How Hard Can It Be? (14 page)
“So Jack,” my Dad said, “where are you from originally?”
“Madison, Wisconsin, sir.” Jack looked over and winked at me. I didn’t know if that meant he was lying or if he wanted to get in my pants.
My dad’s face heated up to an unbecoming red. “I’m going to have to ask you something, son. It pains me to have to do this.”
The entire dining room went silent, forks clattered to plates, and all eyes were wide. I had no idea where my dad was going with this, but it didn’t bode well. Jack’s body tensed, and he looked over at me. I shrugged and prayed to God my dad wasn’t going to ask Jack what his intentions were or heaven forbid, if we were sleeping together.
“Are you a Packers or Vikings fan?” my dad asked very seriously. Oh, fuck. Jack’s answer would determine whether or not he would be welcome in my parents’ home again. I held my breath. If he gave the right answer, they’d expect me to marry him. If he gave the wrong one, they’d start forcing me to go to Lutheran Speed Dating. I didn’t know if I could marry someone I thought might secretly have plans to arrest me and destroy my life, but I would gouge my eyeballs out if I had to speed-date guys who couldn’t pick up girls anywhere other than church.
“My blood bleeds purple, sir. I’m a Vikings fan through and through.”
My family let out a collective sigh of relief and my dad got up and bear-hugged Jack. I was mortified, but Jack found the whole thing funny.
“So Rena says you were in Russia for work.” Unfortunately Jenny had found her voice. “What did you think of it?”
Jack glanced over at me, his eyes full of amusement. Was he going to back me up or was I going down in flames? “It was cold,” he answered. Jenny laughed like he’d just told the funniest joke in the world. It was embarrassing. Even my dad noticed what a dork she was being.
“Oh Jack, you’re so witty,” she gushed.
My dad cut her off before she could say something truly horrific. I was sorry he stopped her. It was just getting interesting. “What kind of work were you doing over there?” he asked.
“Um, it was . . .” Jack struggled. I could tell he was uncomfortable lying to my dad. I wasn’t.
“It’s confidential. He’s not allowed to talk about it. I don’t even know what he was doing over there, but I know it was dangerous and he risked his life at least six times. He may have even taken a bullet.” I looked to Jack for approval, but all I got was a raised eyebrow. Maybe I’d gone too far . . .
“I bet it was KGB,” Aunt Phyllis blurted out. “They’re trying to use the aliens and cyborgs to spy on our government. The zombies running Wall Street are definitely KGB agents.”
“Alrighty then,” Mom chirped brightly, ignoring Aunt Phyllis’s outburst. “Jack, we’re having our fortieth wedding anniversary next Friday night at the club. We’d love to have you there.”
This was getting to be too much. Did anyone think to ask me if I wanted him there? No. He might arrest me before next Friday. Then what was he going to do? Go alone? Shit, with the way he was being treated, they’d probably love to have him solo. They wouldn’t even notice if I wasn’t there . . . “He can’t come. He’ll be in Iceland on a secret mission.”
“Oh shoot,” Mom said, truly disappointed. “We’ll miss you. Won’t we, Rena?”
“Tons,” I replied, refusing to make eye contact with Jack.
“Actually,” Jack informed the table, “the Iceland trip has been postponed.”
My head shot up and I stared daggers at my counterfeit boyfriend. “No, it hasn’t,” I sweetly shot back.
“I got a phone call on the way over,” he said staring straight at me. “The trip is pushed back till next Christmas.” Crap, he had me. “So Rena and I would be delighted to come.”
Had he emphasized the word
come,
or did I have sex on the brain? I decided to ignore him. My inner slut was starting to invade my brain. Looking at him only made the problem worse.
come,
or did I have sex on the brain? I decided to ignore him. My inner slut was starting to invade my brain. Looking at him only made the problem worse.
“Wonderful,” Mom trilled. “Jack, do you like krum kaka? I made some for dessert.”
“Love it, Mrs. Gunderschlict.”
I bet he does. He may be hot, but he’s messing up my life. I will have so much damage control to do when he’s out of here. I’ll probably have to move out of state. Damn him, he has no right to make my family fall in love with him.
My mouth felt like sandpaper as I contemplated the reactions I’d get when I told my family the relationship was a sham. Jenny would be over the moon. Why didn’t I go with the leprosy plan? That was a really good plan. I grabbed my glass of water and downed it. I wondered whether anyone would notice if I left.
“Oh my God,” Aunt Phyllis screamed at me. “You drank my water.”
“Jesus Christ, Phyllis,” Dad bellowed, “we have more water.”
“No, no, no.” She paled and began to pull her hair. “It wasn’t just water.”
Oh fuck no. Had I just drunk some kind of hallucinogenic? Or maybe an antipsychotic?
Visions of me dancing topless on the dining room table while my family cowered in fear blasted through my head. Jack could now add exhibitionist drug addict to my list of illegal activities.
“What was in the water?” Jack asked Phyllis. His voice was calm, but his tone meant business.
Aunt Phyllis was crying now and murmuring to the invisible friends that were sitting on her plate. It sounded like she was praying. . . Was I going to die? I did feel weird, kind of heavy and droopy.
“Phyllis.” Jack’s authoritative tone snapped her back to reality. He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. “What was in the water?”
“I don’t know what it’s called,” she wailed. “It’s in my purse.”
“Goddamnit, get her purse, Jenny.” Both of my dads were pissed. Jenny and her twin sister, who I didn’t know, ran over and grabbed Phyllis’s purse. They dug through it and pulled out a bottle. Well, Jenny pulled out one bottle and her pregnant clone pulled out another at exactly the same time. How in the fuck did I not know my sister had a twin?
“Rena doesn’t look good,” I heard Dirk and his doppelgänger say. Wow, he could speak. He had a really nice voice and so did his brother.
I felt Jack’s arms wrap around me. It was wonderful. He was so strong and he smelled so good. I nestled my face into his neck and noticed he had two heads. They were nice heads, but I found it odd I’d never noticed it before. You’d think a girl would remember that her boyfriend had two heads. Hmmm.
“It’s a tranquilizer,” Jenny said, examining the bottle. “Aunt Phyllis, how many did you put in the water?”
“One,” Phyllis said, “only one.”
“Good,” Jenny replied. Or maybe it was her look-alike. “It won’t kill her, but she’ll be out for a while.”
Jenny was a doctor . . . she would know. Or maybe her twin was the doctor. I couldn’t remember.
“Why in the hell did you put a tranquilizer in your water?” my dads yelled at Aunt Phyllis and her carbon copy.
“Because I can’t swallow pills,” she said, wringing her hands and banging her heads on the table.
“Do I need to take her to the emergency room?” Jack asked Jenny.
“No, these aren’t very strong, but Rena doesn’t do well with meds. She reacts differently than most. Take her home and let her sleep it off.”
“She can stay here,” Dad said.
“No, wanna go home. Wanna my bed with Jack’s heads. Wanna feed cats,” I mumbled, trying to sit up.
“I’ll take you home, baby,” Jack promised, holding me close. “Does she have a cat?”
“Nope,” Jenny laughed. “She’ll be okay, Jack. Just give her water when she wakes up and make her eat.”
Jenny sounded concerned for me. That couldn’t be right. It must be her twin. I had to find out her name, she seemed so nice.
The last thing I remembered was being in Jack’s strong arms . . . and I kind of remembered my mom screaming something about killing Phyllis with krum kaka.
Chapter 14
I
pushed against something delicious, all hard angles and smooth skin. The weight of something masculine was draped across my hip and something very hard and very large was pressing into my stomach. It was a leg across my hip, but it was something else altogether pushing against my tummy.
pushed against something delicious, all hard angles and smooth skin. The weight of something masculine was draped across my hip and something very hard and very large was pressing into my stomach. It was a leg across my hip, but it was something else altogether pushing against my tummy.
This was the best, most realistic dream I’d ever had. Images shot through my mind like a movie. An X-rated porno starring me and Jack.
I moaned as big hands caressed my breasts. My nipples hardened painfully and a slow heat started between my legs and moved through the rest of my overheated body. I ran my fingers over his muscular chest. A light sprinkling of crisp hair tickled the tips.
I opened my sleepy eyes and a shot of adrenaline rushed through my aroused body. His gaze was focused and intense. One corner of his mouth lifted and I knew I was a goner. I stared into the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. I was nose to nose with every fantasy I’d ever had.
“Hello, sleepyhead,” he murmured as his hands continued their exploration of my body.
I loved this dream, but I had to pee. I rolled over and made my way to the bathroom. Thank God it was connected to my room. I didn’t have far to go. I peed and brushed my teeth, while reliving the feeling of Jack’s hands roaming my body. I wondered if it would feel as good in real life . . . I couldn’t imagine it being better than what I’d just dreamed. It was hot.
Why was I still in my sweater? Last night was a bit fuzzy. I yanked my sweater over my head. My ivory bra and matching thong were super cute. I decided to leave them on and go back to bed. Dang, I hoped I could fall asleep again and pick up on my dream where I’d left off.
I wandered back to my pretty peach bedroom and the big, sexy, shirtless man in my bed . . . WTF?
“Oh my God,” I screamed. I slapped my hands over my chest, trying to cover my almost nakedness.
Jack leapt off the bed and tackled me to the ground. He scanned the room quickly and reached for his gun.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I grunted, trying to breathe with two hundred pounds of cop on top of me.
“I thought you were in danger,” he whispered, not moving an inch.
“Only of being crushed by you,” I gasped.
“But you screamed,” he said logically, checking his gun for ammo.
“Yes.” I tried to shove him off. “Because there was a man in my bed.”
He rolled off me and started laughing.
“You’re a dick,” I said, trying not to stare at his chest. The same one I’d been running my hands over . . . for real. Oh. My. God.
“Be right back.” He hopped up and went to my bathroom.
I crawled to my bed, sure that he’d broken several bones in my rib cage. It took all my energy to get myself back up on the mattress. I was so freakin’ tired. God, did I have sex with him? If I had, I didn’t remember it. Shit. He must think I’m a ho-bag. Why in the hell did that bother me? Maybe because I’m not a ho-bag . . . not even close.
I talked a much bigger game than I could back up with experience. Sure, I’d had sex before, but only within the confines of a shitty relationship. My problem was my taste in men. I’d never met a man quite like Jack before.
I could be a modern girl, sleep with him, and kick him to the curb before he arrested me for stealing jewels that I didn’t know I had. My inner slut writhed in delight at the idea, but the rest of me felt dirty. What did it matter? I didn’t like him, I just lusted after him. Big difference. What to do . . . what to do . . .
“Scoot over,” he said, helping me move my bruised and battered self. He wrapped his big hard body around my soft, curvier one. The heat of his magnificent bod made my decision. I decided to honor my inner slut and become a modern girl. I had the rest of my life to feel guilty about my lack of morals, but right now . . . I wanted what I wanted.
All of a sudden I felt very awake. The pain from my possibly broken bones disappeared. I turned and faced him. Heat crawled up my neck at my state of undress, but at the urging of my lady bits I ignored my embarrassment.
My arms found their way around his neck and I pressed my lips to his. He sucked in a choppy breath and ran his tongue along the seam of my mouth. My lips parted under his persistent ones. He moaned his approval as his tongue very deliberately and forcefully investigated my mouth.
“God, you taste good,” he said, as he did nothing short of make love to my mouth.
I pulled back and gave him the evil eye. “Did you use my toothbrush?”
“Yep.” He grinned, making my heart skip three beats.
“That’s disgusting,” I laughed, trying to wriggle away.
“Yep, but I figured since I’d already had my tongue down your throat, it wouldn’t matter.” His logic was faultless. “You do taste good,” he repeated licking his lips and moving in for more.
I turned my head and giggled, causing his mouth to land by my ear. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“Nope,” he whispered, biting the lobe, “only the ones who eat my card.”
Shit, I was never going to live that one down.
His lips made a hot trail back to the corner of my mouth. He was making me dizzy. I tried to pull back to regain my bearings, but that was so not happening. I was going nowhere fast. He held me firmly to his body, leaving no wiggle room. With someone else that would infuriate me . . . with him, it lit my panties on fire.
He made his way from my mouth to my neck.
Ohhhh my God. Can’t think, can’t think, can’t think.
“Jack,” I gasped.
Ohhhh my God. Can’t think, can’t think, can’t think.
“Jack,” I gasped.
“Mmm?” he answered, lightly scraping his teeth along my neck and tightening his grip on my ass.
I cried out and jerked against him, pressing all of my soft into all of his hard. Damn these clothes, if I could just . . . .Wait. Small apartment. Kristy was coming home today. She’d give me hell for taking a random guy to bed, regardless of how hot he was . . .
His mouth and teeth were traveling down my body, leaving a fire burning on every spot they touched. In a haze of lust he released my breasts from my bra, unhooking it smoothly. He stopped, mesmerized.
My body stood at attention for him. Every part of me reached for him. My nipples were so hard, they hurt. I tried to pull myself up to him, but he held me down. He held me down and stared at my body. Normally I’d feel shy, but he made me feel so sexy, I thought I’d burst. His eyes were hooded with desire and I had to remind myself to breathe. My back arched wantonly toward him. I wanted him to touch me. I needed him to touch me.
“Oh my God, you’re perfect.” His mouth descended to one aching breast; he took my nipple into his mouth and drew long and hard. I whimpered my pleasure, raking my nails across his back.
He licked and nipped until I saw stars. He divided his attention between each breast equally. He pressed the lower half of his body into mine, creating a rhythm that was making my head spin. I frantically grabbed his hair and pulled. I wanted his lips on mine. I slanted my mouth across his, drew his tongue into my mouth, and sucked. He gripped my hips with such force, I cried out. I was at the perfect place between pleasure and pain.
Jack laughed delightedly into my mouth. Cupping the back of my head with one hand and my ass with the other, he flipped us over so I was on top. There was no way to get close enough. I wanted him inside me, but I wanted more. The reality of that scared the hell out of me. I chose to ignore it and let my ho-bag take the wheel.
With great purpose, I slid my lips along his jaw. I nipped his ear and felt his body shudder. I slowly dragged my mouth to his neck. With my tongue, I made tight little circles on his skin, loving the taste of him.
My hands traveled down to the waistband of his pants. I knew what I wanted to do. What I needed to do. He went dead still beneath me. His entire body tensed and though it would seem impossible, his erection got bigger and harder.
His breathing became erratic as I scraped his neck with my teeth. He grabbed my ass with both hands, pressing me into his excitement. Fusing my body to his.
“Rena, don’t do this if you’re not sure,” he moaned.
What in the hell was he talking about? I’d never been surer about anything in my life. I laughed lightly and nipped at his skin, running my tongue along the sweet spot where his neck met his shoulder. My inner slut writhed on top of him. I reached down and gripped him through his pants. I ran my hand up and down the length of him. He was gorgeous.
My pulse quickened to the point I thought my heart would burst. He drew my lips back to his neck. His hands shook and I trembled with raging desire. He smelled so good.
Part of my brain tried to warn me that having sex with him could ruin everything. I was fairly sure my inner slut wrestled the reasonable section of my brain to the ground. She wasn’t stopping for logic, she was on a mission and I agreed with her. It was so clear to me. I had never wanted anyone so much. Ever. I began to slowly unbutton his khakis.
“Owww!” I shrieked as he pulled me away from him by my hair. “What are you doing?” I tried to go for his pants again. My need was overwhelming. It burned inside me like an inferno.
He flipped me over and pinned me beneath him. His blue eyes flashed. Even through my fury, I could tell he was fighting every instinct he had. Why was he doing this?
“No,” he said forcefully. His voice was husky and pained.
“Why?” I whimpered, embarrassed as hell, but more pissed off than mortified.
“Not this way,” he ground out. “You were tranquilized by your aunt last night and I unfairly took advantage of you.”
“Wait a minute,” I shouted. “We had sex and I don’t remember it?” My inner slut split in two like Rumpelstiltskin. She was pissed and so was I. Although, I think she was furious because she didn’t remember it . . . I was just furious.
“No,” he cut me off. “I’m not that much of an asshole. I touched you and aroused you.” He paused and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I want you to come to me on equal footing. Not when I unfairly seduce you while you’re recovering from being drugged. I want more than just a quick roll in the sack.”
Last night’s drama flashed before my eyes. Shit, shit, shit. “Oh my God.” I flopped back on my pillow and stared at the ceiling. He had to think I was a lunatic. “I’m sorry about my family,” I muttered, trying to pull the sheet up so there was a bit of a barrier between us. I chose to ignore the part about him wanting more.
“Don’t be sorry. I actually liked them.” He smiled and gently helped me with the sheet.
All the tension whooshed out of my body like a flat tire, and I turned into a noodle next to him. I tried to suck it up, but I couldn’t . . . I cried. I cried from embarrassment, frustration, and exhaustion. And because he was the hottest, nicest, and most gentlemanly guy I’d ever met . . . and I’d probably fucked everything up.
He held me close and whispered sweet things. He played with my hair and kept me warm with his body.
“Sorry,” I whispered, pulling myself together. The atmosphere was in need of some major lightening. “You know”—I smiled sheepishly, wiping my tears with the sheet—“my inner slut is really mad at you right now.”
“I adore your inner slut,” he laughed. “What I just did was the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life.”
“So I take it you don’t want me,” I teased.
He took my hand, guided it down to the front of his pants and pressed it against some hard evidence to the contrary.
“I want you, Rena—” He grinned. “I want you a lot.”
“Well, too bad. That’s never gonna happen,” I said flippantly, trying to get out of his embrace.
“Really?” His grin widened. He grabbed me and trapped me underneath him.
“Not fair,” I screeched, attempting to wrestle him off of me.
“So not fair,” he agreed, staring hungrily at me.
The mood got real serious real fast and the merry-go-round began to spin again . . .
“Hey, what the heck is going on in there?” Kristy called out from the hallway.
We froze.
“Did you hear that?” I asked, making sure my imagination wasn’t trying to save me from myself.
“Who is it?” he asked quietly, reaching for his shirt.
“My roommate, Kristy,” I whispered.
“Rena”—Kristy sounded concerned—“are you okay?”
“Yep, give me a minute, I’ll be right out.”
“Oookay,” she laughed. “Are you in there with Vinnie?” she asked, making me want to kill myself.
“Who’s Vinnie?” Jack’s eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Oh my God,” I said, loving his jealousy, “He’s no one you need to worry about.” I decided it would be fun to make him think he had some competition. I would pretend Vinnie was my other boyfriend. I suppose technically he was.
“I want to know who this Vinnie guy is,” he said, getting pissed. His streak of possessiveness scared the hell out of me and turned me on with a vengeance.
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