Hopes (13 page)

It’s OK,
she thought.
I’m not going to hurt you. You can talk to me.

Keeping her eyes shut, she focused on where the foal was, felt her energy, weak and fading. Compassion welled up inside her and gathering up all her own energy she let it flow to the foal.

I’m listening. If you want to, we can talk.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, but slowly she felt the familiar sensation of their minds merging. The foal’s thoughts were clear—as clear as Spirit’s were to her. An image of a chestnut mare came into her mind. It was Fern. Ellie could feel the foal’s aching sense of loss and confusion.
Where has she gone?

She’s died,
Ellie thought back.

Died?
The filly didn’t seem to understand.

Gone.

Forever?

Yes, forever.
Ellie sent all the love she could to the little filly. She had been through so much, moving from her first home when she was so young and then having her mother taken away. Standing up, Ellie went over. The filly stayed where she was this time. Ellie touched her neck. “There now,” she murmured.

The filly trembled. She felt so fragile; her bones sticking out under her tightly stretched skin. Ellie began to move her hands around her body, starting at her neck and working her way very gently over her just as she used to do with Spirit.

She could feel the foal’s intense loss as if it was her own. It was a loss that hurt like a physical pain, a pain that overwhelmed any desire to eat or drink.

Ellie’s heart went out to the filly. She was just a baby.
You don’t have to carry this
, she told her gently
. Let me take your pain.

Very gradually, she felt the foal’s energy readjust and her breathing began to slow. Her eyelids fluttered and her head dropped down. Ellie moved to her face, touching her forehead. The foal’s legs trembled. With a sigh, she let the worst of the grief go and sank down into the straw. Ellie knelt beside her and stroked her head.

There, you’re safe now.
She felt an absolute desire to love and protect the foal. To look after her.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, but eventually she felt the connection between their minds close as the exhausted foal finally fell asleep, her muzzle resting on Ellie’s knees. Ellie gently kissed her forehead. The tingling in her fingers faded. She blinked. It felt as if they had been lost in another world for a while. Now, she looked around at the stable, seeing the details—the strands of straw in the bed, the dust in the shafts of light, the black water bucket.

There was a noise at the door. Ellie turned. It was Luke. “How’s it going?” He saw the foal lying with her. “You’ve got close to her anyway.”

Ellie nodded.

“Do you need anything?” he asked.

“Could you bring me some fresh milk and feed for her?”

Luke returned five minutes later with a bucket of milk that was made for orphaned foals and some foal mix in a bucket. The sound of the door opening woke the foal. Her head lifted and she looked around, her eyes slightly dazed. Ellie immediately soothed her. “It’s OK.”

“Shall I stay?” Luke said.

Ellie shook her head. “No.” She wanted to be alone with the foal for longer. She needed to get her to drink.

He left and Ellie offered the milk to the foal. Putting her fingers into it, she held them up. The foal sniffed her fingers and licked some milk off them. Ellie offered her some more, each time lowering her hand until it was in the warm milk for longer. The foal sought for her fingers, her muzzle going into the milk too, and then to Ellie’s delight she started to suck up the milk herself. Ellie stroked her neck and listened to the rhythmical noises as the foal drained the bucket. She licked the remaining milk from the bottom and then gave a long, contented sigh.

Ellie could feel the change in her now. It was as though the pall of sadness that had been lying over her had lifted. She started to feed her from the other bucket, and soon the foal was nuzzling up the grain from Ellie’s hands.

Outside, Ellie could hear the bustling sounds of the yard, but inside the stable it was peaceful. She wanted to look after the foal, and help her get used to life without her mother.

“I’ll be here for you,” she vowed. “Your mom might not be, but I’ll do everything I can.” She stroked her again and, as she did so, felt a warm breath on her shoulder. She froze.

Spirit?

Yes, I am here.

Ellie looked around, but the stable was empty.

Shut your eyes and you will see me.

Closing her eyes, Ellie reached out for him, and suddenly she
could
see him standing there beside her. She reached up and he touched her hand with his muzzle. She felt the softness of the skin, felt his lips rub across her palm, and then he breathed on her hair.

Ellie felt a rush of joy. He was back again. He really was there.

You’ve helped her.
She felt his contentment.

I don’t know what I did. I just talked to her and touched her. She seemed to like it.

You have healing hands.

Ellie swallowed.
They didn’t heal you.

Nothing could have helped me, but you can help others.

For a moment, Ellie was too overwhelmed to say anything.

Use your gifts well.

I will,
she promised.

A picture came into her mind and she saw the filly in the field with Gem.

You think I should turn them out together?
she asked him.

Yes. They will be good for each other. They both need you, but they need each other too.

Ellie realized he was right. The foal needed the company of another horse now her mother was gone and Gem was missing Spirit. He adored the filly and he was so gentle he would never hurt her.

When she wakes up, feed her again and then turn them out.

Ellie nodded.

For a while, neither of them said any more. The foal had fallen asleep again, seemingly oblivious to Spirit. Ellie simply sat with the foal’s head resting on her knees, Spirit’s presence beside her. A feeling of contentment sank over her, taking away any desire to do anything. She wanted to freeze time, hold the moment forever. After all the grief and all the bleakness, she was happy again. Spirit had come back to her and this time he would never go away.

She sighed and finally fell asleep herself. Standing quietly beside her, the gray ghost watched over her and the little foal.

“Ellie?”

At the sound of Luke’s voice, Ellie blinked her eyes open and sat up, wondering where she was. She realized she was in the stable; the filly was stirring beside her, Luke was at the door…

She glanced around quickly. Spirit had left. But he would come back. She knew that with a certainty that ran through every bone in her body.

Luke came into the stable. “Are you OK? You’ve been in here ages. It’s almost feedtime.”

“I… I fell asleep.”

Luke crouched down. “I guess you needed it. You got the foal to drink then?”

The filly nuzzled Ellie. Her eyes were brighter now, refreshed. Putting her head into the bucket, she licked the bottom and then nudged Ellie hard.

“I think she wants some more,” Ellie smiled.

“I’ll get it,” Luke offered.

As he left the stable, Ellie stood up. She busied herself with the foal, patting and stroking her, dusting the straw off her. Even without being connected to her, Ellie could feel the new lightness around the filly.

Luke returned. Ellie took the bucket from him. “Here you are.” This time, the foal didn’t need any encouragement; she plunged her head in. Ellie and Luke watched her drink, her fluffy tail swishing from side to side.

“You know, we can’t keep calling her ‘the foal,’” Ellie said.

“No, we need a name for her,” Luke agreed. “You’d better think of something.”

Ellie glanced at him. It was hard to believe it was only that morning she had shouted at him and galloped off on Gem. She thought of the things she had said to him. Guilt flashed through her as she remembered how he had been there for her in the last few weeks. How he had always been the one who cared enough to tell her what she didn’t want to hear. How he had been there to pick up the pieces and help her through. She hadn’t been fair.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” she said.

Luke shot her a sideways look. “For galloping off or for yelling at me?”

“Both.”

He smiled wryly. “Guess I asked for it.”

But Ellie didn’t want to be let off the hook. “You didn’t. You were just trying to make me listen. I
am
sorry. You’re not selfish. I shouldn’t have said that.”

He looked at her. Part of her suddenly wanted to shut up, say nothing more, but she also wanted
him to know how grateful she was. He deserved that. “Thank you,” she went on doggedly. “I mean it. Thank you for everything you’ve done. For being there when Spirit died. For digging the grave. For sorting stuff out afterwards. For telling me it was time when it was.”

Luke regarded her for a moment and then smiled. “’S OK.” He put his arm over her shoulders and turned back to watch the foal.

Ellie could feel the weight of his arm, the warmth of his body next to hers. It felt strange being so close to him in such a relaxed way. She was used to hugging Joe like this but not Luke. She wondered what Joe would say when he heard about the day. For the first time in a week, she found herself wanting to speak to him, to tell him about things.

“So, what did you do?” Luke asked, looking at the foal. “How did you get her to drink?”

“I just talked to her.”

Luke gave a short laugh. “I should’ve known! Horse-whisperer!” He pulled her in tighter and for a second all she could think about was the feeling of his arm around her shoulders. She tried to focus on the foal.

“I think she should be turned out with Gem. He’s missing Spirit and she needs company,” Ellie said, her voice slightly breathless.

Luke frowned. “With Gem? Put a gelding and a foal together?”

“It’ll be fine,” Ellie promised, trusting Spirit’s advice completely. “I know it will.”

Luke looked down at her. “You’re incredible. Do you know that?” Ellie felt her cheeks warming as his gaze swept intently over her face. “Maddening—yes. Infuriating—yes. But you’re like no one I’ve ever met before.”

Staring up at him, all Ellie could think about was his eyes, his face, the way he was looking at her.
This is LUKE!
a voice screamed in her head.

With a supreme effort, she forced herself to step back. His arm dropped from her shoulders, his face assuming its usual amused expression.

“I… I think I’ll fetch Gem and turn them out,” Ellie stammered.

Luke raised his eyebrows. “You’d better see if he’s forgiven you for that gallop up the mountain yet. Poor Gem!”

Ellie walked to the door, not sure what had just happened. Reaching the door, she looked back. Luke was stroking the foal.

A name came into Ellie’s head as she looked at them. “Hope,” she said. “That’s what we should call her.”

Luke nodded. “I like it.” He turned to the foal. “What do you think? Do you want to be called Hope?”

The foal snorted.

Luke’s mouth quirked into a smile. “Well, I’d say that was yes. There’s obviously nothing to this horse-whispering business. Maybe I should try it more often!”

“Maybe you should,” Ellie grinned back and, with her heart lighter than it had been for a while, she left the stable and went up the yard.

THE SUN SANK DOWN
behind the mountains. Ellie stood at the field gate, watching Gem and Hope. It was still early days, after all it was unusual for a foal and gelding to be field companions, but from the moment they’d been put out together, Gem had been like a nanny, nuzzling the little foal, watching over her protectively. Ellie watched him graze, his eyes never leaving his young charge. For the first time since Spirit had died, she felt a new happiness in him.

To her surprise, when her uncle rang to see how the foal was doing and Luke had suggested Hope as a name, her uncle had agreed. Soon after, Ellie had rung Joe to tell him that the foal had started to drink.

“That’s brilliant! And how are you?” She could hear the anxiety in his voice.

“I’m OK,” she replied.

“Really? You haven’t said much in your mails and I’d kind of got the feeling you were avoiding me.”

“It’s been a difficult week. But I
am
feeling OK now. I’m sorry about not talking to you much.”

“That’s all right. I’ve just been worried about you.” Ellie felt the last remnants of her anger with him slip away. He might have gone, but he did care about her, she knew he did. They were still best friends. “What’s happening in Canada then?” she asked.

“All sorts. We’re visiting a massage clinic tomorrow. Yesterday was great too—we were doing all this work using ground poles with unbroken horses.”

Joe had told her all about it. Remembering it now, Ellie smiled as she leant against the gate.

Every ending is a new beginning,
she thought, remembering her mom’s saying. She shouldn’t have doubted it. Spirit’s death
had
been a new beginning for her—the start of her life without him in the flesh but still very much with her, just in a new and different way. And new beginnings had come from Fern’s death too. A bond had formed that day between Ellie and the filly. Ellie remembered the first time she had seen the foal and the connection she’d felt between them. Maybe the bond had always been there, but it was only today that she had allowed it to start to blossom. Where would it lead? She didn’t know. She looked in the direction of the field where Spirit’s body was buried and thought of his words on the mountainside about the filly:
she has a part to play in your life.
What had he meant?

There was a soft snort behind her.
There is so much more to come.

Spirit!
Almost not daring to look, she reached out with her hand and felt her fingers touch his mane. Turning slowly, she saw him standing there. All thoughts of the future and what would happen with the foal faded from her mind. All that mattered was now.