Hunter's Rise (46 page)

She stilled, her lashes sweeping down over her eyes. Then she took two careful steps back.

He’d hurt her, he realized. Fuck. He hadn’t wanted that. But he wasn’t going to be a fuck-toy. Swearing, he turned away and stared off into the night. Just a few buildings separated him from the open, cool night. He could shift… run. The injury to his leg wouldn’t slow him down that bad. He could maybe try to outrun the ache in his heart.

But he couldn’t escape this. What he felt for her.

“Why are you here?” he asked quietly. “If it’s not a job, then…”

“You.” She laughed, and it sounded hollow. “Shit, how dense are you? I came looking for you, but obviously that was a waste of time. I… I thought maybe… hell. You know what? Fuck it. Take care of the leg, Toronto. Have a nice life. I gotta—”

S

“Why?”

Jerking against his hold, she snapped, “Let me go, Tor.
Now.
”

“No.” With his other hand, he reached up, toying with her hair. “You… why did you come looking for me? You thought what?”

She wasn’t doing this—

Abruptly, she sagged back against him. What the hell. She’d come looking for answers, she should at least
get
them, right? At least then she would
know
.

“I missed you,” she said, her voice ragged. “I missed you, damn it. Yeah, you said we were walking away and everything, but…”

She stopped. The words froze in her throat and she stared off into the night, her heart aching. She felt stripped and naked and raw…

“But what?” He nuzzled her neck. “You didn’t want to walk?”

“I never said I did.” Closing her eyes, she held still. Okay. She’d said it. Now… what? She didn’t even know. He wasn’t saying anything, although she could feel his heart racing against her back, and—

The world spun. Then his mouth was on hers, one hand fisted in her hair, arching her head back.

Oh…

It was a damn good thing she didn’t have to breathe, because she would have never been able to take a breath.

Then his hands were on her shoulders, pushing her back. “Wait,” he demanded.

“Wait?” She reached up, touching a hand to her buzzing lips. Need, want and love ripped through her, but she couldn’t do a damn thing about that… still, not with all of this unsolved between them. Peering at him, she tried to figure out what was going on. “Wait, what?”

“What do you mean, you didn’t want to walk?” he asked. Shaking his head, he lowered his hands, backing up a few steps. “I… look, I don’t want to be some sort of friends with benefits or whatever shit they call it now.”

Part of her wanted to say,
Good!
That wasn’t what she
wanted, either. But… damn it, she needed something before she kept throwing herself out there…

“I know this was supposed to be a short-term work deal,” he said, shaking his head. He started to pace, looking very much like a caged wolf, even with the limp. “We didn’t finish things up the way we planned, I know that, and yeah, we had a few good…”

“Fucks?” She smiled at him sweetly.

He stilled, and when he looked at her, it was with a wolf’s gaze. “I’ve fucked enough women. What we had felt like more.”

That ache in her chest, the one that had been lodged inside her for the past two months suddenly started to ease…
more
…? She opened her mouth, but he was already pacing again, and talking, his words coming in rapid-fire bursts now.

“It was more, at least for me, and it’s over. Okay. So it’s over, but I’m not going to be a fuck-toy, friends with benefits, whatever. It’s more than that for me and I’m too selfish to pretend otherwise and I—” He turned around and almost crashed into her.

“More, huh?” Slipping her arms around his waist, she tipped her head back and stared into his eyes.

“Yeah.” Shit. He felt like an idiot. This is why it was easier just to avoid people, avoid relationships. Reaching down, he caught her wrists, untangled them from his waist and eased himself away. “You… you should go. I’ve got to get back to the pack, let them know there’s no trouble. I’m…”

“So now I’m not trouble?”

She had that sly little smile on her mouth, that one that
meant
trouble. Toronto closed his eyes. Tried to steady himself. He needed to be calm right now. Calm… and rational, everything he should have been all these years, everything he’d been trying to convince himself he could be. And here she was, shattering that calm.

“You’re all sorts of trouble.” Opening his eyes, he met her gaze. Because she was so close, because he couldn’t stop himself, he reached up, touched her lips. “But I don’t think you’re anything the local pack needs to worry about.”

“No,
the pack doesn’t need to worry about me.” She caught one of his fingers between her lips.

“Good. That’s… that’s good.” He stared at her lips, swallowed the growl that rose in his throat as she bit him lightly. “I… fuck. I’ve got to go. You take care of yourself.”

He made it two steps before her voice, deceptively light, stopped him in his tracks.

“You know, you say it was more than sex, but you sure as hell have an easy time walking away from me.”

Spine rigid, he stood there. As she came walking up behind him, he didn’t move, eyes locked on his car, parked a good half mile away. Her fingers brushed his arm. The scent of her flooded his head. And his heart… it ached. How could seeing her manage to both hurt
and
heal? She circled around to stand in front of him and he met that silver-flecked gaze and saw, for once, that she had no mask on, no walls.

She stared at him with her heart in her eyes… and it made him start to hope.

“Toronto… I’m not the one who decided we were walking away.” She moved closer, until just a breath separated them— even that felt like too much. “I hadn’t even gotten to that part, and I already knew it was going to hurt like hell if
you
decided to walk.”

He wasn’t saying anything, Sylvia thought. Not a thing. Slipping her arms around his waist once more, she told herself she wasn’t going to let him pull back so easily this time. He felt something, damn it. She knew it— she saw it in his eyes. If he wanted her gone, he’d have to say it outright. Otherwise, they were staying right here until they had this worked out.

Rising up on her toes, she touched her lips to his. “I never realized I had a hole in me. Not until you came and filled it. Then you were gone and it was like… hell. It was hell. I don’t want to be
friends
, Toronto.”

And he started to shudder. Slowly, he reached for her, and that break in her heart started to heal. “Sylvia?”

“It was more for me, too,” she whispered, pulling back and staring into his eyes.

The thick, golden fringe of his lashes swept down and he
went to his knees. “Shit.” Pressing his face to her belly, he clutched her to him, almost desperately. “You mean it. You mean that… how in the hell can you mean that?”

“How can I not?” Seeking out the band that held his hair confined, she tugged it free. “You and me, we fit, Toronto. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”

“No, we don’t.” He lifted his head and stared up at her. “I’m a self-centered asshole— but if you haven’t figured that out, too bad. I’m not going to let you go without a fight now.”

Sylvia laughed. Sinking down, she touched a hand to his face. “We’re a match. Maybe you can be an ass, but no more so than me. And you make me smile. You make me feel. You make me want. I had a hole inside of me all of this time and I never even realized it until you came along. You made me feel whole and then you were gone. I don’t want you gone again.”

“Sylvia…” His voice hitched as he rumbled out her name. Once more, he pulled her against him, gripping her with the desperation of a man drowning.

Rubbing her cheek against him, she cuddled close.

They sat there like that, for long, silent moments, his heart beating too hard, too fast, his skin so hot, it almost burned. But she didn’t care. Nothing mattered just then. She had him with her again and for now, that was all she needed.

This was real…

She was real…

This was happening—

Toronto stroked his hands up and down her back, kneading her flesh restlessly, his mind whirling, his thigh throbbing, and the silver in his blood still burning like a bitch. None of that mattered, he told himself. None of it—

Except something had to matter.

She came looking for me. She wants to be with me… that’s all that matters, right?

Closing his eyes, he tried to convince himself that they could worry about everything else later. Much later. After he’d gotten her someplace dark and quiet and safe from the sun, so he could spend the rest of the night hours making love to her.

But… he couldn’t.

“What’s wrong?”

As she pulled back, he made himself meet her eyes. He had to explain. If she couldn’t… or wouldn’t… stay, he had to respect that.

He was bound here for now. Going back on his word would undo everything he was trying to change about himself.

“I…” He took a deep breath. Fuck, he had to move. Holding her tight, he rose to his feet, ignoring the scream of the slowly healing wound in his thigh. Putting her down, he started to pace. “I haven’t spent my life very well, Sylvia. I break promises. I don’t meet my responsibilities. I don’t like who I am… when you…”

His voice cracked. Hell, he was a fucking mess. He tried again. “You left just like that, and I figured that was fate’s way of kicking me in the face for the way I’ve spent my life. I’m
supposed
to be better than this… I wouldn’t be a Hunter if I wasn’t meant to do more, be more. And I’m the sorriest fucking excuse there is. Half the time, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I may not remember who I was before this happened— and that kid doesn’t matter. I’ve built a past and it’s not one I’m terribly proud of. I promised myself I’d change that.”

“Toronto… you act like you’ve spent all these years kicking puppies and stealing candy from babies.” She came to him, touched his cheek. “And the boy you were… you weren’t a bad kid. Harold did this to you because you tried to help your friend. I can…” She paused, memories and nightmares making her eyes glow. “I can tell you what I know.”

“You don’t need to.
He
doesn’t matter. What I’ve done, what I’ve been… that matters. And maybe I haven’t kicked puppies or shit.” He gripped her wrist. Just touching her made him feel steadier. He could be better, be stronger. For her.

But he had to do it for himself, first.

“Why this happened doesn’t matter, either.” He stared off into the night, toward the compound where a kid waited— a young man who
did
need help. And Toronto knew he could do that. Could actually make a difference. He’d given his
word. “I came into this life as I am for a reason, though. I’m supposed to do more. It’s time I start doing it.”

Shifting his gaze to hers, he said quietly, “The pack here needs me. They were attacked and their Alpha was killed. His son is strong enough to take control, but he’s just a kid. He’s sixteen and he’s being challenged at every turn. He’s swinging back and forth between losing control himself, and trying to do the right thing.”

“You understand that better than some,” Sylvia murmured.

“Probably better than most.” He wanted to beg her to stay. Or at least wait. But he didn’t have that right. She wouldn’t be happy here, and she had her… life. And hell, how could the two of them even exist together? He
was
a Hunter. It wasn’t just
who
he was. He’d finally figured out it was
what
he was. But would a mercenary— one who seemed to hate Hunters in general— want to tie herself to him? “I can’t leave here yet. They’ll fall apart without me. And I gave my word.”

She continued to watch him.

The nerves, the need, the fear inside him spread, an ugly, twisting little mass. He wanted to tear it apart with teeth and claw, destroy it, but he couldn’t. He had to deal with it.

“I know this probably isn’t any place you would want to be— you’ve got your own thing that makes you happy, and I—”

Now she moved, covering his mouth with her hand. “Toronto… the only time I can remember being
really
happy are a few handful of moments with you.” She grimaced and added, “Granted, those moments aren’t many, considering you were either trying to piss me off, or we were chasing after Pulaski or whatever. But you’ve made me laugh. You’ve made me smile… and nobody else had done that in… well. A very long time. If I’m going to be happy, it’s going to be with you.”

Slowly, she lowered her hand, slid it around to hook over the back of his neck. “My own
thing
, as you call it… it doesn’t exactly make me
happy
. There are a few jobs that satisfy me and I may still want to do those on occasion, but I don’t do the job because it makes me happy. I did it
because I was good at it… and it was all I had.” Rising onto her toes, she pressed her mouth to his. “I’d rather find something that really does make me happy.”