Hurricane Days (33 page)

“So don’t.” Adrienne waved at some of her other party friends.

I didn’t really care. To me, Nancy, Becky and the others were a bunch of girls who liked to hang on each other and giggle and get as wasted as possible. I felt a bizarre satisfaction in knowing that Adrienne was the one I came here with tonight and the one she’d be leaving with. It didn’t matter if we had our separate social groups.

As it grew darker, the ocean disappeared, replaced by sounds of crashing waves. The sand was cooler and silky, brushing over my bare feet as I took off my flip-flops and tried to find Carol in the crowd. Smoke from the bonfire smothered the salty smell of the air, as I caught glimpses of faces in the flashes of light.

Suddenly there was Boyd’s wounded face. I remembered how I’d just run out of the apartment without a look back or another word. But he’d become too aggressive, and that memory tempered my guilt somewhat. He came closer. His hair was longer, frizzier, and his cheeks more sunken. He could have easily been shooting some drug; he looked as though he was wasting away.

“‘I really want to do it!’” he mocked. “‘Of course I want to!’” His high-pitched, terrible imitation of my southern voice made me sick to my stomach.

I stood my ground, holding my head high. I felt strong. And besides, we were surrounded by people. He’d never catch me alone again. “Boyd,” I said sternly. “Some things aren’t meant to be, like you and me.” Then I resumed walking.

But he followed. “There never was a ‘you and me.’” He climbed over the small hills of the beach unsteadily. “Was there?”

For a moment in the dark, I saw pain on his face. He lashed out at me because he didn’t know what to do with his hurt. I had given him hope I shouldn’t have.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “It was my fault. I…had feelings for someone else, and I was trying to get over…him.”

“Huh.” That seemed to make it worse. “You’re just a cocktease!” he shouted to save his pride or ego or whatever else he was clinging to besides his beer.

I tried to be kind, I reasoned. At least I tried. “Whatever.” I moved on, coldly leaving him in the shadows.

Still searching for Carol, I turned, and over my shoulder I saw Adrienne on the edge of a lounge chair, laughing with Nancy and Sean. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Every inch of my skin felt cold in spite of being so near to the bonfire.

“Hey, kiddo.” It was Carol, standing a little too close to the soaring flames.

I motioned her over. “Let’s get away from this, okay? It’s too…fiery.”

She laughed at my description, and we moved closer to the water and darkness. Only a sliver of moon lit our way, and it took a while for our eyes to adjust.

“How’s your girlfriend?” Carol asked.

“Fine, I guess.”

“You guess? Where is she?”

I didn’t want to tell her. She’d have all kinds of rude things to say. I had a persistent, sickening feeling that I might be a character in a story where I was the only one living the story. One-sided feelings, one-sided thoughts. Even in our most intimate moments, how honest was Adrienne? She sometimes seemed like she was holding something back. Could I really trust her? When I gestured to the lounge chairs illuminated in bonfire light, Carol zeroed in immediately on the fact that Adrienne was now talking to her former boyfriend. And I had a strange sensation, wondering if we really would be leaving this party together.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” I insisted.

“You sure about that?”

Sean took off his shirt, inching closer to Adrienne. She was in her party mood, her charismatic smile drawing in everyone around her. She seemed to be at the center of the group the moment she arrived. She gulped down another beer, apparently enjoying the attention.

Without his shirt on, Sean was even more repugnant. Never mind that my visceral hatred of him sprang from deep-rooted jealousy, I also just plain didn’t like him. I sensed something sinister, maybe it was his angry eyes. Even when he was trying to be nice, his eyes still looked like those of something evil, dark and empty. I’d seen it before in some guys. And I saw it in him. They were entitled to everything—and
everyone
. His friends had the same look in their eyes, and several of them were out tonight, looking for girls to take to one of their private parties. I knew the scene all too well.

I made sure that Adrienne caught a glimpse of me and Carol walking together by the shore. She glanced in my direction, but she didn’t leave her party crowd. Carol and I took a long walk, away from the noise and the lights. Everything was calmer under the moonlight, with nothing but the sound of waves tumbling over our feet.

“I shouldn’t have come,” I said. “I’m really not up for this.”

“All the dumbasses she hangs out with?”

I smiled. Her bluntness sometimes made me feel better. “I guess.”

“It’s okay. The film crowd is down this way, unless I lost my sense of direction, which is entirely possible.” She looked around, unable to tell if anyone was up ahead.

As we walked, we heard sounds of something going on, voices getting louder, until we could tell there was some kind of fight. Then an unbelievable scene suddenly unfolded right in front of us.

A gang of boys, some I recognized as friends of Sean’s, were beating up Andrew and kicking sand in his face. They were wearing jester hats from the Mardi Gras parade that afternoon. “Fuckin’ faggot!” I heard them yell. They were the same ones who had been waiting outside the Cobra
Club that night.

“Stop it!” I screamed, running at them full speed. I nearly halted when I came face-to-face with the tallest one, who was standing on the edges of the gang, watching in amusement. “Get away from him!” I shouted.

Carol tried to pull me back. “You gotta be careful with these fuckers.”

But I felt brave; I didn’t care if they carried knives or if this was a secluded enough part of the beach where they might feel like they could get away with anything. It didn’t matter. All I knew was what was right and what was wrong. In the nighttime light, it was really clear.

The gang proved more cowardly than we expected. At the first hint of trouble, the boys disbanded and were quickly swallowed up by darkness. I dropped to my knees beside Andrew, whose face was bloody beyond recognition.

“Oh my God. He’s hurt.” Carol came up behind me.

“Go get help!” I commanded.

She took off, while I gripped Andrew’s hand. “It’ll be okay,” I repeated. I wasn’t sure of that, but I hoped he’d be able to hear me.

Chapter Fifty-Nine

After the ambulance pulled away, Carol and I ran back to the center of the party. We found Gina Chi and told her what had happened.

“We can follow him in my car,” Gina said. She’d been Carol’s ride anyway, but I would have to find Adrienne and let her know.

“Give me a minute,” I said, trying to find my way through the crowd. Most of the lounge chairs were now empty. I looked up toward the parking lot and was surprised to see her Camaro still parked in its space. I heard the strumming of a guitar melting into the wind. When I looked closer, I saw Adrienne sitting in the sand, plucking the strings of her acoustic guitar. I could actually make out a tune; it was as if she’d been secretly practicing. She stopped when she saw me.

“Hey, check it out.” Adrienne smelled like beer. Her words ran together without the usual pauses of a sober person. “Can you believe someone was gonna toss this? At a garage sale…” She played a few more notes to show off.

“Yes, I know. You told me.”

“Where you been?” she asked.

“One of my friends got beaten up,” I said.

“Shit!” Adrienne rose unsteadily to her feet and dusted the sand off her backside.

“Yeah, so, I was going to go with Carol and Gina over there…” I gestured to my two friends standing near the bonfire. “We’re going to the hospital.”

“Oh.” Adrienne looked worried.

“Are you okay?” I could see that she wasn’t.

“I was hoping you could be my designated driver.” She laughed, mocking herself, her head obviously cloudy.

“Where are your friends?” I asked.

“They went back to Sean’s place.”

I’d wondered if she was going to go back with him too. Maybe I feared it all night. “I guess I’m surprised you stayed,” I said.

“I wasn’t going to leave without you,” she exclaimed. “What the hell kind of person you think I am?”

“Sometimes you can…” Now was not the night to have a rational conversation. “I’ll drive you back.”

I asked my friends to check on Andrew and told them I’d be by in the morning.

“She didn’t go with her boyfriend?” Carol remarked.

“No,” I said. “I’ve got to get her back to campus.”

Adrienne hiccupped behind me.

“Got it.” Carol’s glare was judgmental. I watched as she and Gina headed up to the parking lot.

“Call me if you have any news, okay?”

“Yeah!” Carol waved, her back to me.

Adrienne and I got to the car, then fumbled for what seemed like forever with the heavy guitar case and managed to get it back into the trunk.

In the car, we turned the stereo up way too loud, but the kind of loud you want when you’ve had too much to drink. I tried to turn it down a notch as I figured out how to roll down the windows of her car. Down the highway, the salty wind made its way inside; it would forever be a scent etched in my mind whenever I thought about this time and place.

“Why did you think I’d leave you?” Adrienne asked.

“You seemed kind of cozy with Sean.” I wished I hadn’t said it as soon as I’d said it.

“I’m not with him anymore. You know that.” She took my hand.

We came to a curve, and I jerked my hand away. “I need both hands on the wheel!”

She laughed. “You drive like my grandma.”

“Good. She’s probably a safe driver.”

“She’s barely tall enough to see over the dashboard.”

“Shut up.” I took comfort in what Adrienne had said. Maybe I could learn to let myself relax about what we had together. But right now, my first worry was for Andrew. I wondered how serious his injuries were. Maybe the bruises looked worse than they were…

“You seemed all cozy with that film chick.” Adrienne lit up another cigarette.

“Carol?” I was snapped out of my worries.

“Whatever.” She tapped ashes out the window. Even though it was a totally disgusting habit to me, the way Adrienne tapped the ashes was kind of sexy. I didn’t know exactly why. Maybe it reminded her of the women in film noir. Or maybe Adrienne could read a phone book and still be sexy. It was probably the blindness of first love where everything she did had a singular, awe-inspiring quality to it.

“I like it when you’re jealous.” I smiled, noticing a few stars popping out to guide my way.

“I’m not jealous, not unless you got a thing for nerds.”

“Don’t call her that.” There was nothing nerdy about Carol. If anything, she reminded me of an artsy New Yorker who owned a gallery that made news for its controversial exhibits of penises or severed heads. Yeah, she was absolutely that type. Sometimes she wore black-rimmed glasses, but the nerd stereotype was ridiculous.

“Did I upset you?” Adrienne seemed to be trying to pick a fight.

“I just don’t like labels. You like to do that, you know. You call everyone something.” I imitated her: “‘She’s a slut. He’s a jock.’ You know, there’s more to people than what you see on the outside.”

“No kidding,” Adrienne laughed. “Look at you, Miss Prim and Proper. Who would know?”

“Know what?”

“That you like pussy!” Adrienne wailed drunkenly.

I tried to remind myself that she wasn’t really herself tonight. But I was upset anyway. Why did she have to take something good and make it sound like something from one of her porn movies? Unless it didn’t mean the same to her…always the doubts creeping in. “Do you know that some of your buddy’s friends beat up my friend tonight?”

“What buddy?”

“Sean!”

“He’s not my buddy.” She paused dramatically. “He’s an asshole.”

“You got that right. His friends called Andrew a faggot!” I slammed harder on the gas.

“Okay! I’ll talk to him. I know he can be an asshole, but I can’t control everyone he hangs out with. Who’s Andrew?”

“Why do you hang out with Sean? Why doesn’t that bother you?” I found myself in a familiar argument.

“I can’t solve everything, and neither can you.” She pointed her cigarette at me. “You better realize that, or you’re gonna die of high blood pressure or something.”

“That ship’s probably sailed already.” I pulled the cigarette out of her mouth and threw it out the window.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Will you get a grip?”

“My really good friend was beaten within an inch of his life tonight, and I’m here because…because…you’re too shit-faced to drive!” I swerved; I was driving faster than I normally did, feeling angry about everything. When I finally got to the city limits, I slowed down. It wouldn’t be good if we were stopped. If Adrienne said one word, it would be all over. I could see my parents’ faces as I told them I spent a night in jail for drinking and driving. They’d never be able to show their faces in church again.

“So sorry to put you out! Hey…” Adrienne grabbed my shoulder, pulling me out of my daydream. “I’m sorry about your friend. I really am. It’s not my fault it happened, though, just because I used to date Sean.”

I said nothing for a while. “You’re right,” I finally answered. I was holding her accountable for something that didn’t matter anymore.

We turned into the dormitory parking lot. Carol called to assure me there wasn’t any point in going tonight. They had him stabilized, and he was asleep. So she and Gina left and went back to campus too. I wouldn’t get to the hospital until the next morning.

“Thanks for letting me know.” When I hung up the phone, I saw Adrienne fast asleep in bed.

I came over to her bed and pulled the sheet up over her, even though she was still wearing her clothes. I looked at her, reminding myself how nice it was that she didn’t leave without me. I wondered why I expected that to happen. I was grateful it didn’t. I took a tissue and wiped the runny mascara under her eyes. Nothing stirred her awake, even as I brushed the hair away from her face. I sat for a while, just looking at her, and the bulky guitar case that now took up half the room. I listened to her steady breathing. I took off each of her shoes gingerly, so as not to wake her. But she had already started snoring, lost somewhere far away.