I Hear...Love (A Different Road #2) (16 page)

“I don’t want to make things harder, and I know he said he doesn’t want Sadie to stay at the pool house again, but I think if you . . . I mean, if she needs you, then you should take her.”

“If she needs me, then I’d like to take her,” she replies with a smile.

“Alright, let’s get you home,” I tell her, then help her off the bed.

I take my clothes into the bathroom in Cooper’s bedroom and close the door. I get dressed, then look at myself in the mirror. I smooth down my wild hair, and look at the rosy glow on my cheeks and the smile on my lips. I do believe that, yes, sex is way better than yoga.

I hear a snorting sound coming from the floor on the other side of the bathroom door and I smile. It’s Sadie. I open the door, then she stands up and wags her tail when she sees me. Cooper isn’t in the bedroom, so I walk down the hallway to find him, with Sadie at my side. I see him in the kitchen, then there’s a series of loud bangs coming from his front door. Sadie immediately goes on alert and barks, then runs to the front door, sniffing loudly at the bottom. Cooper’s face knits together with concern and he too walks to the door.

“I know she’s in there. Open this goddamned door RIGHT NOW!” River shouts from the other side of the door, banging loudly again.

“Go back in the bedroom, Kate,” Cooper tells me.

“What is he doing here?” I whisper.

“Sadie, stay with Kate,” he tells her, then she walks down the hall and sits in front of my legs protectively.

Cooper opens the door a few inches, but leaves his hand firmly on the edge. River gives the door a violent shove and rushes inside. He collides his chest into Cooper’s arm, but pushes his way inside the house. Josh is close to River’s side with his hand gripped around his upper arm. Joss is behind both of them with a scared look on her face.

“River, don’t do this. Please, let’s just go home and talk this through,” she pleads.

“KATE!” River shouts into the house from left to right. “KATE!”

River shrugs Josh’s hand off his arm and takes additional steps into the house, but runs into a chair in the family room. He comes to a stumbling stop, then grips his hands on the top of the chair and scans the room with his head cocked to the side to listen. He’s positioned in the middle of the room, with me and Sadie in the hallway on one side, and Cooper on his other side just a few feet away.

“I know she’s here. KATE!” he shouts again, picks up the heavy chair, then slams it down on the floor.

Sadie and I both jump, then she leans her weight against the front of my shins.

“River, please. Just listen to me. I don’t think you should do this right now,” Joss says.

Cooper realizes River can’t see me, even though I’m standing in plain view in the hallway, but both Joss and Josh can see me. Josh has a worried look on his face and he raises his hand to me, silently indicating that I should stand still. River’s head stops cold in my direction, then he raises his nose in the air and inhales deeply. His face turns from sheer anger to murder. He turns his face toward Cooper, then takes two giant steps toward him and violently swings his fist.

Cooper quickly takes a step back, and River misses by a few inches. Josh quickly grabs onto River’s arm to steady him. Sadie snarls her upper lip and bares her teeth toward River, then she starts to growl.

“Stand down, Sadie, stay where you are,” Cooper calmly orders to Sadie.

“River, please,” Joss says with tears in her eyes.

“YOU LIED!” River roars, turning his face toward my direction again. “I can smell it,” he finishes, yanking Josh’s hand off of him again.

Since being blind, River has an impeccable sense of smell. He always said that when one sense dies the others become heightened. There’s no way he can smell that Cooper and I just made love. And I didn’t lie to him. When River asked me that, I hadn’t slept with Cooper yet.

Josh lifts his hand and places it back on River’s arm again. He violently shrugs it off, then turns his whole body in my direction.

“You’re making a big mistake, Kate. You’re not ready for a relationship. I know you can’t see it, but you’re too fragile. You’re delusional if you think you’re at a place in your recovery where you think you can add the pressure of a romantic relationship. You’re naïve, and you have no clue how to even be in a healthy relationship. Who are you basing it off? Mom and Dad? They weren’t happy. Their relationship was a complete lie. You were so blinded by your
daddy’s little girl
syndrome that you couldn’t see it. They didn’t love each other. Dad didn’t even love us, and he certainly didn’t love you. You were just as much of a puppet to him as Mom was. Mom put on that happy mask when ordered to, and she performed like a circus monkey around clients, at business dinners, and charity galas.”

“River,” Joss painfully whispers.

Every word that comes out of his mouth stings, and silent tears fall down my cheeks. It’s just not true. These are the most vicious lies I’ve ever heard. Dad did love me, he did love Mom, he loved all of us. Each Saturday morning I spent giggling with my dad becomes clouded by tears, and I start to wonder if I made them up. I can feel Cooper’s eyes burning holes into my soul from across the room as he looks at me. He takes a step to walk over to me, but Josh raises his hand and urges him to stay where he is. River hears his foot step and his face snaps toward Cooper’s direction, then he continues to talk.

“If you think for one goddamned second that I’m going to allow you two to have a relationship when I know she’s mentally, emotionally, and physically incapable, you have another thing coming.”

He looks back toward me and says, “I swear to God, Kate, the day of that car accident when I looked into Mom’s eyes as she was dying, I swear, I heard her silent prayer for me to look out for you, and that’s what I’m doing.”

Every ounce of my flesh tingles on my body as he talks about the car accident. The smell of burning rubber and gasoline start to permeate the air. I slowly look at Cooper and see his stunned reaction, then I look back at River. If it weren’t for Sadie leaning against me, I think my shaking legs would have given out by now.

“The last thing I willed myself to do, was to look at you to make sure that you were alive. I fought the pain in my head, and the urge to close my eyes and pass out, because I had to see you. My vision had already started to become distorted as your face turned into a wavering mirage. With relief, I saw your terrified little eyes. When I saw you only had a cut above your eye, only then could I allow myself to pass out. Before I was fully out, I felt you place your hand in mine, I gave you all my strength, and I felt your relief down to my soul,” he says, pounding his fist over his heart.

My own heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest. Through my tears, I look at Joss and she, too, has silent tears streaming down her face.

“My God, Kate, do you know what I went through when I thought you had committed suicide and that you were dead? When I got that phone call from your roommate telling me you had downed an entire bottle of pills and you were lifeless on the floor, covered in vomit, I felt like I failed Mom. I couldn’t get to you fast enough. I’ve never cursed God and the world so much for not being able to see you with my own eyes, to see if you were laying on the floor dead or not. I ran across the room, going by blind faith that Mom would lead me to you. I slipped in your vomit and fell to the floor right next to you.”

Again, I look at Cooper, but now he’s not looking at me, he’s looking at River with terror splashed all over his face. His eyes slide across the room to mine, and I quickly look back at River.

“Did you even know I was there, Kate? Did you know I threaded my fingers through yours, and I held your lifeless hand the entire way to the hospital, covered in your drying vomit? I sold my soul on the spot and swore that if you made it through, I’d quit pussyfooting around with your treatment, that it was time for some brutal, tough love. I knew that you’d most likely hate me, but I loved you way too much and gladly accepted it, if that’s what it took to get you better. I was going to do anything and everything in my power to make sure that you got the treatment you needed, and that you never felt like you needed to do that again. After I knew you were going to make it through, I left the hospital and went to mom’s grave still covered in your vomit. I knelt in front of her gravestone and I swore on my life, that I would do better and that I’d never let her down again.”

I thought I imagined River was there with me. I thought I imagined him holding my hand. I swear he was there giving me his blessing and passing me to Mom on the other side.

His voice changes from angry to calm and barely there as he continues, “Kate, you aren’t ready. I’m sorry if you think I’m being an asshole, but so help me God, I’m only doing this because . . . I love you. I
never
want to see you like that again. I will not pick out your coffin for you. Do you hear me! Cooper, if you think you love her, and hopefully you’ve heard every single word I’ve said, you’ll do what’s best for Kate and you’ll let her go. I’ll give you a few minutes to say goodbye, then Kate, you need to come home. I know you’re angry with me, we can talk about this in the morning.”

Josh gently places his hand on River’s shoulder, then slides it down his arm and wraps it around River’s arm. This time, he doesn’t shrug him off, then they walk out the door without another word. Joss wipes both of her hands down her face to dry her tears, then she walks over to me. She raises her hand and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear, then she gently wipes the back of her hand down my face, drying my tears. She places a soft kiss on my cheek, then turns around and follows River out the door.

Every ounce of flesh on my body feels like it’s on fire. I never told Cooper any of the details about the car accident or my suicide attempt. I can see his thoughts as clear as day splashed in his eyes.

He agrees with River.

Sadie whines, then places her nose in my hand as Cooper takes a step toward me.

No, it can’t be over. It just can’t.

He takes another step closer, but I take a step backward.

He can’t say goodbye. It just started.

He said it mattered. He can’t say it matters, then run when he hears all the gory details.

He takes, yet, another step closer. I shake my head violently back and forth telling him no, and I take another step backward as I try to control my tears.

I don’t want this to be over. I haven’t felt this free and so full of life since before my parents died.

He slowly raises his hand, palm out, silently asking me to stop, then he takes another step toward me.

I’m not naïve. I know exactly where I am in my recovery and what I can handle. Why can’t River see it?

Cooper takes the final step and stops in front of me. His eyes come to mine, and I feel like my million shattered pieces are each shattering into another million pieces.

“I’m going to give you a hug right now, is that alright?” he asks, then wraps his arms around me before I can answer.

His arms wrap around me and I close my eyes. Huge tears fall down my cheeks, as I wrap my arms around him. I feel his sadness and regret radiating from his chest. He doesn’t want it to end either, but I’m afraid because he’s such a good man, he’s letting me go.