

“Uh, I didn't want to disturb, ma'am.” His baritone sounded friendly and uncertain and manly all at once. “It's too early to call, but I was on my way to town and didn't want to make a second trip to drop this by.”

“Still, you ran off before we could properly thank you the other evening.”

“There was a blizzard raging, ma'am. I had livestock I had to get back to. The storm was growing worse by the second.”

He sounded flustered. She really shouldn't take any pleasure in that. If only she could draw up enough bitterness toward him—but now that he was here she realized that she couldn't.

“I'll have to forgive you, young man, seeing as I am standing here alive and well to scold you, because of you.” Henrietta's voice smiled again. “Are you coming in?”

“I, uh, was planning to get on with my errands.”

Noelle could feel his gaze on her like the crisp cold sunshine slanting through the open door. She wanted to say his name, to let him know she had figured out who he was and that he couldn't hide behind her blindness any longer. She also wanted to hide behind it, too. It made no sense, either, but it was how she felt.

Maybe it was easier to let him go back to his life, and let it be as if their paths had never crossed. What good could come of acknowledging him? What good could come from not?

Henrietta persisted. “We are on our way to town, too, but I'm willing to put aside my pressing concerns to thank you properly. You should come in. I'll have the maid serve hot tea and you may meet my oldest daughter.”

“Uh, no thank you, ma'am.” Thad scooped up the box and package he'd left on the swept-clean porch. “I found these in the road on my way out the other night.”

“Oh, the new fabric. And, Noelle, your hat. How good of you to bring them. And to think we thought we'd lost these forever. It wasn't a tragedy, mind you, but a bother to have to go back to town and risk whatever peril would befall us this time around. Bless you for sparing us that.”

“No trouble at all, ma'am.” Thad wasn't sure what to make of this woman who stood as straight as a fence post and had the air of an army general, but there was one thing he did recognize. The way she was sizing him up and down as a husband candidate. He could spot a matchmaking mama a mile away. This one was so eager, she was giving off steam.

Or, he thought, maybe that was from his near state of hyperventilation. He was no good at social calls. “I'm more at home in a roundup, ma'am, or riding a trail. I don't get invited into parlors much.”

“Then you're not married.” She sounded real happy about that.

“No.” He reckoned she would be glad to help him remedy that, so he backed up a few steps doing his best to escape while he could. Dragging his gaze from Noelle, who looked even lovelier in the soft lamplight. He didn't want to bring her more pain. Best just to leave. “Well, I've got to be on my way. Nice seein' you again, ma'am.”

“Soooo,” she dragged the word out thoughtfully. “You're
not married.
We have not been properly introduced. I'm Henrietta Worthington, that is my lovely daughter, Matilda, in the parlor and you already know my niece, Noelle.”

“Yes. Good to meet you, miss.” Tongue-tied, he tipped his hat, backing away, avoiding looking at Noelle again. The frozen tundra of his heart remained solid. In place. It was probably best if he didn't notice how her apple-green dress brought out the emerald flawlessness of her eyes and emphasized the creamy complexion of her heart-shaped face. Or how the dark hints of red in her chestnut hair gleamed in the firelight from the hearth.

No, it was best not to notice all that. Which was why he'd planned on leaving the goods on the front step and riding away without announcing himself. Too bad it hadn't turned out that way. He didn't know how, but he had to disappear from Noelle's life the way he'd come into it. He hadn't forgotten that he'd been the one to leave her waiting to elope with him.

“Let him go, Aunt.” Noelle looked at him with a quiet, confident air as if she saw him perfectly. Her gently chiseled chin hitched up a notch. “I'm sure you have Mr. McKaslin trembling in his boots at the thought of being alone with so many eligible young ladies.”

So, he hadn't been as nameless as he'd hoped. She
had
recognized him. Don't let that affect you, man, he told himself, but it was impossible. He'd hoped to spare her this, nothing could come of digging up the past, rehashing things that could not be fixed. They were both changed people now. Strangers.

Why, then, was the small flame of tenderness in his chest struggling to life again? It was tenderness in a distant sort of way, in a wish-her-well sort of way. It could never be anything more. He wouldn't let it be.

All he had to do was to look around. When he'd been here before, a blizzard's heavy downpour had cut off his view of this grand home, the elaborate spread, the plentiful fields that would yield quality wheat. Such a place could not compete with the claim shanty he lived in now, behind his brother's modest home. Such a place could not compete with the land he planned to buy—when he found the right place that he could afford, that is.

No, there was no storm now to hide the differences between him and Noelle. The differences, which had always separated them, always would.

Henrietta Worthington gasped. “Noelle! Shame on you. You've known who this man is this entire time? Why haven't you said anything? And why don't we know this friend of yours? Come in—”

“He is no friend of mine. Not anymore.” She cut off her aunt with her gentle alto, giving no real hint of the emotion beneath.

Anger? Bitterness? Or was it nothing at all? Probably the latter, Thad realized. Lost love first left hurt and anger in its wake, then bitterness, and finally it was forever gone, leaving not so much as ashes to show for it or an empty place for all the space and power it had taken over one's heart.

Proof that love was simply a dream, not real or lasting at all.

“I'd best be going.” He gave Noelle one last look. Figured this would be the last time they would come face-to-face. He didn't intend to spend much time on this side of the county. He didn't intend to play with fire; he'd only get burned if he tried. He knew that for certain. All he had to do was gauge it by the narrowing of the aunt's gaze, as if she were taking his true measure.

And Noelle, what would she see in him now if she had her sight? Probably the man who sweet-talked her out of one side of his mouth and lied to her out of the other.

He took a step back, already gone at heart. “Not that it's my business, Mrs. Worthington, but don't go driving that black gelding again. He's no lady's horse. It's not worth your lives if he bolts a second time.”

It was Noelle who answered, who'd stepped into the threshold with her wool cloak folded over one arm, staring directly at him. “That sounds as if you care, and how can that be?”

“My caring was never in question.” He took another step back and another. “I'll always want the best for you. Take good care of yourself, darlin'.”

“I'm not your darling.” She tilted her head a bit to listen as he eased down the steps. “Goodbye.”

His steady gait was answer enough, ringing against the board steps and then the bricks and the hard-packed snow. She felt the bite of the cold wind and something worse. What could have been. Thad was a lost path that would be forever unknown, thank the Lord. She thought of all the reasons why that was a good thing, but his words haunted her. Was he simply saying the easiest thing, or part of the truth, or was there more truth to tell?

She told herself she wasn't curious. Truly. She didn't want to know the man he'd become. So why did she wait until she heard the creak of a saddle and the faint jangle of a bridle, a horse sidestepping on the icy crust of deep snow before she stepped back into the warmth and closed the door?

“Noelle Elizabeth Kramer!” Henrietta burst out. “Why didn't you tell me you knew that man?”

“I don't. Not any longer. That's simply the truth.” Why did she feel emptier as she hung her coat back on the tree? “I knew Thad long ago before, from my school days. As it turned out, I did not know him very well at all.”

Henrietta fell uncharacteristically silent, and Noelle wondered if her aunt was compiling a list of questions on the man's character and wealth. Which would be completely expected, but Thad was bound to be a disappointment to her aunt's high standards for an acceptable beau for one of her daughters.

From the corner of the parlor, Matilda gasped. “Do you mean he once courted you?”

“No, there was no courtship.” No official one. Why it shamed her now, she couldn't begin to explain. It had all seemed terribly romantic to a sixteen-year-old girl with stars in her eyes and fairy tales in her head, to secretly meet her beloved.

Oh, it had been terribly innocent; Thad had been respectful and a complete gentleman, had never dared to kiss her even after he'd proposed to her. But now, looking back with disillusionment that had forever shattered those fairy tales and dimmed the stars, she could see a different motive. Not a romantic one, but a less than noble one. He'd courted her behind her parents' backs, purposefully fooling them, and for what?