I Am What I Am (6 page)

What did I see in her performance so early in the show’s process? Connie had poise and confidence and she had talent. She could sing. She had a quality to her voice that impressed me from the beginning. To observe all of this from her first audition didn’t mean I was biased and that no one else would have a chance to make a similar impression. Far from it. Many of the other performers for the successful talent-search programmes I’ve judged to date
¹
have also made strong first impressions on me. A few of them faded as the performance challenges increased in difficulty and the show’s pressure built, but a couple of them did go on to win their respective competitions. At a fairly early point in the audition process for
Any Dream Will Do
and
I’d Do Anything
, I made a similar comment to the
other judges about Lee Mead as a potential Joseph and Jodie Prenger as a possible Nancy.

In these initial auditions, I noted my impressions and then I’d file them away in my head and in my notebook.
²
I can and I do step away from those primary observations, and here’s why: Connie, Lee or Jodie, or any one of the other performers we auditioned in the early days of those shows, might have been terrific in that particular audition or during a specific performance on a given night, but when a performer is doing a show eight times a week for a year or more, there has to be consistency, energy, style and personality in his or her work at
all
times. Those qualities don’t always emerge until well into the run of the competition.

This is also why it’s not a good idea to have favourites too early. This applies to all of us – viewers and judges alike. I might have a notion of who may be emerging as the strongest in the programme, and I might begin to see the attributes blossom that will make, say, Connie or Lee or Jodie the best performer to carry the production, but, in the end, it’s the audience that ultimately decides – and viewers can quickly turn against a performer if it appears that a judge is putting forward a favourite.

How do I know this? Because if I wasn’t a judge on shows like this, I’d be sitting at home like everyone else, with my bowl of nibbles and my drink, and I’d be yelling through the TV at Barry Humphries or the Lord
³
that they ‘must be mad’ or ‘tone deaf’ or ‘too bitchy’ or ‘so right!’ or ‘so wrong!’ and then, when the phone lines opened, I’d say to myself ‘those judges are being jerks to so-and-so’, and I’d vote for him or her in spite of what the judges said.
⁴

Even I had to audition to get a place on these talent shows. For my audition to be a judge on
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?
, I was on a practice panel with Elaine Paige. The producers were also looking at Elaine for one of the judging spots. During this initial
audition process, I was under the impression that I was the only male lead from theatre and television being auditioned for the job. This did not turn out to be true, and the realization was a bit of a surprise.

Elaine and I have a long history together in the theatre and we’re friends. We were both comfortable with each other in this audition and we had a good rapport. We were asked to sit at a table in a room at the BBC studios in London with a television in front of us, and the producers showed us a series of audition tapes they had from other shows. As Elaine and I assessed and debated the performances’ strengths and weaknesses, the producers recorded our comments. They listened to everything I said and then they assessed my performance as a potential judge.

During a break from my audition, I headed up to the bar at the top of the BBC studio building, where guests gather after a show’s taping to have a relaxing drink.
⁵
It’s a comfortable and spacious area with lots of tables and a terrific outside balcony, which is used in the summer months for end-of-series parties.

For example, after the final episode of
Any Dream Will Do
, the producers threw an American-style BBQ
⁶
up there for cast, crew and guests. I filled my plate with sausages, chips and some other ‘healthy’ morsels, and then commandeered a table with Jonathan Ross and his family, who had been guests for the final episode.

We were a large group. Along with the Ross family were Scott, Carole, Gav and his husband, Stu. Jonathan and I were in fine form, so trying to get us all settled round an outside table on a crowded balcony was like herding cats. Just as we all finally managed to find places, David Tennant and his girlfriend at the time, Sophia Myles, joined us – and the musical chairs began all over again. We did, though, find a moment to squeeze in a toast to Lee and his future success.

So, after I’d finished my first session for my
Maria
audition, I took the elevator up to the bar. I thought I’d see if anyone I knew was there, and have a chat before my next set of tapes. I scanned the room and didn’t see anyone at first, but just as I turned to leave, I spotted Michael Ball sitting on one of the couches. When I saw Michael across the room, I wondered if he was also auditioning for the same judging position as me (I found out later that he had been considered for the job). Michael and I have a similar level of experience and history in the theatre world: the BBC was serious about wanting to cast a judge who could bring significant theatrical expertise to the panel.

Obviously, I got the judging gig. My first panel, on
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?
, included producer David Ian – whose company was co-producing the West End production of
The Sound of Music
in which the winning Maria would perform – and vocal coach Zoë Tyler.

David and I got along really well. He is one of those producers who’s been in the business himself.
⁷
He therefore knows actors well, and he knows the audition process intimately. He also appreciates what it takes to sustain your voice and your energy for eight shows a week. Plus, David was a lot like me in his views about the responsibilities of being a judge.

In all of the talent-search shows I’ve done, I’ve believed strongly that I had a duty not only to the contestants, but also to my peers working in the theatre and to my fellow musical performers. I didn’t want to put a contestant into a leading role and then have that person not be able to hold up under the pressure. I also didn’t want people I’ve worked with going to see
The Sound of Music
or
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
and saying, ‘What the fuck was Barrowman thinking?’

Perhaps most importantly, I also participated in these talent shows because I want to help launch careers. I’m not sitting on that lovely
chair in my fabulous Neil Marengo suits just to find a performer for a single role. For example, from the beginning of
Any Dream Will Do
, I knew that Daniel Boys was something special and had a strong, confident voice, but I could sense that Danny wasn’t going to be Joseph. For one thing, he was too mature for the role.

Whenever I talked with all the boys at Joseph camp, or during rehearsals, I’d tell them that they needed to see this show as a platform to showcase their talent. Danny and a few others listened and they took this advice to heart.

As a result, Danny has done really well since he was voted off. He recently released a CD and he’s performed in a number of shows, including
Avenue Q
in the West End. Danny also toured with me on my ‘An Evening with John Barrowman’ tour in the spring of 2009, and our duet of the romantic ballad ‘I Know Him So Well’, from the musical
Chess
, has received all kinds of accolades. More on that in a later chapter.

Another Joseph contestant who has found success following the TV show is Ben Ellis. Ben didn’t have the strongest voice in the competition, but he demonstrated week after week that he was an entertainer. He reminded Denise
⁸
and me of a young Robbie Williams – and, let’s face it, he was very pleasing on the eye. Ben, like Daniel, has done well in his career since the show, playing the male lead in
Hairspray
and doing numerous presenting jobs on TV.

Helping to launch the careers of such talented individuals has been a real point of pleasure and pride for me – and for many of the other judges.

So, partly as a consequence of our shared values, David Ian and I had a lot of fun together on that first panel. I learned a lot from him – but he also learned a lot from me during our time together. I once explained to David and his wife what tea-bagging was.
⁹
I’m sure he was forever grateful, and thinks of me every time his wife dunks a Tetley.

I’d never met Zoë Tyler before, but I liked her immediately. She was outspoken, and wasn’t afraid to challenge the producers if something came up about which she felt strongly. She was ballsy. I like that quality in a woman.
¹⁰
Zoë was also the vocal coach for the Marias (and later the Josephs, too) and her style of teaching and developing them was fairly similar to mine. She always offered criticism fairly and honestly, and when she issued a challenge to a performer, she tried to help them see ways to meet it. I’ve always felt that, in any situation where you’re trying to teach someone, it isn’t helpful simply to describe and label what you see them doing wrong, without offering any suggestions as to how they can improve.

On
Any Dream Will Do
, the panel shuffled, and entertainer Denise Van Outen and producer Bill Kenwright joined Zoë and me. Bill and I had a professional relationship, but we never saw eye to eye about much during the show. As Bill was one of the economic backers and producers of this revival of
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
, I felt he had a considerable financial motive in finding a marketable Joseph for the production. Unlike David Ian or Andrew Lloyd Webber, Bill was a businessman first and foremost, and for him, almost any Joseph would do, as long as he looked the part and could sing the songs.

From the beginning, Bill had his eye on two particular Josephs, Lewis Bradley and Craig Chalmers. Craig was voted out in week seven, but Lewis survived till the final. Unfortunately, having heard his vocal qualities and his full range, I knew Lewis couldn’t hit the final note in the
Joseph
song ‘Close Every Door’. The audience loved Lewis throughout most of the series, but I never believed he’d have the stamina or the spunk
¹¹
to carry a West End show.

During my time on the talent shows, I particularly loved working behind the scenes at the Joseph and Nancy camps. I enjoyed the teaching part of the job and the chance it afforded me to share some of the nitty-gritty aspects of the business with the performers. I have
to say, though, that the boys in the Joseph camp cried way more than the girls in Nancy School. The boys were always weeping!

Sometimes, the lessons learned on talent shows occur in unexpected ways. It’s not just the performers or even the production staff who gain knowledge – the judges can learn a thing or two, too. I certainly did. Mel Balac, one of the producers, who worked with the judges during all three series and went on to co-produce with Gavin and me on
Tonight’s the Night
, taught me about the importance of producing myself.
¹²
In the television biz, this means knowing when to speak up and when to shut up,
¹³
knowing when to butt in, and knowing what to say in a brief number of words without going over the top and losing the audience.

When I first worked with Mel, a pretty, petite, dark-haired woman with lots of savvy and chutzpah,
¹⁴
all she ever wore on her feet were trainers or flats. Throughout the rehearsals, I kept telling her she had to wear heels on the nights of the actual shows. In my eyes, there’s nothing worse than a woman in a flattering pair of jeans, a lovely top and then a pair of flat, scuffed-up ballet slippers or manky tennis shoes. Talk about what not to wear.
¹⁵
Anyway, I gave her enough grief about her shoes that she broke down and bought a lovely pair of Marc Jacobs.
¹⁶

On one of the first nights on the show, when Mel was wearing her fabulous shoes, Denise was making a point to one of the contestants after her performance when, suddenly, the path down which she was heading with her comment veered off in another direction. Denise was getting so far from the point she was originally trying to make that she had wandered next door to
Blue Peter
. In my head, I was thinking, ‘Okay. Stop now, Denise. Anytime.’

Then I looked over to my right. Mel was jumping up and down off
camera, waving one of her Marc Jacobs high in the air and then slashing it across her throat. Not because what Denise was saying lacked validity, it had plenty, but time is precious on live TV and Denise’s wanderings would mean that someone else would have to say next to nothing to make up the time. Denise caught the waving shoe out of the corner of her eye and, with grace and poise, she brought her journey to an end.

One of the biggest challenges of being a talent-show judge is to avoid the temptation of saying something just for the sake of a sound bite. Of course I want to be pithy and say things that have punch to them – I’m an entertainer, for goodness’ sake – but I always attempt to frame my critical bites with evidence from the performance. This is live television, after all, and this makes the entire series a very public casting call for these performers.

I’m very loyal to the folks I’ve judged, if they’ve wanted to keep in contact. In my family, we call this being on the long road with someone; staying in touch with them for their entire journey, even if it’s only an occasional email that marks the connection. Along with Jodie, Daniel and Ben, the Joseph contestant Keith Jack has kept in touch. After the shows have ended, I’ve helped a number of the performers to get agents. The ones I thought were
really
good, I recommended Gavin represent, because not only do I think they’ll have long careers, but I also want to work with them on my albums, my concerts and my future TV shows.