House Arrest (24 page)

WEEK 50

I stayed home from school today.
I'm telling you now,
don't freak out.
Mom had to work.
No sick days during
the first thirty days of work.
Marisol had to stay home
to use one of her sick days.
I'm a kid, so pretty much
I can kind of have all the sick days I need.
And Levi, well,
for Levi pretty much every day is a sick day.
Someone had to stay with him
so it was me.

I'll be gone just a couple of hours.
Just while he's napping.
I'll get my work computer and bring it home.
They said I could work from home
the whole rest of the week.
It will be fine.
I'll be back before you know it.
Famous last words, Mom.

Famous last words.

You know when you print pictures
and they come matte or shiny?
Shiny is . . . shiny.
But matte is a little more dull, the colors kind of muted.
Levi is matte today.
His face is darker, blurrier.
I wish Mom wasn't at work.
He's scaring me.

Four stoplights.
Why is it taking this long?
It shouldn't take this long.
Where is the ambulance?
Where where where where where
where where where where where

oh my god
levi
wake up
levi
wake up
levi
wake up

Please forgive me.
It's the only thing I can think to do.

WEEK 51

I didn't care about the cars,
I didn't even think about them.
Have you ever seen a blue baby?
If you have then you know
you can't see anything else
only that awful color
spreading through his face
settling in his lips.
I was holding him so close.
Running,
just running
down the sidewalk
hoping to meet the ambulance
but it still wasn't there
and suddenly José's house was there
and the turtle car was there
and I know the keys are always under the visor
and so I took it
even though it was probably going to catch on fire
even though I've never driven one inch in my life
I took it.
I stole it.
I stole that turtle car.

Did you say five, James?
I hit five cars?
Well, I
was
really distracted.

Five counts of leaving the scene of an accident.
Five counts of vehicular negligence.
One count of driving without a license.
One count of driving underage.
One count of grand theft auto.
One probation: violated.
I'm reading the charges
while I wait for the judge.
These khaki scrubs scratching me,
these white slippers not fitting right.
They left one thing off this sheet:
one count of saving Levi's life.
Which counts for everything
don't you think?

Your mom will be here as soon as she can, Timothy,
as soon as Levi is stable.
Her fingers gripped the metal table
right where someone had etched
F F F F F F
across the surface.
The surface of Mrs. B's face
was also etched
with lines that meant
timothy timothy timothy timothy timothy.
OK
,
I said.
Thanks for coming.
Oh, Timothy
,
she said.
Oh, my sweet Timothy.

I probably don't need to worry about this journal anymore
do I?
Now that I'm in new trouble?
Now that I've been taken to juvie
so fast
my head spun.
I like writing in it, though.
I like that Mrs. B made them let me keep it.
So at least one thing from house arrest worked.
This stupid journal
turned out to be not so stupid
after all.

José's dad won't press charges.
He refuses to say I stole the car.
Only that I borrowed it
with his permission
even though I am thirteen.
Is that going to get him in trouble?
I don't want to get him in trouble.

WEEK 52

Ducks.
Little yellow ducks.
On the mask.
Well, masks.
One over Levi's nose and mouth.
One over his trach.
Just to be safe
, Mom said.
She held him in her lap
across the table from me.
This one scratched like the other one,
the word
SNART
in rock band letters.
It was a blockage
,
she said.
You did everything right
,
she smiled.
Well, everything regarding Levi.
She sighed.
It only took an overnight procedure
to remove the blockage.
He's fine now, see?
Levi smacked his hands on the table.
The doctors say you saved him, Timothy.
Your quick thinking saved his life.
Levi pulled the ducks off his face
away from his neck.
He smiled at me,
put his dirty finger in his trach,
and said,
BUH BUH
BUH BUH
and then he signed
more dog
and my heart almost exploded
right there
in the visiting room
at
Tall Pines, Texas Juvenile Correctional Facility.

The thing about juvie is that
it's not like jail.
Not really.
You don't get an end date.
They don't just say:
You get six months in juvie!
You have to stay until they think you're fine.
So it could be six months.
It could be a year.
It depends on me.
We're on Timothy time now.

We fly out next week.
Mom showed me the paperwork.
We'll stay for two weeks
for tests.
Then we'll come home.
After we find out the results
we'll go back for the surgery
if Dr. Sawyer thinks he can do it.
I looked at the paper.
Everything I'd worked for
typed out neatly
in rows
on a white sheet
just like any old regular paper.
So simple.
So not simple.
Regular words.
But not regular words.
I looked up at Mom.
You'll have to tell him hi for me, OK?
Dr. Sawyer, I mean.
You'll have to tell him thank you.

One year ago.
Like one of those machines
where the ball falls in a bucket
and knocks over a bottle
that lights a match
that pops a balloon
that scares a chicken
who lays an egg
that cracks in a pan
and makes your breakfast for you.
One year ago it all started.
One year ago I made this crazy meal
that I am still eating.

It was weird to see you guys together,
James.
Mrs. B.
In the same room, I mean.
I know you're
together
together,
but seeing you here
across the table,
this one scratched with
BARF
,
was a little disorienting.
And even though it was weird
seeing you together
without any plants
or grouchy looks
I've actually missed you guys.
Can you believe that?

On my cot
in the room
they call a dorm room
though I guess it's probably nothing like
a real dorm room.
The walls are yellow.
Yellow like Mrs. B's hair.
Yellow like the
Baby Signing Adventure
DVD case.
Yellow like the lasers killing José's aliens.
Yellow like James's gym T-shirt.
Yellow like Mom's wallet.
Yellow like Marisol's scrubs.
Yellow like the stars on Isa's fingernails.
Timothy Davidson?
One of the guards who is not called a guard
but who is still technically a guard
stood in the doorway.
Come with me.
You have a phone call.
The phones all line a hallway.
I picked one up.
I said,
Hello.
There was a crackle, and then,
T-man?
I looked at the yellow wall.
I saw the words scratched there,
the words
HOPE
and
FIGHT
and
BREATHE
and
SUCK
.
I put my hand on the cool cinder blocks
on the strength of those walls.
And I took a deep, deep breath.
Dad?