Hot Blooded (27 page)

I slipped off the stool and made my way around the island to Callum's side as he stirred the vegetables sizzling in the pan. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to feel his solid, tangible presence next to me.

"You're wrong. I am a coward. I'm not a coward at work, but that's work. I'm pretty much a huge coward in all other contexts."

"So tell me what you're scared of, then," he asked, wrapping his free arm around me."What's so scary that you can't talk to me about it?"

"Oh God." I pressed my face into Callum's upper arm, wishing he would just tell me, quickly and succinctly, how he felt about me and whether or not I should continue to get my hopes up about some kind of future together. "Callum!"

"What?! Damnit, Lily, you know how I feel. I told you how I feel. It wasn't bullshit. I wasn't exaggerating. It was just the truth."

"Was it?" I asked, looking up at him as well as I could without pulling my stitches.

He turned to me suddenly, dropping the spoon into the vegetable mush, and grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Lily Morgan. Look at me." He waited until I met his eyes. "OK, good. Now, you speak English, correct? You understood me when I told you I love you?"

I nodded.

"Are you sure? Because you seem pretty doubtful right now. And that's fine. If you're doubtful, I mean, that's fine. You feel whatever it is you feel. But if your doubt has anything to do with me or not being sure how I feel, let me clear that up for you. I love you. Lily, I love you. Look at me. I. Love. You. Do you understand?"

I grinned - or, I tried to grin, but I could feel it crumbling off my face almost immediately. A funny thing happens when you get what you want. Callum had been righter than he knew when he told me I was one of those people who always sees the negatives, even when the positives are right in my face. And I was right when I told him I was a coward. I was so afraid he wasn't telling the truth, so worried he didn't mean it.

"What's that look for?" He asked, kissing my forehead.

"It's - oh, Callum. I'm such a damned idiot. You're telling me the one thing I want to hear. The one thing in the whole world I want to be true. And all my mind can do is spin about all the possible ways it could be wrong."

He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. "Is that true, Lily? The part about it being the one thing you want to be true?"

"Of course it is. You said it yourself - you're good at reading people. Don't tell me you're not aware of how I feel about you."

"How do you feel about me?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. I made a funny face and tried to turn away. Callum didn't let me.

"Don't do that, Lily. I just pulled my heart out of my chest and put it on the table in front of you. The least you can do is give me the same. Even if I don't like it."

"Jesus, Callum. I love you, too, OK? As if it weren't completely obvious."

A big smile spread across Callum's face when he heard me say that. He held me there for a few more seconds, just looking at me.

"Actually, it wasn't completely obvious, you div."

"Don't call me a div."

"Why? You are a div. And you don't even know what a div is."

We stayed where we were until the smell of the veggies beginning to catch in the pan started to waft into the air and Callum had to turn his attention back to them. I looked around the kitchen. Everything looked the same as it had five minutes ago, before he'd confirmed - again - that he loved me. And before I'd told him the same. Same kitchen, same house, same city. But everything felt different. I didn't just feel happy - I was utterly elated. I half expected to float right off my feet and meander up to the ceiling like a dandelion seed on the breeze.

Callum asked if I had any parmesan cheese.

"Do you think I have parmesan cheese?" I retorted, grinning.

"I think you should have been a lawyer, Lily. You're very good at answering a question with another question. And no, I don't think you have parmesan cheese. Is there a shop near here? Come get cheese with me, or this ratatouille is going to be - well, it's just going to be some cooked vegetables."

So we went to get parmesan cheese together. And that sensation of being very close to floating away didn't leave me once. Callum held my hand, interlacing his fingers with mine, and I had never felt so safe and loved in my entire life.

I stayed with Lily for two weeks as we waited. Waited to hear whether or not I was going to be charged - and if so, with what. Waited for Lily to hear whether or not she was going to be demoted at work. Waited for me to decide what I was going to do now that my previous life had been blown to pieces.

We were lying in bed together one morning, both of us breathless and sweaty from our exertions, when I told Lily that I'd had quite a bit of interest about going pro before. I'd brought it up casually, but she knew it was anything but casual.

"Really?" She asked, rolling over towards me. Was the effect she had on me ever going to lessen? Was I ever going to be able to see her face and not instantly turn to mush at the way her mouth curved up when she was interested in something?

"Yeah, really. Gazza was dead set against it and, well, I'm lazy. It was easy at Streatham. I fought, my flat was free and the rest of my time was my own. I don't know, I didn't really fancy going professional. That would involve managers and training and high protein diets. It just sounded like bullshit. But someone actually called me - yesterday - to talk about it. He wants to meet tomorrow. I'm definitely thinking about it."

"I think you should. Even if none of this had happened, is bare-knuckle illegal fighting at the Streatham Club all you wanted out of life? You're good enough to go pro. Pandora said you've never even come close to losing a fight before."

For some reason, the 'is that all you ever wanted out of life' question bothered me.

"Lily, it's not about 'is that all I ever wanted.' It's more about what I didn't want - what I still don't want. I don't want to be one of those people who just does what they're supposed to do. Who always thinks happiness is just around the corner - next paycheck, next week, next year. My teachers used to think it was youthful rebellion but it wasn't. It's something I gave some real thought to. But I'm good at fighting. I know I am. I've had quite a few people approach me over the years, and I bet that bastard Gazza chased some of them away before they even got to me. I've got to do something now. Why not something I
can
do, you know?"

Lily watched me speak in that quiet, close way of hers. I used to get irritated, sometimes, by that level of attention. But I wasn’t irritated when it was from Lily. She was thinking about what to say in response when her phone rang. She leaned over the edge of the bed to fish it out of her jeans pocket.

"Hello? Yes. Yes, sure. I, um, - no, it's fine. This afternoon? That's fine. Yes. OK. See you then."

I suspected what the call was about already, but the nervous look on her face confirmed it.

"Was that Akin?" I asked.

"Yeah," she replied, "it was him."

"This afternoon?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. I think I should go alone. I'll call you as soon as I hear."

She was going into the station to talk to David Akin, her superintendent, about the rest of her career. Or if she even still had a career. After she left I went through my own phone, checking for messages from my solicitor, but there were none. If it hadn't been for Lily, the previous few weeks would have been terrible. But Lily was there, so it wasn't. And naturally pessimistic though she was, her presence alone made it possible to believe that whatever happened, we would get past it.

She loved me. I loved her. She was the first woman I had ever loved, after spending the first twenty-three years of my life half-convinced that love was just a lie fearful people told themselves. And because of that love, I knew we would be OK in the end.

Three hours later, she called.

"Callum?"

"Yeah, Lily, how did it go?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Uh, yeah, a little. Are you going to tell me-"

"Callum, I'll be home in half an hour. I'll pick something up for us to eat. Just wait until I get home, OK?"

"OK, babe."

I hung up. She didn't sound too bad. Certainly not like someone who had just been fired. That was good.

She got in forty-five minutes later with a pile of styrofoam takeaway containers in her arms. I took them from her, put them on the counter and then led her into the sitting room.

"Callum, the food’s going to get cold-"

"Sit down, woman. Tell me what happened. And then we can talk about the fact that you live on takeaways."

She sat down, trying and failing to keep the smile off her face.

"It went well, then?" I prompted.

"It did. It went
really
well. I'm not getting fired. I'm not even getting demoted. I'm on an official short leash for six months, but that's it. Akin made it clear he fought for me, so I owe him big time, but I'm OK with that."

I wrapped my arms around her, but she pulled away.

"Wait, I'm not done."

"What else? Did they give you a raise, too?"

"Ha ha, no. But Akin told me the prosecutor is going to give you your deal. Twelve months’ probation if you testify against the Karswells - and Mick and Dave Wilson. It's done, Callum."

I sat back, trying to take in what she'd just said, too afraid to trust that I'd heard her right. "Wait, what? How does Akin know?"

"He doesn't know. Not officially. But unofficially, the deal's been made. It's done. The trial is in a few weeks. Akin thinks it's airtight, especially with you and Ian willing to testify."

"Fuck. Really?" I wasn’t sure if I was hearing things or not.

She reconfirmed everything she'd said, and I felt my body relax with relief. And even though it was unofficial, I knew Lily wouldn't have said anything if she'd been in any doubt. I wasn't going to prison. Twelve months’ probation sounded like a vacation as far as I was concerned, especially when I thought about the kind of hard time I could have been facing had things worked out differently.

"Yes, Callum, really. It still hasn't sunk in for me, either. Are you surprised? How do you feel?"

"Well," I started, "I feel fucking great. I just - Lily, damn, yes, I feel fucking great! And I love you."

She got up to get our dinner and we opened the containers up one by one and arranged them in front of us.

"Indian. I got beer, too. I put it in the fridge to cool off."

"You North Americans and your cold beer."

"I know, we're savages, you should know that by now."

Just as I was about to dig into the curry in front of me, Lily suddenly climbed into my lap and tucked her head under my chin.

"I'm so relieved, Callum."

I ran one finger over the scar on her neck. It was raised and pink and still quite visible.

"Ugh, don't."

"What?" I asked, perfectly aware of what she was talking about.

"Don't touch that, it's gross. The doctor said it'll fade, but if it doesn't I can get it treated with a laser."

"No. I don't want you to get it lasered off. It's 'bad ass,' as you would put it."

She looked skeptical. "It's ugly, Callum. I hate you even looking at it."

I leaned back against the back of the sofa and put my hands on the tops of her thighs. "You know what I think, Lily Morgan?"

"What do you think, Callum Cross?"

"I think you should stop worrying about things that don't matter. I have. And I've mostly been able to do that because of you. Because if you didn't find yourself at the Streatham Club that first night, a million years ago, I'd still be there working for a man who knew who I was to him but who couldn't bring himself to give a shit, wrecking my body for peanuts and trying to sleep with every vapid twit that walked in the door. Succeeding, too!"

Lily slapped my arm. "Shut up, man-whore."

"It's true. I'm different now - my life is different now - and that's because of you. Your scar is cool, Lily. It's sexy, because it's part of you. Don't get rid of it. Please."

She reached behind her and grabbed her container of curry.

"You going to pass me mine?" I asked.

"No," she giggled, "I don't think so. I just want you to sit there all gorgeous and sexy while I eat. You can be the view, OK?"

"Mmm, it sounds good, Lily, but I'm fucking starving."

She handed me my curry and we ate like that with her on my lap, facing each other.

"Can I tell you something?" She asked at one point, before we were finished.

"Sure."

"You know how you were saying that you felt like love didn't really exist before? Because you hadn't experienced it?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I kind of feel the same. Even though I've been in relationships that lasted more than a week - sorry, Callum, but it's true - I was just thinking that this wouldn't have been as much fun with anyone else. I've never been so deliriously happy to eat curry with someone. I didn't know I could be this happy. You know?"

I ran my hands down Lily's thighs, digging my fingers into her slightly."I know. I know. Part of me still thinks I'm in a coma or something, and I'm going to wake up and realize everything is the way it used to be and you're back at the station catching bad guys, having forgotten all about that terrible criminal Callum Cross."

Lily twisted her body around so she could put the takeaway container back on the table, then she put her hands on top of mine and sucked her lower lip into her mouth, eying me.

"You're insatiable, woman," I chuckled.

She gave me one of her coy little smiles, the kind she gave me when she was feeling needy for me. I loved those little smiles. They made me hard instantly.

"It's your fault, Callum. Stop being so sexy and I'll stop pestering you for sex."

I helped her pull her sweater over her head and watched as she slipped out of her bra, still sitting on my lap.

"Jesus Christ you're beautiful," I told her, as the blood rushed in my ears and Lily pulled her hair off her shoulders. "I love it when you do that, Lily. I love it when you show yourself off to me."

She reached down to her jeans and started unbuttoning them. "I love having your eyes on me, Callum. I used to be a bit of a lights-off girl, but I'm not with you. I want you to see me."

As soon as I'd freed my rigid, aching cock she lowered herself onto me, leaning her head back and whimpering with every inch she took. I let her ride me like that, let her decide the rhythm she needed. I found myself unable to take my gaze off her half-open lips or her soft, creamy breasts bouncing in time to our movements.

I listened to the way her breath changed as she worked herself up on my cock, fascinated and utterly bewitched by everything about her. When she leaned forward and dug her fingers into my shoulder, I knew she was close.

"Callum. Callum!"

Lily liked to be reassured before she came. It made her feel safe before she let go. And it turned her on, too.

"I know, baby. I know, Lily. It's OK. I want you to come for me, lovely girl. I want you to-"

My own voice stopped in my throat at the first clench of her sex around me. It was almost impossible for me to experience Lily coming without feeling an overwhelming urge to do exactly the same. I put my hands on her hips and pulled her down, hard, so I could feel every fucking little twitch of her sweet pussy. And then it was very quickly too much and I was coming, groaning and straining to get as far inside her as I could.

"Damn, Callum, you're
so
sweet," she whispered. She stroked my cheek and watched my face intently as I slowly returned to Earth. "It hurts me."

"Mmm, does it?" I asked, segueing almost instantly into sleepy, post-coital cuddliness. "So sweet it hurts you? Good. I like that."

"Yeah, it does. Maybe you should just try and have sex with them at that meeting tomorrow rather than showing off your boxing skills. I'm sure they'd hire you on the spot."

I pulled Lily's warm, naked body against me and nestled my chin into her shoulder. I was going to take the meeting tomorrow. In fact, I picked up my phone and called the bloke back right there with my naked girlfriend on my lap, just to confirm it.

"Are you nervous?" Lily asked after I'd hung up, snuggling back against me.

"No, not really. I mean, I'll need to start training a lot harder, but it’s the one thing I know I'm good at and-"

"One of two things," Lily said, cutting me off.

"Well, yes, of course, but no one's going to pay me for my skills in bed."

"Oh, I don't know about that. I probably would."

"I know," I said, laughing and mock-ducking as she punched my arm lightly. "If this boxing thing doesn't work out maybe I'll do that. Just rent myself out to lonely housewives in Fulham."

"No. You'd rent yourself out to me and me only. I'd make sure you were well compensated."

"Sounds fine, Lily. I'll take that deal. Do you want a drink?"

She shook her head and I got up, naked, to go get myself a glass of water. Was I nervous about the meeting the next day? I wasn't nervous about my skill-set, but I was nervous about finding something to do, some way to support myself. I'd never been to a job interview before, so it was more the new situation than anything else.