Hope's Chance (36 page)

“Why did you ask about Hope?” I had to ask.

“Well we figured if Hope saw you going there, she would want to follow. She looks up to you, almost like you are her brother.” Mark replied.

Holy shit! Her brother? He was so wrong…

“Okay, well give me a few days
. I will let you know what I decide by lunch time.” I watched as he and Buffy got up and started leaving. “
Mark
thanks.” I said.

“We just want you to be happy Chance.” Buffy said as they walked out.

I watched them enter into the main house and locked my door. I needed to start doing that.

“Hope you can come out baby. They are gone now.”

My girlfriend came walking out of the bedroom. Her face was expressionless.

I grabbed her into my arms and kissed her on the forehead. “That was close. I have got to lock that door when you spend the night.”

Hope sat down on the couch and I sat across from her on the chair. “What are you going to do Chance?” She asked.

“It all depends.”

“On what?” She asked.

“On you silly. I don’t want to do this without you. I promised that I wouldn’t
leave you again.” I stated.

“I can’t ask you to do that Chance. You have to make your decisions about what is best for you. I want you to be happy and I know how much it hurt you to have to stop playing ball. This is your second chance. You have to take it.” She explained.

“Hope, things are different now. My life is different now. I don’t want to do this without you.” I admitted. “Besides, I will have to live with roommates at a dorm. You are the only roommate that I want Hope. Don’t you get it? You are my future. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” I confessed.

Hope stood up and faced me. “Chance…I can’t talk about this right now. I’m so sorry. I have to get out of here.”

I grabbed her hand and tried to keep her from leaving. Tears ran down her face. I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought she would be excited. Why was she running away?

“Hope please wait. Tell me what is going on.
Is it because we will be living apart?
Please
talk to me baby
.” I begged.

“Chance, I can’t do this. I can’t take away your future when I don’t know what I want for mine. I’m so sorry but that also includes us. I love you, but I don’t know if I want this forever. I just don’t know. I am so sorry. I have to leave.” She said as she darted out of door.

I stood there in shock. What was happening? Did she just leave me?

I had just gone from citizen high to citizen low.

Hope

I
couldn’t
let him blow an opportunity like this. I did what I had to do. I lied.

Chance was everything to me and he was the only future that I wanted, but to see him struggle with a decision like that because of me, made me so angry. He should have said yes, even before speaking to me. The fact that he waited for my decision was wrong. I couldn’t be with him when I knew he would regret that decision forever.

Once he was enrolled and doing well I would tell him the truth.
If he still even wanted me.

Suddenly, I realized what I may be giving up. I wanted to run back to him and tell him I was lying, but I couldn’t. I just kept running down the street, running from my reality. I was pushing Chance away, so that he could have a real second chance at a life that should have been his in the first place. Just because he met me didn’t mean he had to pass on it.

I had gotten about three blocks from my house, when I heard a familiar sound. Chances bike
pulled
up
beside me. “Hope, what are you doing?”
He demanded an
answer.

“Chance please, I can’t get into this with you right now.” I said while trying to avoid his face.

“I know what you are doing Hope. I won’t let you do this to us because you think it is the right thing for me. You are wrong. I know you love me. I know you want this. I know you want our future.” He pleaded.

I wanted to tell him he was right. Running into his arms would have been so much easier. I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that I kept him from something he thought was out of his reach. I had to let him want to try.

“Chance, please. You need to do this. Just accept the offer and see this through. Please.” I begged.

He grabbed me by the arm and forced me to look at him. His hands cupped my face. “There is no fucking way I am going to let you do this Hope.” He threatened.

“I don’t want what you want anymore.”I said in a low tone. It took everything I had to keep a straight face. I felt like I had just stabbed myself directly in the heart.

“Stop lying!” Chance said as he grabbed both of my arms. “Please don’t do this to me.” He eyes filled with tears and I watched the first ones drop down to his cheek. “You make me want to live again. I don’t want this life if you aren’t in it Hope.”

Just seeing my handsome boyfriend shedding tears because he feared he was losing me made me start sobbing. I put my hands over my face to hide the tears from him. “I just want you to be happy Chance. I want you to have what you always wanted.”

He pulled my hands down. My vision was blurred by the amount of liquid in each of my eyes, but I could see that he was looking directly at me. “Don’t you get it Hope? Don’t you understand? You are what I always wanted. I may not have known it then, but from the f
irst moment I met you, I knew you were
important
. I know we are young, but there was never a doubt for me. I lo
ve you and I want to marry you, and have our own family.”

I shook my head. “School is important Chance. You can play ball again.”

“
Dammit
Hope!
Yes, I was excited about the offer, but n
one of that is as important as us. I want you to do something. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel the same way. If you can say that to me then I will
believe
you. I will accept Mark’s offer and throw myself into Virginia Tech. I need to hear you say it though.”

I took a deep breath and looked up at him. His eyes were red and I could tell he was frustrated. I didn’t know what to do. On one
hand,
I wanted to throw caution to the wind and tell him I didn’t want a future, but he could see right through me.

“I can’t Chance.” I looked down at the ground.

He put his hands around my face again. “Stop fighting me Hope. I will always choose you.” He said as he put his lips on top of mine. “I am already enrolled in the community college and have my schedule picked out. I am not throwing away anything that I need in my life. I promise you.”

We were standing on the side of the road, and our affectionate embrace was obvious to anyone that had been passing by. Realizing that my father could come driving down the road at any moment I backed away from Chance. “Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else.” I suggested.

“Do you trust me Hope?”

“With my life.”

“
Stop trying to make my decisions. You aren’t some summer fling, or some young love.
Besides,
I haven’t played ball in such a long time. I don’t know if I could even get back into it the way I was before.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Do you want a ride back to the
house
?”

“No! I am just going to pretend I was out for a run. I will meet you back there.” I watched as he climbed back on his bike. “Wear a helmet next time.”

“Sorry, I saw my future running away and I didn’t have time for safety.” He gave me a wink and took off toward the
house
.

I ended up walking the whole way back, giving me time to reflect on what had just happened. I guess I was an idiot to think Chance would just walk away from our relationship. The cards were all on the table now too. Chance was very clear about his intentions with where our relationship was going. He was right about one thing. I wanted the same thing.

There was a part of me that wished he would have just said yes. The separation would be something that we dealt with
already;
surely,
we could do it again. Maybe he was right about not being in the same place he was when he played ball last. I didn’t want his decision to be based on just me. I hated that he would do that. I hated that I even made a big deal about it now that it was all said and done.

Perhaps he would have said no after thinking about it. It bothered me, but not as much as the look on his eyes when I lied to him. I couldn’t do that again.

Chapter 45

Chance

After much
consideration,
I decided to go spend a day at Virginia Tech to check out the campus and the baseball organization. Since mine and Hopes falling out, she had been more
positive
about me at least seeing it through.
I wanted her to come with me and Mark had pushed the idea just as much in an optimistic way of thinking Hope would fall in love with the campus and want to come too.

Our day had been set and we took Hope’s car knowing that Mark wouldn’t allow her on my bike, besides it was starting to get entirely too cold to be riding a motorcycle around anyway.

We left early in the morning and by
the
time;
we had made it to campus we had stopped three times. Once was to get gas in Hope’s car. The next was because Hope had drank a large coffee and couldn’t hold her bladder. The third was because she said she was starving to death. I didn’t mind though, because anytime with her was a good time, besides the fact that I loved to tease her.

When we walked into the campus, I noticed that it was a bit overwhelming for Hope. The community college was nothing compared in size to this and Hope seemed genuinely afraid. While the sports coordinator showed me around, she tagged along behind us, taking more of a sister approach as opposed to my girlfriend. It was easier that way for both of
us;
we never knew who knew her father.

After we had toured what appeared to be the entire sports facility, we took a break for lunch. Hope and I grabbed some sandwiches from the cafeteria and found a shaded spot in the grass. The sun was shining and for some reason the temperature today was over sixty degrees. I pulled Hope between my legs after we were done eating, and while the breeze blew her hair around her face, we watched as the students congregated all around us.

“So what do you think?” I asked.

She shrugged. “So far it seems pretty cool. It is bigger than I guess I imagined it to be. How about you? Are you ready to move out here?”

“The facility is nice and it seems like they have a good program going here, but you know I am nervous about starting back up again. It has really been a long time Hope. I don’t know if I will be ready enough to play this coming spring.” I admitted.

I kissed the top of her
forehead
. She pulled my arms across her chest tighter.
“So how far do you think the dorms are away from each other?” She asked.

I wondered if Hope was actually considering going to school here. I had explained to her about the strict curfews that I would have to abide by if I was on the team. Between practice and
classes,
our time together would be limited. I knew it was hard for her to take, because it was also hard for me. I didn’t like the little time we had now, and it would be cut into half. Sure, we could be together more freely,
but by then she would be eighteen and it really wouldn’t matter too much. We planned on telling Mark about our relationship once the wedding was over with.

“We need to go meet that guy about it now actually.”
I lifted Hope up easily to a standing position and stood up behind her. Since the sports director was gone, I could hold her hand without her worrying who would see. When I grabbed it, she looked up at me and smiled.

The next hour or so was a bunch of walking around. The dorms were situated all around campus and
honestly,
there was no way to tell where you would be.
Hope seemed uneasy as we toured each room. They were small, and although she was used to a small room at her mothers, she now had a huge room that she didn’t have to share with anyone else.

When the guy giving us the tour talked about roommates, I thought Hope was going to pass out. I squeezed her hand to let her know I hated it too.

When we were finally done walking around with the guide, he offered that we could walk anywhere we wanted to. Hope and I thanked him for his time and started walking around the different buildings. Of
course,
this college offered so much more than the community college, it was a good school.

As we were walking through, we heard someone calling my name. I kept holding Hope’s hand, not really caring anymore who would see. The baseball director that knew Hope’s dad was approaching us. I still never let go of her hand. She looked up at me and I winked at her, letting her know that I just didn’t care. No matter what, we were going to be together.