House of Ravens (The Nightfall Chronicles Book 2) (27 page)

It doesn't take long for my words to inspire action. We're in the War Room talking about our next step when Evie interrupts us.

"Scarlett, I have messages coming in from many different rebel group leaders, all wanting to talk with Nightfall and join your cause."

I look over at Zorin. "It's working. They're making contact. Trix, can you start messaging the various leaders?"

"Sure can," she says, smiling.

"How will we organize them?" Zorin asks. "Are you planning on folding them into the Dark Templars, or will you allow them to keep their own groups?"

I think about it for a moment. "I think… a little of both. We make it clear that if they want in, they have to commit to being part of the Dark Templars. But they can keep their names and missions—as long as those missions are in no way in conflict with ours—and they can act as branches of the Dark Templars. Tell them each group will need to send a leader here as a representative. They will be given a room and office and will be required to work with our team on any and all missions. No more vigilantes working alone. It all has to go through us now."

"I'm on it," Trix says. She and TR leave, and I notice them hold hands as they exit. It makes me smile.

Zorin follows my eyes. "Is that your doing?" he asks when they are gone.

I shrug. "I just reminded them of what we're fighting for."

"And what is that?" he asks.

"Happiness."

"Happiness? I thought we were fighting for justice. For equality."

I nod. "But why? In the end, isn't it all so we can be happy?"

His hand falls on mine. "Scarlett…"

His eyes are intense. He stares into me.

And then he removes his hand from mine and stands. "I'll see about quarters for the rebel leaders. Like we need more people here."

I laugh at him, the spell between us broken. "You are such a hermit."

He smiles at me. "No, I just prefer more intimate gatherings."

I smile back at him. "You'll get used to it."

Corinne had to get back to her family after the execution, so she's not here. I'm left alone with Carter, who hands me a Life Force and joins me at the table. I thank him and sip on it as I think about what to do next.

"How do you feel, having killed a person for the first time?" he asks.

"This isn't the first time someone has died because of me."

"Perhaps not, but it's the first time you've killed someone by your own hand, is it not?"

I look down at my hands, one old and familiar, one new and still strange. It's the new one that held the knife and sliced Thane's throat. "It's true."

"Do you have regrets?"

I shake my head. "He was sentenced to death. He deserved his judgment. He would have kept hurting others."

"So it wasn't just revenge?" he asks.

"No. It was justice. It was to punish and protect."

"I once had to kill someone to protect another," he says, his eyes lost and far away. "Someone dangerous, who sought a path that could have hurt many. It is not an easy thing to live with, even now."

"I suppose it should never be an easy thing to live with, taking the life of another. No matter how much they deserve it."

He sighs and stands, picking up his silver serving tray. "I suppose it shouldn't."

***

It seems like entering another world when I return to Castle V and pretend to be just another Initiate, after everything that's happened. After everything I've done.

But I put on my Scarlett mask, as I wonder more and more often who the real me is now. Is it Scarlett Night? The girl who lost her parents so many months ago? Or is it Nightfall? The Nephilim with a cause?

How can I be both?

How can I be either?

I'm losing myself to my roles, and it scares me. But as I sit with Corinne, Wytt, Jaden and Lana in our Common Hall, I feel for a moment like this could be real. Like whoever I am, whatever I'm doing, if I can just stay present long enough, it will be real.

Or real enough for now.

And maybe that's all we get in this life. The moment to moment sense of real. The now.

So I enjoy the now with my closest friends, even if the Scarlett mask isn't all of me, it's still me, and I can still be her.

"Are we still going to the party?" Lana asks. The mood in our little group has definitely changed since Kai died.

Corinne nods. "We should. He wouldn't want us to mope around depressed forever. He'd want us to live our lives. To enjoy our lives." She looks at me. "What do you think, Scarlett?"

"You're right. I don't like to think about it, to imagine being there without him, but you're right. We should go."

Jaden scoots closer to me and throws an arm over my shoulder. "If you need a dance partner, I'll keep my card free for you."

I smile. "Thanks. I'll take you up on that if I end up dancing."

"Have you seen much of Jax since everything?" Lana asks.

"No. He's been busy with Order business."

"What's everyone's thoughts on Nightfall's execution of Thane?" Wytt asks. "I have to admit, I'm shocked, but not displeased."

"He killed Kai," Lana says. "Right?"

Corinne and I nod. No doubts.

"Then he deserved it," she says fiercely as she strokes the bracelet Kai gave her. "And I know this is a controversial thing to say, but I don't think Nightfall's the enemy. She's doing what we can't."

Wytt, Lana and Jaden start debating the pros and cons of Nightfall, and Corinne moves to sit next to me. She leans in and whispers. "You okay?"

I shrug. "Mostly."

She holds my hand. "There's a cost to being a great leader."

I nod. "I just hope it isn't more than I can pay."

I don the gold and black dress I had made to wear with Kai, accented with black feathers he acquired for me, and I attend the New Year's Ball.

"He would have loved you in that," Corinne says as I walk over to her and Wytt sitting at our table.

"Thank you."

This ball is more subdued than the Halloween Ball. Many here are still nursing injuries, and Kai wasn't the only casualty that day. We are all still in mourning, still pulling ourselves out of that fog of grief that makes the rest of the world disappear.

I see Jax enter the ballroom and our eyes lock. He's dashing in his Teutonic Knight suit. We haven't talked much since the night of the tournament. But my heart misses him.

I stand and walk over to him as others come and go, shaking his hand and congratulating him on his promotion.

"So, a Knight of the Third," I say as I approach.

His eyes are sad. "I'm sorry. About everything."

I shrug. "We are who we are, Jax. I still—"

"Love you," he finishes. "I love you, Star. Always will."

My eyes burn, and I blink away the feelings. "Me too."

"I haven't known what to say to you. How to console you. I was jealous of you and Kai, but now—"

There's nothing left to be jealous of. But neither of us can say that.

"I never stopped loving you," I tell him. "What I feel, felt, for Kai, it didn't change what you mean to me."

He reaches for my hand and pulls me closer to him. "Will you dance with me?"

I nod and let him lead me to the dance floor.

His arm slips around my waist and our bodies press together. I can feel his breath on my neck and smell the faint mint of his shampoo. Whoever we are, whoever we become, he's still my Jax. I hold him tighter, and we don't talk, just move and feel and let the music sink into our bruised and broken hearts.

He's still my Jax.

He leaves me with a small smile and a bow. "I can't stay, but I'll see you soon, Star."

"See you soon."

I rejoin Corinne and she and I walk toward the balcony door. It's a crisp winter night, the sky full of bright stars.  A fresh coat of snow blankets the world around us. Nature's way of covering the blood, hiding the flaws of humanity until the seasons change and we are stronger.

"You still love Jax," Corinne says, as a statement not a question.

I nod.

"And Kai?"

I turn to her. "I will always love him. The night of the Halloween Ball, I chose Kai."

Corinne nods, satisfied with that answer. Satisfied, I suspect, that while Kai was here, I chose him. I loved him. I didn't break his heart.

I just killed him.

"I don't know how to live this life," Corinne says. She's staring out into the night, and I follow her gaze. "Nightfall and my father are enemies. Nightfall and my uncle are enemies. One of them will die, won't they? Nightfall or them?"

"I don't know," I say honestly. "I don't want anyone else to die."

She turns to look at me. "But someone always dies in war. And this is a war, isn't it? It's a war that no one knows is happening, but it's real."

"Yes," I say. "It's real."

"And you turned me into an enemy of my own family."

"Yes," I admit. "I did."

She reaches for my hands and holds them. "But you did it to save me. To save my life?"

I nod, a tear running down my cheek. "Yes. And—"

I hesitate at this part, but I think she needs to know. I think Kai would want her to know. "Kai knew. He knew who I was, and he still loved me."

Her eyes widen. "When?"

"The Trial. I had to reveal myself to save him."

Now she's fighting tears. "He still loved you?"

"Yes. Which means—"

"He would still love me."

I nod. "Always."

She nods. "Okay then. We'll figure it out. Together, we'll figure it out. We really are family now. Kai was right."

The door behind us slides open and Varian steps out. "Ladies. It's a cold night to be standing out here so long."

Corinne turns to her father. "We were just getting some air."

"Of course," he says. "I was just wondering, Scarlett, would you care to join me for a game of chess? I believe I owe you one."

I sense something bigger is happening but I don't know what, so I nod. "Of course."

And I follow him in.

***

We sit in Varian's office. Black curtains with golden ravens drape the stone walls, and a fireplace burns near the ornately carved desk. The chessboard is glass and the pieces are variations of dragons. Varian plays white and makes the first move. "Thank you," he says, "for revealing my son's killer."

We play quickly, our moves almost instant. After the first few turns, its clear Varian is the greatest player I've ever faced. "I did what was right," I say.

"And you did it with honor." Varian positions his rook. "One day, you shall be a great Knight, Scarlett. What Order do you desire?"

"Templar."

He smiles. "Like your parents. Have you considered who to study under?"

I take one of his pawns. "What do you mean?"

He takes my bishop. "You shall need a Templar Knight to accept you as his Page."

"And you seek an apprentice?"

He chuckles. "Finish your Trials, and we will talk more."

"Not necessary. I will decline."

He doesn't seem surprised. "Do you fear me, Scarlett?"

I hesitate for the first time in the game. "There is nothing to fear but fear itself."

He laughs. "You've been spending too much time with Wytt."

"Your children have all had an effect on me." They showed me not all those with privilege are my enemy.

"And you changed them as well." For a moment, his purple eyes are not cold, but sad. "You made my son happy, before the end. Thank you for that."

"He was an amazing person."

He nods. "And so are you. He saw that in you. Now, I do as well."

My eyes are tearing. I don't want to talk about Kai anymore. "How are things going with Nightfall? Any suspects? The Castle is abuzz with speculation." He's more open today than I've ever seen him. I hope he lets some information slip.

"I have a few. Actually, I'm narrowing down the list."

I chuckle. "Anyone I know?"

Varian moves his Queen. "Tell me, what happens next."

That sounds familiar. I study the board. It takes me a moment to see it, but… "I lose."

He nods. Three turns pass. "Checkmate," he says, his eyes meeting mine. "Once again, you disappoint me… Nightfall."

My breath hitches in my throat. I freeze, but I need to move. I need to make him forget.

No.

I need to eliminate him.

Zorin was right. Varian is too dangerous.

I raise my hand.

Why isn't he attacking me?

"Before you do anything," says Varian, "you should know I have taken precautions. If I die, or behave in a way I would not, you, and those at your Cathedral, will be taken into custody. And you will be executed."

I drop my hand, my heart pounding in my chest. "How… how did you know?"

"I suspected for a while. You and Nightfall shared the same skills, the same ideology. Of course, that was not enough proof. But then you accused Thane, and Nightfall executed him. But I needed one more thing. I needed this game."

I stare at the chessboard, trembling.

"You and Nightfall both calculate your actions based off what is most effective. You will take the path with least casualties, but also the path that is swiftest. These paths are not obvious for most, but they are always there. And so, they can be manipulated. Every turn, I led you down the path you deemed most effective. And when you reached your destination, I was prepared."

I don't know why he's talking to me, or why this matters, but I can't resist asking. "Then how do I win?"

He leans closer. "You must be deceptive at every turn. When you are able to attack, you must seem unable. When you are close to victory, you must appear close to defeat."

I nod, finally understanding. When I went into the sewers with Trix, I did so because it was the safest path, but it was also the most obvious. When I first met Varian, I thought I was meeting a rebel leader. I thought I was so close to taking control and winning. But instead, I'd lead myself to a superior opponent.

I bow my head, defeated. "So, what happens after you take me into custody?"

"I'm not taking you into custody."

"What? But what about your orders?"

He grins, a spark in his eyes. "I want Nightfall," he says. "But there is something I want more."