Hustle Me (21 page)

I could tell part of him missed playing as much as he used to. A couple times I woke up in the middle of the night and found him downstairs shooting balls around. I remembered it was how he cleared his mind and since the whole relationship thing was new to us, I never wanted him to feel smothered by me, so I gave him the space he needed.
 

Since Elle had gone back to school after finding out about me and Jammer, she'd told Zach about my new boyfriend. He'd texted a couple of times, but never offered to stop by and hang out. Elle finally called me one night and told me that Zach had been in love with me. I felt so bad because I didn't have those kinds of feelings for him. Even if I may have thought I did at one point, once I met Jammer and felt what he made me feel, I knew it wasn't the same.
 

From the moment of my first encounter with Jammer, I felt like I knew him already. He'd made me feel safe immediately. I couldn't explain it. I guess it was almost like we were friends in a past life or something. Okay, that sounds kind of lame to say out loud, but it's the truth. I wasn’t exactly sure what loving a boyfriend felt like, but I was pretty sure that's what I was starting to feel for Jammer. After spending the whole day thinking of him, I manage to wait until ten p.m. before the worrying started to really kick in. I dialed his number and prayed that he was okay.
 

Hello
 

Jammer, I was so worried.
 

You shouldn't worry about me, baby. I always manage to make it on my own.
 

Okay, I guess I will see you at home.
 

Don't wait up, Lena.
 

I hung up the phone and couldn't believe that had just happened. Who the hell was Lena and why did he sound drunk? I went downstairs, thinking he was playing a joke on me and he
was downstairs hiding. It was dark and quiet, with clearly no sign of my boyfriend. I guess a normal girlfriend would have called him back and gave him the third degree, but I wasn't that girl. As much as I wanted to be mad at him, I just wanted him to come home to me. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn't. I was scared and felt completely alone.
 

By one in the morning, I'd fallen asleep on the couch waiting. I heard a key in the door and sat up and saw him stumbling inside. I rushed over to the door and helped him make it into the bedroom. "Thanks, baby. I would have called, but I seemed to have misplaced my phone. Did you know that when you have too much to drink, you lose everything? I think it’s somewhere in my car."
 

He smelled so bad of liquor and I just wanted him to pass out.
 

I tugged on his jeans and pulled them off of his legs. He started laughing and rolling around on the bed. "You want some of this too? Everybody wants some of Jammer tonight." He started laughing at the same time I think I felt the burning in my eyes.
 

Had he been out with someone else while I was home crying about losing my business and my home? Was he really that fucking horrible and I didn't know it?
 

He reached over and tried to grab me and pull me on top of him. "Charlie, kiss me. I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't know about Lena. I didn't know about the little girl. I saw those pictures and it was as clear as day. She was always my Lena. Do you hear me, Charlie?"
 

I heard him, but I didn't understand him. Whoever Lena was, she was his. Oh my God, did he have a kid and someone showed him the pictures of her today? Was that why he hadn't called me. Did he meet his child?
 

I wanted to ask him, but feared what his words would reveal. My day was more than fucked up and hearing that I could be losing him too was just too much. I covered him up and waited for him to fall asleep.
 

"Charlie," he whispered. "I remember playing house with my Lena."
 

"You can tell me tomorrow."
 

"Okay, and I have to tell you about John too."
 

John, as in John Thomas? Jammer knew where John Thomas was? I almost wanted to shake him awake, but his snores reminded me that he couldn't say anything else to break my heart.
 

I stood over the bed crying for a while before I took my pillow out to the couch. Since Jammer had been staying with us, Ryan stayed in his room. He told me that he felt like Jammer kept the bad guys away.
 

I woke up to the sound of someone sniffling. At first I thought it was Ryan, so I jumped off of the couch. Jammer sat in the chair across from me. He looked like hell and I could tell from the way his eyes looked that he’d been upset.  “Charlie, did I hurt you?”
 

I shrugged and looked down at my hands. “Not physically.”
 

“I don’t remember getting home last night. What happened?”
 

Since I knew he was okay, I was actually feeling more pissed than upset. “You tell me. Who is Lena, Jammer?” His eyes got really big before he put his head down and shook it back and forth. When he wouldn’t answer me, I stood up and walked over to him. I put my hands on my hips. “What do you know about John?”
 

“Baby, please just sit down for a second. I will explain everything if you just give me a damn second to figure out how to say this.” He put his hands up to his face and kept them there. “God, I fucked up so bad.”
 

“Did you cheat on me?”
 

He removed his hands quickly. “No!”
 

“How do you know? I mean, clearly you were at a bar.”
 

“I know that I wouldn’t do that to you, not to you.” I was more than confused.
 

I threw my hands in the air. “What is that supposed to mean?”
 

“I can’t explain with you freaking out in front of me. Can you please just calm down and give me a damn second?”
 

I was angry and hurt and confused, all balled into one. I couldn’t give him a second, because I was going insane waiting. “I want you to tell me what is going on. What are you hiding? Who the hell is Lena?”
 

“Charlie, please, I can’t just come out and say it.”
 

“You have five seconds to explain, or you can get your shit and get out of here. I have enough problems than to sit around and live with someone I can’t trust.”
 

He stood up and pulled something out of his pocket and placed it in my hand, before sitting back down in the chair. I looked down and noticed that it was a picture of a little boy and a little girl. The boy looked a few years older, but she was sitting on his lap and they were both laughing. There was something familiar about both of the children that I couldn’t put my finger on. “What is this? Who are these people?”
 

“Charlie, I think you need to sit down.”
 

I just stood there. “You’re scaring me, Jammer.”
 

I backed up and sat down on the couch, still staring at the picture. He got up and kneeled down in front of me. “When I was seventeen I left home. It wasn’t because I had a bad upbringing like you did. I had quite the opposite actually. I went to elite private schools and hung out with my rich snotty friends. My dad owned businesses all around Baltimore, but from behind closed doors, he was a loan shark. He’d lend money to people, only to turn around and take everything from them. He built an empire out of taking
away people’s homes and their jobs. I didn’t want anything to do with that, so I just left. I met this guy who shared an interest in pool. He took me in and gave me a job. He taught me the real game of pool and showed me how to survive by doing what I loved. After a year, I left. I wanted to do my own thing and didn’t want the responsibility of answering to someone else. When I came back to town, it was to see your father, Charlie. I lived in this apartment with your dad.”
 

“This is a joke right? Like this is your way of getting out of cheating on me? You’re making up this convoluted story so I go easier on you?”
 

He stood up and started pacing around the room. “Charlie, I stayed to help you because I found out my father was involved in the attacks on you. Our fathers were in business together. That is you and me in the picture and you were my Lena.”
 

I flipped the picture around and sure enough, in a woman’s handwriting it read, “Charlene McNally and John Thomas (Jammer and his Lena)”. I covered my mouth with my hand and could feel the tears falling down my face.
 

“You’ve known this all along? How could you do this to me? How…”
 

“Whoa, I swear to God that I just found out yesterday. I went to see my mother, to find out what my father was trying to do. I thought I could get him to back off. She told me the story of your parents and their separation. She told me how my father and Joe were best friends and they had a falling out. I didn’t know I knew you, Charlie. I swear I didn’t know.”
 

“Please leave.” I was crying too hard to say anything else.
 

“Charlie, I swear to you that I didn’t know. This has nothing to do with how I feel about you now. It just means that its real. What I feel for you is so real, Charlie. Please believe me.”
 

I pushed him away from me and ran into my bedroom. My body fell on the bed and I just started bawling. I’d been living with John Thomas this whole time. Jammer had lied to me, even if he didn’t know the other stuff. I couldn’t forgive him.
 

I heard him come into the room and felt the bed move as he sat down next to me. His hand touched my back and I moved away. “Don’t touch me. I don’t even know you. Get your things and
go,
John
.” I waited until he got up. “Don’t you dare say a word to my brother. I won’t let you hurt him too.”
 

I could hear him getting his stuff together. The sound of zippers was amplified for the simple fact that I knew what the sound of them actually meant. They meant he was really leaving. As angry as I was, a part of me wanted to run into that room and beg him to stay with me. My heart was ripping apart and for the first time, I was sure that I was in love with him. Nothing could be more painful than feeling the loss of someone you love.
 

I heard keys rattling and then the door closing. I don’t know how long I cried, but my brother came in and jumped on the bed beside me. “Charlie, why are you sad?”
 

“Jammer had to go away, buddy. I’m just sad about it.”
 

“Because you love him?”
 

I rubbed his head and tried to smile. “Yeah.”
 

“I love him too. When is he coming back?”
 

How do I tell my little brother that someone he cares about isn’t coming back, after he’s lost his father. He is going to think that everyone leaves. “I don’t know.”
 

“I hope he comes back soon so you can smile again. Jammer always makes you smile.”
 

While I got my brother to go get dressed for school, I got myself dressed enough to take him down to his preschool bus. My whole life was crashing down on me, but my brother’s education was still important.
 

I called Shaun and let him know that we were having plumbing problems and the tavern would be closed for the day. It wasn’t a total lie, considering that I was flooding the building with my tears. I needed Jammer to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright, but he was the reason for my tears. He and his father were completely to blame.
 

Chapter 24
 

Jammer
 

I regretted going to see my mother. Not only had my relationship with Charlie been destroyed, but I'd also learned that Joker hadn't been honest with me, he knew whose kid I was the whole time. What kind of fucked up person uses a kid like that? Obviously, he and my father were more friends than they realized, based on their payback abilities.
 

I missed Charlie from the moment I walked out of that apartment. In just one short month she'd changed me. I wish I had a better explanation, but the truth was I didn't. I couldn't explain why I was so connected with her. I mean, I get that I knew her when we were kids, but the fact that I was so obsessed with her even back then was unreal.
 

I didn't believe in fate or stupid shit that couldn't be explained, but knowing that I'd found Charlie and fallen in love with her, it had to be some kind of devine intervention. The past six years had given me nothing to show for, but in that short month
with Charlie, we’re building a future. We worked great together and I felt like we were on the same page.
 

I knew I should have told her who I was, but the longer I waited, the more I felt like I would lose her. Obviously, I'd been right. She kicked me out without blinking. She was so hurt, I could see it in her eyes and my heart ached for breaking her heart.
 

I was all the way in my car before I realized that I’d left my stick in the bedroom under Charlie's side of the bed. It wasn't like I could walk back in there and get it. I couldn't stand seeing her cry when I was the damn reason.
 

Before I knew it, I was driving back to my parents’ house. My father was away on business and I knew exactly where to find him. I should have been prepared for my mother's reaction when she heard my voice on the monitor.
 

"Yes?"
 

"Mom, it's me. I need to talk to you again."
 

"If you're just going to get mad and leave, then I refuse to talk to you."
 

I shook my head and knew where I'd gotten my stubbornness. "Mom, please. I will tell you why I had to leave yesterday. Just let me in."