How To Kill Friends And Implicate People (15 page)

FORTY-ONE

FERGUS

15:20

I walk with Alex through Central Station. You’d be amazed at the meetings and deals that are conducted on the concourse here, beneath the large glass roof. When I worked for the government, I saw a report about how a Russian spy defected to MI6 underneath the clock.

I called Alex at work and asked to speak with him urgently.

He’s all nervous and shifty when he turns up.

‘I left in a hurry,’ he says. ‘And this wasn’t in the appointment book. It
looks
like something strange. Emma, my secretary, she’ll think something’s strange.’

‘I’m counting on it,’ I say.

That throws him for a loop. His poor wee face gets all confused and he opens his mouth, like,
What?

‘You’ve told me you don’t want the details,’ I say.

‘Okay. Okay. But I want the details on this bit. Just enough to know it’s going to work.’

‘Aye, okay. Well, you strike me as a guy who’s watched a few crime movies. I bet you love you some Scorsese, right? So you’ll know the scenes where the guy who is in trouble starts acting all weird?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, your secretary will know them, too.
And
when you die under mysterious circumstances, and you want the police to think it was anybody other than you or your wife that arranged it, Emma will be remembering that you were acting all nervous the day before.’

‘I didn’t act ner—’

‘You’re a natural, don’t worry about it. Anyway. So it all adds to the illusion.’

‘But that’s just complicating things, making people more suspicious, not less. That’s not what I want. I want it simple. Quick.’

I stop walking and look back up at the big clock. It’s almost time to head to a job. Joe’s sent me details of a possible hit. He wants me to sit in a coffee shop and watch a meeting he’s got with some PI. If I see him raise his hand and scratch the back of his head, I’m to follow the PI after the meeting, take her out, and make her vanish. If he scratches his chin, I’m off the hook.

I really don’t want to do it.

For the first time, I’m getting antsy at the thought of killing. It’s bad enough I’ve got to do Scott Fucking Christopher for Alex, but at least I know Scott is a sex pest.

Joe’s threatening me, though. He knows I lied to him. He knows I fucked up. And he also knows someone else who could take me out if I refuse.

Stan’s right, I need a holiday.

I turn my attention back to Alex. ‘For someone who doesn’t want to know the details, you’re asking a lot of questions.’

‘Okay.’ He puts his hands up,
You got me.
‘I need to know this is a good plan. How are you going to convince people? Why are we making people at my office more suspicious?’

‘Here’s how it’s going to work. You know who you work for. I know who you work for. They’re not people who want too much media attention. They like things done quickly and quietly. If you die in a very public, very media-friendly way, they’re going to want the investigation over with quickly, to make sure their names stop coming up in the news.’

‘Probably, yeah.’

‘And we both know Joe Pepper will be asked to fix the mess. So, it helps that I know how he works. There’s no way to fool a medical examiner if he or she does the job properly, but if there’s a distraction, if someone is leaning on them to get it all over and done with—’

‘Like a magic trick.’

‘Right. There’s hope for you yet, big man. Distraction. Your death slips through unnoticed, by being the most noticed thing in town.’

He smiles. Nods. He’s bought it.

Truth is, it’s a plan that sounds better in theory than practice. There are any number of things that could go wrong. And it almost certainly means I’ll need to lie to Joe at some point, because I’m the first person he’s going to ask after it’s done.

But all that matters right now is that Alex believes me. He’s onside. So now I can get some information.

‘You’ve got somewhere to go, afterwards?’

‘Yeah, yeah.’ He nods. He wants to show off now. Make me see he’s as good at cool plans as I am. ‘Yeah. Got a flat leased in town. Under a different name, you know?’

‘And you’ve got some walking around money? You’ve got enough to last if you need to stay hidden for a few weeks.’

His grin would put the Cheshire cat to shame. ‘Walking around? Yes, if you want to walk round Vegas. I’ve got bags full of cash at the flat.’

I hand him a fresh burner. When he gives me a blank look I say, ‘You’ll need to leave your main one in your car tonight. If I need to contact you, I’ll use this.’ He nods, looks a little confused. I give him a smile. ‘Relax. You’ll be fine. Dying’s going to be easy.’

FORTY-TWO

SAM

15:48

We got to the café early. On the way down, Hanya had stopped at a bar on Bothwell Street and told me to wait outside. She came back out a few minutes later with three bags of cocaine.

(Well, I assume it was cocaine, I’m not an expert.)

We took the first two cassettes out of the package, leaving the mix tape, and replaced them with the drugs.

At the café, Hanya sat out front and I took a spot inside, at one of the high tables near the door. I could see Hanya, but the frosted lettering on the outside of the glass would keep me hidden.

I put my earphones in and pulled out a book.
Girl Meets Boy on a Crime Spree.
I had no intention of ever reading it, but I still picked up a copy at the supermarket. Impulse buy. They had it on the till, and it was either that or chocolate. The book was cheaper. Phil uses computer software to call friends in America. He had opened a conference call from his computer and called both me and Hanya. I’d muted my own phone, so I could listen in without my noises interfering with the recording. Hanya gave her order to the young waitress who had served me earlier.

Joe walked across the front of the café. He scanned the tables, looking for me, then took a seat in front of me, just the other side of the frosted letters painted onto the window. Hanya waited until the waitress carried her drink out, then stood up and walked over to where Joe was sat. She was carrying my messenger bag.

I pressed a finger to my right earphone, making sure it was in place.

‘Mr Pepper,’ I heard Hanya say. ‘Nice to see you.’

I saw Joe look up, but my view was of the bald spot at the back of his head, and I couldn’t see his facial expression. ‘Er, you too, Miss—?’

‘
Detective Inspector
,’ Hanya corrected. ‘Hanya Perera.’

‘Oh, of course.’ If Joe was lying, he was polished enough to get away with it. ‘How are you?’

I saw Hanya smile, then point at the empty seat across the table from Joe. She didn’t wait for him to say
No
. ‘I’m good, thanks. I’m here on behalf of a mutual friend. Ms Ireland.’

There was a long pause. I watched as Joe tilted his head to one side. I could imagine his smile as he tried to act cool about the surprise. ‘Okay,’ he said, finally.

I watched Hanya fish the phone from her jacket pocket, and then heard the clank in my ear as she set it down on the table. ‘She’s here in spirit,’ she said. ‘But I’m sure you can understand she’s nervous to meet you under the circumstances.’

‘Okay,’ Joe said again.

‘And this conversation is being recorded, naturally.’

‘Unusual job for a police officer, Detective.’

‘Unusual job for a politician.’

There was silence again. Hanya reached into my bag and pulled out the padded envelope. She placed it on the table and slid it across. Joe picked it up slowly, and opened the flaps to look inside.

‘This is it?’ he said.

‘That was all she was given,’ Hanya said. Her voice was level. Her eyes never flickered. I made a note never to play poker with her. ‘I have to say, I’m curious as to why you are interested in the contents of that package.’

What was she doing? Why rattle his cage?

When Joe answered, I understood her game. She’d put him on the defensive, and he wanted the conversation over. ‘Personal business.’

‘But you understand why Ms Ireland was cautious about meeting you here?’

‘Of course.’ He sounded irritated, but like he was going to play along, let it go.

‘I understand you’ve got images that place her at the scene?’ Hanya waited until Joe acknowledged that with a tilt of his head. ‘That’s going to cause her some problems if my colleagues get hold of them.’

‘She doesn’t need to worry about that,’ he said.

Hanya thought that over for a second. I didn’t doubt that Joe had the pull to make that problem go away, and I doubted she did, either. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘So, it’s in your hands. It’s not in Sam’s interest to take this issue any further. She knows that. And, given what I’ve just handed over, you and I both could get in trouble if any of us made it public.’

‘Sure,’ Joe said.

Hanya picked up the messenger bag and put it over her shoulder, signalling she was ready to leave. ‘So we’ve all got insurance. We’re all protected. I think the best thing is if we all just agree to play nice and forget about this.’

‘I agree,’ Joe said. ‘Ms Ireland won’t have any problems from me.’

Someone tapped me on the shoulder.

What now?

FORTY-THREE

FERGUS

15:55

I get in line at the café. Nice place. Never been here before. Joe has already sat down out front, and it looks like there’s table service out there, but inside there’s a small queue at the till.

There’s air conditioning in here, making it much more comfortable inside than out in the sun. Behind me, in a cooler, is a selection of sandwiches and cakes. My stomach tells me it wants one of them. Maybe all of them. I ignore the rumble, because I’m working.

Never mix food and killing. It leads to some very strange dreams.

I grab a black filter coffee and find a table in the corner at the back. It gives me a clear view of Joe through the front window, but it also lets me keep an eye on everyone else in the room, too.

I don’t like having my back to anyone.

Looking around, all I can see are people on breaks from their offices, or holding meetings. Men in suit trousers and rolled up shirt sleeves, looking uncomfortable in the heat. Women in bright summer dresses, looking far more chilled.

Hang on.

That young woman, sat by the window—

Is that Sam?

She looks like Sam. But all I’ve seen is her photo and the video. You can’t always tell from just that. She’s looking out the window, with a paperback novel on the table. It’s the same one my mum’s reading. I get the feeling I’m the only person not interested in what
the girl
is up to. She’s got earphones in, too, so she might not want to be disturbed.

Her hair’s a brighter colour than on the website; a kind of coppery shine that can only come from a bottle. And her legs, hey, if all cyclists have pins like those, I’ll never talk shite about them again.

But now I feel a bit creepy. I’m checking her out, and I’m sure it’s Sam, but she hasn’t spotted me. I don’t know why, but I start to feel like I’m cheating on Sam
with
Sam, because I know her as the funny lass on my phone.

I should just go over and talk to her, but I’m working. I can’t get distracted right now. What if Joe gives me the signal and I miss it, because I’m chatting up Sam?

And now I’m feeling creepy again, because I’m deciding not to talk to her. Which is worse, to go and interrupt her now, and fuck up my job, or to concentrate on my job but feel like I’m being a creep to Sam?

I get the luxury of pushing all of that out of my mind when I see movement outside. An Asian woman in a business suit stands up from her own table and walks to where Joe is sat.

Game on.

FORTY-FOUR

ALEX

15:50

Alex was bored.

More than bored. He was a caged animal. Waiting. Restless. This was his last afternoon at work. His last moments in his old skin. He’d never do any of this bullshit again, and any work he did now was a total waste.

In all of his jobs, Alex had always had fantasies about his last day at work. Based on the day he won the lottery, or received an inheritance from some rich uncle he’d never heard of. He’d pictured all the ways he could walk out, swear at his bosses, become an office legend.

At MHW, he didn’t really have anyone he could swear at. Sure, he could call Khan and be a dick to her, but that would only increase the risk of things going wrong. Emma would be the only person who would really notice his dramatic flounce out the door, and she would probably just laugh at him.

He couldn’t take the chance of making a big scene. Everything needed to seem completely normal. He needed to file paperwork for clients he no longer cared about, and ask Emma to set up meetings he’d never attend.

By four it was all too much. He needed air.

He headed out. He spoke to Emma on the way, saying, ‘I’m going for coffee.’

‘No, I’m fine,’ she said with a slight smile, pointing out his lack of a question.

Out on the street he turned right, and walked to the café. The place was usually quiet at this time, just a few people from the offices, probably some from the same building. He saw Joe Pepper sitting out front, but the man was deep in conversation with a woman. They were both dressed for business, and Alex knew well enough to leave him alone.

Things got even worse inside. He saw Fergus sitting in the back, and immediately averted his eyes. He didn’t know much about the etiquette of hiring a hit man, but he was pretty sure that nodding at him in public would be breaking the rules. Already, he’d had to avoid looking in two directions. Now he could see the girl behind the counter staring at him as he swivelled around on the spot, and he felt like a prick.

The ground never really opens up and swallows you at the right moment.

Then he saw someone else he recognised. The young PI that Kara had been speaking to. She didn’t look like she wanted to be bothered, but that was tough luck. Alex needed a way out, someone to focus on.

He stepped over and introduced himself.