Hurricane Days (18 page)

Beer cans piled up, as well as ashes in the ashtrays, and the fog engulfing the apartment got so thick, you would’ve thought we were in a sauna. Through the clouds of smoke, I overheard parts of conversations—Nancy telling Becky how cute some guy was. I figured if I kept drinking alongside everyone, I wouldn’t feel so different.

The song on the radio changed to my favorite slow ballad, “Alone Again.” Pairs of feet moved slowly on the carpet. It was too dark to tell if anyone was really dancing.

Boyd guided me to where others were dancing in the living room. I pretended to be interested in what he was saying, all the while watching Adrienne, who was sitting and smoking beside Sean. As Sean inched closer to kiss her, Adrienne turned her head, tapping ashes off into an empty can, looking up at me. The way her eyes met mine, I couldn’t tell if it was the fog in the room or my foggy head, but she seemed to be gazing at me the way Boyd was. Maybe it was what I wanted to believe. Adrienne’s black, button-down shirt opened at the top as she bent down, revealing the skin of her upper chest and neck, which I imagined had to be so soft…

So I danced. And danced. I thought I might be a regular at these parties, it was so much fun—as long as
she
was there. While Boyd and I danced, I looked over his shoulder. Again I caught Adrienne watching us. Adrienne arched back, letting Sean kiss her throat. Everything was wrong. The world was going in reverse. Upside down. Biology was wrong. Penises and vaginas, birds and bees. Nothing made sense in my drunken mind. Was the earth really round? Was it the beer talking? After a few beers, I’d begun to feel like a famous philosopher. With each drink, I was getting closer to solving the mysteries of the universe.

It was then when I clasped my arms around Boyd’s neck tightly and kissed him hard in front of Adrienne. When I came up for air, I saw that she was watching.
Mission accomplished.
I smiled to myself with satisfaction. Bette Davis would have been pleased. To any normal bystander, it was all very absurd, but my reality had long passed absurd in this world of swirling smoke and the fizzy swill I kept pouring down my throat and pretending to enjoy.

When it was time to go, Adrienne assured me that we were close enough to the dorm to walk. So of course it took us forever to get back, but I didn’t really notice. We kept hanging on to each other all the way back, though we weren’t sure why, except that neither of us could stand on our own. I liked that I could be this close to her and it was okay. In this twisted reality, it made sense for us to be tangled up, two pretzels in denim shorts, with our arms wrapped around each other. Neither of us could balance, so we kept laughing about it. For someone who had never done a daring thing in her life besides adding pickles to the potato salad at the church picnic or sneaking out to shoot pool with my brother, this was the most fun I’d ever had.

We stumbled into our room, still laughing. I headed straight for my bed, falling backward onto the mattress, which was thinner than a potato chip, with one arm behind my head. Adrienne turned away from the closed door, looked at me and said, “You’ll never fuck him.”

“What?” I raised up unsteadily on my elbows.

“I said, you’ll never fuck him.” She had a predatory stare as she walked slowly toward me.

I lay back down. “You don’t know what I would or wouldn’t do.” How dare she think she knew…oh, who was I kidding?

She moved closer, a shadow in the darkness, then her face was suddenly, strangely close, her lips just above mine. The next thing I knew, our lips were touching. It was so soft, and so alarming. I felt her lie all the way down on my bed, her deliberate movements exciting me, as I anticipated what she was going to do. I closed my eyes and felt her lips touch mine again, moving slowly, sending shock waves through my body. I couldn’t believe she was doing this. She raised up, looking amused, as if she could tell how much I wanted her. The truth was, I’d always known it would feel this way. And I wanted it all, whatever it was, something I dare not allow myself to imagine, not even in my daydreams. My breathing suspended, I felt her cheek brush against mine. I could feel her warm breath, the heat of her body so close. Like something I’d always known would happen yet so surprising at the same time, this night would change my life. Nothing I’d ever experienced before could compare to this. She was finally here, not across the room, the temptation I couldn’t touch. She was inviting me to touch her, and I was too excited to be scared, even though I was. Running her hand through my hair, she gazed at me, an unmistakable look, her mouth parting a little before she kissed me again. Both of us were feeling brave, uninhibited, as each kiss was deeper than the last. Her lips were so soft and melting, and her soft face—it was nothing like Marc’s scratchy stubble. With boys, everything seemed aggressive and forced. When Adrienne’s kisses grew more urgent, even possessive, it only excited me more. I was beginning to understand the difference and what that difference meant. Adrienne unbuttoned the black shirt that I had been eyeing all night, and she lowered herself onto my body. The room was quiet, with only the creak of the bed…

Kisses like melting butter along my neck startled me with their intimacy. I held her face in my hands and kissed her mouth again. “You know what I want?” she whispered.

I shook my head. I laughed as she threw off a couple of stuffed animals, clumsily breaking up the moment. Then we stopped laughing.

She lifted my shirt over my head, and my mind was cleared of all thought as her hands glided along my bare shoulders. I could sense her excitement, as though she’d been wanting to do this for a while, her fingers so slowly tracing along my chest, my collarbone. Then she kissed my neck. I leaned back, still a little dizzy from the alcohol, but amazingly alert now that this was finally happening.

After undoing zippers and buttons, she moved her nude body sensuously over mine, both of us savoring the softness and tingling heat of our skin. I closed my eyes, smiling to myself in the dark. I held her tightly to me, with my legs wrapped around her torso. I wanted to feel her all over and never let go.

Her hand moved lower, reaching between my thighs, her fingers opening me. I stirred anxiously as her face moved down, tracing silent kisses along my hips, my thighs.

“How do you know what to do?” I whispered.

“I don’t know.” Her voice was quiet. I could almost hear her smile in the dark.

As she glided her lips and tongue along the warm, secret place we both knew, I spread myself further open, offering myself to her. I surrendered to the pleasure, and terror. I lost control and welcomed the chaos, moaning from deep in my throat. I made sounds I didn’t even recognize.

My senses scattered like fragments of exploding light. I was aware of Adrienne’s beautiful smile in a foggy haze, her naked, muscular thighs and silky bronze skin that I had longed to touch from the first moment I saw her.

She held me quietly in the darkness, the two of us wrapped in a swirling, cotton sheet, my heart still pounding from a few moments before. It wouldn’t be long before I was the one on top, gazing at her, ready to return the favor. My inexperienced hands glided down her body, instinctively knowing where they wanted to go. Then she guided me down between her legs. I felt mostly terror, knowing that this was taboo. But my body moved without thinking, and next thing I knew, she was making sounds I’d never heard her make before. I watched her neck arch back, her eyes closed, her clenched hands tearing the sheet off the mattress. The power of her release was so great I felt it with her, and I held her trembling body tightly, stroking her hair. I would never forget this night and what it meant to me. Somehow, though, in the midst of the intimacy we had shared, I felt only momentarily safe in her arms.

Chapter Thirty-Four

I awoke to harsh, morning light that scolded me for last night’s fall from grace. It wasn’t a dream. Adrienne was still there beside me. I stared in awe at her bare back, with the sheet curling provocatively below her waist, the curve of her hip so delicate like the statue of a goddess, but somehow more perfect.

Then I thought about the pastor back in Atlanta, Reverend Butler, how he’d told me to repent just for saying “shit” when my brother tracked cow manure onto my bedroom carpet. For this, he’d surely damn me to hell. Did anyone ever admit to something like this? I wondered. Touching Adrienne’s flowing caramel hair on the pillow, I decided it was none of Reverend Butler’s business.

Such a sensuous, forbidden encounter—I lay still, intoxicated by the memory and wondering if the person next to me felt the same. I almost didn’t breathe. Now I knew for sure there was a heaven, or at least a really perfect hell.

She stirred under the covers. She was waking up. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I lay stiffly, awaiting the next touch, the next caress, wondering what her smile would look like in morning light so close to me, wondering how she would look at me now that we had this intimate knowledge of each other. But she threw off the sheet abruptly, rose from the bed, grabbed something from her closet and left the room.

Minutes later when she returned, I saw that she’d taken a shower. She dried her damp hair with a towel, and was already dressed. She then grabbed a trash bag and began sliding empty cigarette packs into it, when she saw that I was awake. “You’re still in bed?” Her question felt more like an accusation.

I stared at her, expressionless. “Yeah. I was just thinking about last night.”

Her body stiffened, and she laughed nervously. “Yeah. Look, I’m sorry. I should never have had that many beers.”

A paralyzing sickness settled in my stomach. “Oh, right. Me neither.” The words came out to protect me before I had a chance to think. “I’ve never had beer before.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She smiled awkwardly and checked her watch. “Damn, I gotta go.” She searched absently for her books, stuffed them into her bag and flew out the door. She never studied at the library, especially not on a Sunday.

I stared at the closed door, devastated, before groping for my clothes. Suddenly, the goddess statue beside me had crumbled into a heap of dust.

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Are you out of your mind!” Lara chased Robin all the way back to her office. When the door was closed behind them… “What the hell was
that
?”

“An announcement.” Sometimes Robin simply enjoyed watching Lara fly off the rails.

“You didn’t say anything!” Lara exclaimed. “You care about the environment? Fine. But you support creating more oil jobs. Remember? What the hell? You basically talked in a circle.”

“Isn’t that what politicians do?”

Lara backed out of the room. “Not you. The reason you’re ahead is because you’re not like that. This, whatever this was, I don’t know. It was a confusing mess.”

“I sent a message to environmental groups, to let them know that I don’t plan to torch the planet.”

“It came off like you’re trying to please both sides.” Lara sighed. “When you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing no one.”

“Especially you.” Smiling, Robin came around her desk and held Lara’s shoulders. “It’s going to be all right.”

“How do you do that?”

Robin stared blankly.

“How do you drop a pile of shit in there,” Lara said, “that I have to clean up, by the way, then act like it’s no big deal?”

Her answer was a slight smile as the governor turned away.

“I have to convince Jeannette not to quit now.” Lara huffed to herself. “I should’ve retired to Bermuda years ago…” She muttered all the way out the door. She scurried down the hall, still talking to herself like a crazy person.

With the press conference out of the way, there was a sense of relief among most of the governor’s staff, although an uneasiness remained.

“It’s a matter of trust,” Peter explained awkwardly. Minutes later, he sat across from the governor’s desk, trying to make his case without losing his temper. He’d seen what happened to his predecessors, and he wanted to keep his job. “There is talk about all the secrets…”

“Talk?” Robin laughed. “As if we don’t have enough to worry about out there.” She gestured toward the window. “Now I have to be concerned about the loyalty of my staff? Let me know who isn’t on board with my campaign, and I’ll be happy to let them go.”

“No, Governor, no. It’s not like that.”

“Well, then what is it like?” She stood up and went to the windows that were streaming in afternoon light. “I told you, I was warding off what I saw as a potential issue, with the environment, but I think it will no longer be an issue.” Her fingers glided along the rim of her scarf, her thoughts drifting to what Adrienne had told her, hearing the words she said and the way she said them. She couldn’t stop thinking about her.

“Governor, to be frank…there’s a thorn in our side that’s not going away. ” His words surprised her. “We’ve gotten word that Adrienne Austen is going to do interviews. We need to address this right away.”

All the color left Robin’s face. Was Adrienne going to betray her anyway? Robin didn’t know what she was capable of. Remembering the past, every time she trusted Adrienne she got hurt. What if nothing had changed? “Interviews?”

“The first one is going to air tonight on CNN,” he replied. “Lara wants to have a statement ready, depending on how it goes.”

“I need to go.” Robin grabbed her jacket and headed for the door.

“But Governor!”

* * *

Robin slowly untied her light blue scarf and stood in front of the full-length mirror in the bedroom to appraise herself. She touched her neck, her chest, examining the older skin, though still unblemished. She traced a few new lines on her neck; the cool air felt good on her skin. She took a deep breath, enjoying the feeling of no scarf around her neck. She glanced at all the scarves in her closet. Lara had told her to always wear one after an interview Robin did where she’d worn one. Since more people had seen that interview, Lara told Robin that she should keep wearing them so it would become a trademark, something to make her stand out. But now they were beginning to feel confining.