I Got You | A Gay Romance: A Boyfriend for Rent Book | Gay For You (9 page)

CHAPTER 15

Jake spent the next few days thinking about what happened between the two of them. They’d gone a lot further than he expected and he was riddled with guilt. Had he really just jacked off with his own step-brother? He told himself he should just get over it, to ignore those voices that he grew up with in the church telling him who he was and what he did and everything he fantasized about was wrong, but it was easier said than done. A sick feeling twisted in his gut not only because of the stigma of what he did, but also because he did it under false pretense. He still hadn't told Benjamin they were step-brothers and now, he didn't know how he was going to broach the subject.

He didn’t know how to take it. He didn’t dare say anything to anyone about it, except of course Alberto, who wouldn’t say a word. Jake was still going to visit his friend even though sometimes he didn't see there was much of a point. He wasn't sure he believed his sister when she had told him people in comas could hear what was being said, but at the moment it was the only way he could unburden himself. Alberto was the only person he could talk to, even though it was hard to be in that white room with his friend lying helpless in the bed and hooked up to machinery.

What was happening to him? What did this all mean? Part of him felt a freedom, a way to express the feelings he’d buried inside himself for so long. Finally, he had an outlet but the other part of him was confused and felt used.

Benjamin barely looked at him whenever he saw him. He treated him just like anybody else, which was good in a way because no one figured out what was happening between them, but at the same time, it made Jake feel insignificant.

The training was going well, and he progressed faster than either of them expected. He was even starting to see some muscle definition, which surprised the hell out of him. Whenever Jake had a free moment in between school, taking care of the house and watching over Alberto, he practiced on his own. But still, part of him wondered if he should stop the whole thing. It was too risky and confusing. And the last time he confronted Steve, he’d been threatened with a knife. Things were escalating and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to defend himself against that.

He finished rolling up the last of the clean towels when his cell phone rang. He sighed, seeing who it was. He'd been avoiding his sister the last couple of weeks, maybe because he was embarrassed at the situation he'd gotten himself in, or maybe because he was ashamed for lying to her about it. He answered it, knowing if he didn't, she'd only call again until he did answer.

He forced a smile into his voice. "Hello!" He leaned forward and pressed his elbows into the warm, soft towels and twisted his foot against the floor as he spoke.

"What do you mean 'hello' like you're on
Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
or something? Where have you been?" she asked.

"Just school and training and—"

She interrupted. "So, how is he?"

"Who?"

"Our step-brother. What's he like?" she asked.

"Oh, he's ... nice."

"Nice? Just nice?" she asked.

What was he supposed to say? Fucking hot? Fucking amazing? The most amazing guy he'd ever met his life? Oh, and they'd been messing around on the side?

"Yeah, he's cool."

"What'd he say when you told him you were brothers?"

"Oh, I haven't exactly—"

"What?" she exclaimed. "Jake. Why not?"

He pulled the phone away from the side of his face to keep his eardrums bursting.

"I'll get to it."

She practically exploded. "Get to it?"

"I want him to know ... to like me for who I am before I open up that can of worms and I—"

“Maybe I should go over there and meet him myself.”

“No!” Jake’s voice surprised even himself.

“Why not?”

Benjamin's voice boomed from the office. Whatever it was, it sounded serious. His sister ranted on, but he was distracted now. Benjamin needed him, and he thought it best to end the conversation with his sister anyway.

"I should go."

"Not yet. Whatever happened to that butt massage guy?" she asked.

Jake swallowed. "The what?"

"Don't play dumb. Are you guys messing around any?" she asked.

"Uh, I don't really want to talk about it." Jake paced towards the office while only half-listening to his sister because the conversation in the office had piqued his curiosity.

"Come on, tell me all the details."

"I've got to go. We'll talk later. Smooches." He hung up before she could respond. Benjamin's voice only got angrier and louder as Jake stepped toward the office.

“You can’t do that. No, I don’t care. That’s my son. You can’t stop me from seeing my own damn son,” Benjamin yelled.

Jake squinted his eyes and he turned his head.  “I am calm. You want to see angry? I can show you angry. No! Goddammit, Christina.”

There was silence and Jake turned his ear more so he could hear more. He knew that it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself.

“Are you just going to stand out there eavesdropping or are you going to come inside?” Benjamin asked.

Jake’s heart stopped. He didn’t know if he should just turn to leave or go inside.

“Get in here,” Benjamin said.

Jake knew better than to disobey. He turned the doorknob and stepped inside. Benjamin avoided eye contact. His body was rigid with tension and his eyes were cold as ice. He didn’t say a word and Jake wasn’t sure what to say or do, so he asked, “Where do you want me to start today?”

“Come with me,” he said. Benjamin lead him out of the office and Jake followed.

“Where are we going?” Jake asked.

“Hurry up. We have a lot to do.” Benjamin barked. Jake had to almost jog just to keep up with him.

“Sure but—"

“To my place,” Benjamin said.

“Your place?”

Was the bed in the back not comfortable enough?
Jake wondered. But the idea of being let into Benjamin's private home made a thrill surge through his body.

CHAPTER 16

“It’s kind of big,” Jake said. It was enormous actually and he didn't know if he could handle it all.

“You can do it,” Benjamin said. “Just take it slowly, don’t try to do the whole thing at once.”

"I'm trying." Jake grunted, looking around the cramped apartment. To say it was shitty was being generous.

“And I’ll tell you what. I’ll even pay you,” Benjamin said.

Get paid for it? That was more than Jake was expecting. He sighed, looking at the entire apartment. It looked like a storage unit the way the boxes were everywhere. He knew better than to argue with Benjamin about the work. True, he was supposed to help him around the gym and do the massages, just that he wasn’t expecting that to extend to his apartment too, but if it would get him a few extra private classes, he’d do it.

“Are you sure we can get it all done today?” Jake asked, taking the other end of the couch as Benjamin gripped his end.

“If you stop talking and start working, yeah,” Benjamin answered, kicking one of the cluttered boxes out of the way as they carried the couch down the narrow hall.

Jake wasn’t sure if that was a joke or if Benjamin was just being a jerk. It was hard to read him sometimes. As much as he wanted to tell him off, he had to admit he liked how bossy and strong Benjamin was. Besides, something told him there was a softer side to the man that he wanted to explore.

It was that softer side that Jake was concerned about. A million times he’d imagined Benjamin's reaction once he told him that they were step-brothers. He knew he was a tough guy, but he didn’t want to ruin the trust the two of them were building either. The more he was around Benjamin, the more he wanted to be with him.

He was the brother he never had, the best friend that Alberto couldn’t be right now and he was the lover he always wanted. Even though they hadn’t gone all the way, what they had done together was so hot and intimate. It was just between the two of them, and it felt for lack of a better word, sacred.

He was anxious to get to know Benjamin, to really get to know him inside and out, but the fear of what would happen once he found out about the secret Jake was holding haunted him day and night. He wondered what the whole argument was about on the phone and though he told himself it was none of his business, he couldn’t help but ask, “Was that your girlfriend on the phone?”

Benjamin looked at him with an expression that made Jake sorry he’d even asked. “Nope.”

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to pry.”

“Yes, you did,” Benjamin said, then gave him a wink. “And it was my girlfriend.”

The news hit him like a two-by-four. Was he cheating on his girlfriend with him? Suddenly, Jake felt cheap like some whore that Benjamin could easily discard when he was through with him.

He cleared his throat, pretending it didn't bother him. “Oh, wow. I didn’t know you were —"

“Yep. Well, ex-girlfriend anyway. Biggest mistake of my life, except for my son and all.” They squeezed into a small bedroom Jake guessed was going to be his son's.

He wanted to smile with relief, but he held it together.

“How old is he?” he asked.

“Three,” Benjamin said. Was that a smile on Benjamin’s face and a twinkle in his eyes? “He’s a handful that’s for sure.”

They lowered the couch down and dragged it into a corner.  Jake stretched his back. The small room had possibilities, but was going to need a lot of work. "I bet he's a handful."

“He is, but he’s worth it. I just want him to have a much better childhood than I had.”

“How’s that?” Jake asked. He'd been curious about Benjamin's upbringing without their dad, not that he wanted to feel even guiltier than he already had. He knew it wasn't his fault his parents had made the choices they did.

“Well, I told you my fucking dad ran off with that slut. He never looked back, not even once. If I could see him again or those bastard step-kids of his
—
I just hope it was worth it to him.”

The words reeked of venom. He wanted to defend his dead mother. She was a good woman. He just wished Benjamin had gotten to know her.

Jake swallowed hard. “The kids ... I’m sure it’s not their fault.”

“Maybe ... but good riddance. I’m lucky I didn’t grow up with such a shitty father. I almost feel sorry for them.”

Jake nodded. The memories of his equally difficult upbringing came to mind.

“Poor kids stuck in the middle of it all. They were just as innocent as I was.”

“Ever thought about reaching out to them?” Jake asked.

“Why bother? If they wanted any type of relationship with me, they would have done it by now.”

“Well, maybe ... they were confused. Maybe they thought you wanted nothing to do with them.”

“The past is the past, dude. Right now, I’ve got to focus on my own life, my own son. And unfortunately, my ex has a way of using him as a pawn to get what she wants.”

“That’s sucks. Sorry to hear that.”

“Yep. She’s just waiting to catch me slipping so she can completely take custody away from me. As if only being allowed to see Cody a few times a month isn’t cruel enough. Things will get better,” Benjamin said, assuring himself.

“Yeah. It’ll work out. Always wanted to have kids,” Jake said.

“Yeah?” Benjamin asked sounding surprised.

“Yeah. But, who knows? Maybe in the future.”

“So you don’t have a girlfriend or ...?”

“Girlfriend? No.”

“Boyfriend?” Benjamin asked.

Jake cleared his throat. “No. Just me.”

“Hmm,” Benjamin said. And Jake didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“What?” he had to ask.

“Just surprised, that’s all.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. You’re kind of good at ... what you do. Experienced.”

Jake laughed. “Experienced. Maybe but - it’s just me. Me and my best friend.”

“The one in the hospital?”

A smile formed on Jake’s face. “Yeah, Alberto.”

He was impressed. The man actually listened to him when he talked. Maybe he wasn’t as self-absorbed about fitness and sex as Jake thought originally. The more he spent time with him, the more there seemed to know.

“And you two never ... you know?” Benjamin asked with a mix of jealousy and suspicion.

“Just friends.”

“Good,” Benjamin said. There was more to what he said and Jake wanted to know what it was.

“Good?”

“I mean, sometimes it’s best to keep things that way. Mixing friendship and sex complicates things. Believe me.”