Hot Dirty Love (Copperline #5) (24 page)

I sat there and stared at the printed out email that Glenn had given me with his friend’s contact information. I didn’t want to leave, but I wasn’t sure that I really had any choice.

Because they would fuck with Rain if I didn’t.

A light tap sounded at my door, and I opened it to find Rain on the other side.

Speak of the devil.

Fuck
.

“You can’t be here,” I told her with a shake of my head.

“What happened today?” she asked. “Nobody will tell me anything. All I know is my grades are being investigated and you weren’t teaching.”

For once in my life, I tried to do what I was told.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Not even with me?”

“Especially with you.”

She jerked back at that. At the scathing tone I forced into my voice. It killed me to do it, but it was for her own good.

“Justin—”

“You need to leave, Rain.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Rain, if you know what is good for you, you will go.”

“No,” she argued. “Talk to me.”

Fucking hell.

“Please…” she whispered.

Fuck
. “Someone sent a link to the Provost.”

“The video?”

“Not
just
the video. Our greatest hits. Photos, animated gifs. All kinds of shit.”

“But how did it get out there? Nobody should have had access to that stuff except you, me, and…” Her voice trailed off as the realization hit her. “Cole.”

My thoughts exactly. There’s nobody else it could have been. But for Rain’s sake…

She fell back against the wall in shock.

“What are we going to do?”

I have to rip you to pieces…
I thought to myself, but I said nothing. I just looked at her, trying to be cold. Trying keep my face blank of emotion.

She gave me a sad smile. “My guess is killing him will only make it worse.”

So will talking to you
.

She stepped closer, lifting her hand to my chest, but I backed away. Confusion lit her eyes. I kept hearing Dave’s voice.
She will be expelled immediately… no credit…

I had to reach back into myself and pull out the asshole.

“You need to go, Rain.” I forced my tone to be impassive. “Now.”

“Justin?” she whispered.

I couldn’t tell her I was doing this for her sake. I knew if I did, she’d go down in flames with me. I couldn’t let her throw it all away. I was fucked, but she had a chance to make it out of this relatively unscathed.

For once in my stupid fucking life, I was going to do something noble.

I was going to push her away.

I forced myself to look dickish. To
feel
dickish.

“Everything that happened today reinforced something I already knew but had forgotten.”

“And what’s that?”

“You can’t trust
anyone
. The whole world is out to fuck you.”

Her breath caught. “The whole world?”

“Everyone.”

Rain narrowed her eyes at me. “Even me?”

I looked at her long and hard before answering.

“Even you.”

She was clearly taken aback by my vehement tone. By the cold, angry burn I forced into my eyes.

She looked at me sharply. “And just what did I do?”

“You met Cole before you met me. Maybe you knew what he was doing all along.”

“Are you kidding me?” she gasped. “He fucked me over, too, Justin.”

“Did he?” I just stared at her, my gaze painfully impassive.

“You don’t really believe that,” she started, walking up to stand before me. Once again, she reached out to lay her hand on my chest. This time I caught her wrist and flung it away.

“Don’t I?”

“Why are you doing this?” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Why are you being an asshole?”

“I was born an asshole.”

“That’s not true. You want everyone in the world to think that, but I know you better.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“You’re trying to push me away. I get that you’re angry, but—”

“You. Don’t. Know. Shit,” I repeated more forcefully.

“Justin—”

“You were a great lay, Rain, but it’s time to move on.”

“I don’t believe you.”

She had me so close to breaking. She had way more faith in me than I ever deserved.

I had to deal a death blow.

“You should,” I began vehemently. “What did you think was gonna happen, Rain, huh? Did you think I was
falling in love
with you? Seriously?” It shredded me to see her flinch, yet I held my scathing glare. “I’m not that guy! I don’t do relationship shit. I fuck ‘em and leave ‘em. I leave ‘em wanting more, but I always leave ‘em.”

I looked her over once, forcing an expression of distaste to make my gaze bitter and hard.

“And even if I was, guys don’t marry sluts like you.”

That did it. I could see it recoil through her like she’s been stabbed in the gut.

“Well,” she finally said with a slow shake of her head. Her voice was cold. Calm. Too calm. “Thank you for reminding me how fucked up you are.”

“No problem,” I replied in a flat voice.

It worked. It ripped my heart clean out of my chest.

But it worked.

Because then, just like my mom had done when I was seven years old, she turned around and walked out the door without looking back.

“So, did he touch your butt?” Drew asked, looking a little uncomfortable as he stood there in my room watching me pack a suitcase for Chicago.

“Yeah,” I nodded without elaborating.

“How about, um…” He didn’t say it, but enacted a pretty good gesture to indicate someone giving head.

I looked at him for a minute, nonplussed, and nodded.

“Did he… um… stick his… um...” He cleared his throat, but couldn’t seem to get the words out.

But he also didn’t have to. I knew exactly what he was asking, and I nodded again without looking up to see the disgusted look on my best friend’s face.

“And did you…” This time, Drew didn’t even try to elaborate. He just let his voice fade out.

I nodded again, turning towards him with my hands on my hips, bristling a little. “All the above, dude.”

And I waited for him to totally freak out.

“Huh,” he simply murmured.

I sorta stared at him in shock. “Huh? That’s it? I just told you I fucked a
guy
… and we did a bunch of other shit, too. A
guy
! And all you can say is ‘
huh
’?”

“Well, to be fair, you did have a chick with you, too,” he replied, “so it wasn’t like full man-on-man action.”

“I’m not sure that makes much difference. I was all over him.”

“So? You have a taste for guys, too,” he replied. He narrowed his eyebrows at me and gave a quick shake of his head. “This is not news, Justin. You kinda licked my balls once when we were doing Maggie, so I had an inkling that you might be into that sort of thing.”

Shit, I had? Really?
I thought back, trying to remember.

“Honestly,” Drew continued, “at the time, I was a bit wigged out, but I just kinda went with it anyway. Then Denny fessed up once that you had felt him up a bit when you two tag-teamed one of the bar sluts. And then Brannon said a while back you touched his junk when you got with him and Sophie. It was just a matter of time before
you
accepted the fact that you’re bi.”

I couldn’t say a word. I was completely stunned by his acceptance.

“What?” he laughed. “You act like we didn’t all have a pretty fucking good idea.”

“If you guys all knew, you could’ve said something.”

“Nah, you would have hit the roof if we had. You needed to work that shit out on your own.”

With a dejected sigh, I turned around and resumed packing. “And I did it spectacularly. I sorta blew everything to hell.”

“Better to burn out than fade away, right?” he shrugged, quoting Def Leppard as though it was Socrates. “So when do you leave?”

“I fly out Tuesday. Start at BP Wednesday.”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving. It’s the end of the Mofos. The end of an era.”

“I have to,” I solemnly stated. “Besides, a few months, and you’ll be a dad and shit. You don’t need to be hanging out in the bar every Friday night anyway.”

He just frowned. “Someday you’ll have to tell me where to find that little fucker that turned you in.”

“Won’t do any good now,” I said with a shake of my head. “It’s done. Let karma sort his ass out.”

“What about Rain?”

I stilled. “What about her?”

“You know the girls just love her. As much as I never thought that person existed, she seems to be kinda made for you—”

“Don’t, Drew,” I cut him off. “Just don’t.”

“Those things you said when Raven and I—”

“I mean it, you fucker. Just don’t.”

He wanted to continue. It was bubbling up inside him, dying to get out, but he tightened his frown and nodded.

“‘Kay, man,” he finally agreed. “I won’t.”

Chicago sucked ass, mostly because it was a world away from Montana. Most days, it was overcast and gloomy. Some days, it was sunny and warm. The weather changed with the wind, just like back home in Montana, yet there were no mountains. No Copperline and no Mofos. I was a number at BP, not a person, and the city was fucking huge. It took an hour and a half to get to work every morning, and bumper to bumper traffic made it take even longer to get back to my shitty little apartment every night.

Worst of all, there was no Rain.

But I stayed. What else could I do?

I went through every emotion known to man.

Some days, I was pissed. Pissed at Cole for blowing shit sky-high. Pissed at Rain for not seeing through my fuck-off spiel. Pissed at myself for letting things get so deep in the first place. For still thinking about her now.

Some days, I was lonely. Like a bitch, I moped around missing my life and my friends. So far away from everyone. So far from Rain, the one person I had ever really wanted to let inside.

And some days, I was even a little scared, to be totally honest. I had let both Rain and Cole get too close. Shit like that didn’t end well. I knew it, but I’d forgotten. My first real life lesson, taught by my unloving mother, and reinforced by the shitstorm I’d left behind.

Thinking I maybe just needed a little human touch, I tried to go out and live a little. I had a few beers at a sports pub near my place and found a chick who promised me a night I’d never forget. Back at her apartment, I really tried to feel something. Anything. Some part of that guy I used to be.