How to Kill Yourself in a Small Town (10 page)

“If
I agreed to it, you’d let her go?”

He
shook his head.

“I
should’ve explained better,” he said. “And I would have if you hadn’t
interrupted. I’d like for you to become my familiar—jointly—with Temperance.”

“Isn’t
that impossible?” I asked.

“For
all enforcers and for almost all alphas, it is.” Kathan’s wings puffed up. “But
under the right circumstances, I have the ability to impose my essence on two
people at the same time.”

“What
are the right circumstances?”

He
smiled and I felt him pulling away from the conversation. “I don’t want to bore
you with the details, but the most basic requirement is that both familiars be
genetically identical—‘bred in the bone the same, borne in the flesh the same.’
Identical twins born to an identical twin.”

“Like
us to Mom and Aunt Arie,” Tempie said.

“Thanks
for spelling it out,” I said. “I’m too stupid to get it otherwise.”

“You’re
awfully bitchy tonight, nerd. If I—”

“I
don’t want to leave you in the dark about my motivations, Modesty,” Kathan cut
in. “The end result of enthralling the two of you is that I will be elevated
for a period of time to the level of commander—a leader of legions.”

“I’ve
never read about commanders,” I said.

“Would
it be prejudiced for me to assume the only books you’ve read were written by
humans?” Kathan asked.

I
looked down at the half-eaten cookie I was holding. The chocolate chips were
oozing onto my fingers.

“I’m
not asking you to decide tonight,” Kathan said. “That wouldn’t be fair with all
you’ve been through, and from what Temperance tells me, you’ll want to do as
much research as possible before—”

Another
knock interrupted him. A muscle in Kathan’s jaw jumped and he glared at the
door. It swung open. Fatigues was back.

“Sorry
for the disturbance, Mayor Dark. Tough Whitney is in the parlor. Mikal’s on her
way to take care of it, but she said you’d want to know.”

“I
wasn’t informed that the Tracker was going after him,” Kathan said.

Fatigues
shook his head. “Didn’t have to. The kid drove up the lane and walked in on his
own.”

Kathan
cracked a smile and stood up.

“I’d
like to see this,” he said. He looked at Tempie. “Why don’t you keep your
sister company? I’ll be back before long.”

“Promise?”
Tempie asked in this disgusting, saccharine voice.

I
wanted to scream at her. Over the years, Tempie had been a lot of things that
weren’t very good, but she’d never acted like one of those stupid twee-girls.
Seeing that was worse than knowing what she’d done for that tattoo artist and
his friends back in Santa Barbara.

Kathan
followed Fatigues out into the hall, his bare feet making almost no sound on
the thick carpet. The door eased shut behind them.

I
picked up another cookie. Eight months following her across the country. I’d
traded clothes and shoes with some girl trying to confuse a tracker so I could
have a pair of boots that wouldn’t wear out as fast as my flats had. I’d sold
my hair for the cash to make it from Tucson to Fort Worth, sold my phone for
the cash to make it from Fort Worth to New Orleans, hitched halfway up the
Mississippi, then finally broke down and used the bank card I stole from Mom to
get myself to Halo. Eight months of getting hassled by demons, sirens, undead,
mambos, primals, and just plain creeps. Now Tempie was sitting right there,
happy and healthy and apparently in love, waiting for me to say something.

“Cookie?”
I asked, pushing the cart toward her with the toe of my boot.

She
thought about it for a second, which was another new, ugly thing to see.

“Yes.”
She took one and ate it in four bites. The next one was gone in three. “Man,
these are so good. I wish Kathan would keep our room stocked with them. He
forgets about food sometimes since they only eat for the taste, anyway, and
then I have to remind him that humans eat every day.”

“How
long’s it been since you ate, Tempie?”

“I
ate earlier today. I think. Don’t you give me that look! Kathan treats me well
and he doesn’t have to. You should see some of the torture shit Mikal does to
her familiar. The whole basement—”

“Colt,”
I said.

“Huh?”

“His
name is Colt.”

“Who
cares? He’s just an enforcer’s familiar. Kathan’s an alpha—and he’s able to be
a commander. Everyone around here treats me like a queen because I’m his.” She
got this wicked smile on her face, almost exactly like the one she’d had after
she got home three hours late from her date with Leif Barnhart back in ninth
grade. “When we make it out of the bedroom, anyway. We’re usually too busy.”

“City
budget work and stuff?” I said.

Tempie
laughed. Why did she sound and look so much like my sister?

“He’s
incredible, right?” She looked at the door as if she could see Kathan behind
it. “That face and those abs—and I’m pretty sure if you shot him in the ass, the
bullet would bounce off. I don’t know if he spent his whole existence working
out and screwing, but let me tell you, a forked tongue—”

“Yeah,
he’s a sex-god. I got it,” I said. I leaned forward and looked into the matched
set of my eyes. “Tempie, he said if you wanted to come home, he’d let you.”

“If
I wanted to live with a pathetic loser whining and crying about the asshole
that dumped her for someone younger, I wouldn’t have left in the first place.”

“Mom
needs us, Tempie.”

“She
doesn’t give a crap about us,” Tempie said. “You know she doesn’t. Kathan does.
He’ll take care of us. And with him, we’ll be as powerful as any foot
soldier—maybe even as powerful as Mikal.”

“What
are you talking about?”

“The
two of us as Kathan’s familiars,” Tempie said. “Commanders raise their
familiars to a level of power humans could never experience, not even witches.
And we’ll rule with him.”

“Rule
what?” I asked.

Tempie
laughed. “I never thought I’d see the day the Great Nerd of Hannibal didn’t do
her homework.”

I
jumped up.

“I
did my homework,” I snapped. “Do you want to know what happens around Day 179
of Tempie’s Angel Rebellion? Kathan throws you out because your brain—that
squishy thing in your skull that most people use to think—falls apart. Falls.
Apart. Do you even get that?”

Tempie
shrugged one shoulder and looked down at her fingernails the way she always did
when she knew something I didn’t.

“If
he’s a commander and we’re his co-familiars,” she said, “The essence doesn’t
corrode anything. That’s part of why he wants us both. He loves me and he wants
to protect me. The day we met, he sent the foot soldiers to find you because he
was worried about me. How’s that for treating me well?”

I
sat back down, hard. “If I’m enthralled, too, the essence doesn’t…”

She
shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. And remember the power? He said we’re strong
enough to be world destroyers, maybe even god-killers. Wouldn’t that be
awesome?”

Sometimes
it’s a shock to realize that the universe or God or someone is providing you
with loopholes to jump through so you can do something that just a second ago
was impossible. I could still save Tempie. I would have to give myself up, but
I’d be with her, wouldn’t I?

I
rubbed my face with both hands and sighed. I needed to think about this. I
needed time to really do my homework, like Tempie said. And Kathan had enough
charming devil in him to offer me the space to think and research.

Tempie
stood up and grabbed my hand.

“He
wants us to come to the parlor,” she said.

Tough

I
wished I could’ve said something smart when Mikal blew into the parlor, but
even if I’d had my voice, I probably wouldn’t have been able to talk when I saw
her wearing Colt’s gray Lucky-logo shirt with the armholes that were torn
almost all the way to the bottom. He’d had that crappy thing since before Dad
died.

“Admiring
my shirt?” Mikal asked, doing a spin so I could see her wings poking out the
armholes and the lacy red underwear she had on. “Your brother and I were busy
and this was the first thing I could find to throw on. I’m anxious to get back
to him, too, so if you don’t mind, let’s keep this brief. What do you want?”

I
didn’t really know. Plans weren’t my strong suit. The only thing I’d come up
with while I was driving was to floor it through the front of the mansion, but
seeing the barn just sitting there like nothing had changed had made me wonder
whether the basketball hoop was still in the hayloft. And why hadn’t Kathan
torn the barn down when he burned the farmhouse? I wound up sitting there long
enough for a foot soldier on rounds to see me and bring me in.

“You’ve
been drinking,” Mikal said.

Not
enough.

“Well,
if you came for a threesome, I’m game, but you’ll have to ask Colter first.”

I
looked around the parlor, wondering whether Rian had brought Desty in here.
Seemed like this was always the first place they threw me.

If
I tried, I could sort of see the place through her eyes—a mansion I’d never
been in before, that wasn’t built on the ashes of the farmhouse I grew up in,
that I’d never been dragged into in chains. Not hating the place would make it
look different.

“Or
did you come to beg me to release Colt?” Mikal asked. “I won’t, but it’s nice
to be asked. Makes it seem like you care what happens to him.”

Somebody
doesn’t like being ignored.
I kept on looking around like I hadn’t
heard her.

Three
ugly-ass windows lined the top half of the southern wall. Pieces of red and
black stained glass showed an angel with a flaming sword in the process of
falling from Heaven, then rising up on Earth with tar-covered wings, then
leading an army to war. I shivered, then winced at the spike of pain in my
side. Those freaking windows were creepy, the way they kept trying to move and
change.

“He’s
been talking a lot about you, lately, Tough,” Mikal said, following me with her
eyes. “Seeing you the other night must’ve set him off. I didn’t know he saved
you from a siren back when you were still a blushing virgin. Two teenage boys
alone in the woods—you probably lit up her radar like a pair of fighter jets.
You should see the picture quality in Colt’s brain. The peripheral’s detailed
enough to see you high-tailing it while he fought her.”

I
took a deep breath, deep enough to pop that rib out and shoot pain in every
direction. Mikal was just trying to piss me off, get me to attack her or do
something else stupid. Like coming here in the first place didn’t point to
serious brain damage.

She
stepped up on the platform at the east end of the room and sat on the edge of
the King-of-Halo chair, crossing her legs.

“He’s
getting a little foggy on the timeline, though. That siren thing was about a
year before he kicked you out for selling it to Mitzi and Jason, right?” She
looked down at my fly, then back up at me. “That’s my Colt—always fighting for
the lost cause.”

I’ve
never hit a woman before in my life, NP or not, but I had to dig my fingers
into the broken rib to keep from going after Mikal. For the most part, the pain
made the urge to knock her pretty white teeth down her throat fade away, but I
had to do something. I made the sign of the cross at her with my forearms.

I
blinked and Mikal was standing over me holding a flaming sword like the one
from the window. She brought it up to my face and the flames stretched toward
me until they singed the stubble on that cheek.

“Colt
tells me that you had night terrors for years after I killed your mother. What
frightened you the most, Tough? The sound of her skull cracking under my boot?
Or was it the screaming? Those rock magazines were always saying that Shannon
could scream like a banshee.”

Something
I didn’t know fallen angels could do—show you the past when you’re looking into
their eyes. Mikal made me see a few of things she’d done way back in the Old
Testament days. The babies were the worst. If I wasn’t so great at not thinking
about shit, I’d probably still be having flashbacks.

“I
fought under His signs before time existed, Tough. I left Him, and your tiny
cockroach brain will never even begin to understand what that means.”

My
lungs started losing it because I hadn’t taken a breath in just short of
forever.

Mikal
smiled, leaned closer, and whispered, “Throw that cross up again. It reminds me
of all the fun I’m going to have when your turn comes.”

Behind
us, someone started clapping. Mikal stepped back and took a bow. The sword
disappeared.

“Well
done, Tough,” Kathan said, leaning with his shoulder against the doorjamb.
“Most people who see Mikal’s little display embarrass themselves one way or
another. Pissing their pants seems to be the most popular. Interestingly
enough, the second-most popular is uncontrollable erections, but I’m willing to
give you the benefit of the doubt considering your age and the fact that Rian
stopped you with a beautiful young lady earlier.”

Kathan
was alone, which threw me because I’d assumed Desty would be with him. But the
fucker did look like he had just fallen out of bed with one or two beautiful
girls. Maybe even beautiful twins.

“Heard
you almost made it out of town tonight,” Kathan said. He stepped up onto the
platform and sat in the King-of-Halo chair Mikal had just left. “I think we’re
going to have to shorten your leash a little, kid.”

I
folded my hands together and pretended to beg sarcastically, but the way Kathan
laughed evaporated some of my attitude.

“How’s
this? Every day until you have a protector, you’re answering to Mikal.” He
cocked his head at her. “You and your familiar can head into town once a day,
can’t you?”

Mikal
grinned.

“We’ve
been wanting to get out more,” she said. “And anyway, I’d like to scout around
for new meat. I don’t think Colter’s going to be with us much longer.”

Kathan
nodded and smiled at me. “So, you came looking for trouble in true Whitney
style. Was that enough? I know Mikal’s got something she calls The Ryder
Special if you want some more. Or I guess you could pick up where Colt left off
and see what she comes up with on the fly.”

I
flipped him off.

Well,
the sign of the cross didn’t bother them, so what was I supposed to do? It was
the only other sign language I knew.

“Show
him out,” Kathan said.

This
time I didn’t blink. I know because I wouldn’t take my eyes off of Big, Bad,
Power-Trip Kathan for a second. The whole room did a sort of skip, then Mikal
had ahold of the back of my shirt collar, half-pushing, half-pulling me toward
the door. She was a whole hell of a lot stronger than she looked and apparently
she could do the radiant heat trick Kathan had used on my chains the other
night, because when her hand bumped the back of my neck it sizzled.

The
parlor door swung open and Desty and another girl came in. I know I was already
supposed to know that they were identical twins, but it’s hard to get what that
means until they’re standing next to each other. They had the exact same face.

Except
there was a red mark under Desty’s eye that was going to bruise-out before too
long. At least she was still dressed. The twin who was obviously not
Desty—Tempie—had on some super-hot but not revealing enough lingerie and there
were orange-ish streaks in her hair.
Speaking of uncontrollable erections…
Too bad about that hunk of metal in her nose, though.

“Since
you’re here, Tough, you can drive Modesty back to town,” Kathan said. He passed
me and Mikal and stopped between the twins. He was close enough that Desty had
to feel him breathing on her hair. “If you would like to go, Modesty.”

I’m
not usually the jealous type. If the girl I like loves my best friend, I get
over it. But when Kathan ran his hand down Desty’s back and she flinched away,
I felt like tearing him apart. I don’t know if that counts as jealousy, but she
obviously didn’t want him to touch her, so I didn’t want him to, either.
Whatever you call it, it’s a good thing Mikal hadn’t let go of me yet or Kathan
probably would’ve killed me and then Desty would’ve had to walk back to town.

Desty
looked at Tempie, who was wrapped around Cop-a-Feel Kathan’s opposite side.

“I
need to go,” Desty said. “But I’ll be back.”

“Okay.
Here—” Tempie gave Desty a hug and kissed her on the puffy spot under her eye.
The swelling went down and the red disappeared. “Better?”

“How
did you—”

“Power,”
Tempie said. “I told you.”

Desty
sighed and repeated herself—“I’ll be back.”

“Where’re
you staying?” Tempie asked.

Desty
glanced at me.

“With
Tough,” she said.