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'I know what you're thinking, Mr Kemp, but I'd thank you at this moment if you kept your opinions to yourself. I may add that my faculties are not impaired. I know what I am doing. Right prevails in the end.'He managed to stop himself from adding a quip to that, as his father might have done: 'And so does spite.'Apart from this, he was very surprised at the change that had come about in this woman since her husband had died. Perhaps it was because her husband had thwarted 920penned. And it was all against Mr Skinner. If anyone was asking his opinion he would have said that what Mr Douglas Fihnore had done was what was due to his nephew, whether in or out of law. But definitely he had known from the first that it was against his wife's wishes. Yet, he could never imagine Mrs Filmore taking this attitude, but taken it she had and so therefore he would have to obey her orders.

But it would go so very much against the grain, for in trying to penalize Mr Skinner she was acting against her own daughter. Did she not understand that? He was about to put this to her tactfully, when she said,

'I know what you're thinking, Mr Kemp, but I'd thank you at this moment if you kept your opinions to yourself. I may add that my faculties are not impaired. I know what I am doing. Right prevails in the end.'He managed to stop himself from adding a quip to that, as his father might have done: 'And so does spite.'Apart from this, he was very surprised at the change that had come about in this woman since her husband had died. Perhaps it was because her husband had thwarted 921her. Women were queer cattle; he hadn't really understood them; and now he knew lie never would live long enough to learn; not after taking down words that he must transcribe into legal terms and which would hold down a younger woman for the rest of her life, no matter which way she stepped. And it wasn't likely, being a human being, that she would step away from inheriting a fortune, one such as her mother's.Dear! Dear! He sometimes wished he had taken up a profession that would have given him the opportunity to view humanity through a misted glass.

14Joseph stood by the bed and looked down at Liz. She was dressed for the operating theatre and her face was bright as she looked up at him and said, 'You've really got a lift in?''Yes, and it works by electricity; and also, near it, a chute to take trays et cetera to the first floor.''Really? That's marvellous. It sounds exciting.''Well, it certainly is to your mother. She's been up and down it like a sweep's brush.'Her face lost its smile now as she said, 'It's a pity there have been no applicants for the shop/There's plenty of time.''She was telling me how she enjoys Bertha. A kindred spirit, she called her.''Oh, yes, they get on like a house on fire.

923Bertha says she wouldn't mind taking over the outdoor beer shop herself, and your mother says she wouldn't mind doing an exchange tomorrow, because she's always wanted to have a few hens and ducks. And I tell them, all right, they can make the exchange whenever they like, but to stop jabbering about it.*She pulled back the sleeve of her theatre gown and put out her hand to him, and when he took it between his own, she asked quietly, 'Have you heard anything yet, I mean, from the solicitor?''Yes, from mine, but he doesn't seem to be making much headway with hers. I got on to Mr Kemp myself and he said as soon as his client made up her mind, he would let me know. But it doesn't matter, dear. We've accepted the situation; it doesn't matter a fig to me: you're coming home with me, everything's ready for you. The doctor promised me you'll be there for Christmas, and the staff are looking forward to meeting you, as are the family.'When she closed her eyes he shook the hand within his, saying, *I am not just saying that.' Although at the bottom of his heart he

924knew he was just saying that, because they all wouldn't have been human if they hadn't raised their eyebrows, or let their tongues wag about the situation. The only one he could really rely on to accept it wholly was John. But he wasn't going to worry; they, the rest, would all fall into place through time, and when they got to know Liz, they would love her; they couldn't help but do so.She looked at him now, saying, 'You do know, dear, that this is a case of touch and go ... well, what I mean to say is, I may be able to get some use back into them through time and exercise; on the other hand, it may mean I'll be like this for good?'He bent over her now and, squeezing her hand further, he said, 'Either way, my love, either way, we'll be together.'He stood aside as three nurses and a porter came in smiling, and one of the nurses, her voice very hearty, said, 'I'm sick and tired of pushing you down that passage. Well, I've gone on strike so I'm handing over to Percy here. Anyway, you've got all the men running after you, so come on, don't lie there, hoist yourself on to this trolley.'As the breezy nurse was speaking, theA.

925other two and the porter lifted Liz bodily on to the trolley, then put a blanket over her, and now, her head back on the low pillow, she looked up at Joseph and said, 'Until tonight, dear,' and he answered,

'Until tonight. I'll be waiting.''By! some folks are lucky,' the talkative nurse said; 'I wonder when my turn'll come,' to which the porter quipped, 'Any minute, dear, any minute. Just say the word.'Joseph walked some distance behind the trolley until it disappeared into a lift; and there he stood, seemingly lost, for some minutes. Even as he walked away and passed the waiting room, he had the strong desire to go in and sit down and wait until she came out of the theatre. Yet, not knowing how long that would be and also remembering he had an appointment at four o'clock with a client to view a house, he told himself he would phone at about five and hope to have a word with her doctor; then he would go home, have a quick bite to eat and be back for seven o'clock . . .As it was, he returned to the hospital at a quarter to seven. Generally, there would already be a number of people sitting in the 926waiting room. He would not join them, but would stand in the corridor together with one or two other men. But tonight he did not reach the corridor, for he was beckoned to the reception desk, and there the nurse on duty, who had come to know him well and always had a cheery word for him, greeted him with,

'Mr Skinner, will you please go'- she pointed across the hall-'down that corridor. It's the second door.

The doctor would like to see you/He stared at her, but she was avoiding his gaze; she was writing something in a book. Of a sudden his feet felt as if they were glued to the floor, and he had to make an effort to move away from the desk and the sight of the top of her starched cap,He knocked on the second door and a voice said, 'Come in.'When he entered the room he saw the usual doctor and the surgeon, but the latter was no longer in his white coat, he was dressed as if for the street. They were both standing and must have been in close conversation, but they turned and looked at him. Then Doctor Armitage said, 'Oh. Oh,

927hello, Mr Skinner. Do come in. Would you like to take a seat?''No, thank you. What's the matter?'The two men exchanged a quick glance; then it was the surgeon who spoke, and he said, Tm terribly, terribly sorry about the news I have to give you. We ... we could do nothing. It was so sudden; yet ... yet not unexpected.''What . . . was . . . unexpected?' He found he had to push one word after another out from his mouth.'Well, she knew the risk but she didn't want to alarm you or her mother. But strangely, the particular risk we were afraid of didn't happen. What I mean is, the operation went through successfully. We were delighted. But then she began to bleed, her pulmonary system . . . her veins were very thin. She had told me she was subject to frequent nose bleedings, and when this happens it often points to a weakened pulmonary system. Everything possible that could be done was done, I assure you, but we couldn't stop the bleeding. It seemed that a whole length of vein broke down altogether.'Joseph didn't speak but he took a step to

928the side and sat down on the seat that had previously been offered to him. If either of these men had asked him what he felt at that moment he could have answered truthfully: nothing, nothing at all; he could have been as dead as she was.When a hand pushed a small glass towards his face and a voice said as if from a distance, 'Drink this, Mr Skinner/ obediently he took the glass and drank it. It was sweet tasting, that is until it got down his throat and then it seemed to burn like whisky.He blinked now as he looked from one to the other, and when Doctor Armitage said, 'What did you say, Mr Skinner?' he said to the face hovering in front of him, 'She always said it wouldn't work.''Did she? You mean?' The doctor's voice was cut off abruptly by the surgeon saying, 'She was a very nice woman.' And as Joseph looked up at him he repeated to himself, Yes, she was a very nice woman. She was a lovely woman, a lovely girl. She was or had been someone who could love him and let him go. She had said that to him only last week, 'I love you, but if circumstances were such that

929you found you must go back, then I could let you go.' But now she was gone. No! No! She couldn't be. Life wouldn't do this to him. He wasn't a bad man. He wasn't like his father. Aren't you? Aren't you?

There was a voice coming from the back of his head and it kept saying just that: Aren't you? Aren't you?

He had left his wife and taken a mistress, and what were you intent on doing? You left Amy and took up with Liz.Now he was yelling back at the voice, But there's all the difference in the world; I never treated Amy badly and she's a difficult person, Amy. Very difficult, and spiteful like her mother has become, for she would rather have seen that house go to Malcolm. Oh, yes, to Malcolm. I didn't count. I was just Joe Skinner, Lily's bastard son.Now the voice had changed and it was saying, Tut your head well between your knees. That's it. That's it.' Then another voice said, 'Breathe deeply. Try to take deep breaths.'Then another voice said, 'Ring for the sister; he should lie down for a time. The mother reacted in the same way; she's in the side ward now.'

930Janet was in the side ward, they were saying. What was the matter with him? Pull yourself together.

Pull yourself together.He put his head back and looked from one man to the other, saying, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm all right now. It ... It was silly.''Not silly at all. It's the most natural thing in the world. Shock takes us like that at times. But I think you should rest here for a time before . . . You came by car? Well, I don't think you should drive home. Perhaps you would like to join Mrs Dunn?''Yes. Yes, I would.'At this point the sister entered the room and the doctor asked her to take Mr Skinner along to the side ward where Mrs Dunn was resting.As if in a slight daze he heard himself thanking the doctors, but at the same time asking himself what he had to thank them for; they had let her die. No! No! Pull yourself together.He was walking along the corridor now. Sister had taken hold of his arm, yet he felt there was no need for that, he could walk straight enough. Then he was in the side 931room and there was Janet lying on a narrow bed, her face streaming with tears and at the sight of him she held out her arms to him, saying, 'Oh! Joe. Joe.'When the door closed on them they had their arms about each other, and now his face was as wet as hers, and when he heard himself sobbing, he told himself it didn't matter, it didn't matter; he had to cry or his head would explode.When they had released each other Janet said, 'What am I going to do without her? She was my life, Joe, my life. She was all I lived for. And you, you loved her. I know you loved her and you were right for her. From the first minute I saw you, I knew you were right for her, I can't believe it, Joe. I can't believe it.''Nor can I, Janet, nor can I.''She knew though, didn't she?''Knew what, Janet?''That no way, no how, it could ever be. Nothing could come of it. She said that to me, more than once. It was as if it was all clear in her mind; and you know something, Joe? She knew in her heart that she would never get to your house, because she knew it

932wasn't right. What am I going to do without her?'He didn't answer. Her mother was asking what she was going to do without Liz, and he was asking, too, what he was going to do without Liz?

Comparatively speaking he had known her such a short time, yet there had been something about her, something about her character that had deluded him into thinking he had known her all his life. And now he was lost, and that's what Janet was saying.'I feel so lost already, Joe. The world seems empty.''It won't be, Janet, so don't worry; I'll always be there.''I'd been looking forward to coming to your house, but not now.''Why not?''No, no. It wouldn't be right. Anyway, I'll keep on the shop. It will give me something to do till the time comes. It will save me from going mad, I suppose. But it will be the loneliness that I'll have to get used to. Even while she's been in hospital there was always the knowledge that I knew she was there.'He made no remark on this but he.

933thought, Yes, it's the loneliness that will take some getting used to. He had the house to go back to, his family, and the staff, yet they offered no consolation. He had lost Liz . . . There was that voice from the back of his head speaking at him again, saying, This is how Amy must have felt. Her family, or her parents, had been of no consolation to her when she had first lost him . . . And thatwas some years ago.Everything was linked. In a way, Amy was to blame that Liz had died, for if it hadn't been for the closed door across the landing he would not have been so susceptible to the kindness and charm of another woman. Then, because he had, that jealous, mad woman had to cripple Liz, and now she was dead.Life was a linked chain and he was tied to it. And at this moment he wished to God that he too was dead.

15'Well, how did it go?''Very well, Mammy. As expected, very well/Amy stood in the hall taking off her loose grey-silk coat, which she laid over a chair before easing up her bun of fair hair, so as to release the elastic band that was holding her large, flat-rimmed, cream-coloured, leghorn hat in place, before answering her mother's next question. *Yes, I told them that you were terribly sorry you couldn't get there, because you weren't well enough.'She now preceded Bridget into the sittingroom and, after sitting down to the side of the fire, she took up the poker and began to rearrange the burning coals in the grate.