Read Horrid Henry's Joke Book Online
Authors: Francesca Simon
Horrid Henry's Joke Book
Text © Francesca Simon 2004
Internal illustrations © Tony Ross 2004
Cover illustration © Tony Ross 2008
Cover and internal design © 2010 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systemsâexcept in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviewsâwithout permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Published by Sourcebooks Jabberwocky, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.
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Originally published in Great Britain in 2004 by Orion Children's Books.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file with the publisher.
Source of Production: Versa Press, East Peoria, Illinois, USA
Date of Production: April 2010
Run Number: 12284
who told Henry such brilliant jokes
Why didn't the skeleton and the monster fight?
The skeleton didn't have the guts.
Why was the Egyptian boy upset?
His daddy was a mummy.
During which age did mummies live?
The Band-age.
What does a monster mommy say to her kids at lunch?
Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
What did the metal monster want written on his gravestone?
Rust in piece.
What pets does Dracula own?
A bloodhound and a ghoulfish.
What is sung in the vampire production of Abba hits?
Fang you for the music.
Who works in monster hospitals?
A skeleton staff.
What feature do witches love having on their computers?
A spell checker.
What should you do after shaking hands with a monster?
Count your fingers.
When a vampire drinks too much, what does it get?
A fangover.
What did the vampire crawling through the desert say?
“Blood! Blood!”
What do vampires cross the sea in?
Blood vessels.
Which monster ate the three bears' porridge?
Ghouldilocks.
What do you call a ghostly teddy bear?
Winnie the OOOOOHhhhhhhhh.
What haircut do monsters like?
Deadlocks.
What did the pirate get when he hit the skeleton?
A skull and very cross bones.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Where do skeletons swim?
The Dead Sea.
Boy
: Mommy, Mommy, Ralph just called me a werewolf.
Mom
: Shut up and comb your face.
Why are zombies never lonely?
They can always dig up a few friends.
What do you get if a huge, hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon
Hangman
:
Do you have a last request?
Prisoner
: Yes, can I sing a song?
Hangman
: All right. Just one.
Prisoner
: Ten million bottles of pop on the wallâ¦
Why is the letter V like a monster?
It comes after U.
What did the monster say to his daughter?
“You're the apple of my eye eye eye eye.”
What is a monster's favorite game?
Hide and shriek.
What should you say if you meet a ghost?
How do you boo?
What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.
When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sandwitch.
What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
Spooktacles.
Why did the mummy have no friends?
He was too wrapped up in himself.
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Death Valley.