Horrid Henry Tricks the Tooth Fairy (2 page)

Henry heard Peter’s footsteps pounding down the hall.

“Mom, Dad, look,” said Peter.“A whole dollar coin from the Tooth Fairy!”

“Great!” said Mom.

“Wonderful!” said Dad.

What?! thought Henry.

“Should I share it with you, Mom?” said Peter.

“Thank you, darling Peter, but no thanks,” said Mom.“It’s for you.”

“I’ll take it,” said Henry.“There are tons of comics I want to buy.And some—’

“No,” said Peter.“It’s mine. Get your own tooth.”

Henry stared at his brother. Peter would never have dared to speak to him like that before.

Horrid Henry pretended he was a pirate captain pushing a prisoner off the plank.

“OWWW!” shrieked Peter.

“Don’t be horrid, Henry,” said Dad.

Henry decided to change the subject fast.

“Mom,” said Henry.“How does the Tooth Fairy know who’s lost a tooth?”

“She looks under the pillow,” said Mom.

“But how does she know whose pillow to look under?”

“She just does,” said Mom.“By magic.”

“But how?” said Henry.

“She sees the gap between your teeth,” said Mom.

Aha, thought Henry.That’s where he’d gone wrong.

That night Henry cut out a small piece of black paper, wet it, and covered his two bottom teeth. He smiled at himself in the mirror. Perfect, thought Henry. He smiled again.

Then Henry stuck a pair of dracula teeth under his pillow. He tied a string around the biggest tooth, and tied the string to his finger.When the Tooth Fairy came, the string would pull on his finger and wake him up.

All right,Tooth Fairy, thought Henry. You think you’re so smart. Find your way out of this one.

The next morning was Saturday. Henry woke up and felt under his pillow.The string was still attached to his finger, but the dracula teeth were gone. In their place was something small and round…

“My dollar coin!” crowed Henry. He grabbed it.

The dollar coin was plastic.

There must be some mistake, thought Henry. He checked under the pillow again. But all he found was a folded piece of bright blue paper, covered in stars.

Henry opened it.There, in tiny gold letters, he read:

“Rats,” said Henry.

From downstairs came the sound of Mom shouting.

“Henry! Get down here this minute!”

“What now?” muttered Henry, heaving his heavy bones out of bed.

“Yeah?” said Henry.

Mom held up an empty jar.

“Well?” said Mom.

Henry had forgotten all about the candy.

“It wasn’t me,” said Henry automatically.“We must have mice.”

“No candy for a month,” said Mom. “You’ll eat apples instead.You can start right now.”

Ugh.Apples. Henry hated all fruits and vegetables, but apples were the worst.

“Oh no,” said Henry.

“Oh yes,” said Mom.“Right now.”

Henry took the apple and bit off the teeniest, tiniest piece he could.

CRUNCH. CRACK.

Henry choked.Then he swallowed, gasping and spluttering.

His mouth felt funny. Henry poked around with his tongue and felt a space.

He shoved his fingers in his mouth, then ran to the mirror.

His tooth was gone.

He’d swallowed it.

“It’s not fair!” shrieked Horrid Henry.

HORRID HENRY’S WEDDING

“I’m not wearing these horrible clothes and that’s that!”

Horrid Henry glared at the mirror.A stranger smothered in a lilac ruffled shirt, green satin knickerbockers, tights, pink cummerbund tied in a floppy bow, and pointy white satin shoes with gold buckles glared back at him.

Henry had never seen anyone looking so silly in his life.

“Aha ha ha ha ha!” shrieked Horrid Henry, pointing at the mirror.

Then Henry peered more closely.The ridiculous looking boy was him.

Perfect Peter stood next to Horrid Henry. He too was smothered in a lilac ruffled shirt, green satin knickerbockers, tights, pink cummerbund, and pointy white shoes with gold buckles. But, unlike Henry, Peter was smiling.

“Aren’t they adorable!” squealed Prissy Polly.“That’s how my children are always going to dress.”

Prissy Polly was Horrid Henry’s horrible older cousin. Prissy Polly was always squeaking and squealing:

“Eeek, it’s a speck of dust.”

“Eeek, it’s a puddle.”

“Eeek, my hair is a mess.”

But when Prissy Polly announced she was getting married to Pimply Paul and wanted Henry and Peter to be ring bearers, Mom said yes before Henry could stop her.

“What’s a ring bearer?” asked Henry suspiciously.

“A ring bearer carries the wedding rings down the aisle on a satin cushion,” said Mom.

“And throws confetti afterward,” said Dad.

Henry liked the idea of throwing confetti. But carrying rings on a cushion?

No thanks.

“I don’t want to be a ring bearer,” said Henry.

“I do, I do,” said Peter.

“You’re going to be a ring bearer, and that’s that,” said Mom.

“And you’ll behave yourself,” said Dad.“It’s very kind of cousin Polly to ask you.”

Henry scowled.

“Who’d want to be married to her?” said Henry.“I wouldn’t if you paid me a million dollars.”

But for some reason the groom, Pimply Paul, did want to marry Prissy Polly.And, as far as Henry knew, he had not been paid one million dollars.

Pimply Paul was also trying on his wedding clothes. He looked ridiculous in a black top hat, lilac shirt, and a black jacket covered in gold swirls.

“I won’t wear these silly clothes,” said Henry.

“Oh be quiet, you little brat,” snapped Pimply Paul.

Horrid Henry glared at him.

“I won’t,” said Henry.“And that’s final.”

“Henry, stop being horrid,” said Mom. She looked extremely silly in a big floppy hat dripping with flowers.

Suddenly Henry grabbed at the lace ruffles around his throat.

“I’m choking,” he gasped. “I can’t breathe.”

Then Henry fell to the floor and rolled around.

“Uggggghhhhhhh,” moaned Henry.

“I’m dying.”

“Get up this minute, Henry!” said Dad.

“Eeek, there’s dirt on the floor!” shrieked Polly.

“Can’t you control that child?” hissed Pimply Paul.

“I DON’T WANT TO BE A RING BEARER!” howled Horrid Henry.

“Thank you so much for asking me to be a ring bearer, Polly,” shouted Perfect Peter, trying to be heard over Henry’s screams.

“You’re welcome,” shouted Polly.

“Stop that, Henry!” ordered Mom. “I’ve never been so ashamed in my life.”

“I hate children,” muttered Pimply Paul under his breath.

Horrid Henry stopped. Unfortunately, his ring bearer clothes looked as fresh and crisp as ever.

All right, thought Horrid Henry.You want me at this wedding? You’ve got me.

Prissy Polly’s wedding day arrived. Henry was delighted to see rain pouring down. How mad Polly would be.

Perfect Peter was already dressed.

“Isn’t this going to be fun, Henry?” said Peter.

“No!” said Henry, sitting on the floor. “And I’m not going.”

Mom and Dad stuffed Henry into his ring bearer clothes. It was hard, heavy work.

Finally everyone was in the car.

“We’re going to be late!” shrieked Mom.

“We’re going to be late!” shrieked Dad.

“We’re going to be late!” shrieked Peter.

“Good!” muttered Henry.

Mom, Dad, Henry, and Peter arrived at the church. Boom! There was a clap of thunder. Rain poured down.All the other guests were already inside.

“Watch out for the puddle, boys,” said Mom, as she leapt out of the car. She opened her umbrella.

Dad jumped over the puddle.

Peter jumped over the puddle.

Henry jumped over the puddle, and tripped.

SPLASH!

“Oopsy,” said Henry.

His ruffles were torn, his knickerbockers were filthy, and his satin shoes were soaked.

Mom, Dad, and Peter were covered in muddy water.

Perfect Peter burst into tears.

“You’ve ruined my ring bearer clothes,” sobbed Peter.

Mom wiped as much dirt as she could off Henry and Peter.

“It was an accident, Mom, really,” said Henry.

“Hurry up, you’re late!” shouted Pimply Paul.

Mom and Dad dashed into the church. Henry and Peter stayed outside, waiting to make their entrance.

Pimply Paul and his best man, Cross Colin, stared at Henry and Peter.

“You look like a mess,” said Paul.

“It was an accident,” said Henry.

Peter sniveled.

“Now be careful with the wedding rings,” said Cross Colin. He handed Henry and Peter a satin cushion each, with a gold ring on top.

A great quivering clump of lace and taffeta and bows and flowers approached. Henry guessed Prissy Polly must be lurking somewhere underneath.

“Eeek,” squeaked the clump.“Why did it have to rain on my wedding?”

“Eeek,” squeaked the clump again. “You’re filthy.”

Perfect Peter began to sob.The satin cushion trembled in his hand.The ring balanced precariously near the edge.

Cross Colin snatched Peter’s cushion.

“You can’t carry a ring with your hand shaking like that,” snapped Colin.“You’d better carry them both, Henry.”

“Come on,” hissed Pimply Paul. “We’re late!”

Cross Colin and Pimply Paul dashed into the church.

The music started. Henry pranced down the aisle after Polly. Everyone stood up.

Henry beamed and bowed and waved. He was King Henry the Horrible, smiling graciously at his cheering subjects before he chopped off their heads.

As he danced along, he stepped on Polly’s long, trailing dress.

Riiiiip.

“Eeeeek!” squeaked Prissy Polly.

Part of Polly’s train lay beneath Henry’s muddy satin shoe.

That dress was too long anyway, thought Henry. He kicked the fabric out of the way and stomped down the aisle.

The bride, groom, best man, and ring bearers assembled in front of the minister.

Henry stood…and stood…and stood.The minister droned on…and on…and on. Henry’s arm holding up the cushion began to ache.

This is boring, thought Henry, jiggling the rings on the cushion.

Boing! Boing! Boing!

Oooh, thought Henry. I’m good at ring tossing.

The rings bounced.

The minister droned.

Henry was a famous pancake chef, tossing the pancakes higher and higher and higher…

Clink clunk.

The rings rolled down the aisle and vanished down a small grate.

Oops, thought Henry.

“May I have the rings, please?” said the minister.

Everyone looked at Henry.

“He’s got them,” said Henry desperately, pointing at Peter.

“I do not,” sobbed Peter.

Henry reached into his pocket. He found two pieces of old chewing gum, some gravel, and his lucky pirate ring.

“Here, use this,” he said.

At last, Pimply Paul and Prissy Polly were married.

Cross Colin handed Henry and Peter a basket of pink and yellow rose petals each.

“Throw the petals in front of the bride and groom as they walk back down the aisle,” whispered Colin.

“I will,” said Peter. He scattered the petals before Pimply Paul and Prissy Polly.

“So will I,” said Henry. He hurled a handful of petals in Pimply Paul’s face.

“Watch it, you little brat,” snarled Paul.

“Windy, isn’t it?” said Henry. He hurled another handful of petals at Polly.

“Eeek,” squeaked Prissy Polly.

“Everyone outside for the photographs,” said the photographer.

Horrid Henry loved having his picture taken. He dashed out.

“Pictures of the bride and groom first,” said the photographer.

Henry jumped in front.

Click.

Henry peeked from the side.

Click.

Henry stuck out his tongue.

Click.

Henry made horrible rude faces.

Click.

“This way to the reception!” said Cross Colin.

The wedding party was held in a nearby hotel.

The adults did nothing but talk and eat, talk and drink, talk and eat.

Perfect Peter sat at the table and ate his lunch.

Horrid Henry sat under the table and poked people’s legs. He crawled around and squashed some toes.Then Henry got bored and drifted into the next room.

There was the wedding cake, standing alone, on a little table. It was the most beautiful, delicious looking cake Henry had ever seen. It had three layers and was covered in luscious white icing and yummy iced flowers and bells and leaves.

Henry’s mouth watered.