How To Get Your Heart Broken (9 page)

The Truth Hurts

I escaped
to the backyard and stayed there for a really long time. Then I figured it was
time to retrieve Rachel from her audience and leave. But she was really busy
with Jessie so I decided she could find her own way home. I tried to leave
without them seeing me, but on my way to the front door Jessie called out my
name and I think I looked kind of pissed because when I turned to look at him
he didn’t say anything else.

I don’t
know why I looked pissed. It was true that some part of me was genuinely bothered
by the way this night ended. But I didn’t know what that meant. I only knew
that I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

---

I blinked.
I was still trying to forget last night’s bizarre occurrences. I’d been staring
out the window so long I didn’t notice that Ash had entered my room.

I supposed
now was the time for that explanation. She smiled before coming to sit on the
edge of my bed.

“Uuummm,”
she fumbled with her fingers. “Julian and I…well, there isn’t really a Julian
and I. But I wish there was and…I should have told you that. I really like him
and when we met, I didn’t even know he was Jessie’s brother. Not that that
makes a difference. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I feel awful and I understand
if‒”

I shook my
head. “You have nothing to apologize for. We practically forced you into this
bet.
I’m sorry.
”

I was
apologizing for more than she knew. I still didn’t know how to tell her that I
already knew everything she’d confessed to me because I’d been invading her
privacy and reading her diary.

The thing
is, as terrible as I felt I knew I probably wouldn’t stop. For one because I
was noisy, two I wanted to keep an eye on Julian, and three I was a hypocrite
that liked to meddle in other people’s lives even though I hated it when they
meddled in mine.

‘So maybe you’re a sucky person, but at
least you’re self-aware.’

“Thank you
for understand Eli,” she said with a sincere smile.

I returned
it the best I could, trying to shake my thoughts away before she could suspect
anything.

“So…what’d
you do last night?” I ask, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively, like in the
annoying way Jessie did all the time.

“Not much,”
she shrugged.

I used to
think I was the only “mysterious” one in our group, but I was starting to
realize we were all pretty evasive. Still, I supposed I’d meddled enough, so I
decided to let it go.
 

“That’s
fun,” I said teasingly.

She was
silent for a moment.

“Eli,” she
turned to face me, making an obvious effort to sound firm and confident.

I eyed her
curiously.
 

“I’m sorry;
I’m out of the bet.”

“Oh,” I
said.

Obviously,
I’d known this was coming. Ash had only participated half-heartedly, so her
quitting wasn’t really a big deal. But seeing how serious she was about her
burgeoning new relationship with Jessie’s brother made me nervous.

Eventually,
she would either feel compelled to tell him the truth out of guilt, or she
would spend the entirety of their relationship being tormented by our secret.
Of course I wanted neither outcome, but seeing as how that wasn’t an option, I
felt it was only a matter of time until disaster ensued.

Ash clearly
misunderstood my silence, and her expression turned to one of horror and guilt.

“I’m really
sorry! I feel awful and don’t worry Rachel’s already told me how horrible I am
but I just can’t do it anymore,” her voice got quieter and quieter as she
continued, trailing off until she finished her speech.

“Rachel
said what?” I asked in confusion.
 

She
shrugged, “It was nothing.”

But the
look on her face told me it
was
something,
at least to her.

“Ash, what
did she say?”

“She just…
made me feel guilty. She said I was an awful friend and that I was putting some
idiot guy who just wanted to have sex with me before you.” I could hear the
little quiver in her voice that hinted at what was to come if I didn’t succeed
in undoing the damage Rachel’s words had done.

“Ash, you
know better than to listen to Rachel,” I said quickly.

She nodded.

“You
shouldn’t feel bad, it’s okay.”

She nodded
again.

I sighed.

I guess it
was just me and Rachel now. And that, to be honest, sounded like the worst idea
I’d ever heard.
 

---

My
frustration was evident as I barged into the room. “Rachel, if you can’t have a
conversation with Ashton without making her cry then just leave her alone!”

She looked
at me with disbelief. “Why am I always getting yelled at because of Ashton?
Especially when I was trying to help you!”

“Rachel,
you didn’t help anyone. You just made her cry for no reason.”

“So you’re
not mad at her, you’re mad at me. But do you realize that if the roles were
reversed you would still be mad at
me
?
It’s always me. Rachel can’t do
anything
right.”

“Really? You
want to play the victim now? Why don’t you just admit you were wrong and
apologize?”

“Oh, well
then! I’m sorry I tried to help you. I’m sorry I’m not Ashton. I’m sorry I came
on this stupid trip to sit around and worry about your wallowing instead of
living my life.”

“You’re
hardly ever around! I find it really hard to believe that you just sit around
and worry about me.”

She turned
back to her computer, ignoring me.

I sighed.
She
did
have a point. If she had done
what Ash did, I would have been pissed. It seemed like we’d been fighting a lot
lately, and I was tired.

“Rachel,” I
sighed.

She didn’t
turn around, but I knew she was listening.

“I know you
meant well and, you just have…a really strange way of trying to help people.
So…stop being mad at me.”

She closed
her laptop and turned to roll her eyes at me. I took that as a sign that all
was well.

“What are
you doing?” I asked, plopping down on her bed.

“Plotting
how I’m going to take over the world.”

“Of course
you are,” I said sarcastically. Everything had to be a secret with her.

I watched
her pull out her nail polish and began painting her nails. I motioned towards
the toenail she’d just finished painting a bold red.

“You should
have painted them black, to match the color of your heart,” I said.

“Look at
that, the pot calling the kettle black. Of course, no one even knows if Eliza
Vega has a heart.”

I nodded in
agreement, thinking of how much I missed our banter. And then I realized how
little time I’d been spending with Rachel.
 
Between being caught up “wallowing” and spying on Ash, I had no clue
what she was up to.

I just
assumed she went to party or maybe do spy work for the government, because no
one ever really knew what Rachel was up to. I felt like I was neglecting her,
like a parent was giving the younger child more attention than the eldest.

“Hey, do
you want to go somewhere? Just you and me, anywhere you want,” I tried to coax
her.

She raised
an eyebrow at me. As if she’d read my mind, she said, “I’m not your kid Elle.”

“You’re
not?”

She replied
with a sarcastic smile.

“Is that a
no?”

She sighed,
“Why not? Guess we’ll have a lot more free time now. No more Jessie.”

“What do
you mean?”

“Well, with
the bet off…”

“The bet’s
off?”

“Well if
Ashton is chickening out, I figure we should just forget it.”

“But…it’s
not about Ash. You were trying to cheer
me
up.”

“Thought
you didn’t need cheering up,” she smiled, cleverly repeating something I’d said
before.

I remained
quiet.
 

“You seem
fine,” she shrugged.

I
hesitated. “But…looks are deceiving, right?”

She gave me
a smile that suggested she knew something I didn’t. It made me uncomfortable.

“Right,” I
said anyway, answering my own question.

“K then,”
she smiled.

I nodded to
myself as she turned back to her desk.

---

I knocked
on Jessie’s door, hoping he would keep his promise about me being able to use
his movie collection without interruption.

I missed
mine terribly. The only DVDs I had bought with me were a few of my favorites I
couldn't bear to part with, like
On the
Waterfront
and
A Streetcar Named
Desire,
and pretty much every other Marlon Brando movie ever made.

Impatiently,
I knocked again. Then I realized the door was unlocked and just let myself in.
I wondered why that Julian kid never answered the door. Maybe he was too busy
harassing Ash.
 

“Jessie?” I
yelled. I walked through the first floor in search of him.

When I got
no answer I started yelling “Julian?”

Still,
there was no answer. I shrugged. Now I knew Jessie wouldn’t bother me.

I excitedly
popped
Milk
in and basked in the
silence. I enjoyed being able to watch the movie in peace without Jessie
talking through the whole thing the way he’d done when we’d watched
Scream 4
a few days ago. God he was
annoying.

I furiously
blinked back tears as White made his way to Milk’s office. I was already
anticipating his murder.

“So you decided
to take me up on my offer?”

I closed my
eyes and sighed.
Of course.

I turned my
head slowly to find Jessie grinning from ear to ear.

He was only
wearing a towel around his waist and his hair was wet. I assumed he had come
from the shower, but maybe he was just trying to bug me.

“
Hello
, eyes up here!”

I let out
something between an exhausted sigh and a wail. It was almost over; I would
have just sneaked out quietly before he showed up.

“Look, I
know I’m hard to resist but it’s not worth crying about…”

In my mind
I was sending him a death glare, but there was no way I was going to turn
around again.

‘Objectively speaking…he’s beautiful.’

He was
ripped and he looked like he had just come right of the side of one of those
Abercrombie bags with the gorgeous models. It was just a fact of life that
physically, Jessie was gifted.

‘
But this fact just makes him more annoying
.’
At least that’s what I was trying to tell myself. I wondered if I was going to
have to sit on my hands again.
 

“Oh. Look,
it’s over. Wait for me before you put the next movie in!”

I turned to
nod to him, keeping my eyes on his face. “Hurry back!” I smiled encouragingly.

I waited
until I couldn’t hear his footsteps, and then I made a dash for the door,
sacrificing my shoes for the sake of a quick exit.

His hand
was on the door before I could open it. My shoulders slumped in defeat; I
turned wearily to face him. He winked.

“You’re
fast,” I said matter-of-factly.

“I’m a vampire.”

“Ha. Ha.” I
stared up at him, absentmindedly noting subtle
changes
in the color of his eyes and
knowing by the way they looked back at me that heartless or not, I

was fully
capable of claiming his and doing with it whatever I wanted. That felt like too
much responsibility. Still, a part of me was happy, even as he guided me back
to the couch. He waited until I was sitting to leave.

‘Couldn’t this count as kidnapping?’
I thought with slight amusement.

I crawled
over to the bottom shelf of movies, skimming through, not in the mood for
anything except escaping.

“You know,
I’m starting to think you really
did
come
here for the movies,” he said when he came back. Thankfully, he was fully
dressed.

“Funny,” I
mumbled.

“Don’t you
do anything else?”

I shrugged,
staring at the collection.

“Do you
want to talk?”

“No…” I
said, in a tone that implied that that had been his dumbest idea yet. Never had
I met a guy that wanted to talk so much.