Honestly: My Life and Stryper Revealed (29 page)

I wrote a few paragraphs online about Brad and what he meant to me. From what I understand, Tom Scholz and his wife, Kim, had read what I wrote and were deeply touched by it.

Feeling alone and confused after finding out Kyle’s cancer was back, I was out in the yard one day doing some work, trying my best to cope with everything at hand. Yard work was my therapy. It gave me a chance to think without all the congestion of phone calls and emails going on. I remember feeling abandoned by God. I felt as though He was nowhere to be found. I continued to ask,
“How could God do this to a woman who has devoted her life to Him and given up everything for Him? Now she’s stricken with Stage 4 cancer and has to suffer.”
Not that God owes me, or anyone anything, but those were just the honest thoughts going through my head at the time. It was a tug of war between all that I knew and all that I thought I knew.

At a time like this you want to have hope. You want to have faith. But you’re faced with the statistics that less than 5 percent of women with Stage 4 ovarian cancer survive longer than two years.

With all of these thoughts going on in my head, my yard looked immaculate during this time. I mowed, raked and cleaned the yard regularly.

Kyle came out on the back deck one day and motioned for me to turn off the mower.
“You’ve got a call,”
she said. I didn’t want to take any calls.
“It’s Dave Rose. He says it’s important.”
Dave, my manager, tells me that he had just heard from Kim Scholz—Tom’s wife—and they had asked if I would like to be part of the last-ever Boston show, which was going to be held in the city of Boston. It was a show to honor Brad Delp and to raise funds as a benefit to Brad. They were calling it their last show ever and their intention was to bring out a variety of guest singers to participate including Ann Wilson, Mickey Thomas, and Sammy Hagar.

Almost immediately, my stomach turned and all the questions you would assume might run through my head did. “Maybe I’ll
get to sing ‘More Than A Feeling’ or ‘Peace of Mind’ or ‘Rock and Roll Band’! It would be awesome to sing one, two or even three of those classic Boston songs.”

Not long afterward, I had that conversation with Kim who suggested I sing a song called
“Higher Power.” I had to Google that song
. It wasn’t necessarily one of their hits. I could only assume they chose this song because I was a Christian and they thought this would be the most suitable song. She didn’t say that of course, but it was the only thing I could imagine at the time. Inwardly I was slightly disappointed but on the phone I said
“Absolutely. Anything you want me to sing. Count me in.”

A few days passed and I continued my daily yard work routine when again the phone rings, this time my cell phone. I looked at the screen and it read “restricted.” I never answer restricted calls, ever. I don’t like talking on the phone in the first place, never mind to people I don’t know. Since I’m not aware of any friends who have a restricted number, surely it must be a sales pitch. For some reason I shut the mower off and answered the call. It was Tom Scholz, obviously calling from a private number.

I tried to be calm and collected, but I was talking to Tom Scholz! I was floored and nervous. We talked for a while as I paced back and forth in my backyard. He admitted to having never heard me sing prior to reading my post, so he had gone out and bought some Stryper records. I don’t know how many he bought or specifically which ones other than he did mention purchasing our most recent album,
Reborn
. He shared with me that he was really impressed by the songwriting and my singing.

To be told that by Tom Scholz was beyond huge to me. Boston was a band with one of the best singers of all time, and a band with some of the best rock songs in history. So I’m on the phone with Tom in my jeans and tee shirt with a smile on my face thinking,
“Wow. This is unbelievable. I’ve probably just heard the biggest and best compliment I’ve ever received in this business.”

And then it got better. Because Tom had heard me sing and had heard my songs, he said he wanted to open up the opportunity for me to sing more than just
“Higher Power.”
I mentioned how it would be amazing to sing more, and he said he would also like me to sing
“More Than a Feeling”, “Rock and Roll Band”
, and possibly
“Peace of Mind.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!

After reality set in, I realized how much I needed to rehearse and prepare. “More Than a Feeling” is a tough song to sing, and I don’t think any singer would dispute that. I had a lot of work to do.

I went into my studio and started learning the songs both on guitar and vocals, as I assumed I would be playing guitar at the show as well. I learned these songs note-for-note, or at least to the best of my ability, rehearsing for hours on end.

Rehearsals with Tom and the band had been scheduled for a few weeks prior to the show. In my first rehearsal it was just Tom, Gary Pihl and I. I was a nervous wreck, but it all hit me like a ton of bricks when I went to plug my guitar in. I walked over to the pedal board that controlled my amp and written in black Sharpie on a piece of tape it read, “Brad.” I was playing through Brad Delp’s rig.

We didn’t do any singing on the first song, which was “Rock and Roll Band.” We just played. I could see in my peripheral vision that Tom was pleased. We paused after part of the way through the song and Tom was grinning ear to ear. He said to Gary that he had never heard the guitars sound this good. He told me about previous encounters with players and that this just felt better than he could imagine. He was really excited about the guitars and for that, I breathed my first sigh of relief in months.

Honestly, I was surprised by how little singing I did the first few days of rehearsals. I had just assumed that my voice would be the deciding factor. Fortunately I had practiced those guitar parts relentlessly in the week’s prior.

The first full band rehearsal for the show, with drums, had me a bit nervous as well. We started with “More Than A Feeling.” I sang that song my own way. Aside from me sounding nothing like Brad, I had my own style and interpretation of that song, so I was a little apprehensive with this being the first song that we’d rehearse together as a band. But as we got through the song, I could see it was working. Tom was smiling, and everyone in the room seemed to be doing so as well. After it was over there were high-fives being passed around and real sense of celebration in the air. They seemed to genuinely approve of my interpretation of the song.

Show day came on August 19, 2007. The show was taking place at the Bank of America Pavilion in Boston. It was a sold-out show. I had never had so many knots in my stomach. I was so nervous, and I couldn’t seem to overcome it backstage. I had Dave Rose there. He’s always been a great support. He was giving me lines like
“I feel like a proud Papa.”
He was really encouraging. Kyle was also there, and she helped sooth my nerves as well. I think she was partially just happy to see me doing something other than Stryper and on such a grand scale.

Showtime came and I went to strike the first chord on my guitar and nothing came out. I hurried to the side stage and said to the guitar tech that I was getting no signal. He already knew it and was equally as shocked. If you see footage of that show, you can see guys frantically running around on stage trying to figure out what was wrong—why I wasn’t getting any signal.

It was not the best way to start the show of a lifetime. “Peace of Mind” would be the first song I’d sing, and despite my guitar still not working, I was ready—nervous, but ready. I recruited the crowd to raise their hands and sing along. They did. It was magic. A sea of Boston fans, mostly there to pay tribute to the band’s recently deceased singer, were joining me, singing along to one of Boston’s biggest hits. For a moment I truly did feel at one with the audience, and as odd as it may sound, I felt Brad’s spirit among us. It was no longer as if I was singing
to
the crowd—it was as if I was singing
with
the crowd. Together we were singing for, maybe even with, Brad. We were like a group of friends gathered to pay tribute to a lost friend. My nerves went away the moment I realized that the crowd and I were in this together. Together, we were going to sing Brad’s songs.

My dear friend to this day, Tommy DeCarlo, also had his debut with Boston that night. He sounds like Brad. Kim had discovered him through a myspace account, when Tommy was working at Home Depot. Tommy had never been on such a professional level before, so I’m sure his nerves were just as shot as mine, if not even more so. He did a great job that night and it was really cool to see a “regular guy” singing these songs so perfectly.

After the show Tom was incredibly appreciative and excited. We talked for a while afterward, and I could sense his excitement about what had just taken place onstage. He shared with me that because it went so well, the band was considering doing more performances and that maybe this won’t be the last Boston show after all. He said my performance exceeded his expectations, and he indicated that if Boston did any more touring he would like for me to be a part of it.

“What? Did I just hear that right?
More shows and me a part of it?”

That’s when I felt a little nudge from God. Not that it’s about being rewarded from God. It’s not. God doesn’t owe me a thing. But all my days of mowing the lawn wondering where God was and what He was thinking, this moment was as if God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying,
“I haven’t gone anywhere, I’m right here by your side.”

THIRTY-SEVEN

Anyone who has followed the career of Boston knows that it’s a band that doesn’t move at a swift pace. The band’s first album came out in 1976 and the guys only had a total of six studio albums spanning 35 years. They’ve never been known as a band to turn out releases in a timely manner or regular pace. So when Tom (Scholz) mentioned the idea of me possibly touring as a member of Boston, I was hopeful but not exactly optimistic. This was okay with me though, as I knew Kyle would need me to be home, not to mention I wanted to be home with her.

While I was on tour overseas with Stryper in November of 2007, I received a call from Troy Blakely of APA (the agency for both Stryper and Boston at the time). Troy told me that Boston was going to tour in 2008 and they’d like me to be a part of it. I accepted the invitation, although I did find it odd that the phone call came from the booking agent and not directly from Tom. Regardless, I was thrilled at the possibilities. Simultaneously as I felt excitement, concern set in over how I would possibly be able to pull this off. I couldn’t leave Kyle while she was sick—the thought was just too much for me to bear. The what-ifs were racing through my head and it was overwhelming to say the least.

Soon after I accepted the position over the phone, word had traveled fast. Boston had issued a press release, and I began getting asked about my involvement with Boston almost immediately during Stryper interviews. Being alongside my band mates while talking about possibly touring with Boston wasn’t the easiest of conversations to have and often it was uncomfortable.

Whether it be a new band I’m producing or an opportunity to sing or play on another record, or in this case tour with another band, I don’t always talk in depth to the guys in Stryper about these moments. I’ve just never felt much of a congratulatory vibe from the guys when these types of opportunities arise. Perhaps they view my other projects, and particularly one as grandiose as touring with Boston, as a threat to the longevity and sustainability of Stryper. Speaking openly and honestly, they’re probably right. So as a result, we just don’t talk too much about this stuff when we’re together.

Sure, they said they were happy for me, and I believe they were to some extent, but it certainly wasn’t jubilation. I can understand that.

When I returned from the short run overseas, I spent a lot of time talking to Kyle about the idea of touring with Boston. She encouraged me to do it, as I suspected she would, but I wasn’t so sure. I was her primary caretaker, and the thought of leaving her alone was more than troublesome to me. Frankly, it consumed my every thought. I was doing all the shopping, most of the cooking, most of the chores around the house and even bathing and cleaning her when she was really weak. I also administered her medications often and helped to keep things in order there. The thought of leaving her seemed impossible due to the day-to-day details of life. But Kyle encouraged me to press on. She knew this meant a lot to me, and as a result it meant a lot to her.

Stryper performed only one show in 2008. It was at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island, as part of the Station Family Fund benefit concert. A solid line-up of notable acts played including Twisted Sister, Gretchen Wilson, Dierks Bentley, Tesla, and us. Tom and Gary Pihl sat in with us as we performed the Stryper version of “Peace of Mind.” Musically it was a sub-par performance to say the least, and even more unfortunate it was forever archived in VH1 footage as they filmed it for broadcast.

But that night wasn’t about me, or Stryper, or any of us on stage. It was about the families of those who lost loved ones in the tragic fire at the Station Nightclub in West Warwick on February 20, 2003. I met people that night that really touched my heart. Some were children whose parents had gone to the show that night of the fire and they sadly lost both of them. Some were survivors who were horribly burned in the fire. Many were under incredible financial distress due to the lack of insurance or loss of work. It was a moving night, and I was honored to be a part of it. So Stryper’s sub-par performance didn’t seem like such a big deal in the grand scheme of it all.

I was appreciative of Tom and Gary for sitting in with us. Like the good sports that they were, they even wore yellow-and-black attire. It wasn’t quite the leather pants and studded puffy shirts we often donned. It was more like yellow button-down oxfords and black jeans. Tom and Gary aren’t known for their fashion and I say that with the utmost respect. So to see them come out of the dressing room ready to play along with Stryper wearing their button down oxford and pale yellow sleeveless tee, black jeans, and tennis shoes—it was very cool and thoughtful of them.