Howard Marks' Book of Dope Stories (19 page)

Another person who’s been using it on a daily basis is Skip, who’s waiting for a hip-replacement operation and spending most of his time bedridden on various heavy pain medications. He gets into the habit of drinking a cup of it before going to bed, and spending his previously uncomfortable and semi-conscious nights floating off into its world of visions. He reports that, in several half-waking states, he’s found himself returning to the same visionary worlds, corridors and cities peopled by entities whose presence he feels rather than sees. Many are pleasant, but some are not: he reports visiting one particular ‘Lovecrattian space’ where he finds himself in partial sleep paralysis, moving involuntarily through icy blue caverns and corridors with people frozen into the walls, knowing that if he stops moving he’ll freeze too. This space seems to be occupied by entities which he calls ‘the Daa’, and the ‘
daa daa
’ sound which always seems to echo round the caverns.

Thanks to the pioneering efforts of Greg and Skip, a pattern is beginning to form around the effects of constant, low-level doses of harmal. But the other question which interests me is the effect of a high-level dose, two or three times more than I’ve been taking. I haven’t done this, partly because the effects would undoubtedly include high levels of nausea, but also because i’m unaware of the ceiling of physical safety. With most traditional psychedelics, toxic doses are many orders of magnitude greater than effective doses, and a high dose produces nothing more than a more intense mental bombardment; with harmaline, between three and five times the effective dose produces significant levels of toxicity.

Fortunately someone else does this experiment for me. I gave a bag of seeds to Charlie before he moved to Australia; a few weeks later, I receive his account by e-mail:

Even allowing for the small handful of mushrooms, this demonstrates that harmaline does indeed have a powerful psychedelic action. I was to reach this kind of effect eventually, though without a noticeable increase in dose.

Blue Tide
, 2000

J
ANUARY
1807, I first inhaled pure nitrous oxide. I breathed six quarts of it from a bladder. The first inspiration, by which I took about a quart of air into my lungs, produced no unusual effects on them, owing, I suppose, to its union with air contained therein.

The second by which I inhaled the whole volume of air contained in the breathing bag, was attended with slight giddiness, and a kind of tranquil, pleasurable sensation, accompanied with an impatient eagerness to expel the air from my lungs that I might again experience the same feelings by a new inspiration; this eagerness I manifested by a violent expiration, ‘that seemed’, to use the emphatick words of a by-stander, ‘as if it would have blown the bladder through’. During both these inspirations I was perfectly sensible of my situation, and of my object in breathing from the bladder.

When I inhaled the gas a third time it imparted a saccharine taste like that of fine cider; my vision became suddenly obscured, so that I had not a distinct perception of the nearest objects. I again felt the same pleasant sensation, previously experienced, the difference of its being less tranquil. This continued till it produced a pleasurable elixity I never before experienced, and of which no words can convey just idea; but, like all original sensations, it must be experienced to be known. I was affected with a
tinnitus aurium
, which I well recollect to have continued as long as I was sensible of my situation. A glow was diffused throughout my lungs, and at the same time they were affected with a thrilling or titillating sensation which afterwards extended itself through every part of my frame; but dwelt longest on the extremities. This sensation, as it respects its effects on the lungs, very much resembles the thrilling or actual vibration induced by the loud blowing of a mail stage horn, in the lungs of a passenger in the close carriage. My lungs felt as if they were dilating, and continued to impart this sensation of enlargement till I suppose they occupied the whole laboratory with their immensity. I now became totally insensible to the impressions of external things, and the rapturous delight which then entranced my faculties mars my feeble essay towards its description. This indescribable ecstasy must be what angels feel; and well might the poetick Southey exclaim upon experiencing it, that ‘the atmosphere of the highest of all possible heavens must be composed of this gas’.

From these extatical sensations of joy, I was aroused by Dr. Woodhouse, who now endeavoured to take the breathing bladder from my mouth. This I obstinately and violently resisted, holding the pipe with great force between my teeth, and directly began to strike him with frequent blows, which were reiterated with energetick strength, as I was afterwards informed, though I was totally unconscious of anything that happened during this delirious paroxysm, nor did I recollect it when it was over. The resistance I made was prompted, I suppose, by a sensation I well recollect with experience, of some intruding power attempting to remove the cause of my pleasurable inebriety. All my muscles seemed to vibrate, and I felt strong enough to root out mountains and demolish worlds, and, like the spirit of Milton, was ‘vital in every part’. At length I suffered the bag to be taken from me; and as soon as it was removed, felt ten times lighter than the surrounding atmosphere, which prompted a strong and almost irresistible disposition to mount in the air, which I discovered to the spectators by repeatedly jumping from the floor with great and uncommon agility. My sensations were just as I should imagine would be produced by flying. I experienced an unrestrainable inclination to muscular motion, opposing much and powerful resistance to all those who endeavoured to restrain me. I resembled those varlets, who, as Ariel tells Prospero, in
The Tempest
,

And feeling like the presiding genius of all I beheld, beat with indignant resentment every person that attempted, vainly, to impede my progress. This superiority that I fancied I possessed over all around me was so ably seconded by my increased muscular strength, that some of the gentlemen who received my blows told me that they were applied with wonderful and disagreeable force. I seemed to be placed on an immense height, and the noise occasioned by the reiterated shouts of laughter and hallooing of the by-standers appeared to be far below me, and resembled the hum or buz which aeronauts describe as issuing from a large city, when they have ascended to a considerable height above it. I had a sense of great fulness and distension in my head, and my thoughts and perceptions, as well as I can recollect, were rapid and confused, but very unlike any I had ever experienced. By a sensation as sudden as,

I seemed to descend from the immense height to which I had flown, and by a quick, but complete prostration of muscular energy, fell into a kind of trance-like state. During the short continuance of this trance my feelings were placidly delicious, and extremely analogous to those I have often experienced in that state of voluptuous delight vibrating between a waking consciousness and the torpor of sleep, so elegantly, so feelingly delineated by Rousseau in these words,

To this state syncope succeeded, and I was carried into an adjoining room and placed on a table near an open window. Here I experienced a slight return of the agreeable feelings I have before described, but only of instantaneous duration. The first idea that occurred to me upon my partial revival, was a confused one of nitrous oxide, which words I vociferated as I jumped the table with great vehemence, as I was afterwards informed. I felt much indignation and pride towards the persons around me, and entertained the momentary contempt for everything that excited an idea in my still chaotick brain. I felt as if I was an inhabitant of the Elysium of Rousseau, or the island of Calypso, of Fenelon, blown by a rudely malicious blast into a world of reptiles, where the atmosphere like the pestiferous samiel of the deserts of Arabia, was pregnant with destruction, and threatened inevitable annihilation to all those who inhaled its morbid breath. i now, however, as quick as thought, completely revived, and made the mortifying discovery, that the aerial world through which I had been roving with footsteps as light as air, was but the fascination of an inebrieting elixity, whose siren spell of pleasure wrapped me in delight.

A profuse diaphoresis appeared all over me, but was particularly abundant on my forehead and cheeks; and the temporal arteries both during the experiment and after it was over, seemed ready to burst with fulness.

The next time I breathed the gas, my feelings were, as well as I can recollect, nearly similar to those just described. In this experiment, however, I experienced one sensation, I did not feel in the first, viz. a kind of titillation of the eyes as if water had been dropping between the ball of the eye and its palpebrae.

I must not omit to mention here, that I also experienced in this experiment, and in every other that I made except the one just detailed, a sensation extremely singular. It consisted in a kind of semi-consciousness of my situation, yet unattended by perfect volition. Thus I became engaged as in the preceding experiment, at the vain presumption, as I deemed at it, at those who dared to oppose my motions, supposing them my antagonists; at the same time I seemed sensible they were not so, and could see myself under the influence of some incomprehensible hallucination, the effect of which, however, I was unable to resist, and of consequence combated with them against my will. I seemed as it were to have two types of consequence, the one persuading me that I was actually opposed by enemies, the other rendering me sensible, that this was entirely a misconception of the obvious reality, which was that my enemies were indeed no other than friendly spectators and that their actions, which were ostensibly inoffensive, I had misconstrued into the exertion of violence and power against me. Volition, however, was wholly inactive, or, if I may be allowed the expression paralized; of consequence I derived no benefit from the effect of its operations. I may perhaps illustrate this semi-conscious, semi-delusive of which, not withstanding my efforts to describe it, I feel unable to convey a just conception, by the following description of an analogous situation, by the celebrated Kotzebue. It occurred to him during the night after his arrival at Tobolsk, after a fatiguing, an anxious, and distressing journey; he had been, perhaps, affected with a disordered state of his mind, induced by the contemplation of a melancholy exile in the chills of Siberia, separated from his beloved family. ‘In the course of the night,’ says he,