Honor Reclaimed (All About Honor) (10 page)

“Let’s get you in out of the
sun.
 
Do you need me to carry
you?”
 
John asked still worried
about her condition.

“No love, I will be alright just
stay close please, in case I get dizzy again.” she replied as she arose from
the bench.
 

John helped her up and put his arm
around her waist, holding her close as they walked back to the manor.
 
He helped her up the stairs and to the
bedchambers.
 
“I think it is time
for you to take a nap.
 
You have
been pushing yourself too hard for the last few days and I do not want you to
over tax yourself.
 
See if you can
get some rest before dinner.”
 
John
encouraged.

“I would rest a lot better if you
joined me first.
 
I could use a
little exercise.”
 
Eirian
encouraged feeling the need of physical reassurance.

John smiled down at her, “I am
always willing to be of service Madame,” John climbed in bed beside her and it
was nearly an hour before either one gave another thought to sleeping.

Dinner was a much smaller affair
these days than it was when Johane had first come to the Vann.
 
All of the John’s cousins were married
and lived with their husbands on their own estates with the exception of Thomas
who was the heir apparent to this estate, and Elle, who with her child, were
visiting cousins at the moment.
 
Meaningful conversion was more the order of the day.
 

Sir Edward now well into his
seventies, but with his health restored, headed the table and directed much of
the conversation.
 
“John, I know
that you have enjoyed playing the land lord and dabbling in local politics, but
I think it is time that we put your talents to work in London.
 
Your uncle William has seen to our
legal needs, with regards to our shipping company, for many years now.
 
He is slowing down and would like to
turn over some of the responsibility to the younger generation.
 
He has requested that I approach you on
returning to London and working with him for a while, at least until one of
your younger cousins
are
ready to step in.
 
We need someone there to represent our
holdings in the colonies.
 
Eventually I would like you to consider transferring some of your
holding there.
 
I can see that a
young man could establish a dynasty in that virgin territory.”

“I do not know Uncle.
 
Of course I will travel to London
within the next few months and visit with Uncle William about what his needs
are, but I am pretty much a homebody and my home and family are here in
Monmouthshire
.
 
I have no desire to travel far from them.
 
As you may have noticed, Eirian is with child.
 
I do not want to be gone from her when
her time comes, especially considering what happened to Johane.
 
It would appear that my new wife
will
prove very fertile as I barely hung my pants on the
bedpost before she was breeding.
 
I
do not want to take her to some primitive land without access to a doctor’ care
or the support of her family.
 
I
think that the Colonies will have to wait for my sons to establish a dynasty
there.”
 
John made it plain that he
had no desire to seek adventure.

“As you will son, I cannot blame you
for looking after the needs of your wife, but we have to consider the needs of
the family as well.
 
Rumor has it
that the King is intent on raising the transport taxes on products coming out
of the Colonies.
 
That would cut
into our profits greatly.
 
We need
to find a way to turn that around to our advantage.
 
The King is desperate for funding.
 
He refuses to call back Parliament to fund his projects, but
he cannot lay the burden on the merchants by heavily penalizing them with
taxes.
 
He has to leave us our
incentives.”
 
John continued to be
amazed by his uncle’s ability to keep his finger on the pulse of his business
holding at such a distance from London.

“Uncle, let me see what I can do to
prepare myself for an extended absence from my holdings.
 
My estate manager is a good man, but I
have always played an active roll in the running of my estate.
 
I want to insure that things will
continue to progress along the lines that I had planned.
 
I will make my arrangements and try to
be in London by the first of the year.”
 
John tried to nonchalantly glance at Eirian to judge her reaction.

“Now son, you can not let your young
wife’s concerns dictate your decision.
 
I am sure she will support you in doing what ever you have to do to
improve the standing of the family as well as improve your own lot in
life.
 
I am sure she is a sensible
young lady, are you not Madame?”
 
Uncle Edward turned his address to Eirian.

“Sir, I do not know much about the
business world, but I do have every confidence in my husband.
 
I know he can handle what ever is
required of him.
 
I would only ask
that I be allowed to accompany him to London as I would not wish to be
separated from him at this time.”
 
Eirian replied.

“That is absolutely out of the
question my dear.
 
The travel would
be entirely too difficult for you in your condition.
 
I forbid it!”
 
John had never absolutely denied Eirian anything she wanted in all their
years of acquaintance.
 
She was
shocked at first, but it did not take her long to decide that given time she
would be able to convince him to allow her to accompany him.

Gwen came to Eirian’s rescue, “John,
I understand how Eirian feels.
 
A
young woman does not need to be left alone for extended periods of time, especially
in her condition.
 
She needs your
support, as well as your companionship.
 
I would hate to see you do what Thomas and I did the first several years
of our marriage.
 
We were
miserable.
 
I should have suffered
any inconvenience just to be with him,” Gwendolyn’s not so subtle reference hit
its mark.
 

John had to stop to consider whether
it was wise to leave his young wife on her own devices.
 
He really did not want to be separated
from her for that long and especially not with the baby due.

“Over land travel that late in her
pregnancy would be too difficult, but what if she were to travel by sea?
 
You could travel down the River Usk to
the Severn and then down to the coast.
 
Once there take one of our ships around the coast to the Thames and on
to London.
 
The travel should be
easy, especially on one of our own ships.”
 
Thomas suggested.

“It might work.
 
We would have to make arrangements for
the children.
 
I am sure that Sir
Morgan would welcome them for a period of time, but I cannot just place them there
indefinitely.”
 
John was thinking
out loud.

“We should love to have the children
stay with us.
 
They get along so
well with our children, it would be no trouble really.”
 
Gwendolyn offered.

“No, I will not be separated from
the children.
 
My being there for
the children was the main reasons for our hasty marriage.
 
To ship them off somewhere foreign to
them, I am sorry but this is not
their
home, when they
have just lost their mother is unacceptable.
 
They need stability.
 
They go with us, or I do not go.”
 
Eirian had never given an ultimatum in her life, but the children’s
needs had to come first as far as she was concerned.

“I have to agree with Eirian.
 
The children are just beginning to
accept her as their mother.
 
I am
afraid that they would feel abandoned.
 
We do need to find a place to live first though.
 
Maybe they could stay here until we are
established and then we could send for them.
 
We could tell them they were on holiday here while we get a
new home established in London.”
 
John suggested.

“I do not want them to feel
unwanted.”
 
Eirian said quietly.

“Dear, they would not be.
 
William and Elizabeth have formed quite
a bond and the little ones love each other.
 
Send them, Nanny, and the tutor here and they will have very
little time to miss you before you send for them,” Gwendolyn reassured her.

“You do not need to locate a place
to live in London.
 
The family
townhouse is at your disposal.
 
It
is large enough to house our entire clan.
 
You should be quite comfortable there.
 
Take the baby with you and send for the children later,” Sir
Edward suggested.

“Well, I guess it is all
settled.
 
We are going to London,”
John said.

Chapter 4

Settling their affairs did not take
as long as John had anticipated.
 
John, Eirian, and the baby John, accompanied by the wet nurse, John’s
manservant Dennis, and Joan all boarded the flat canal passenger boat to float
down the river to the Severn Estuary.
 
Once there, they would be transferred to a ship that would follow the
coastline until it reached the Thames River where they would travel up to
London.
 

Eirian could not help but be excited
as well as scared.
 
She had been
raised in their country manor and had very little exposure to the outside world.
 
She was afraid she would be perceived
as a provincial country bumpkin, which, in actuality, she was.
 
When she was not busy being scared, she
was so excited that she was finally going to get to see London.
 
She had never really thought she would
have the opportunity.
 

She remembered, with wonder, the
stories Johane told her of the trip she and John took to London for King
Charles’ coronation.
 
The king had
demanded, using an ancient and long forgotten feudal statue from 1278, that any
subject with an annual income of forty pounds or more be present at the
coronation.
 
He hoped to raise
money for his treasury by fining all those who did not attend and who did not
sign with his army as a knight.
 
John was more than pleased to attend and to pledge his fealty and pay
homage to his monarch.
 
Johane was
just pleased to get the chance to see London.

She came home with stories of
attending court and of its many intrigues only a few of which she was
comfortable enough to share with her baby sister who was only just then
approaching womanhood.
 
Johane had
been shocked with the number of poorly hidden love affairs that permeated the
court.
 
It had seemed that every
woman she met was sleeping with someone other than her own husband.
 
The women felt justified in these
elicit relationships as their husbands were most likely having an affair with
someone else’s wife.
 
For this
reason, many men preferred to leave their chaste wife safely back home.
 
Both she and John had been glad to
leave there and return to their quiet, wholesome lives it the Welsh
countryside.
 

Johane had been especially tired of
fending off unwanted advances from the courtiers.
 
She had lived in fear of John finding out about the probing
hands and unclean suggestions she had side stepped.
 
He would have felt honor bound to call the individual
out.
 
She had been relieved to
return safely of
their own
estate.

Eirian felt relatively safe however,
as it was highly unlikely that they would be attending court.

It was early November and the
children had been sent to the Vann.
 
It was hoped that they would be reunited in London before
Christmas.
 
The barge was
comfortable and John and Eirian sat cuddled on the deck, under layers of
blankets, enjoying the scenery as it passed them by.
 
John was also enjoying Eirian’s excitement.
 
It reminded him of her when she was a
child and experienced anything new.
 
She had always loved discovery and he had always loved her.
 
Wow, where did that thought come
from?
 
He was not in love with her,
nor did he ever intend to be.
 
He
still loved Johane and he would remain true to her memory.

Eirian knew the exact moment that he
pulled away from her.
 
Not so much
in the physical sense, but emotionally.
 
She wondered what she had done.
 
They had been having such a good time sharing the new experiences and
planning for their future.
 
All of
the sudden he was blocked from her emotionally.
 
It was if he had erected an invisible wall between them.
 
The joy of the trip suddenly left
her.
 
Her excitement evaporated.

John began to look forward to
reaching the ship where there would be more room to spread out so as not to be
forced so much in to each other’s company.
 
He needed a distraction.
  

The events of the day took a turn
for the worse when the nurse brought the baby to Eirian.
 
“Madame, I do not seem to be able to
comfort the baby.
 
He has not
stopped crying since we boarded the boat.
 
He is pulling at his ear and he seems to be running a fever.”

“Here, let me see him.
 
Are you hurting little man?
 
I am so sorry.
 
If your mother was here she would know
what to do.”
 
Eirian tried to
remember what Johane had done for her when she had an earache.
 
It finally came to her.
 
“Nurse, do you have any clove oil?
 
Please go get it.”
 
Eirian requested.
 
When the nurse returned Eirian warmed
the vial between her hands and then put a couple of drops in each ear.
 
The crying stopped almost instantly
much to everyone’s relief, but the danger had not passed as the baby was
burning with fever.
 

Eirian was frantic.
 
Why had she not thought to bring the necessary
herbs to lower the baby’s fever?
 
All she could think to do was to try to cool the baby by exposing him to
the cool air and wiping his body down with river water.
 
The wet nurse was beside herself.
 
She was sure the Eirian was going to
kill the baby from exposure.
 
She
gave up her protest to Eirian and went in search of her master.
 

“She what?”
 
John roared.
 
“Has she lost her good senses?
 
She will kill my son.”
 
He rushed to intervene.

“Madame!
 
What the hell do you think you are doing?
 
Are you trying to kill my son?”
 
John was livid.

“Please John, we have to bring his
fever down.
 
I do not have my
herbs.
 
This is the only way I can
think of to help him,” Eirian was just a little frightened by John’s
reaction.
 
She had never seen him
truly infuriated and rarely had his anger been directed towards her.

“My wife lost her life giving birth
to my son.
 
I will not see my loss
go for nothing.”
 
John reached for
the baby.

Eirian reeled backwards as if she
had been struck a physical blow, but she would not relinquish the child.
 
“No John, I will not let you take
him.
 
I am his mother now, and I
must do what I think is necessary for him.
 
Your wife was my sister in case you have forgotten.
 
You were not the only one to feel the
pain of her loss.
 
You need to
remember that I am your wife now.
 
I know you wish it were otherwise, but it is not, and it never will be
as long as I live.
 
We made a child
together, and for its sake you must accept me as your wife.
 
If I do not deserve it, I know the
child does.”
 
She tried so hard not
to cry, but her heart felt as if it was being torn in half.
 
She could not suppress the tears that
ran down her cheeks.
 

John felt guilty to have caused her
pain, but he was not ready to admit defeat.
 
He turn and stalked off in the opposite directions before he
took her in his arms and admitted to her and to himself how much he did care
for her.

Once they reached the ship, John
arranged for Eirian to sleep with the nurse and the baby so that she could be
readily available if the baby took a turn for the worse even though his fever
had broken within an hour of John’s and Eirian’s confrontation; just as Eirian
had predicted.
 

John avoided Eirian’s company as
much as possible over the next couple days.
 
They only came together at mealtime and that was unavoidable
since the
ship was owned by the Lewis family
and the
Captain reasonably expected the owners to take their meals in at the Captain’s
table.
 
It would have been awkward
for everyone if he refused.
 
He
tried not to let the hurt look on Eirian’s face bother him by not making eye
contact with her anymore than absolutely necessary.
 

The estrangement was having an
adverse effect on Eirian.
 
She was
not able to eat and she had barely slept for two days.
 
She was sitting at the captain’s table
pushing the food around on her plate when the Captain asked, “Madame is the
food not to your liking?
 
I have
noticed that you have not eaten more than a mouth full for the last two days.
 
If there is something you would like my
cook to prepare I am sure he will give it his best effort.”

“I do apologize, Captain.
 
As you may have noticed I am in a
delicate condition.
 
That and the
constant motion of the ship have robbed me of an appetite.
 
I am sorry to have caused you
concern.
 
I am sure I will be just
fine when we reach London.
 
Now
gentlemen, if you will excuse me I think I will retire.
 
Good evening.”
 
She rose from the table, paused just
long enough to gain her balance, and exited the room.

The men stood as she left the
table.
 
All eyes turned to John and
it was apparent that they expected him to accompany his wife.
 
“You will excuse me as well.
 
I must see to my wife,” he said
somewhat reluctantly.
 
It was not
that he was not concerned; it just would not have surprised him if she were
just playing on his sympathy.
 
He
virtually stormed out of the cabin only to nearly trip over Eirian who was
lying unconscious on the floor in the passageway.

He knelt
beside
her, checking to make sure she was still breathing.
 
She began to stir as he was checking her.
 
“Eirian, are you alright?
 
Can you tell me what happened?”
 
He asked.

“All I remember is leaving the table
and stepping into the hall.
 
The
walls began to spin and everything went black.
 
Is the baby all right?
 
What if I hurt the baby when I fell,” she asked in a frightened voice?

“I am sure that the baby will be
fine, but let’s get you to bed.”
 
He knew that his behavior had seriously contributed to this
situation.
 
“Sweetheart, can you
put your arms around my neck?”
 
She
slid her arms around his neck laying her head against his chest comforted by
the feel of his heart beating against her cheek.
 
He lifted her up in his arms, trying to be careful not to
put undue strain on her well-rounded abdomen.
 
His cabin was the closest being just two doors down the hall.
 
He laid her gently on the bed and went
to the washstand to wet a cloth for her face.
 
He poured her a drink of water and assisted her to a sitting
position in order to take a few sips.

“When was the last time you ate?” he
sounded stern and angry, she just did not realize that the anger was directed
towards himself.
 
She was almost
afraid to answer because she knew he would not be happy with her answer.

“I have not had much of an appetite
for a few days.”
 
She said
cautiously.

“Since I began acting like an ass?”
he asked honestly.

“That would be about right,” she
replied with a bit of a sad smile.
 
“John, what did I do wrong?
 
If I knew maybe I could fix it.”
 
All her pent up anguish poured out as she dissolved into tears.

Feeling exactly like the bastard
that he had been acting like, he gathered her in his arms and tried to soothe
her.
 
“Baby, I am sorry.
 
I never meant to hurt you.
 
The problem was mine, not yours.
 
I am still having trouble with guilt
feelings about Johane.
 
I feel like
I have betrayed her memory by marrying you so soon after her death.
 
You know how much I loved your
sister.
 
I never intended to love
anyone that way again.
 
I never
wanted to open myself up to the possibility of experiencing that kind of loss
again.
 
When I realized I was truly
in love with you, it scared me.
 
I
drew back trying to put some distance between us until the feeling passed.”