Authors: Amber Stokes
“Derr, catch.”
His eyes flew open as Chloe tossed her camera at his stomach. It hit his middle and slid into his hands. “Geez, I could have dropped it.”
She offered him a sassy smile. “I knew you wouldn’t. Now, be a good brother and take a picture of us, please?”
He shook his head but lifted the camera so he could see the preview image. Chloe and Trisha leaned in toward Brielle on either side of her as they stood in front of the sign, and their smiles lit up the screen. Rain droplets splashed down the image, but the three of them—already fast friends—created sunshine all their own as he clicked their picture.
Quiet reigned that afternoon—mostly because Derrick holed up in his childhood room upon their return from the walk. He could hear his mom and sisters entertaining Brielle with stories, while the scent of hot molasses cookies indicated they were doing some baking along with the talking. He just needed some time to think before he joined them, but pacing around the room like a timid cyclone didn’t seem to be doing anything to settle the restlessness in his heart.
What he was going to do? He couldn’t imagine spending another night sharing an apartment with Scott. The guy had gone too far this time, and Derrick couldn’t simply pretend that he wasn’t sick of Scott’s attitude and disgusted with his actions toward Brielle. It seemed wrong to even think of it, going on as if nothing had happened. As if Brielle hadn’t fallen into his world and changed everything in the sweetest and subtlest of ways.
Yet, where else could he go? He couldn’t live at home again.
Could he?
He dug his hands through his hair and groaned. It would be just
perfect
. Twenty-four years old, living with his parents and working at a dead-end job.
Everything
he had dreamed of since he was a boy.
A knock on the door broke into his sarcastic musings. “Derrick?”
Great. His dad was home.
The door opened, and his dad entered and then shut the door behind him. “What are you doing in here while your girlfriend’s in the kitchen?”
“Being stupid. As usual.” The bed sank beneath his weight as he perched on the edge. No point in correcting his dad. It wasn’t as if he and Brielle had really determined they were dating, but he preferred to imagine they were rather than dwell on the thought of her leaving his life as quickly as she had entered it.
His dad came and sat next to him on the bed. “You know, our casa is always your casa.” Derrick rolled his eyes. His dad grinned. “That is to say, our home is always open to you. And everyone needs to have that fallback, no matter how old they are. There’s no shame in that.”
Derrick swallowed, his mouth dry and his eyes embarrassingly wet. “Then why does the thought of it make me feel like a little kid?”
Before his dad could answer, Derrick jumped to his feet and paced toward the door. “You used to think I could be anything I wanted to be.” A harsh chuckle escaped his lips. “Now look at me. And look at you. You’ve all lost faith in me.”
His dad didn’t get up. Didn’t say a word until Derrick reluctantly met his gaze. “I still believe you can be whatever you want to be—do whatever you want to do. But it’s not my life to live. You’ve gotta take steps that will get you where you want to go.”
“Dang it, Dad!” He kicked the door. “I
did
take those steps. My bachelor’s degree—does that ring a bell?” Resting his head on the still vibrating wood, he added lowly, “And what about all those weekends I played at different restaurants, month after month? Doesn’t all that mean anything?”
His dad finally stood, disappointment and a dash of anger etched on his face. “Passion is all well and good, as long as you’re pursuing something you’re able to attain.”
Derrick’s hands fisted at his sides as he shook his head. “You never did believe I could make it with my music.”
His dad sighed, his hand resting on the doorknob. “You play really well, Son. But not everyone can make a living off of playing the guitar.”
“Is that it, then?” He fell a step back from his dad. “Don’t you see why it’s so hard for me to come back? I must be the world’s worst son, to not even measure up to my younger sisters.”
A pause took over, then his dad released the doorknob. “My only point in coming in here was to tell you that you’re always welcome to come home. Perhaps you’re the one who’s putting too much pressure on yourself.”
Derrick met his dad’s gaze, surprised to find a familiar glint returning to his dad’s brown eyes. “What do you say we go to the Seascape tonight? Just like old times. Bet your girlfriend would enjoy a walk on the pier.”
Instead of remembering the seafood, the taste of hot, salty McDonald’s fries filled Derrick’s mouth, and he could almost feel the wind through his hair. Those really had been good times. He released a deep breath. “Yeah, okay.”
∞∞∞
Derrick still wasn’t a fan of seafood, after all these years. He loved the smell of the sea, but he hated the smell of fish. So he ended up ordering a burger and attempting not to wrinkle his nose at the clam chowder Brielle ordered. Over the course of their dinner, his anger receded like the outgoing tide, and he relaxed more and more in his family’s presence.
While Chloe took forever polishing off her dessert, Derrick leaned over and quietly asked Brielle, “Walk with me?”
She nodded, the corner of her mouth tipping up like the handle on the Big Dipper.
“We’re going outside for a bit. See you all at home?” Derrick stood and pulled his slim wallet out of his pocket, planning on taking out enough bills to cover his and Brielle’s meals.
His dad simply waved his hand at him. “No need for that. It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to take my whole family out to dinner.”
“Drive safely, Derrick,” his mother urged, softening the command with a smile.
Chloe looked up from her dessert long enough to wave, while Trisha offered a grin to Brielle, which then turned to a smirk for him. He’d take it.
Waving to everyone and waiting long enough for Brielle to say goodbye, he then ushered her out the door and down the front steps.
The wind chilled him, coming in gusts like someone was attempting to blow out a birthday candle. He zipped his own jacket, then turned to Brielle. She was busy looking at the sky, and before he could think twice, he reached out and began to zip up the sweater she had borrowed.
She startled. He could feel her gaze on him, but when he got the zipper to her collar bone and stole a peek at her face, her eyes were downcast and her cheeks had turned red. They were standing so close he could feel the heat of her blush. Emboldened, he leaned in a little closer and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
After lingering a moment in the warm air between them, he finally stepped back with a grin. “I always thought the stars would be hot to the touch.”
She smiled and shook her head. Then she glanced to the sky again, which had surprisingly cleared of most clouds. “Come on.”
He followed her down the narrow pier, buffeted by the wind and awed by the incoming waves. The sight of the sea always fueled the part of his heart that had yet to give up on dreams.
Halfway down the pier, Brielle veered toward the railing to her right and gazed up again.
“Missing home?” Derrick teased as he joined her, leaning his elbows on the railing.
“Maybe.” She pointed up at something. “See? Orion’s Belt is missing its third star.”
Derrick stood up straight and quickly found the constellation. Orion—his old winter friend. He stared at it for a moment, then slanted a glance down at Brielle.
A smile broke free as the wind tugged at her honey-toned hair. “Made you look.”
“How old are you, anyway? Five?”
She laughed. “Add twenty...”
His gaze narrowed in suspicion.
“And subtract four,” she added, a distinct glimmer in her eyes.
He leaned back against the railing, crossing his arms. “Now that’s funny. I thought the stars were much older than that.”
She offered no teasing reply, her attention once again riveted to the incoming indigo night and the stars stuck to its murky depths, with soft, milky waves rolling across one section.
“Can we go down to the beach?” she eventually asked.
He studied her in the muted glow of the pier and restaurant lights. “Why not?”
With him leading the way, they left the pier and set down the path toward the shadowed sand. When he held a hand behind him, Brielle grasped it, allowing him to steady her as they made their way down the slippery rocks at the bottom of the incline. As soon as her feet hit the sand, she let go of him and ran toward the waves.
Something in his gut squeezed, sending him rushing after her.
Brielle stopped at the foam line and threw her arms wide, as if she were attempting to embrace the sea. “Isn’t it just glorious?” Her voice reached him on a breathless breeze as he neared her.
He couldn’t seem to stop as suddenly as she had, and his running shoes soon filled with water, the bottom of his jeans soaked. He sucked in a loud breath, then let it out on a shudder. As he turned, he caught Brielle’s wide, bright gaze and witnessed her smile bursting forth like the rising of the moon over the trees.
A wild idea entered his head, and before he could think through the consequences, he rushed at Brielle.
Her smile disappeared like the moon behind clouds as she turned and fled. “Derrick! You better not!” She lobbed the warning behind her, but he was having none of it. The chase was just too fun.
She squealed as he caught her around the waist and then threw his momentum backward, lifting her off her feet as he backed toward the water. “Now, what was it you claimed to be? A star...or a star
fish
?”
She pulled at his arms and struggled to break free, but her attempts were pitiful, distracted as she was by her own laughter. He was pretty distracted, too—until a wave hit the back of his calves and nearly launched him and Brielle face-first into the sand. He stumbled forward and released his hold on her.
For a moment, they stood there—Brielle with her back to him, and he shivering with wet and cold and some other strange sensation that pulled on him with the strength of the departing tide.
In a flash, with the unexpectedness of a falling star, she spun around, threw her arms around his neck, and reached up to press her lips to his. The force stunned him, and before he could properly respond, the awkward pressure lessened. But just as he sensed her pulling away he wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her back in, making the kiss mutual. Soft, warm, a bit fishy...but oh so good.
The kiss finally trailed away, but their faces remained close. Derrick could feel Brielle’s smile. His own rose up from some satisfied place within.
“Dance with me?” He was surprised at the impulsiveness of his own mouth. There was no regretting the pleasure that radiated from Brielle, though. He pulled his ever-present iPod out of his jeans pocket. Brielle tried to peek at the small glowing screen, but he held it in front of his face and above her view as he selected a song.
Before he pressed the center button to begin the song, he gently tucked one earbud into Brielle’s right ear and the other in his own.
The first lines of “If My Heart Was a House” by Owl City swelled as he placed one hand on the small of her back and caught up her other hand. The steps of the waltz she had taught him at the square dance came out clunky as the two of them stepped in a square pattern through the sand.
Then she released his hand and slid her arms back around his neck. Yeah, swaying did work better.
He held her close through the remainder of the song, then walked with her back up the hillside to the parking lot. Somehow, in those moments, this small part of the world he had come to resent didn’t seem quite so bad after all.
Turned out Derrick was a sucker for puppy-dog eyes—as if he needed a reminder. Trisha convinced him without any words that he needed to come to church with them that Sunday morning. And since he was still in a fantastic mood since his time with Brielle the night before...and that kiss...he gave in without much of a fight.
Despite McKinleyville being a rather small town, he had found it surprisingly easy to avoid attending the same church as his family the past few years. Yet now, eating another of his mom’s filling, homemade breakfasts and piling into the car with his parents and sisters, he found himself enjoying the familiarity of their routine, wondering why he had avoided everything to do with his family for so long.
The one thing that would make the morning absolutely perfect would be Brielle in the empty chair to his left in the sanctuary. But his whole family had agreed that she should be allowed to sleep, especially if the noise they made while eating breakfast hadn’t disturbed her. Derrick only hoped she found the note his mom had placed on the dining table, and that she didn’t feel abandoned when she woke up to an empty house.
While the band warmed up, the worship leader cleared his throat directly into the microphone, then sheepishly said, “Before we begin, I’d like to read from Psalm 138 this morning.” His voice grew louder, stronger as he continued. “From the King James Version: ‘Though the L
ord
be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly, but the proud he knoweth afar off. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me.... Thy mercy, O L
ord
, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.’”
The man glanced around the room with an ever-widening smile. “Let’s all stand, shall we?”
Derrick stood alongside his family, recognizing the first tune. While his mouth automatically sang the words, his heart echoed the verses that had resonated within.
Revive me. Don’t forsake me.
Funny thing was, he felt like God had already been answering that prayer.
∞∞∞
When Derrick entered the house through the garage, he expected Brielle’s smiling face to greet him from the dining room down the hall. Instead, empty chairs and a lifeless quiet greeted him. The grin that had crossed his own face in anticipation of hers fell.
His family filed in behind him, his dad and mom still discussing the sermon and Chloe giggling as she told Trisha about some new guy she’d noticed. Derrick headed straight for the table, spotting the note they’d left for Brielle. His eyes darted to the stairs, wondering if it was possible she could still be asleep.
“What’s wrong?” Trisha came up behind Derrick and glanced at the note.
Derrick tightened his grip on the top of the chair in front of him. “Could you go see if Brielle is still in the guest room?”
“Sure.” She bounded up the stairs.
Chloe came up beside him and cocked her head. “She must have been awfully tired. I can never seem to sleep past 8:00, even on a Saturday.”
Derrick didn’t answer, his gaze glued to the stairs. After a moment, Trisha appeared once again at the top, biting her lip. Her eyes met his. “She’s not there. Her dress is gone, too.”
Derrick shut his eyes and let out a breath.
Gone.
Could she have called a taxi? But why the heck would she have left without saying goodbye?
“Is there a note?” he finally asked as Trisha joined them in the dining room.
She touched his shoulder. “I didn’t see one. Don’t you know her phone number? Email address? Surely you guys exchanged
something
.”
Besides a kiss? Not a thing. How could he have been so stupid?
His mom walked into the kitchen and started pulling items from the refrigerator. “Maybe she just had to run an errand or something. We were only gone for a little over an hour.”
Derrick turned toward the front door, staring at the crashing waves visible through the big window when he stood in just the right spot. “I don’t know. I doubt she knows her way around, and it’s not like she had a car to use.”
“Maybe she borrowed your bike?” his dad chimed in as he hung the car keys back on the wall and shrugged out of his jacket.
Derrick shook his head. “Not in that dress.” If she had gone anywhere, she would have walked. He thought of all the places within walking distance as he glanced out the window again. And suddenly, he had a very good idea where he might find her.
“I’ll be back,” he told his family as he rushed out the front door.
∞∞∞
Samantha sat on a bench by the sea, her legs curled up to her chest and her chin resting on the soft white fabric of what was supposed to have been her wedding dress. She took a deep breath in through her nose, out through her mouth, stirring the lacy material like dainty clouds scudding across the sky. The sun beat down upon her, and yet the coastal air carried a constant chill.
Cocooned as she was, though—hidden from the realm she’d always known, wrapped tightly in unfulfilled whims—the cold couldn’t quite touch her. If only she could stay in this very spot.
If only she didn’t have to face the consequences of her choice, no matter which decision she made.
She didn’t know how long she rested on the bench, pretending not to feel the stares of people jogging or biking along this trail that got much more traffic than the one in Trinidad. The daylight might have had something to do with that.
She sighed again and closed her eyes tight. She really ought to return to Derrick’s family so they wouldn’t worry about her. And so she could get a ride back to her car.
A gentle touch on her shoulder caused her head to pop up.
Derrick.
He clasped his hands together and leaned his elbows on the top of the bench, close to her raised knees. “I thought I might find you here. You can’t seem to stay away from the ocean, can you?”
“Maybe I really am a starfish,” she quipped. She smiled faintly, unable to keep herself from lighting up in his presence. To think she had been a few hours away from attaching herself to someone else for life, when Derrick found her. Obviously, she hadn’t been ready for such a commitment.
Derrick’s dark hair seemed to absorb all the warmth of the sun, as the nearness of him caused her face to flush. “I’m glad you found me that day,” she whispered.
His blue eyes, as vivid as his mother’s, glanced her way, curiosity filling them.
She swung her legs down and patted the wood beside her. He rounded the bench and took a seat, resuming the clasped hold of his hands, his elbows now resting on his knees. “You gave me a scare when we got back from church to find you and your dress long gone. Why didn’t you leave a note or something?”
“It didn’t seem like such a long walk to the beach. I figured I could be here and back before you got home.” She tugged at a loose string on the poufy skirt of her dress. “I guess I just got caught up in my thoughts.”
They were quiet for a moment, listening to the kicked gravel of a passing runner behind them and the steady roar of the sea before them. Finally, Samantha couldn’t hold it in any longer. “You’ve been so kind to me, taking me in. But I’m not who you think I am.”
To her surprise, he chuckled. “If you’re referring to the star thing, I know.”
She blushed, but before she could start to explain, he continued, “I also know a wedding dress when I see one. My guess is that you’re a runaway bride.”
Her face grew hotter, and she groaned. “Please don’t use that phrase. It sounds so...petty. And ridiculous.”
“But it’s true?”
“Yeah.” Her gaze settled on the incoming waves, unable as she was to look at Derrick.
His hand rested on hers, and she was surprised at the sting of tears the gesture caused. His voice was low as he asked, “Why a star? It’s not as if we knew each other. You didn’t have to make up a story.”
Didn’t she? Maybe she hadn’t needed to, but it had felt so good to pretend to be someone else—something special—if only for a few days.
She took a deep breath. “I’ve always been fascinated by the stars, I guess. There’s nothing as beautiful or spectacular as a starlit night in the country, right? I guess I just wanted to see what it would be like to be something as brilliant as a star...to someone.” She laughed. “I’m sure I just came off as crazy. I could tell by your reaction. But when you asked me if I was high, you just made me more determined to have you believe it.”
She paused, and Derrick squeezed her hand. Her next words came out as a whisper. “I was just so sick and tired of having people not believe in me.”
Derrick released a half laugh, half grunt, causing her to duck her head. What he must think of her! She let her hair fall forward and cover her face.
He released her hand, but his next words offered more comfort than his touch. “I know exactly what you mean.”
Thinking over the past few days—the obvious lack of faith he had in himself—made her believe that maybe he truly did understand.
With that reassurance, the rest of the story rushed forth from her heart. “I’m a student at U of O, majoring in Art. Painting, specifically. But I haven’t been doing as well as both my parents and I had hoped. I got good grades in high school, and now...I don’t really know what I’m doing anymore. My grades aren’t great. My passion’s slipping. And it’s driving me crazy that I can’t make my parents proud the way I used to. I’m scared they’re ashamed to talk about me, when they used to brag about my work.”
Her fingers trembled, and she clasped them together. “And there was this guy I met at one of the football games who made me feel like I was worth something to him. That I was beautiful and smart. So when he proposed after only a few months of dating, I said yes.” She bit her lip. “I didn’t tell my family. I was on my way to meet up with him after spending winter break at home in Ukiah—we were going to elope that night, before the next term started—when I stopped in Trinidad. And met you.”
She stood, clasping her arms around herself. “I know I’m not ready to get married, and I don’t love him the way I should. Stopping in Trinidad to take a nap and clear my head was the best thing that could have happened to me.” A shudder coursed through her. “I’m too impulsive for my own good sometimes. I just can’t believe I was going to make such a huge decision on little more than a desire for my life to be different than it is.”
When Derrick offered her his sweater, just as he had that first night, she held it tightly under her chin and snuggled into its warmth. She finally felt like she could breathe, even though she was scared to death about all the things she’d soon have to face. A jilted boyfriend. Shocked parents. Another school term with another chance to disappoint herself and her family.
Derrick’s voice snapped her out of her troubled thoughts. “Why Orion’s Belt, just out of curiosity?”
His question startled another laugh from her throat. “Seriously? After all my sad confessions, that’s all you have to say?”
He grinned as he stood next to her. “It seemed like the most burning question to me.”
She grinned back and offered a little shrug. “It’s the one constellation I never have trouble finding.”
He nodded.
After a moment, he broke the silence with another question. “So, what now?”
She stared at the horizon—one little line that represented so much surety and so much unknown. “I guess now I have to face reality. Go back to school, so I can start classes this week. Tell Alex I’m sorry I stood him up. Give him a real apology, not just the text I sent. And explain everything to my parents.” Her shoulders sank at how far she’d fallen, and how much effort it would take to make things right.
“Hey.” Derrick brushed her shoulder with his sturdy fingers, and she turned. His smile echoed the brightness of the sunlight around them. “This isn’t the end of the world. And don’t think you’re going to get rid of me that easily—’cause you’re stuck with me. I want to help you, like you’ve helped me.”
She felt her eyebrows float higher on her forehead. “I helped you? I think all I’ve done the past few days is burden you and your family. Not to mention the fact that I caused tension between you and your roommate. And badgered you about your job...”
His lips on hers stole away any remaining arguments. Her arms found their way around his neck without another thought—his embrace like a magnetic pull, or perhaps the sweet beckoning of moon rays on the ocean tide. When he kissed each corner of her mouth, her lips lifted into an answering smile. She lowered her head to his shoulder, content to simply rest there for a time.
“I have to ask,” his voice rumbled through her, “what’s your real name?”
“Samantha.”
“And what would you do, Samantha, if you could do anything?”
She smiled into his shirt, then pulled back to meet his blue gaze. The sweet sea breeze flowed over them as she replied, “Stick around long enough, and maybe we’ll find out together.”