Hourglass Squared (19 page)

A sob caught my attention, and I whipped back to Josh, who'd finally broken down. He stormed into the room, and I could hear the wails coming from deep within him. My heart broke even more as he continued on. Penelope stood there, unsure what to do, and Jake looked to me. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I just nodded, because I knew if I opened my mouth I'd be in the chair next to Josh, crying just as hard. I pushed him toward the room to go be with Josh.

"Stay with Savannah," he demanded, looking at his mother, who was a wreck, and then he stepped into the room. I heard the loud thud of his arms wrapping around his brother as Josh continued crying.

Penelope stood there, tears pouring down her face, and I reached out to her. "Go. He needs you just as much as he needs Jake."

As if she'd been waiting for my permission, she bolted into the room, her sobs now joining in with Josh's.

Unable to take it much longer, I needed to clear my head. I rushed off, passing the restroom in the waiting room and darted into it. I locked the deadbolt behind me, thankful it was a single person restroom.

I leaned back against the cold tile wall, and it was as if the walls of the Hoover Dam had come crumbling down. Tears rushed down my cheeks, soaking my face. My body was so heavy that I could hardly stand. I began to slide down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, my arms using every ounce of their might to keep my legs pulled up as they pressed against my huge belly. My body rocked back and forth, each sob ripping through harder than the last.

My cell phone began to ring in my purse, but I had no energy to answer it. It continued ringing, but my cries soon drowned out the sound. After what must have been minutes, although it seemed like an eternity, a pounding started on the door of the restroom. I could hardly make out Jake's voice as the ringing in my ears grew louder and louder. His fists beat on the wooden door, but I couldn't get up.

I tried. I really did my best to stand up, but my body was beyond exhausted, and every time I began to calm myself down, an image of Brooke would flash through my head, causing me to start all over again. I physically hurt, my head was pounding like a bass drum, and my muscles were sore from contracting with each wrack of my body.

The banging on the door continued, and finally it flew open. Jake stood above me as I sat there, a pile of shambles.

The door slammed behind him, and he dropped down onto the floor next to me. His massive arms scooped me up and pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped me in his tight embrace, his hands rubbing my back and caressing my face as he tried to calm me, soon seeming to realize that the best thing for me was to just have him there, holding me in his arms until every tear escaped from deep within.

It had been over an hour since Jake had found me, and the tears had finally subsided, but he continued to hold me in his arms. His lips met the top of my head. "You feeling better?"

I glanced up at him and nodded my head. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He shook his head back and forth. "Shh, don't you dare apologize. I love you, Savannah Worthington. I should have let my mother take care of Josh. I needed to be with you."

I could hear the guilt in Jake's voice for leaving me with his mother instead of staying with me. "Help me up," I begged, unable to stand on my own.

He shifted and lifted himself off the ground, then bent down and scooped me up. He slowly placed my feet on the ground, his arms not allowing my full weight to rest on my feet.

"I think I'm okay," I said, trying to tell him that he didn't have to hold me up any longer, and I suddenly felt him loosen up his grip. "Don't be upset with your mom. You needed to be there for Josh. He has been so strong throughout all of this. I was fine. I just needed to get away. My heart was breaking for him… for Brooke…" I trailed off, not wanting to start all over.

After I'd splashed water on my face and Jake had forced me to drink an orange juice, we joined Josh and Penelope back in Brooke's room. Josh was hunched over his iPad, probably taking his mind off the surgery with work, and Penelope was doing a crossword puzzle. They both looked up when we walked into the room. I sat down in the extra recliner they'd brought into the room that was right next to Josh, and Jake sat down by his mom on the small couch.

Josh reached over to me and squeezed my hand. "You holding up okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, you?"

A half-smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he shrugged his shoulders before going back to his iPad.

Three more hours passed painstakingly slow before there was a knock on the door. Dr. Rothchild stepped into the room, and the four of us shot up onto our feet. Jake rushed over to me and wrapped his arm around my hip.

"How did it go?" Josh asked, practically begging for a light at the end of the tunnel.

The doctor's face fell, and I felt all of the air escape my body as my heart clenched.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Brooke

T
HE INCESSANT BEEPING
noise in my ear was driving me crazy and disturbing my sleep. As I tossed my body in an effort to roll to my side a sharp searing pain ricocheted through my body. I tried to yell out in pain, but I was unable to speak.
Why can't I talk?
The beeps began to increase speed, the individuality of them lost in the chaos.

"Brooke!" I heard Josh yell into my ear in a panic. He sounded worried, but I couldn't turn to him.
Can't help him.
I fought against the weights holding my body down to the lumpy mattress, but my resistance was futile, my efforts wasted.

The commotion grew tenfold with voices I didn't recognize, and the pain in my side moved to my stomach. Tension, then relaxation came at me like waves on the ocean. My body sank into darkness as I grew more and more tired.
I can't fight the pain, fight the immobilization. I'm just stuck in this freaky limbo, listening to everyone around me scream and yell.

I felt like I was coming out of a week-long sleep, and my abs felt like I'd done some intense cross-fit course. A groan slipped out of my lips as I tossed my head back and forth. "Josh?" I choked out through a scratchy sore throat, so softly I barely registered it even in my own ears.

I blinked my eyes open to a blur. When my vision finally cleared, I was I was in the hospital room, surrounded by machines and IV stands. I craned my neck to see Josh in the chair beside my bed, face buried in his hands. The desperate sound of his sobs chiseled at my heart. My hand stretched out and grasped his wrist, giving him a squeeze.

"Brooke," he gasped as his bloodshot eyes met mine.

"Hey, you. What is wrong?" I asked, confused why he was so upset. I'd made it through surgery. I was alive.

The baby. Fear took hold of my heart like a vise grip. I couldn't say it out loud and so I focused all of my attention to the bump beneath the sheets. As if he or she knew I was worrying unnecessarily, I felt a solid kick to the ribs, and a relaxed smile spread across my face.

When I looked back to Josh, his eyes were glued on me, watching me, appraising me. "You — you…" he stuttered out.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay. I'm boobless, so I really hope you're an ass man, but I am okay." I made my smile grow across my face in an effort to reassure him and calm his heart before he was on a gurney beside me. "Although, I'd like to know who played the sick joke of making me do crunches while I was out because my abs are killing me," I added as a small smile appeared on his face. But as soon as the words were spoken, it fell away.

"You went into labor. Your heart rate went all erratic, and you freaked us all out and went in to labor," he explained as his hand firmly took hold of mine

"No, I can feel the baby," I argued. Impossible.

"They gave you medicine, and it stopped it, it was a bit scary when they thought they were going to have to do a C-section, since you're barely twenty-five weeks. But it stopped."

I nodded my head along with him, knowing the tragedy that I would have awoken to if the baby would have been so premature.

There was a knock at the door before it swung open, Dr. Rothchild filling the space as he walked in. "Ahh, I see our patient is up from her beauty rest." He stepped up beside my bed with my chart in hand. "I'm going to check your vitals and the incision sites, then we can talk. Okay?"

I nodded in agreement as a cold stethoscope came down on my chest, making my body shiver.

"All sounding good. I'm going to lift your gown now to check the incision." He said it so slowly, like I'd lost brain cells in surgery. His eyes held so much concern but were guarded, too, as he stared into mine before shooting a glance at Josh.

"Josh, get out!" I demanded, catching him by surprise.

"Sweetheart, it's fine. I will love you no matter what. I'm staying." Josh stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, feet planted firmly on the ground to emphasize his point.

My head began shaking before the words could escape out. "No. No. No. You are not. Get out. I love you, and once I've seen it and can process it, and whatever, then maybe. But for now, I need you out."

Josh's hands flew up in the air as he let out a big huff and looked between me and Dr. Rothchild, waiting for someone to plead his case.

"It is a normal reaction, Josh. Brooke needs to come to terms with this."

We both watched and waited as Josh stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"Okay now, Brooke. I want you to understand what happened in there. Like we discussed, I had to make the incisions down the breast and around the areola. We removed the tissue and lymph nodes on both sides."

I nodded again, recalling the consultation the other day when he'd drawn diagrams and had given explanations on everything.

"I'm going to do a PET scan to confirm, but I think we will need to do radiation or chemo. I know you are worried about the baby, but no research done thus far has led back to any cause for concern. What is most important is you beating this," Dr. Rothchild said sternly.

"I can't risk the baby. I've looked at the research, and there isn't enough to back either side, and you know it. While it is important for me to fight this, it is even more important that I deliver a beautiful happy, healthy baby. I won't get treatment until I deliver. Period."

"Well we can re-visit this after you are discharged."

I shook my head no to argue some more, but Dr. Rothchild continued, "So let's take a look now."

Despite it all — the pictures, diagrams, videos, and Internet search I'd done — nothing prepared me for seeing it on my own body. The tears streamed down my face as Dr. Rothchild quickly examined each suture line and drain tube, dropping my gown back down as soon as he was done. It was gruesome. The cuts spanning each side, the staples to hold it closed, the red skin screaming out in agony. I was ugly, a monster. Josh would never, ever see me naked again.

"Savannah," I gasped out in a pleading voice. "I need Savannah."

Dr. Rothchild darted out of the door, letting Josh peek in and try to enter before stopping him. I watched in slow motion as Savannah rushed in, while Josh flung the doctor's hold off him. The door slammed shut, the walls rattling from the force.

"Hey, hey. Shhh..." Savannah soothed me, pulling me in to her hold as close as she could with our bellies and rubbed my back. "It's okay."

The tears kept streaming down my face. It was not okay. Nothing was okay. I felt like less of a woman, and while it may seem silly to be so attached to two small mounds on my body, they were mine. They'd made me feel sexy and desirable, and now they were gone. Now they were just two huge scars. I cried hysterically for what felt like hours into Savannah's shoulder, her shirt soaked beneath my eyes.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Savannah

I
GLANCED DOWN
, and Brooke had finally fallen asleep. The past three hours she'd spent bawling in my arms were some of the hardest hours of my life. I didn't know how to comfort her. What was I supposed to say to my best friend? That horrible disease had not only taken away a part of her body, but it was also leaving her unable to breastfeed her baby. I knew out of everything, that would be her most difficult obstacle to overcome.

I shifted off the bed and dialed Josh, who'd gone home to clean up and get some rest.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, concern filling his voice.

"Yeah, she's fine. The nurse gave her a double dose of pain medicine, so I think she'll be asleep for a few hours. Jake is going to take me home so I can rest up. If you want me to come back later on to switch out with you, just let me know. If not, I'll be back in the morning."