How to Fall in Love (8 page)

I kiss her, a little hard, a little deep.

“Fuck yeah it was.”

She smiles.

My heart swells.

CHAPTER EIGHT

NOW – ANABELLE

It’s been four days since I’ve seen or heard from Max. He didn’t call and demand to know about Imogen, he didn’t even try to contact me. He just disappeared back into his dangerous little world. That hurt more than I ever could have imagined. I know seeing her would have come as a shock, but for him to turn away like that . . . without even a question.

I never thought he’d do it.

I’ve thought of so many scenarios. Maybe he thought she belonged to someone else and he was hurt. Maybe he doesn’t know how to handle it. Maybe he’s scared. All of those are good theories, but the Max I know wouldn’t have just run from something like this. He always wanted kids, and before everything had gone bad, we’d been trying.

Tonight I’m going out with Pippa and her friends, Santana, Jaylah and Ash. We’re going to a bar downtown, and I very much plan on drinking . . . a lot. Imogen is having a sleepover with Aunty Tina. She’s had a massive week. To keep my mind distracted I’ve taken her to every park, beach and attraction in the town. Poor little girl is exhausted and is probably looking forward to a night off.

Pippa and I are going to meet everyone at her friend Rainer’s bar. We’re all dressed and ready to go, both of us sitting in the back of a cab. I’m trying to push all thoughts of Max from my head, but it’s proving to be harder and harder. A night out with a solid amount of alcohol is exactly what I need. It’s not the best way to forget about someone, but it’ll work for a night.

“So your friend Rainer,” I say, trying to make conversation, “he seems important to you?”

Pippa nods with a smile. “He is. He’s such a great guy. You’re going to love him.”

“If he’s a friend of yours . . .” I smile, “he’s a friend of mine.”

We arrive at the bar and both of us split the fare before jumping out. It’s not a massive bar, but it does have a good amount of people milling around. We make our way to the front entrance and a bouncer checks our I.D. before letting us through. There are a lot of people here, but Pippa finds her friends right away. I’ve met them a few times before, but don’t know them all that well. They are great girls, though. All of them are old ladies to a member of the Joker’s Wrath MC.

“Pippa!” her sister Santana cries, leaping up and running over.

Santana is a beautiful dark-haired beauty who kind of reminds me of Pocahontas. She’s got that dark, mysterious beauty. She looks nothing like Pippa, which is strange because they’re sisters. The two girls hug and I wave to Ash and Jaylah, who are sitting at a curved booth.

“Hey there, Belle.” Santana grins at me. “So glad you came.”

“Thanks. I’m pretty happy to be getting out too.” I smile.

“Let’s get a round of drinks,” Santana suggests.

“I’ll get them,” I offer. “What are we all having?”

“Cosmos! Next round is on me!” Santana beams, hugging me before wrapping her arm back around Pippa and leading her to the table.

I walk over to the bar, and squeeze in a gap. There’s a blond girl working one end, and a gorgeous man on the other. I study him and my eyes widen as he nears. He’s hot. Seriously freaking hot. He’s the kind of man that makes you look twice. Not to mention he’s big, muscled and housing some epic tattoos. God, if I wasn’t so in love with Max still I’d definitely be trying to catch a man that looks like that. He’s like a dark god—even the way he moves is graceful and deadly.

“Can I get you a drink?”

I stare at him, not even realizing he’d gotten so close. His eyes are black, just like Max’s. In fact, a good deal of his looks remind me of my husband. His hair is dark, and longer than Max’s. It sits at the base of his neck, curling slightly on the ends. His face is less dangerous, and scarred, but he’s still breathtaking.

“Ah . . .”

“I’ve got customers to serve . . .” he prompts.

“Rainer, have you got the shot glasses?” the blonde calls.

Wait. This is Rainer? This handsome guy is the man Pippa has told me so much about. I know Rainer has been around to our place, but I always seem to miss him.

“You’re Rainer?” I ask, studying him.

His eyes flick back to mine. “Yeah, you are?”

“Belle . . . Pippa’s housemate.”

His eyes widen and then he grins. Good God, he’s even more beautiful when he grins. “Shit, sorry. I know we haven’t met yet.”

He stretches his hand across the bar and I reach over, taking it. He shakes mine gently, even though one of his hands could cover two of mine. I beam. “No, I always miss you. Pippa brought me along tonight.”

“Well, it’s good to meet you, Belle, and I hope you enjoy my bar.”

“I will,” I say, then turn to look over at the girls. “I’ll get a round of Cosmos, please?”

He nods, his eyes flashing over to Pippa. There they go soft. Oh . . . oh my. Rainer loves her. It’s written all over his face. The poor man—it must bother him that she’s with Tyke. He drags his eyes away from her and gets to work making cosmos in front of me. His hands move quickly. He’s a pro, without a doubt.

“So, how long have you been here, Belle?” he asks as he makes the drinks.

“I grew up here, but I’ve come back recently because my mom has terminal cancer.”

He looks up at me. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

I wave a hand. “You don’t need to be sorry, you didn’t do anything.”

He gives me a gorgeous half-grin, and then continues the preparation.

“What about you, did you grow up here?”

His eyes flash with something painful and his jaw tightens. “For a while, yeah.”

“You and Pip are close?”

He looks over to her again. “She’s the best thing in my life.”

Oh God. He most certainly does love her.

“She’s a good person.”

He flashes me another grin, then lifts a tray and hands me all the drinks. I slide him some cash, then reach over and take it, thanking him before shifting through the crowd to the table. When I reach it, I place the tray down and greet all the girls.

“I see you met Rainer.” Santana grins. “How hot is he?”

“Tana!” Pippa scoffs.

“It’s true, Pippi,” she protests. “You can’t deny it.”

“She has a point.” I grin, sitting down beside Jaylah.

“How are you, Belle?” she asks, turning to me.

Jaylah is bubbly, gorgeous, bold and crazy. I love her personality more than any other person I’ve met. I haven’t spent a great deal of time with her, but when I do she’s always making me laugh.

“I’m well, how are you?”

“Good. Kids driving me nuts. I’m glad to get out.”

I chuckle. “I know how that feels.”

“You’re lucky you have a girl. I would kill for girls. My boys are too much like their father.”

I laugh and we all start chatting about everyday things. I tell them about my job, and Imogen and my mom. Pippa tells us how things have been going with her, and we all spend the next few hours laughing and talking. Rainer has our drinks re-filled every time they get low and four Cosmos in and I’m lightheaded. It’s stuffy in here now the bar is filling up, and I need to take a breath. I need to pee, too.

“I’m going to use the bathroom outside,” I yell in Jaylah’s ear as I slip out of the booth.

I am not lining up inside, I’ll never get there. Pippa told me there’s a bathroom outside, because Rainer showed her when she was here one night. Thank God.

“Do you want me to come?”

I wave a hand. “I’m okay.”

I push through the crowd, stumbling a little. Occasionally I stop and wiggle my ass to a song I like, and it takes longer than necessary to get out of the bar, but I make it eventually. As soon as the fresh air hits my face, the alcohol moves quicker in my system and my legs feel wobbly.

“You doin’ okay there?”

I spin around and trip at the sound of a masculine voice. A hand lashes out and catches me, and I look up to see Rainer staring down into my face.

“Rainer,” I say, laughing. “Sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be out here alone, Belle. It’s dangerous.”

I steady myself and he lets me go. I see he’s got a cigarette in his other hand.

“You smoke?”

He looks down at his hand then shrugs. “When I’m stressed.”

“Why are you stressed?” I ask, leaning on the wall to steady myself.

He leans back too. “I love a girl that doesn’t love me, and I can’t seem to do anything but fuck relationships up, even if I try and move on. Shit just isn’t going right. I am fucking a heap of shit up.”

Oh.

Poor Rainer.

“I understand that,” I admit.

“Couldn’t see you fucking anything up, sweetheart.”

I smile at him. “Then you don’t know me. I’m very good at fucking things up.”

He chuckles. “I’ll take your word for it.”

“I better pee and then get back inside or they’ll freak out that I’m dead or something.”

Rainer nods. “Yeah, I better get back to it.”

He waves a hand and I scurry off to the toilet, while he waits. When I’m out, we enter the bar again. Just as I step through the doors to the bar, I stumble a little. Rainer catches me. “Whoa there, slow down.”

He keeps his arm around my waist as he leads me further in, no doubt scared that I’ll trip and land on my face. We enter the crowd of people, but I skid to an abrupt halt when I see the last person I would have thought would come into a bar like this. It’s Max. He’s standing with two men, eyes burning into me. I shift uncomfortably, but I can feel his rage.

“What’s wrong?” Rainer asks.

I can’t answer; I just stare at Max whose eyes flick down to my short dress. His eyes go hard and his jaw tightens as he starts striding towards me. Shit. Rainer pulls me closer into his side, clearly seeing the massive man charging towards us.

“What the fuck are you doin’ here, Blue Belle?”

I flinch at his words—when he calls me that, it hits me right in the heart.

“I’m here dancing and having a good time with my friends, Max. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“None of my business.” He laughs so bitterly I flinch. “No, nothing you fucking do is my business, is it? That little girl with you, is she my fucking business?”

I flinch. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?” he roars. “Don’t be fucking furious that you’ve kept my fucking kid from me? Don’t be furious that you can’t even give me five fucking minutes to speak to you? Don’t be furious that you’re a selfish fucking cunt?”

Tears burst forth before I can stop them. I go to lunge forward, angry, so damned angry, but Rainer shoves me back.

“Get the fuck out of my bar,” he barks at Max.

“Who the fuck are you? The latest piece of ass?”

My tears come harder. He knows me. He knows I don’t sleep around, so his words hurt like hell.

“I own this bar and she’s my friend. Now watch your fuckin’ mouth.”

“Or what?” Max challenges.

Rainer puts me behind him and steps forward. By now there’s a good space around the two men, because people have moved back. Rainer gets in Max’s face, and barks, “Leave!”

Before I know what’s happening, Max throws a punch. Max has always been able to fight; he was born tough, and he will die tough. Not to mention he runs a fighting ring now.

Rainer stumbles backwards with the blow and I expect Max to throw another one and take Rainer down, like most of the men he has fought in his life. That doesn’t happen. Rainer bounces forward and drives a fist into Max’s jaw, and then the two of them are tumbling, fists flying, pained grunts echoing through the bar as the music is turned down.  

“Stop!” I scream, rushing forward.

They don’t hear me. They just keep hitting, and beating, and drawing blood on each other. The two fight as if they’re in a ring, neither one of them backing down. Unable to take anymore, and realizing I can’t stop it, I turn and shove through the crowd. I run down the hall until I reach the backdoor and I shove through, panting and crying. I press my back against the cold brick and sob, leaning over and wrapping my hands around my stomach.

“Why?”

I hear this spat at me about five minutes later, and I jerk up to see Max standing in front of me, blood coming from his lip, eye swelling closed, fists bunched. Obviously it took a bit before they were separated. Poor Rainer, he’ll probably never let me in his bar again. I hope he’s not hurt.

“Why what?” I rasp.

“Why did you keep her from me?”

I flinch. “Why did you walk away when you saw her?”

Something dark comes across his face. “I asked you a question. Answer it.”

I stand up straight. “No, Max, because I don’t owe you an answer. You made your choices back then, and I made mine. I did what I had to do. You were an alcoholic, a gambler, and you were dangerous. There was no way I was subjecting her to that.”

His eyes flash with anger and he steps forward, pressing my back against the wall. “You do owe me a fucking answer, because that’s my fucking child!” he bellows into my face.

“Don’t you dare get in my face,” I spit, reaching over and shoving him back. He doesn’t move. He’s like a giant stone. “Back off!”

He doesn’t.

He leans down closer, panting in my face. “Are you fucking him?”

I blink. “I beg your pardon?”

“Are you fucking him?” he barks.

“What the hell would it matter if I am? You’ve been sticking your dick in random women since I left, so don’t you dare act like you’re higher than me right now.”

He grinds his teeth, and I can see the muscles in his jaw jumping as he does. He raises a hand and sticks it on the wall above my head, leaning down even closer. “You’re right. I have fucked other women. It’s been nothing more than emotionless screwing.”

That hurts.

Tears burn under my eyelids and I look away. He reaches out, grabbing my jaw and tilting my head back. “Why the fuck are you coming back into my life after this long, Blue Belle?” he rasps, studying my face. “Why the hell should it matter who I fuck?”

“It matters because I didn’t just get over what we had the way you did. It matters because I’ve been fighting for five fucking years to fall out of love with you. It matters because you are the only fucking man I’ve ever loved, and I wanted . . . I wanted you to be him again. I wanted to come back, to leave the nightmare of a past where it should be. I prayed you would be different, but you’re not, are you?”