How to Hook a Bookworm (22 page)

“Yeah…”

Great. Welcome to the city of sexual tension to the max with no relief. I push his hands away, but he grabs my neck instead. He cups my face, and I finally meet his eyes. I’ve been good at keeping my tears under control. Not a speck of them, but Adam hasn’t been so lucky. And it breaks me.

He presses kisses to the apples of my cheeks then he kisses my mouth. His lips bruise my heart. They shatter my hope. Cut down my soul piece by piece, and it’s painful to kiss him, but I think it would be worse to part—to never know when I’ll feel him this close again. Or worse,
if
I’ll ever feel this close.

So I keep hold of him for as long as I can, till the sun sets and he’s had to slide his glasses off to keep them from pressing a permanent mark on the bridge of his nose. My sketch is long forgotten, crunching under our legs as we twine together. And even though we kiss and hold each other all day, my lips don’t stop tingling, and my heart still doesn’t want to give up yet. Even if his already has.

Chapter 28

Well, I thought that’d be royally awkward. Wrong again.

The clock ticks past the hour mark, and the final bell rings. My hands are shaking as I cap my pen and tuck my things away. Most everyone is out the door, it being the last period and all, but I hang back, watching my history teacher wipe the whiteboard clean.

“Uh, Ms. Weber?”

She looks over her shoulder, her blonde bun unraveling from the long day of teaching. But she gives me a warm smile. “What can I do for you, Brea?”

I pop my gum, forgetting that it’s not allowed in the classroom, but she doesn’t say anything about it.

“Well, I… I have to make up that last test to pass the class.”

She nods, wiping her hands free of marker dust. “You’ll take the test on the last day of school if you choose, since finals are over.”

“I know the drill.”
Unfortunately
. “I was just kind of hoping that maybe… I mean, is it possible to get a different version of the test?”

A wave of apology crosses her face. “I can’t change the questions.”

“I know.” I pick at the strap of my backpack. “I was thinking maybe the format of the test. Can I do a long answer one instead of multiple choice?”

An amused flicker of a grin touches her lips as she crosses her arms and sits on the desk in front of me. “I have to say not once in my career has a student asked for a harder test.”

I pop my gum again, nerves still running under my breath even though I’ve asked all my other teachers this question throughout the day. “I guess… I don’t know, they seem easier for me.”

She scratches her knee with her fake red nails, bunching the fabric of her dress pants. “You’re set up for the online practice tests, right?”

I nod.

“Tell you what,” she says. “I’ll make a long answer practice one. See how you do, then if you decide that’s what you want on the day of the re-test, I’ll give you the test without the multiple choice. Sound doable?”

“Doable.” I smile and stand from my desk. “Thank you.”

“Yep. I’ll send you an email tonight when I get the practice version up.”

I tell her thanks again, adjust my backpack, and weave through the desks to the hall. Man, I hope this works. But even just asking feels like an accomplishment.

I get to my locker and pull all my big books out. Geometry, History, English, and Biology. While most kids are turning in all their stuff for the end of the year, I’m carting it all home in the hopes I get a normal summer.

“You know what color I hate?”

Jay’s voice startles my Biology book right to the floor. He grins and crouches to pick it up.

“I’m sorry, what?” I say, looking over my shoulder to make sure he’s talking to me.

“Orange.” He hands me my book. “See most people say their favorite color, but that doesn’t really tell you much. But the color that they hate… I mean, that gives some insight.”

He straightens up, leaning against the side of the locker. The smile on his face is friendly. So I wipe away my confusion and play along.

“Okay, so why do you hate orange?”

He shrugs. “I’m not sure, really. Might have had something to do with Oompa Loompas. Those things scared the hell out of me.”

“Short green-haired men who sang deranged songs while they carted off little children? Why in the world would you be afraid of that?”

“Now I’m not liking green too much either.” He laughs, and we start making our way to the parking lot. “So how ‘bout you?”

“I’ve never thought about what color I hate.”

“Let me guess… pink?”

“Go with the obvious choice, huh?” I nudge him with my shoulder. “I actually love the color pink.”

“I would never have pegged you as a pink girl.”

“I never would’ve guessed you hated orange,” I say, pointedly looking at the orange writing splashed across his graphic tee.

“Man, we
really
don’t know each other. Good thing we got out when we did.”

I put my hand to my chest with dramatic flair. “We’ve saved ourselves so much heartbreak.”

“Yeah. The pink thing would’ve been a deal breaker.” He smiles, and it’s cute, but comfortable. It doesn’t send zaps anywhere or make me weak in the knees. Suddenly I’m smiling that this breakup seems pretty drama free so far.

He opens the front doors for me, and we step out into the sun. “Hey, so I know when people break up they say they want to be friends and that’s total shit. But, I don’t really want it to be shit with you.”

“Eloquently put.” I laugh and hoist my books up in my arms to keep them from tumbling across the pavement. “I’m cool with lack of shit, too.”

“Awesome.” He pulls his phone out and taps a bunch of things. “I’m sending you details then for the party I’m having. Invite your friends if you want.”

“Where are you sending it?”

“Facebook.”

“Okay, I’ll check it out later. Don’t know if I can come, though. Adam got into an early program at MIT so we might be doing something for him or with him or something.”

Jay’s eyes lift from his phone. “Are you… well, are you doing okay with that?”

The question pulls me back. I know I’m working on opening up, but I’m just not there yet with Jay. Don’t know if I will be anytime soon, and it’s not because he’s my ex-boyfriend. It’s because I still don’t really know him.

“I’m surviving,” I say, then try for easing the door, but not swinging it wildly open. “He’s my best friend though. So I know it’s not going to be easy to say goodbye.”

Jay nods, and he puts his phone in his pocket. “Well, it’s cool for him. Sucks that he’s leaving… I mean for you. Let me know if you need to hang out or whatever this summer.”

“Sounds like a booty call,” I joke. His face turns slightly pink and he puts his hands up.

“No, no, no. That’s not what I meant. I was just—”

“I’m kidding,” I interrupt to save him. “And I’ll let you know on the party. But my arms are going to fall off so…” I adjust all my books, and he quickly waves bye so I can head home.

Adam’s car is pulled to the side by the driver’s ed course. As soon as he spots me, he grabs my Geometry and History books. “What’d they say?” he asks, popping his trunk open.

“I’ve got some long answer practice tests to do tonight.”

“You want company?”

“Always.”

I slam my backpack into the trunk and plop into the Geo. My hand automatically reaches for his, but I stop mid-hand-hold and stuff it under my thigh so it behaves itself.

Jay waves at the stoplight right outside the school lot, and I smile back while Adam does a half wave thing like he’s not sure if he should, but he’s too polite not to acknowledge it.

“Um…” he mutters when Jay turns right and we turn left toward the library. “You guys… okay, then?”

“I guess. He wants to be friends.”

“Oh.”

I stifle a giggle and kick my feet on the dash. “Like real friends, Adam. Not the benefits kind.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not my business anyway.” And damn it, he’s right. It’s not his business because
he
doesn’t want it to be. But I don’t like thinking about it so I just nod and look out the window.

The library lot is pretty much empty, thank heavens, because that means a computer is open. When Adam parks I unbuckle and go to open the door, but he clears his throat and asks, “So, can I ask why you broke up?” He shifts in his seat to face me with a smirk. “It was me, wasn’t it?”

“Not really. We just didn’t know each other, like, at all. And you know how you said he should be my friend? Well, he wasn’t, and all we did was kiss, and when we talked it was awkward, and I never wanted to share anything with him.” I laugh to myself. “He still has no clue where I live.”

“I find it hard to believe you ever feel awkward with anyone.”

I pick a stray string from the bottom of my shirt. “You know it takes me a while to talk to people.”

“You’ve never been like that with me.”

“That’s because you’re the one I talk to.”

“But even when we first met… I mean, you hopped in my car and just went off. I think I found out everything about you within the first twenty minutes.”

That’s true. I remember that day probably more than any other—minus the one a couple days ago when Adam kissed me. Mom and Levi rarely fought, but when they did, it was
always
about the bills. And I felt so trapped, unable to help in any way. My bitter attitude and how ashamed I was about our situation closed me off to everyone around me. I lost touch with my friends. I gave up on my family, too. No one wanted to listen to me. I was just talked at all the time. Then suddenly there was this guy who asked the question no one else did, and I didn’t even know him.

He asked if I was okay. And I wasn’t.

“You kind of caught me by surprise, you know?” My eyes flick up to his. “You and Sierra just showed up at my house, and I was like, crying on the porch, and I was embarrassed and wanted to run. But you didn’t even know me, and you stopped me.” I reach for his hand, pull it into my lap. I can’t help but notice the goose bumps that crawl across his skin. “I remember the very second your hand touched my arm.” My fingers tiptoe a path following his goose bumps. “Like, the touch traveled up and up and up, and it scared me and comforted me all at once. Ever since, you were the only person I could talk to about anything.”

He catches my hand and plays with my ring. “You’re that person for me too.”

Tingles pass between our palms. I imagine the windows fog from the rise in temperature. It’s amazing how a touch as simple as this makes me feel ten million things at once. I gaze back up at him, watching as he stares at our hands. After a minute, he pulls away, adjusts in his seat. He reaches for the door handle, but I’m not ready to leave our cocoon.

“I want you to be wrong,” I blurt.

His eyebrows bunch, and he meets my gaze.

“About the long distance thing,” I say, taking his hand back. “I want you to say that stats mean shit, and we can do this. I want to make promises and tell guys I can’t go out because I have a boyfriend. I want you to tell me you love me, and that it trumps the statistics.
I want you to be wrong.
”

He stays quiet, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes. I sigh and try to lighten the atmosphere.

“But you’re like a freaking genius, so you’re never wrong.” I let out a half-hearted laugh. My argument was worth shit, but at least I didn’t keep it in.

“I don’t feel like a genius,” he says. “I feel like an idiot for not saying something to you first. Sooner. Way before now. I didn’t have the guts to tell you how I felt because it didn’t work out for me before. But you are not Sydney. No way in hell are you Sydney. And I should’ve been smart enough to see it would’ve been different.”

He seems to be talking more to himself than me, so I’m not sure how to respond, or if I should. Honestly I want to argue with him more. Convince his butt that we can pull off long distance because we
are
different.

He shakes his head and slides his glasses back on. “You ready for some practice tests?”

And just like that, the subject is shot to hell. At least for now.

I straighten my shoulders and settle my hand on the handle. “Let’s do this thing.”

Chapter 29

I’m bringing a pillow and blanket to my own graduation.

Ms. Weber slides the long answer test on my desk, and my breath wheezes from my throat. She squeezes my shoulder as she passes. “Take your time, Brea.”

I nod and click my mechanical pencil into place. I’m one of three people in the room; everyone else has jetted off to their summer vacation early. I close my eyes and remind myself that this is the last test I’ll have to do this year. The other ones worked just fine today, so I just gotta get through this.

I shake my hand out and then put pencil to paper. My fingers are like, seriously cramped from all the writing. But without the mess of choices, the answer comes so much easier.

Make the test harder and the girl who thought she was stupid feels smart.

I’m determined to make Adam see that I’m intelligent over our relationship conundrum, too. I’m just not sure yet how I’m going to do it…

***

Graduation ceremony is quite possibly the most boring thing I’ve ever been to. I shift in my seat next to Levi who keeps nodding into his chest and jerking back up. So I’m not the only one. I wonder if all the people in caps and gowns are as zombie-like as everyone in the audience.

Some girl named Hadley is valedictorian, and she keeps making these jokes that are really not that funny, but people laugh to humor her. I sigh and rest my forehead on my knees. There are like, 1300 people in Adam’s graduating class. We’ll be here till the apocalypse. Or maybe this
is
the apocalypse.

After Hadley girl gives her final statement… something like, “Rock on you guys. Rock on for life!” the audience claps—minus Levi who has moved from dozing to full-on sleeping—and the principal gets up. She does these recognition awards and whatnot, and the random people she announces stand up from where they’re seated, giving awkward waves or wolf whistles. One guy named Oliver Kuyn actually stands on his chair and yells, “That’s right, I’m a genius!” when the principal recognizes his perfect 4.0.

Adam gets a shout out too, and I don’t even see him stand because I’m so far back and he’s pretty short, but I do make a whoop and holler that scares Levi so much he falls off his chair.

Then finally…
finally
… we get to the diplomas. I feel like I have to pay attention because my friends are all over the place with their last names.

“Jolie Bennett,” the principal calls, and her family gives a couple whoops a few rows down from where I’m at. I watch the big screen since there’s no way I can see her face from this far away, but she looks all smiles as she takes her picture. And I know she was nervous about falling on her face down the steps, but she makes it back to her chair without injury.

It’s forever and a day before the principal gets to the L’s, and I have to wake Levi up so he doesn’t miss his girlfriend.

“Sierra Livingston.”

Like the whole room turned into a jungle safari, Sierra’s family roars and cheers, her dad seriously the loudest person I’ve ever heard. His booming voice shakes the floor. Levi seems wide awake now, standing next to me and cheering until he sees Sierra slap a kiss on the principal’s cheek just as the picture is taken. Then she bows with bravado and totally trips on her gown on her way back to her chair. Levi’s laughing and shaking his head the whole time, and I can tell he’s itching to leap over every person between them just to give her a kiss. I’d make fun of him for it, but I’m feeling the same gap between me and Adam.

We sit back down while they go through the rest of the L’s and M’s. When they hit the N’s Levi turns to me and says, “No offense, but I don’t know if I can sit through another one of these.”

I chuckle. “So don’t waste one of my graduation invites on you, huh?”

“Give it to Adam. Make him suffer through it.”

“If I’m still his friend,” I mutter, then snap my lips shut. But it’s too late. Levi’s eyebrows bunch, and he leans in a little more.

“I think you’ll always be Adam’s friend.” His fingers twitch, like he wants to pat my knee or put his arm around me, but he doesn’t. “And I… I was gonna wait to ask you, because Sierra wanted to do it, so just act surprised later, okay?”

“What is it?”

He scratches his nose. “We’re gonna get a phone plan together, build up credit and stuff, and Sierra wants to separate from her parents’ plan to save them money. Anyway, we can add an extra line for pretty cheap. Cheaper than buying minutes for you. So if you want to get in our plan, we can cover you till—”

“How cheap is cheap?”

“Ten bucks a month. An extra ten for data. I know it’s not much, but you won’t have limits when Adam calls or…”

“How much is the phone itself? Do I need to pay like six hundred for that? Or will they take the one I have or how does that work? I’m so in, I just need to know how much to give you or work for. If I need overtime to cover it or something else. Does this mean you’re moving out now, or just getting new phones? I’m not sure how much you need and I don’t want to be a burden if it costs you more—”

His hand covers my mouth, and he puts his free finger to his lips. I look around at all the people giving me dirty looks for getting so loud. Whoops.

“Okay, come with us when we get them. I’m sure they can answer all those questions because I can only answer a few.” He smiles and lowers his hand. “No, I’m not moving out. Still can’t get that security deposit.”

“But you can get new phones?”

“It’ll help in the long run. And Sierra’s paying for most of it.” His face runs red. “I… I don’t want to make her pay for the apartment too, you know? It’s hard enough giving in with this. But she wanted to get
you
a new phone. Jolie’s chipping in, too. And don’t give me that look because I tried to talk them out of it, but they won. So… if you’re in, be happy and excited because they are.”

I try to erase the grimace on my face. “But
they’re
the ones graduating. Not me.”

“I think they’re counting it as Adam’s graduation present.”

My eyebrows rise. A small glimmer of hope curdles in my belly. Maybe with improved communication we could—

“Adam Silver,” the principal calls, and I’m surprised I catch it with the way my mind is running. Terri is easily the loudest person shouting for him till I get my head on straight and drown her out with my cheers.

He doesn’t do anything special. Just walks up, takes his diploma and picture, and walks to his seat. But before he sits, his eyes find mine in the crowd, and the smallest wave of his hand sends my heart into a flurry.

I feel Levi sit down, but I tell him I have to go to the bathroom and ease past everyone on our row. I don’t really have to go, I’m just bored out of my mind, and I’m antsy to hang out with my friends. Last hurrah before they all leave me. Insert sad face.

At least Sierra might stick around town. If things work out for her and Levi then I won’t have to say goodbye to them, really.

There’s a line to the girl’s bathroom, and I figure I may as well force something while I’m here so I stand at the end behind a girl…I think her name is Kelsi. Pretty sure she’s in my grade. She smiles when she sees me.

We can hear the principal calling out names. He’s reached the T’s.

“Ugh, seriously?” Kelsi says, turning to me with a grin. “This is the longest graduation ever.”

I laugh and relax against the wall. “Agreed. I think I’ll skip mine just so I don’t have to sit through another.”

“They mail out diplomas, right? I don’t see a problem with it.” She chuckles and fixes the headband in her short blue-tipped hair. “So, who are you here for?”

“Friends.”

She nods. “Me too. And a sister.”

I wrack my brain. “Um… Maya, right?”

“You know her?”

“Not really. But all my friends are seniors and they talk… a lot.”

She laughs. The line starts moving forward, and she pulls her phone out. I figure we’re done talking, but then she says, “You take Art, right? Sixth period?”

“Yeah.”

“One of my buds was in your class. He said you’re freaking amazing.”

“He’s probably exaggerating.” I have to really control my flamed cheeks. “You draw?”

“Paint. I’m hoping to get into the advanced class next year. You gonna go for it?”

We move another step toward the stalls. “I chose it as one of my electives. Crossing my fingers I’ll get in.”

“Cool. Maybe we’ll have a class together then.” The nearest stall opens up, and she shoves her phone into her pocket. “See ya around, Brea.”

I smile and wait for the next open stall. Maybe I won’t be totally alone next year. I pretty much had a conversation there.

When I get out of the bathroom it sounds like the ceremony has finally ended. There’s a lot of talking and people flooding out of the main auditorium into the hallways. I weave my way through, jumping on my tiptoes for a sign of Adam, Sierra, or Jolie. But I can’t find them in the sea of graduation caps.

I pull my phone out and send a text to Levi. It buzzes back letting me know they’re all near the far right corner, just under the stands where we were sitting. I slide and squeeze through red and white gowned graduates and their families, ducking under a big bald guy’s arm before I finally spot Adam with his dad and Terri.

Terri’s hugging him, and he’s saying something in her ear and she’s nodding. Then he pulls back, and she wipes her cheek.

Mr. Silver pats Adam’s shoulder, gripping the red gown a bit before pulling him into an airtight hug. I can only see Mr. Silver’s face with the angle I’m at, but I can tell it’s a private moment. So I step toward Sierra in her white gown, also hugging her dad. But at least Levi’s standing right there so I can hang back with him.

“Hey!” she says when I sidle up. Her arms swing over my shoulders, practically knocking the wind right out my lungs. “Thanks for coming. I know it was totally boring.”

“You so owe me,” I tease and hug her back. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks! Oh, I’m so, so, so happy I don’t have to go back into those halls.” We let go, but she keeps close. “I don’t know if you knew it, but you saved me in that place. You and Jolie and Adam. I don’t think I could’ve dealt with everything and everyone without you guys.”

“Awww, love you too, baby,” I lilt, and she pinches my arm.

“Finally free!” Sierra shouts, scaring the crap out of me. Her butt wiggles back and forth as she dances in place. I can tell Levi wants to hug and kiss her, but he holds back since her parents are in clear view.

Jolie hugs me next, and I congratulate her just the same. There’s just a whole lot of hugging right now, and I’m not usually up for that, but I want to cling to each and every one of my friends for as long as I can.

We’re all getting together afterward for a slumber party at… get this…
my
house. So we don’t chat for long. Jolie heads off to her family real quick after we talk, but I’m not given much time to stand alone before arms wrap me from behind.

“Boo,” Adam says in my ear, and I spin in his arms. The corner of his cap pokes me in the eye, and I start laughing over his shoulder.

“Hey,” he says after a minute. “I know you’re busy tonight. And you’re working tomorrow. But I want a day with you before I leave. Can we do that?”

It’s like he’s set a giant clock above our heads. Four days and counting. And it ticks, loud, booming in my ears making my stomach flop to my butt, and my arms tighten around his neck. I don’t want to let him go. I want to push him in my pocket and keep him there. But I’m feeling the red material of his gown, the tassel on his cap tickle my cheek, and it’s like he’s already gone. Already so far away even though I can feel him.

I squeeze into him, hoping to mold our bodies together forever.

“Abso-freaking-lutely.”