Hothouse Flower (54 page)

When the nurse had left, Lidia turned to Bill, her eyes blazing with anger.

‘Why you tell nurse you are father of baby? You are not! Who are you? Tell me!’

‘I swear, I didn’t say that, Miss Lidia. I can’t speak Thai anyway. I think they just
thought
I was, because I brought you here. I’m Bill Stafford, Lord Harry’s friend. He sent me to Bangkok to find you.’

‘Harry? He is … not here?’ The fear and anger drained from Lidia’s eyes and they filled with tears. ‘But I saw him, he came to me … he held me … I …’

‘Lidia, it was me that came to your room. Harry isn’t here. He’s in England. I’m sorry, really I am, but there it is.’

‘No, no, I see him … I fight to stay alive for him … he came back for us,’ she moaned, closing her eyes as tears nudged from the corners and down her cheeks.

‘Lidia, I – he loves you. He loves you so much. You mean the world to him, really you do.’

‘Then why he not here now? He promise, he promise me he return to me,’ she moaned quietly.

‘His father died. He has to run his family estate in England. He would be here if he could, I swear.’ Bill knew everything he said was a feeble, unworthy attempt to comfort a woman who could never be comforted.

‘He will come soon?’ Lidia asked, her voice no more than a whisper, now that her small burst of energy was spent.

‘He can’t come here, Miss Lidia. That’s why he sent me.’

‘Then you are here to take us to England …’

Bill could see Lidia was fading.

‘You get some rest, Miss Lidia,’ he said, reaching for her hand. ‘I’ll stay right here with you. We’ll have a chat later and I’ll tell you everything.’

‘He will come. He love me … he love me …’

Lidia’s voice tailed off as she fell asleep.

For the next two hours, Bill sat by Lidia’s bedside, his heart breaking at the sight of her reunited with her daughter and dreaming of a future which could never be theirs. When the baby woke, hungry, Lidia slept on; Bill eased her from Lidia’s arms, fed and changed her, and put her gently back.

When the sunset cast an eerie, sienna glow through the windows of the ward, Lidia stirred. A nurse appeared with a doctor and indicated that Bill should leave.

Outside, Bill bought himself a beer and a bowl of noodles, and sat on the steps of the hospital to eat. Despite his years of suffering at Changi, he doubted he had ever felt so hopeless. And alone.

An hour later, Bill was allowed back on to the ward. Lidia was propped up on pillows, looking painfully fragile, but her eyes were more alert, her countenance calm.

‘Please, Mister Bill, sit down.’ She indicated a chair. ‘The doctor tell me you very kind. You bring me here, take care of my baby and visit every day. He say you good man.’

‘I’ve done my best, Miss Lidia. And she –’ Bill indicated the baby nestled in her mother’s arms – ‘is a sweetheart.’

Lidia smiled down at the baby. ‘You think she look like her daddy?’

Bill thought she looked just like her mother, but he nodded anyway. ‘Yes, she does. And all this time, I’ve wanted to know what her name is?’

‘Jasmine. Her name Jasmine. Harry, he tell me his mother grow it in garden in England. It grow here too. It is beautiful plant with beautiful smell.’

‘I love it too, miss,’ Bill agreed. ‘And it’s a fine name.’

‘I hope Harry will like it. And you are Bill –?’

‘Stafford, Miss Lidia. I was in Changi with Lord Harry. We got each other through, really …’ Bill grimaced at the memory. ‘But, at home in England, I’m his gardener.’

‘Gardener?’ Lidia raised an eyebrow. ‘He send gardener to find me?’

‘He knew he could trust me, Miss Lidia. I’d do anything for him, really I would.’

Lidia’s eyes softened. ‘Yes, he very special man. I cannot wait to see him and show him our baby. I understand now from his letters he cannot come here. His father die. So, you come to find me and to take me to Harry in England, yes?’

‘Lidia, I –’

‘But I cannot go to England now, Mister Bill.’ Lidia shook her head. ‘Doctor tell me there is much damage inside me from baby, I must have immediate operation. Before, they cannot make, as I too ill and they think I die anyway. They say maybe many weeks before I okay.
If
I okay. So, we must wait before I can go on long journey.’

Bill swallowed hard. He knew how brave she was being, how ill she really was. ‘Miss – I mean, Lidia – I …’

He faltered and she read the dread in his eyes.

‘What is it?’

‘Oh, miss, I don’t know how to tell you. I’m …’

‘He does not want me any more?’ Her face was alight with pain.

‘No, he loves you, miss, more than anything. It’s not that … I –’

‘If he loves me, everything is okay, so you must tell me, Mister Bill, what has happened to my poor Harry.’ She looked at him, her implacable belief in mutual, undying love giving her a stoic resolve that only made Bill feel more inadequate.

‘Perhaps I should come back after your operation, when you’re feeling stronger,’ he offered. ‘I don’t think it’s right to tell you now.’

‘Mister Bill, I have nearly die. And I may die in operation, or after. Doctor already tell me this. It is tomorrow,’ she added. ‘There is no time. So, you must tell everything now. Please, Mister Bill,’ she pleaded, ‘I must know.’

‘I – oh, miss …’

Lidia reached out a small, shaking hand towards him in comfort. ‘I see it is bad. I am prepared. Do not worry. I know he love me and that is all that matters. Tell me, please.’

So Bill – who seemed to have such paltry inner strength compared to the woman whose life he was shattering – did so. He spoke the words he had dreaded and watched as her face betrayed no emotion, though her hands clenched and unclenched in despair. And then Bill looked at the tiny, precious testament to Lidia’s overwhelming love, lying asleep in her arms. And knew he could not tell her the whole story and announce the news of his Lordship’s other imminent arrival, far away in England.

‘So, there it is. Harry is married and, with his father gone, he has all the responsibility resting on his shoulders. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, for both of you, Miss Lidia. He meant to come back to you, really he did, was going to tell his wife everything and ask for a divorce. But even he knows now he can’t. He told me to tell you he’ll love you forever,’ Bill finished. ‘Believe me, Miss Lidia, he’s right miserable, he is, just like you are. I am … so sad for both of you.’

Lidia stared straight ahead; catatonic.

‘Does he know of baby?’ she eventually asked in a whisper.

‘No. He doesn’t.’

Lidia nodded. Bill could see her thinking.

‘He cannot have me. Even if I live.’

‘No, Miss Lidia, with the best will in the world, he can’t.’

‘Maybe he have his child, if he knew?’

Bill knew the answer, but Lidia’s face was becoming greyer by the second. ‘Oh, miss, I doubt it,’ he replied feebly.

‘I want you to ask him if he take our child.’ She reached for him suddenly and tugged his sleeve. ‘I want you send telegram tonight. Ask him. Please, Mister Bill, you must. I have no time, I must decide what is best for Jasmine whilst I can.’ The urgency was mining all her strength; her hand fell from Bill’s arm and she closed her eyes. ‘I do not matter. I have looked at death already and maybe it is destiny I will leave this earth soon. But our child … our baby … should not suffer. Harry will not let that happen. I know he would not. You must take her to him … take her to her father …’

Bill swallowed hard. He did not have the courage to tell her that what she was suggesting was impossible.

Lidia opened her eyes and looked down at her daughter.

‘She deserve a life, Mister Bill. Even if I live, I cannot take care of her well. Give her what she need. I have no home, or work or money now. I must let her go to England with you. Then she have chance.’

‘Miss Lidia,’ croaked Bill, ‘the babe needs her mum. I think –’

‘I think I may die and baby have no one to take care.’ She kissed the top of Jasmine’s head and elasped the baby’s miniature copy of her hand in her own small one. Her eyes, bright with unshed tears, met Bill’s. ‘You take her now, please. It is for best. If I keep her with me longer, maybe I cannot –’ Lidia’s voice finally broke – ‘give her away.’

She leant down and whispered to Jasmine, murmuring words Bill did not understand and didn’t want to. He knew she was saying goodbye.

Her body shaking with the effort, Lidia attempted to lift her baby up and hand her to him. Bill reached forward and took Jasmine into his arms, as tears rolled, unchecked and silent, down Lidia’s face.

‘Keep her safe, Mister Bill, please, keep her safe. I believe you are good man. I must trust in you and her father now, for I do not know if my future is here on earth. But it is not important. Jasmine is future, not me. Please, Mister Bill,’ she entreated him, ‘find way to tell me my daughter is safe. If I live, I must know this.’

‘I will. I’ll write to Priyathep, the flower man.’ Bill’s voice quavered with emotion as he uttered promises he had no idea he could honour. ‘I’ll keep Jasmine safe, Miss Lidia, don’t you worry.’

‘
Kop khun ka.
And tell both of them, I love them, more than stars in sky, and they are blessing on my life from God.’

Lidia reached out for the last time to touch her baby, her arm so weak it failed to reach Jasmine and dropped back on to the bed. ‘Tell them I see them both again. Because –’ she looked up at Bill and gave him a smile that lit up her face, granting him a sudden flash of her true beauty – ‘love never die, Mister Bill. It never die.’

48

One day in early May, Bill appeared out of the blue on Elsie’s doorstep.

‘Bill! Oh, Bill! Why didn’t you tell me you was arriving today? I’d have come to Felixstowe to meet you!’ Elsie made to hug him, but then saw he was carefully holding something wrapped in a blanket. She eyed it suspiciously. ‘What have you got there?’

‘Let’s go inside, shall we, sweetheart?’ said Bill wearily, ‘then I can put her down and take you in my arms instead.’

Elsie closed the door behind him. As he lay the bundle down, it started to stir.

‘Oh, sweetheart, I’ve missed you so bad. Have you missed me?’ asked Bill.

Elsie’s eyes were still focused on the bundle.

‘Course I’ve missed you, but never mind. What is
that
?’

Bill glanced at her nervously. ‘I decided to bring you home a present. I took a chance it was the right thing to do. But then,’ Bill sighed, ‘I didn’t have much choice, as it happened. Go on, go and look at her. She’s a little angel, she is.’

Elsie walked tentatively towards the bundle, shaking with shock. She peeled the blanket away and a pair of beautiful amber eyes stared up at her.

‘Oh, Bill!’ Elsie caught her breath and put her hands to her flushed cheeks. ‘She’s beautiful! Whose is she?’

‘Elsie, she’s
ours
. I brought you home a baby girl.’

‘But …’ Elsie was so flummoxed she didn’t know what to say, ‘she must belong to somebody? Bill Stafford! I know you and you’re not telling me the whole story.’

The baby was starting to cry now. ‘Oh, you poor little mite! Come here.’ Elsie picked her up and cradled her in her arms, studying the honey-coloured skin, the perfect, tiny nose and the shock of dark hair. ‘Hush, hush, little one.’ She stuck her finger in the baby’s mouth to comfort her. ‘How old is she?’

‘Just over two weeks when I left, so about seven weeks now,’ explained Bill.

‘But how did a big brute like you care for her on the ship? He don’t know the first thing about babies, does he now?’ Elsie said to the baby, feeling herself falling in love, but wanting to be sure she was free to do so.

‘We’ve done pretty well, me and her. She’s ever so good, hardly murmurs,’ Bill said proudly, and Elsie saw the love shining in her husband’s eyes.

‘Bill Stafford, I knows this isn’t all it seems. You’d better tell me fast.’

He came behind Elsie and put his arms round her shoulders. ‘I’ve done the right thing, haven’t I, sweetheart? Just look at her. She’s perfect.’

‘I … Bill! I don’t know what to say! Really I don’t.’ Elsie shook her head. ‘You turning up here, bold as brass, with a baby!’ Then her face darkened and she felt light-headed with painful emotions. ‘Is there something you’re not telling me, Bill? What did you get up to when you got out of Changi?’

‘Oh, Else, my Else!’ Bill pulled her face close to his to kiss her. ‘Don’t be so daft! I was back here with you long before this little mite was a twinkle in her daddy’s eye!’

Elsie’s eyes glazed over and she was reduced to counting the months on her fingers, before a smile of relief spread across her face.

‘You’re right, Bill, I’m being silly. Besides, we both know you can’t be the daddy. But are you sure this is legal and all?’ she went on. ‘No one’s going to bang on the door in the middle of the night and cart you off to prison for baby-stealing, are they? And take this little one away?’