How I Became Lotus Raine...the Porn Star (24 page)

“Wanna talk about it?” She sat on the floor and patted the space next to her not giving me a choice. Truth was, I needed to talk about it. I had no one who’d understand. My mother was to blame, my father was a man who had a child with a stripper, Reggie is a sex kitten, and Brent’s a porn star.

So there I was, opening up to my pole dance instructor. Sounded about right.

I let out a drastic sigh, and laid back on the cool floor. “I have this crazy idea that I’m going to become my mom one day.”

“Okay, and why is that a bad thing?”

I laughed. “Because she’s a fucking whore.” Holy shit did voicing that aloud feel amazing.

“You’re going to have to give me a little more than that, Lucy,” Mikal laughed.

“My mom’s a stripper.”

“Ohhh,” Mikal voiced like pieces were clicking together.

“Because of her lifestyle, I was exposed to things at a younger age. I saw myself heading in her footsteps. I had urges that I shouldn’t have at that age. I knew they’d only grow if I gave into them.”

“So you started taking these classes to feed the urge of stripping?”

“Kind of. I never had the urge to strip per say. I just enjoyed the actual mechanics behind it.”

“Because you see it as a form of art.”

“What?” I looked over at Mikal who was sitting with her legs pulled to her chest.

“You personally have this bad taste when you see a stripper pole because your mind instantly triggers back to your mom and you associating the two together. But the reason you desire to work it is because you see the art in the dance.” She stands and I watch her stretch her arms above her head. “Truth is you wouldn’t be as good as you are if you saw it any other way. If it was just a form of money or just exercise, you wouldn’t put as much into it.”

“That makes sense.” I sat back up really thinking about her words.

“Want to know something.”

“Yeah.” I stood, eager to hear anything else that could shed some light on my fucked up mindset.

“I used to be a stripper.”

“Oh,” I said, not sure what else to say.

“I was young, in college, liked to dance, liked my body and enjoyed the cash it brought in. But I did it for me. I didn’t do it because I was desperate or craved the attention from men. When I’d get on stage I’d zone out and just let go. It was freeing. I’m only telling you this because not all strippers are the same. You weren’t handed a bad stripper, you were handed a bad mom. That’s where you got the short stick.”

I nodded and she left to let me soak in our conversation.

My phone rang, disrupting my thoughts.

“Hey.”

“Do you feel as shitty as I do?” Reggie groaned through the phone.

“Yeah. I’ve been here at the studio the past hour.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Reggie hung up not even asking why I was there. She knew me and knew it was out of the norm and didn’t hesitate to drop everything, including her comfy bed, to be by my side.

In that moment, I felt like an extremely lucky chick. I might have been dealt a shitty mom card, but I still had people who cared about me. I cranked up some old Janet Jackson and got back to my pole. I couldn’t shut up my mind from playing on repeat what Mikal had said. My mind was trying to make me figure it out.
‘You weren’t handed a bad stripper, you were handed a bad mom.’

Then it fucking clicked and I lost my grip and face planted on the mat below.

“Ouch,” Reggie said as she strutted in.

“I got it. I fucking got it. After all these years.” I walked up to my bestie and clamped my hands on her shoulders.

“That did not look like you had it.” She looks past me at the pole.

“Not that. My mom and why I’ve been so jacked up these last ten years.”

“What is this epiphany? And please tell me it consists of you beginning to whore yourself out with me every weekend.” She crossed her fingers and it made me want to smack her upside the head and laugh at the same time.

“I’m not going to start whoring myself out,” I scoffed her.

“Bummer.” Her shoulders sagged in defeat and disappointment.

“I’m nothing like my mother,” I said with extreme joy coursing through my body.

“Well, yeah. I know that.”

“No.” I shook her arms in excitement and wanting to shake my revelation into her. “I’d always despised my mom because of her profession, putting all the blame on it. When in reality I should have solely placed it on her. Yeah her personality put a sour taste in my mouth about her profession, but it was her personality that jacked me up, not her profession.”

“That makes sense,” Reggie said without the enthusiasm I was seeking.

“Don’t you get it? My personality isn’t like my mom’s at all. If for some reason, I want to become a stripper, I still wouldn’t end up like her.”

“I’m glad you finally figured this out, Lucy.” She placed her hands on my cheeks. “I knew this all along, I knew there was no way you could be like her. I’m glad you know that now. So, do we start whoring around this weekend or wait till next?” I went to smack her arm and she backed up before I could.

“Whoa, whoa. I was kiddin’, Karate Kid,” she laughed and I relaxed my stance. My whole body felt lighter. “We’ll wait till the weekend after next.”

Reggie and I laughed as we had a pole off. It felt good. I felt good. I wasn’t sure where my new mindset would take me in life, but I was confident that wherever I allowed it to take me, I’d stay true to myself.

“Pee break,” Reggie yelled as she ran to the bathroom.

“It’s good to see you girls enjoying yourselves,” Miss Mikal said, leaning against the open door. I didn’t reply to her comment. I ran to where she stood and through my sweaty arms around her.

“Thank you.” She hugged me back and the feeling of a mother-like woman comforting me almost overwhelmed me. I didn’t even get such treatment from my own mother when I was younger.

“I didn’t do anything, Lucy. It was all you.”

I pulled away, shaking my head as I wiped away a few tears.

“You opened my eyes.”

While I waited for Reggie, I went and checked my phone. I had a text from Brent and I instantly felt bad for running out the way I had.

Brent:
We didn’t have sex last night, if that’s what you were worried about this morning. I would never take advantage of you like that.

Me:
What?

I replied without taking the time to think about what he could be talking about. Then it hit me.

Me:
Wait, you think that’s why I was freaking out?

Brent:
Well, yeah. What else could it be?

Me:
How about the fact that I made a complete ass of myself last night and probably embarrassed you?

Brent:
You think I was embarrassed last night?

Brent:
You did anything but embarrass me last night.

Me:
But you pulled me off the pole.

Brent:
I pulled you off that fucking pole because people were watching and if you’re going to be dancing all sexy on one, it’s going to be for me and me alone. I don’t want everyone else getting to see how sexy you truly are.

“What’d he say?” Reggie asked, taking a seat on the floor beside me.

“Basically,” I sat my phone down. “That I didn’t embarrass him and if I’m going to dance for anyone, it’s going to be him.”

“Alright then.” Reggie stood, holding her hands out for me to grab.

I grab her hands and stand facing her. “What’s going on in that mind of yours?”

“That we have an hour to nail that new routine.” She turned, heading for the CD player.

“Why only an hour?” I asked in confusion.

“Because in an hour and a half, you’re going to be putting on your own private show for that man of yours.”

“But he’s not my—” She cut me off.

“Technicalities,” she waved. “Here’s to going out with a bang.”

“I HAVE TO admit that my mind is kind of blown how this all came around.” Shepard sits back with a bit of a stumped look on his face.

“It was definitely a group effort,” I laugh. “Brent was right when he said all he did was open the doors to the cage. Him coming into my life did signify something within me. It was as if he brought upon a revolution inside me. But what became of it was up to me. The resolution that Mikal offered me that is to praise for unlocking my mindset, made me feel free. I wanted to try new things without being hesitant about the after effect. Yeah, Brent and I had done more than I had in my life, but the idea of experiencing more, excited me.”

“Did this whole realization by chance have you change your mind about ending things with Brent at the conclusion of the assignment?”

I shake my head. “No, sadly it didn’t. I liked him a lot and I knew he liked me, too. But I couldn’t be okay with him sleeping with other women. There was no way I’d ever be okay with it.”

AFTER THE THREE of us perfected the routine I was going to do, I had Reggie go to the apartment and give Brent a formal invitation.

You are hereby cordially invited to this one time, never been seen before, event.

Please join us as we present to you,

The Evolution of Lotus Raine.

I finished off the invite with a big, pink smooch. The room was kept dark. One single chair is all that filled it. I heard her heels before I heard her voice. Brent kept quite as Reggie escorted him to the best seat in the house.

“I’ll just take this,” she said and I knew she was untying his blindfold.

I was leaning back against the pole with one hand gripping it from above and the other gripping from where it hung down. It was still completely dark and I knew Brent couldn’t see me or anything for that fact.

The song began and the soft lights surrounding the pole area, lit up. The voice of Janet Jackson filled the room and I started strutting around the pole as she talked about control. I felt like that very beginning of that song should be my own personal anthem. I was taking back control of my life.

Before the actual song came on, the music switched. The two poles off to the side of mine, lit up as well, revealing Reggie and Mikal. I looked over at each of them, nodding with smiles before Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” (remix) bumped through the speakers and I took control of the pole. They both did the same as we began the routine Reggie had been working so hard to come up with. For the most part, the routine wasn’t focused around the pole; that was going to be mainly for me later. We danced as one, and Brent never took his eyes off of me. It was ecstasy.

The look on his face was utter satisfaction. The music stopped, and he went to stand. I shook my finger at him, warning against it. The half way part in Beyoncé’s Partition began and I started snapping my fingers and popping my hip out with each snap. Reggie and Mikal snapped their way up behind me, as they closed in around me. We moved to the song in one accord. Brent was highly digging the private show we whipped together. The three of us spread apart, bouncing to the beat before grabbing onto our poles in a solo act of seduction. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the music. I was so into it, I forgot—for about a second—I had an audience of one.

Near the end of the song, I strutted up to his chair, giving him an up close and personal dance. I turned my back toward him as I swayed my body down between his legs, resting my hands on his thighs. I’d started making my way up the same way I had down, but Brent closed his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he breathed against my neck. Reggie and Mikal scattered with a wave and the blow of a kiss as the Beyoncé song came to an end. I could have stayed in his lap and let him have his way with my body like he wanted to, but I had a song to finish.

The last song I chose was Desire by Meg Meyers. It was the sexiest song I had ever heard and it perfectly represented everything I felt when it came to Brent. I pushed away from Brent and slowly strutted my way back to the pole. As soon as the first cord of the guitar was strummed, I became one with the metallic metal, swinging myself into it—owning it.

I let the words sink in. And did my best to bring them alive.

It was slow and fast, sensual and gritty—everything all at once. Everything I was feeling. Not only was the song sexy as hell, it made me feel sexy. The words were spellbinding as they linked themselves to the eerie melody coursing through the speakers. Moving to the song was easy. I pretended the pole was Brent. I pushed everything I felt about him into every single movement. I wrapped my legs with ease around the cool metal, as I spun around flawlessly. Right before the guitar solo, I started easing up the fishnet shirt I had on; I didn’t fling it toward Brent. I just dropped it off before holding tightly to the pole and allowing myself to fall back. I drifted my body to the ground, then quickly pushed back up, turning my back to the pole as I wrapped my leg around it from behind. My eyes were closed as I held my hands above my head, slowly pulling them down the pole.