Honeysuckle Summer (8 page)

“Then what’s this about, Carrie? Something’s obviously on your mind.”

For a brief instant, he thought she was going to open up and tell him, but then her expression shut down.

“Nothing’s on my mind,” she claimed, and flounced off, leaving him to stare after her and wonder how he’d blown the opportunity.

Carter glanced skyward. “Mom, Dad, I could use a little guidance here.”

Unfortunately, there were no heavenly messages suddenly written on the clear night sky. As he had been for two years now, he was left to cope on his own.

Walter had canceled two appointments with Rory Sue to look at houses. Unfortunately, they both knew it wasn’t due to his busy schedule, as he’d claimed. The woman rattled him. He knew instinctively that she was ready and willing to have some kind of fling, but for all of his many flaws, he was a pretty monogamous guy. Once he and Sarah had gotten together in college, that had been it for him. Cheating had never once crossed his mind, not even when his marriage had been falling apart. Since the divorce, he hadn’t met anyone half as intriguing as his ex-wife.

Even though he’d been telling himself for days now that he was due to cut loose and have a relationship that was completely free of strings, he couldn’t see it happening. And, though he was about as sensitive as a fence post, he’d seen something in Rory Sue that told him she wasn’t half as carefree as she wanted everyone to think. She was lonely and vulnerable and reaching out for any connection that might make her feel better, even temporarily. He didn’t want to take advantage of that.

He was still sitting in the office at the radio station a few minutes after canceling their latest appointment, when the door opened and Rory Sue walked in. This time, she was attired for work in a dress made of some
kind of clingy fabric that hugged every generous curve, but at least covered most of them.

“You’re avoiding me,” she accused as she sat down on the edge of his desk.

Her bare calf, which tapered to a shapely ankle and a pair of sexy, high-heeled sandals, was unnervingly close as she swung it back and forth. Watching it was like falling under the spell of a clock pendulum.

“What’s the problem?” she asked when he couldn’t seem to find his tongue.

Walter swallowed hard. “No problem. Really.”

Rory Sue gave him a knowing look. “I scare you, don’t I?”

The blunt question, which unfortunately hit the mark, rattled him even more. No man was ever going to admit to being scared of a woman.

“Absolutely not,” he said at once. “I’ve been swamped at work. That’s all.”

“And yet here you sit, all alone and looking bored to tears,” she said, then grinned. “At least until I walked in.”

“Just taking a five-minute breather,” he insisted, ignoring the comment about his reaction to her arrival.

“And then what? Aren’t most of your potential advertisers at home with their families by now? Does it work out well when you interrupt their evenings?”

“I have paperwork to do,” he claimed, aware that he probably sounded a little desperate for excuses.

“And yet there are no papers or files piled up on your desk,” she said.

Walter sighed and gave up the battle. “Okay, you got me. I was thinking about grabbing a burger and going back to the motel.” He scowled at her. “Alone, in case you were getting any ideas.”

She laughed. “As intriguing as an evening at the Serenity Inn with you sounds, right this second I’m much more interested in selling you a house.”

He regarded her skeptically. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” she said seriously. “Come on, super stud, let’s find a place for you to live. Then we can discuss what lies ahead for you and me.”

Because it was better than spending another boring evening on his own, Walter walked out with her. “Just so we’re clear, this is strictly business.”

“Of course it is,” she said at once, then met his gaze. “Until it isn’t.”

“Why do you do that?” he asked.

“What? Flirt?”

“Practically throw yourself at a man you barely know,” he corrected. “You’re a gorgeous woman. You’re obviously well educated. You have a great sense of humor. I can’t imagine that men don’t fall all over themselves asking you out.”

“You didn’t.”

“Because you never gave me a chance.”

“What is so wrong about a woman taking the initiative?”

“It’s not wrong exactly,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “It just makes you seem desperate. That’s not an attractive quality.”

“Are you saying women need to sit back and wait around until some man notices them? That’s a waste of time. I see a man who intrigues me, I let him know it.”

He regarded her with frustration. “And how’s that been working for you?”

“Up until you, not all that badly, as a matter of fact,” she said with a touch of defiance.

Walter smiled despite himself. “Look, I’m hardly an expert. My marriage certainly fell apart mostly because I was clueless about how a woman ought to be treated, but I do know one thing. Relationships are all about achieving an optimum balance of power.”

Rory Sue gave him a disbelieving look. “Meaning, I suppose, that the man is superior and everything has to be on his terms.”

“Of course not.” He
had
learned that lesson.

“Okay, let’s say I stop right here, turn around and kiss the daylights out of you,” Rory Sue suggested. “Who has the power then?”

Walter swallowed hard, his gaze suddenly locked on her lips. “You do,” he said.

“And you object to that on principle? Because a man should take the initiative when it comes to sex?”

“Not always,” he said, suddenly unable to think of anything except hauling her back to the inn and into his bed. He didn’t like how easily she could throw him off of the moral high ground. He sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to concentrate on counting backward from a hundred. When he felt more in control, he finally looked her way again and caught her smug expression. She knew exactly the kind of effect she was having on him and she was enjoying every minute of it.

“Tell me about the first house we’re going to see,” he said, his tone brusque.

“It has three bedrooms,” she said slowly and dramatically, amusement in her eyes. She lowered her voice to a sexy purr. “And the most amazing Jacuzzi tub you’ve ever seen in the master bathroom.”

She managed to imbue the description with enough innuendo that Walter flushed.

“Rory Sue, this has to stop,” he commanded. “If you expect me to look at houses with you, you can’t be talking about bedrooms and tubs.”

She laughed then. “You don’t want me to mention bedrooms or bathrooms?”

“No. I’ll find ’em on my own.”

“You scared I’m going to seduce you in one of them, Walter?”

He stared at her. He’d never met anyone quite like her before. He held her gaze.

“Truthfully?” he responded, losing the fight with his conscience. “I’m thinking we’re not going to make it to any of those bedrooms tonight. How fast can you get to the Serenity Inn?”

“Really?” Her face lit up. “Well, hallelujah!”

That was pretty much his reaction, as well. Tomorrow would be soon enough to figure out just how big a mistake he was making.

R
aylene had been on medication for a couple of weeks now, but she was no closer to stepping across the threshold at the house than she had been before starting treatment. She’d been so sure she’d at least be able to go back out on the patio by now, but she still couldn’t make herself do it. She regarded Dr. McDaniels with frustration after yet another failed attempt just to step outside the front door.

“I’m not getting any better,” she said as she hovered inside the door, palms sweating and heart racing.

Dr. McDaniels gave her an unrelenting look. “Maybe you need to take a leap of faith here.”

“Meaning?”

“Look around, Raylene. There’s no danger in sight. I’m right here with you. Take a deep breath and take that first step. Don’t stand here thinking about all the times you’ve failed. Just do it.”

Raylene regarded her incredulously. “Don’t you think I want to?”

The doctor’s gaze remained steady. “I don’t know. Do you?”

Angered that the psychologist questioned her deter
mination, Raylene stepped outside almost without realizing she was doing it, then turned to give Dr. McDaniels a defiant look. The older woman was grinning at her.

“There now. That wasn’t so impossible, after all, was it?” she said.

Raylene blinked, then felt a swell of triumph. Emboldened, she took a few more steps, until she was standing in the middle of the sidewalk. The sensation of being outside actually made her feel giddy with relief. Maybe she could do this. Right this second, she almost felt as if she could walk around the block. Maybe even all the way into town.

But then the sound of an approaching car had her tensing. Once again, her heart raced, and the door to the house seemed a million miles away.

As if she sensed Raylene’s sudden fear or simply recognized the first signs of an oncoming panic attack, Dr. McDaniels moved to her side. “Deep, slow breaths,” she reminded her.

The car drove past, and Raylene felt the tension in her shoulders ease.

“Great job, Raylene, but I think that’s enough for today,” the doctor told her, leading the way back inside.

“How long were we out there?” Raylene asked.

“About two minutes.”

“That’s all?” she said, disappointed.

“Come on now,” the doctor scolded. “This is a little like dieting. You have to remember that you didn’t get to this point overnight. Turning it around isn’t going to happen overnight, either. That’s two minutes longer than you’ve been out there before.”

The psychologist studied her intently. “I sense more
frustration than usual today. Is there some reason you’re suddenly so anxious to get better?”

Raylene thought about Carter and what it might be like to go on an actual date with him. She’d never really dated all that much. Oh, she’d been out with guys in a group back in high school. She’d even had a steady boyfriend she’d hung out with for a bit during her junior year, but then she’d met Paul.

Because he’d been in medical school and she had transferred to a strict private boarding school, their dates had been rushed, mostly squeezed in between his classes. Occasionally they’d gone on study dates, when his attention had been focused on books, not her. They’d married soon after her graduation from high school.

With everything moving so quickly, there had been no lingering glances over romantic dinners or intense conversations after a fabulous movie. She couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to be courted the old-fashioned way, but lately she desperately wanted to experience it. She credited Carter for stirring that desire.

“I think I’m just tired of staring at the same walls,” she said, not ready to reveal that her sudden rush had anything to do with a man.

“They weren’t closing in on you when we started,” the doctor said, proving that she was intuitive. “You seemed relatively content with your sheltered life. It made you feel safe.”

“True,” Raylene conceded.

“What’s changed?”

Raylene hesitated, then said, “The truth is that I’ve met someone interesting. He’s been by a few times. I can’t help wondering what it would be like to go out with him.”

“Has he been pressuring you to do that?”

“No. Oh, he asked once, but he seems to understand the way things are right now.”

“Wanting to leave the house, especially to go on a date, seems like progress to me,” Dr. McDaniels said, looking surprisingly encouraged. “Could you have imagined feeling this way a few months ago, or even a few weeks ago?”

“Not at all,” Raylene said. “I was content to stay right here, but I have to say that I don’t see how feeling restless the way I do now can possibly be a good thing.”

“It means you’re going to be more highly motivated,” the doctor told her. “Frankly, I’d prefer it if you were suddenly this anxious to get better strictly for yourself, but if wanting this so you can be with someone else helps, I can work with that.”

“Maybe I could take a different medication or a stronger dose,” Raylene suggested.

“No, we’re going to give this one a little more time. Just think about what you accomplished today. I know it must seem like you’re progressing at a snail’s pace, but you are progressing. We need to talk some more, too.”

“About what?” Raylene asked wearily. “We’ve already talked my marriage to death. There’s nothing more to say.”

“Apparently there is, because you’re still locked in this house. Next time, we’ll see if we can figure out what else is going on. In the meantime, I’d like you to go out for two minutes every day.”

Raylene regarded her with dismay. “Without you?”

“You don’t need me. You already know you can do it. If it helps to reassure you, have Sarah or someone else go with you, but I don’t want you backsliding
between my visits. Think of it as learning a new skill. The more you practice, the faster you’ll improve.”

Raylene sighed. “Okay, fine.” She walked to the door with Dr. McDaniels but, despite her earlier success, she couldn’t seem to make herself step onto the stoop as she said goodbye. It was as if there was an invisible wall in front of her. She simply couldn’t summon the courage to break through it, not even when she watched in frustration as the doctor merely stepped casually outside and walked to her car. Watching how easy it was for her nearly made Raylene weep. Her earlier sense of triumph disintegrated.

The phone rang as she closed the door, but she tried to compose herself before answering.

“Hey,” Carter said. “You busy? Has Dr. McDaniels left yet?”

“Since when do you keep track of my appointments with the shrink?” she asked testily.

“You mentioned it when I called last night,” he said carefully. “Are you okay, Raylene?”

“Of course I’m not okay. Haven’t you heard, I’m agoraphobic?” she said, unable to control the bitterness in her voice.

“I’m coming over,” he said at once.

“Don’t,” she said, already regretting snapping at him. Who knew what she’d do or say if he was here when she was in this crummy mood.

Unfortunately, he’d already hung up. She sighed. This was one of those times when she really did wish she could leave the house. Simply pretending she wasn’t home was hardly an option. He’d know better and, being a cop, he probably wouldn’t hesitate to break down a door if he thought there was something wrong.

When the doorbell rang a few minutes later, she resigned herself to seeing him.

“The door’s open,” she called out.

Carter stepped inside, frowning. “You shouldn’t do that,” he said. “I could have been anyone.”

“I saw your cruiser pull into the driveway,” she said defensively. “Even though I’d told you not to come.”

“You sounded upset.”

“A wise man would have picked up on my lousy mood and run for the hills.”

“Well, it sounded to me as if you needed company.”

“Which just proves you’re not as perceptive as you think you are.”

Instead of walking right back out the door, which many men would have done, he regarded her with amusement. “Still trying to run me off?”

She sighed. “It’s not going to work, is it?”

He settled onto the sofa beside her. “Nope, at least not until you tell me what happened to bring on this mood.”

“I thought today was going to be the day,” she admitted.

“The day for what?”

“When I walked through the doorway and back out into the world.”

He nodded with sudden understanding. “And that didn’t happen.”

“Actually, it did. I was outside for two whole minutes.”

His expression brightened. “Then why do you sound so discouraged? That sounds like progress to me.”

“I suppose.”

“Is the doctor discouraged?”

She shook her head.

“She’s the expert,” he reminded her. “Maybe you should let her be the judge of whether you’re making the right kind of progress.”

She frowned at him. “Don’t be all rational and reasonable. Men do that all the time, when women just want sympathy.”

He looked undaunted by the accusation. In fact, he draped an arm over her shoulder and drew her back against his chest. “Hey, I can do sympathy. If you want to cry on my shoulder, be my guest. Just try not to get the uniform too damp. I have to go back to work eventually.”

She chuckled despite herself. “I’d hate to send you out of here all soggy to sit in an air-conditioned cruiser. You’d probably wind up with pneumonia, and I’d have this whole boatload of guilt on top of everything else.”

“Then let’s just sit here like this for a minute,” he suggested, his arm still resting lightly in place.

For a moment Raylene let herself surrender to the comfort he was offering, but then his arm started to feel as if it was imprisoning her. Even though she knew rationally that all he was offering was comfort and that she could break free of his grasp whenever she wanted, she felt herself starting to hyperventilate.

Carter heard her first gasp and released her at once, his expression filled with concern. “Are you okay?” he asked.

The genuine worry in his eyes reassured her, but still she moved away until there was distance between them. She was shaking, but when he reached out to put his hand over hers, she jerked away.

He regarded her with understandable confusion. “Raylene, what just happened here?” he asked quietly.

Feeling like an idiot, she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. “I panicked,” she admitted.

“Because I had my arm around you?” he asked, sounding bewildered. Then understanding apparently dawned. “Is this about your marriage? Did you have some kind of flashback to the abuse?”

Tears welling up in her eyes, she nodded. She couldn’t tell, though, if the reaction was to the awful memories or because Carter had understood. She’d never envisioned anyone realizing how powerless she had felt, and he didn’t even know the whole story.

“Maybe you should tell me about your marriage,” he coaxed gently.

She automatically shook her head. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I can understand not wanting to relive bad memories, but I need to know so I won’t inadvertently do something else to upset you.”

She didn’t want to think about all that ugliness. She wanted it to stay in the past, but it obviously couldn’t be shut away like that. It was very much in this room right now. And Carter was right. If they were going to have any kind of chance, he needed to know about her past.

When she didn’t answer, Carter took the initiative. “He hurt you, didn’t he?” he asked quietly, his voice tight with anger. “A lot.”

She nodded.

“How bad did it get?”

“Really bad.”

Carter looked as if he wanted to punch something, but he didn’t. Instead, his touch oh so gentle, he covered her hand with his. He just rested it on hers, offering comfort, but giving her the easy option of pulling away. “I’m sorry.”

His calm voice and compassionate tone seemed to unleash a torrent of words. She described the fights that
began for no reason, the arguments that quickly escalated to violence, the unpredictability of it all, and the way it had eventually cut her off from the rest of the world.

“Most of the time I think I’ve put it behind me, but just now…” Her voice trailed off.

“My arm around you reminded you of him pinning you down,” he guessed.

“It just came over me out of the blue. I…I hadn’t felt like that since I moved in here. Suddenly all I could think about was how strong he’d been and how powerless it had made me feel,” she admitted. “I think that was worse than him hitting me, feeling as if there was nothing I could do to fight back.”

“You know that I would never hurt you, right?”

“In my head, I know that, or at least I want to believe it.”

“But after what you’ve gone through, you can’t be sure you can trust me or any other man,” he concluded.

She regarded him with a teary gaze. “You see what a mess I am? And your life is complicated enough. You should leave and never look back.”

He smiled at that. “Too late,” he said.

“It’s not,” she insisted. “You could walk away now and there’d be no harm, no foul. You could just chalk it up as one of those things. I wouldn’t blame you.”

“That would suggest I’m a quitter,” he said. “I’m not. How about you?”

“It would be easier if I were. It
was
easier when I thought things would never have to change.”

“Life is all about change and moving forward.”

“Even when it’s terrifying?”

“I think maybe that’s when it’s most important of
all,” he said. He stood up. “Look, I really hate to leave you like this, but I need to get back on duty. Will you be okay? Should I call Sarah or someone else?”

“I’m fine. Go. Protect the world.”

He started toward the door, then turned back. “I really wish I’d been there to protect you,” he said softly. And then he was gone.

Raylene reached for a pillow and hugged it to her. Amazingly, just hearing those almost wistful, heartfelt words made her feel more cherished than she had been in years.

Carter wanted to break things. Seeing the terror in Raylene’s eyes, the look of utter devastation on her face when she’d gone back in time for just one heartbeat into the dark world of her marriage, made him sick to his stomach.