Hopelessly Devoted to Holden Finn (25 page)

As she settled without pushing him off, Henri nuzzled closer. ‘You still look so beautiful,’ he whispered. ‘This is why I could not stop myself from coming to your bed…’ He kissed her neck; feather light caresses sending thrills of desire down her spine.

‘Stop it,’ she hissed back.

‘You don’t mean that.’

Bonnie closed her eyes as he brushed her hair aside and trailed more delicate kisses across her back. This was so wrong, but it felt so good as the fire inside her began to burn, her body begging for much more.

‘Please… Henri…. don’t do this.’

‘We could be good together again. You know we could…
je t’adore, Bonnie
…’ His hardness stirred against her as his hands moved lower, down to her thighs, softly caressing as he worked his kisses over the skin of her shoulder, faster now, more urgent.

Bonnie’s insides ached, her thoughts jumbled into a blur of heat and longing… it would be easy to let him take her, and so, so good…

‘Stop!’ she gasped, pulling away and sitting up. ‘Stop it, this isn’t right.’

He sat up to face her and Bonnie reached for the lamp to flick it on.

‘What is the matter with you?’ he pouted.

‘
This
is the matter!’ Bonnie panted. ‘You can’t just come back into my life and do this to me.’

‘It seemed that you liked it a moment ago.’

‘You took advantage of me.’

‘You’re crazy! You wanted me.’

‘I told you no.’

‘Your body told me yes.’

Bonnie hugged herself and shivered slightly. ‘Maybe my body doesn’t know what’s good for it,’ she replied miserably. ‘I’ve been on my own a long time.’

‘Yes,’ Henri said, ‘you have. You are a beautiful woman who has needs. I understand that. I can fulfil your needs. We used to be great together…’ he gave her a smouldering look. ‘We used to have sex that woke the neighbours and broke the bed. Do you remember that? If sex is all you need, we don’t have to make it about anything more than that – no strings.’

Bonnie’s mouth fell open. ‘You think that’s ok?’ she squeaked. ‘You think I just need sex and you’re prepared to go along with that, even though you’re living under my roof as part of my family again?’

‘I just thought –’

‘Get out!’ Bonnie said through gritted teeth.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘No,’ Bonnie cut in, ‘you don’t and you never will, and that’s why you’ll never get back in my bed. Get out!’

Henri pulled the sheets over his shoulder and turned to face away from her. ‘I am staying here.’

‘Fine,’ Bonnie grimaced. ‘Then I’ll get out. Anything to be away from you.’

Grabbing her pillow, she headed for the sofa.

***

Bonnie woke to find Paige staring down at her holding a glass of water.

‘What are you doing on there?’ she asked.

‘Your dad was cold, I let him have the bed,’ Bonnie excused, pushing herself up to sit. It was lucky that it was Sunday, because at least it meant another terrible night’s sleep wouldn’t fall under Linda’s scrutiny yet again. She rubbed her swollen eyes and yawned widely.

‘You don’t look like you’ve slept very well,’ Paige observed as she sat down on the end of the sofa.

‘It’s not that comfy on here.’

‘I know. But you let Dad sleep there for loads of nights.’

‘Yeah, well your dad doesn’t have to go to work the next day, does he?’

‘I don’t know why you can’t just sleep in the same bed again. I won’t be embarrassed, I know all about the birds and the bees now, you know.’ Paige grinned. Bonnie tried to return the smile.

‘I know,’ she said. ‘We’re just not ready for that yet.’

‘He hurt you, didn’t he, loads more than you let on,’ Paige said shrewdly.

Bonnie stared at her for a moment. The way she had behaved since Henri’s return, she hadn’t felt that Paige understood it at all. Whatever her motives for welcoming Henri back, she obviously understood more about the situation than she admitted.

‘He did. And I’m not sure how to forgive it.’

‘But you’re not still seeing Max, are you?’ Paige asked.

Bonnie stiffened. ‘It would have nothing to do with you or your dad if I was.’

‘You are?’

‘No, I’m not. But that’s my choice and not up to anyone else.’

‘Good, because Dad would go crazy if you were. He loves you and he wants us to be a family again.’

‘He told you that?’

Paige shifted slightly. ‘Not really. But I know it’s true, or why would he come back?’

Bonnie could think of a few reasons, and none of them had anything to do with love. ‘Are you happy, with him back in the flat?’

Paige nodded. ‘It’s weird, because I’m not used to a man being here, but I think so.’

‘Ok.’ Bonnie stretched and looked at the clock. ‘Time for a coffee, I think. Do you want one?’

‘I think I might go back to bed for a while,’ Paige said, standing up.

‘Not sneaking off to FaceTime Annabel with the latest gossip then?’

Paige grinned. ‘I might be.’

‘Don’t be too long,’ Bonnie smiled, ‘or you’ll miss bacon sandwiches.’

Paige bent to kiss her. ‘I won’t.’

***

Whether Henri had dismissed their nocturnal spat, or simply not attached as much significance to it as Bonnie had, he wasn’t saying, but Sunday passed civilly enough with neither of them mentioning it. She wasn’t certain why, but she found herself regularly checking her phone, whenever she had a quiet moment, only to find it empty of new messages. She knew that Max was not going to text her, of course, but the germ of hope was still there just the same. To know that he was thinking of her, that he didn’t now completely hate her would have been enough. There wasn’t even a text from Holden.

Later in the day, after lunch was over and Henri was curled up on the sofa watching a film with Paige, Bonnie, under the pretence of tidying some ironing away, found herself sitting in Paige’s room staring up at the poster of Holden. He looked back down at her, with that cheeky, frozen grin. So that was it, after all she’d been through, Bonnie had found herself back where she began, with Henri and Paige and a steady job and nothing out of the ordinary. What had the past few months been about if fate had simply decided to throw her back after putting her through the emotional
wringer? It didn’t make any sense. Bonnie wanted to believe that Holden had moved on, but instead found his silence disconcerting; it seemed too neat to her that things would resolve themselves so easily. What was he up to now?

She looked up as Paige wandered in. ‘That was an awesome night, wasn’t it, Mum?’ she said, sitting down next to Bonnie on the bed.

Bonnie turned to her. ‘It was certainly memorable,’ she smiled ruefully.

‘I’m sad that Annabel didn’t come… but I’m so glad I got to share it with you,’ Paige replied.

Bonnie felt tears sting her eyes but she swallowed them back. Her love for Paige had always been the most powerful emotion she had ever felt, right from the first second she had held her, fifteen years before, a tiny, fierce-looking bundle with huge lungs. Bonnie knew right now, looking at her beautiful daughter, just as she had always known, that she would do absolutely anything, to make her happy. ‘I’m so glad you let me,’ Bonnie said, reaching to pull Paige into a hug.

Paige hugged her back and giggled. ‘Blimey, Mum, I’ll have to let you come out with me more often.’

Bonnie only held her tighter.

***

‘Sofa or bed?’ Bonnie asked Henri as bedtime arrived once again.

He raised his eyebrows in a questioning look. ‘So I have to choose?’

Bonnie nodded.

‘What would you do if I chose the bed?’ he asked.

‘Then I’d sleep on the sofa.’

He paused, watching her with barely disguised amusement, as though he was confident it was only a matter of time before Bonnie caved in. Perhaps it was. ‘Then I suppose I will take the sofa,’ he said dryly.

Without a word, Bonnie took herself to bed.

***

Bonnie woke on another dreary Monday morning relieved that she had not been disturbed by an amorous Henri. She wondered whether he had finally got the message, but knowing Henri, she doubted it.

Paige joined her at the kitchen table for a quick and bleary-eyed breakfast. They hardly spoke, except for vague details of what time Paige would be in from school and what there was in the fridge for her to eat. Bonnie liked to make sure that the things Paige liked, which were limited, were all available and easy to find.

‘What about Dad?’ Paige asked. ‘Shall I get him something when I get home?’

Bonnie shrugged. ‘If he wants something I suppose.’

‘I think I’ll cook,’ Paige said. ‘He’d like that.’

He should be cooking for you
, Bonnie thought. ‘Just be careful,’ she warned. ‘I don’t want any kitchen disasters.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Paige said brightly, ‘we’ll be just fine.’

Somehow, Bonnie didn’t like the idea of the two of them being alone while she was at work. She couldn’t be sure what Henri might extract from Paige about their lives in his absence, that he could twist and store away to bring out when he needed emotional ammunition. But there was little she could do about it, and she left for work with a weary resignation that this was how life would be from now on.

***

The morning knock at the back door of Applejack’s brought more disappointment as Bonnie opened it to Robert. She should have been getting used to Max not being there, but each morning that he stayed away only made her more miserable. It was clear that she would never get used to not seeing him, no matter how long he stayed away. She couldn’t help but wonder whether he had gone back to Sarah. He deserved to be happy, and perhaps Sarah was the woman to make it happen. She tried to think of this and be pleased about it, but it was hard, no matter what she told herself.

Bonnie showed the boy in and made him a cup of tea before he started to bring the stock in (he might have been a sullen sod, but Bonnie and Linda had decided that it was no reason to make him die of thirst). Just as he was drinking it, a second knock came at the door. Bonnie and Linda exchanged worried glances. If it was Max, what would Bonnie say? What could he want?

‘You want me to get it?’ Linda asked, seeing the colour drain from Bonnie’s face.

Bonnie nodded faintly and Linda went to the door.

‘Henri!’ Linda gasped.

Henri pushed past her into the stockroom. ‘Paige tells me that Bonnie’s boyfriend is the delivery driver.’ Immediately, his gaze fell upon the spotty youth who was sitting on a bench and drinking tea while he glared at Henri. He wasn’t glaring at Henri for any reason – he just glared at everyone that way. ‘Is
this
it?’ Henri asked with a scathing laugh as he pointed at the boy. ‘I thought I would have more competition than that.’

‘Who the hell are you?’ Robert scowled.

Henri made a move towards him, his fists clenched and his jaw tight with anger.

Bonnie grabbed his arm. ‘This is not him.’

Henri turned to her. ‘Where is he then?’

Linda stepped forwards. ‘Look here, you tit, don’t you think you’ve done enough damage without coming in here threatening people?’

‘Ah…’ Henri replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm, ‘how lovely to see you again, Linda…’ He gave her a mocking little flourish.

‘Get out,’ Linda growled back. ‘And take your sad ego with you.’

‘Linda…’ Bonnie stepped between them. ‘Please, just leave it.’

‘You think I’m going to stand here and watch while he screws up your life?’ Linda shouted at Bonnie.

‘Calm down,’ Bonnie shouted back. ‘This is not your battle.’

‘Battle?’ Henri cut in. ‘Where is the battle in this? I am Paige’s father; I was here before this
delivery driver
. It is my right to defend my woman!’

‘I am not your woman!’ Bonnie hissed.

‘So you love this delivery man?’ Henri asked savagely.

‘I mean that I am nobody’s woman! I’m not some trinket that you can take a fancy to and own! I’m sick of everyone thinking that they can own me!’

‘You heard her,’ Linda said, ‘sling your hook.’

‘Keep out of this, Lind,’ Bonnie said.

‘What do you mean, keep out?’ Linda shot back. ‘I’m saving you from yourself. And what about poor Max? He’s heartbroken!’

Bonnie paused for a moment and stared at her. ‘How do you know that?’

‘I just do,’ Linda replied, flustered. ‘What I do know or what I don’t, it doesn’t change the fact that you were happy with Max and then
this
…’ she threw a hand in
the direction of a glowering Henri, ‘turns up and you drop him with not even a decent explanation why.’

‘How dare you!’ Henri snarled, making a move towards Linda.

‘Go on, tough guy,’ Linda goaded, ‘I’d love you to take a pop at me. Take a swing and I’ll have you in prison faster than you can say
horsemeat
.’

‘Linda! Stop it!’ Bonnie shouted.

The delivery boy simply sat and watched the fireworks, a slow smile – the first he had ever displayed in Applejack’s – spreading across his face. But then a voice cut through the tension and all four turned to see a furious Fred in the doorway.

‘You!’ he said, pointing a shaking finger at Henri. ‘If you don’t leave my shop now, I’ll have you arrested…. And you won’t even have time to think about saying
horsemeat
.’

Henri glared at him, then took a breath and held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. ‘I’m going.’ He turned to Bonnie. ‘Later, we talk.’

Bonnie watched him go in silence.

‘Next time he comes in here kicking off,’ Fred huffed at Bonnie once Henri had slammed the door behind him, ‘you get thrown out with him.’ He stormed back into the main shop.

Linda turned to Bonnie. ‘He doesn’t mean it.’

‘I know he doesn’t. He knows he wouldn’t get anyone else to skivvy for him like I do.’

‘He’s fond of you really, you know that don’t you?’

Bonnie sighed. ‘It doesn’t feel like anyone is fond of me right now.’ Her attention was drawn by the delivery boy, who was making his way quietly to the door to fetch the stock from his van. ‘Sorry about that,’ Bonnie told him.

He looked round and shrugged. ‘Don’t worry, sug, I could have taken him.’