I Miss Mummy (16 page)

T
he letter from Alice’s social worker also said that contact with Alice’s grandparents remained unchanged – an hour every two weeks, and telephone contact each Saturday. Kitty didn’t give a reason for the suspension of contact with Alice’s father but asked me if I would tell Alice, and said that she would phone me on Monday – presumably to explain.

It was a little after 3.00 p.m. and we’d just arrived home. I was standing in the kitchen opening the mail as I waited for the kettle to boil so I could make a cup of tea. The children were upstairs, familiarizing themselves with their bedrooms after our week away; we’d had a lovely holiday but everyone was pleased to be home again. I wondered if Alice’s grandparents were aware that contact with Chris had been suspended and, if so, if they knew the reason. I couldn’t think of any reason myself. Alice’s allegations against her father hadn’t yet been proved and even if they had that wouldn’t have been grounds enough to stop contact. Contact is set by the judge at one of the first hearings in
childcare proceedings and I knew from previous experience that the arrangements were only altered before the final court hearing in very exceptional circumstances. We were due to phone Alice’s grandparents at 6.00 p.m. and I was sure Mrs Jones would say something if she knew; failing that I would have to wait until Monday to find out what was going on when Kitty phoned.

After I’d finished opening the mail, which was largely bills and circulars, and I’d had a cup of tea, Adrian, Lucy and Paula helped me unload the suitcases from the car and heave them upstairs. I took Alice’s case into her room and began taking out the essentials of Brian the Bear, wash bag, etc.; the rest of the unpacking could wait until later or even tomorrow. Alice was busy peering into her toy boxes, happy to be reunited with her possessions, while I considered what to say to her about not seeing her father.

Children can become very upset if contact is cancelled – even if it is just one session that is missed. The routine of contact and the expectation of seeing a parent (or whoever the main care giver was before the child came into care) quickly becomes part of a looked-after child’s life, and generally children still love their parents and want to see them, even though their parents may have fallen short in their parenting. Only in the worst cases of (sexual) abuse do children not want to see their parents. If contact is cancelled, I usually have to let the child down gently and explain that mummy (or whoever they were due to see) unfortunately can’t make it, but they send their love and will see them next time. However, given Alice’s lack of a relationship with her
father and ambivalence towards Sharon, I didn’t think Alice was going to be too disappointed.

I propped Brian the Bear in his usual place at the bed head, and then said matter-of-factly: ‘Alice, I’ve just opened a letter from Kitty, your social worker. She says you won’t be seeing your dad or Sharon for the time being, but you will still be seeing your nana and grandpa.’

As quick as a flash and making a reasonable, albeit wrong, deduction, Alice said brightly: ‘Does that mean I can go and live with Nana and Grandpa again?’

‘No, love, I’m afraid not. You will still see them at contact, but you will continue to live with me for now.’

Alice’s face fell as she paused from rummaging in her toy box and looked at me, most concerned. ‘Cathy, if I’m not going to live with my dad and Sharon where am I going to live?’

Chris and Sharon weren’t supposed to have told Alice that she was going to live with them – a young child isn’t told the care plan until the judge has approved it at the final court hearing and it’s definite. But in the early days when Sharon had been unable to contain her enthusiasm she’d often said to Alice ‘When you come to live with us/when you’re my daughter’ etc.

I had to answer Alice’s question, but I was acutely aware that what I could say would sound dreadfully unsettling. ‘Alice, love, we don’t know where you will be living for certain yet, but for now you are staying with me. Once everything is sorted out and the judge has made his decision, Kitty will tell us who you will live with permanently. In the meantime I’m very
pleased you are living with us, and so are Adrian, Lucy and Paula.’ I smiled and hoped the positive outweighed the negative.

Alice appeared to accept this and returned to the toy box. I noticed she hadn’t asked why contact with her father had been stopped, which is what most children would have done. I realized the reason she hadn’t asked when she said: ‘It’s because my dad was horrible to my mummy. I’m glad I told you. I won’t have to see my dad any more, and I won’t have to live with him and Sharon.’

My heart sank as I realized the finality with which Alice was viewing any possibility of her going to live with her father. Her assumption that it wouldn’t happen now simply wasn’t so. ‘We don’t know that yet, love,’ I said again. ‘The judge hasn’t decided what is best for you, but I know Kitty will tell us soon as she has any news.’

‘Fine,’ Alice said, ‘but I’m not going to live with him.’

Any question of Mr and Mrs Jones not knowing that contact had been suspended came to an end when we phoned that evening. As usual I dialled their phone number and when Mrs Jones answered I said a brief hello and then put the phone on speaker so that Alice could talk to them. If Mrs Jones wanted to speak to me, which she often did, she did so after she and Mr Jones had spoken to Alice, when I’d taken the phone off speaker and Alice was out of the room.

‘Hello, Alice,’ Mrs Jones said brightly. ‘Have you had a wonderful holiday?’

‘Yes,’ Alice said. ‘And I’m not seeing my dad any more.’

I heard the silence on the other end of the line and had no way of knowing if this had come as news to Mrs Jones. ‘I’ve received a letter from the social worker,’ I said. ‘Perhaps we can speak later, if you wish?’

‘Yes, thank you, Cathy,’ Mrs Jones said. Then, addressing Alice, she tried to steer the conversation back to the holiday: ‘Tell me all about your holiday, Alice. Thank you for the postcard. The beach looked lovely. Did you go in the sea?’

‘I’m not seeing my dad ever again,’ Alice said. ‘I don’t have to see him now, and I’m not going to live with him and Sharon.’

‘Alice,’ I said, aware Mrs Jones could hear me over the speaker phone, ‘I’ve already explained that we don’t know where you will be living yet. Please talk to Nana and tell her about your holiday. She’s waiting to hear all about it.’

But any thoughts of our holiday had been steam-rollered for Alice by the most recent news of contact. ‘Cathy had a letter and I’m not seeing my dad,’ Alice continued, unfazed. ‘Cathy says I can’t live with you, and I know I can’t live with my mummy, so where am I going to live, Nana? I don’t think anyone wants me any more.’

And while this might have been a little play for sympathy on Alice’s part – though she’d been fine before the phone call – nonetheless my heart went out to her, and also to Mrs Jones, who had just heard her beloved granddaughter say she thought no one wanted
her. ‘I’m sorry, Mrs Jones,’ I said. ‘That’s not what I said to Alice. I’ve tried to explain the situation, and reassure her as best I can. I’ll have another chat with her later. She knows how much you love her, and I’ve explained it’s not your decision where she lives.’

‘Thank you,’ Mrs Jones said gratefully. ‘It must be very difficult for Alice to understand. I don’t know what to say to reassure her. I thought she’d be happy, having just come back from holiday.’

‘She is, really, and she had a very good time. We all did. If Alice isn’t going to tell you about her holiday then I think I should.’

This was the prompt Alice needed to get her off the subject of contact and recover her previous enthusiasm for our holiday. She began telling her nana all about the sea, sand and ice creams, and included a detailed description of the ‘surprise’ present she’d brought back for them. Twenty minutes later, sounding a lot happier, Mrs Jones began winding up. At the end of each phone call they sent their kisses of love down the phone. It was their little ritual and despite having been party to it for the best part of five months, it never failed to move me.

‘Be ready to catch my kiss, then,’ Mrs Jones said to Alice.

Alice moved to the edge of the sofa and cupped her little hands in front of her, towards the phone. ‘I’m ready,’ she called. We then heard Nana’s kiss and Alice waited expectantly as it flew down the phone, finally landing in Alice’s outstretched hands. ‘I’ve caught it, Nana,’ she cried, closing her hands around the kiss; then, carefully drawing it to her face, she released it on
to her cheek. ‘I’ve got your kiss, Nana. I’ll send mine now.’ Alice leaned closer to the phone and, taking a deep breath, blew her kiss down the line.

‘I’ve caught it,’ Mrs Jones said. ‘Thank you for the kiss, Alice. See you on Wednesday. I’ll put Grandpa on. Night, love.’

A moment later Mr Jones came on the phone: ‘How’s my girl, then?’ he said. ‘Did you take Brian the Bear on holiday with you?’

‘I’m not seeing my dad any more,’ Alice said. Oh, no, not again! I thought. But Mr Jones, probably having heard the conversation his wife had had with Alice, said firmly: ‘We’re not talking about that now, Alice. Cathy will explain later and answer your questions. For now I want you to tell me about your holiday. Did Brian go with you?’

‘Yes,’ said Alice. Then she chatted for a good quarter of an hour, happily reliving our week away, before Mr Jones said goodnight and that he would see her on Wednesday. They too exchanged kisses down the phone before saying a final goodnight.

I saw Alice out of the room and into Paula’s care; then I returned to the sitting room and closed the door. Sitting on the sofa I picked up the receiver, cutting off the loudspeaker. Mrs Jones was already waiting on the other end.

‘I’m sorry you had to hear all that from Alice,’ I said, still uncertain how much Mrs Jones knew of the suspension of contact. ‘There was a letter from Kitty waiting for me when I got home. It said contact with Chris and Sharon had been suspended, but didn’t give
a reason. Kitty asked me to tell Alice, but I could only tell Alice what I knew. I think she’s read more into it.’

There was a short pause before Mrs Jones said: ‘Chris can’t go to contact because he is being held in police custody. He was arrested on Thursday for breaking into Leah’s flat and badly assaulting her.’

‘
P
erhaps they’ll believe us now,’ Mrs Jones said tightly. ‘We tried to tell them that he was no good but they wouldn’t listen. This is the last thing poor Leah needs on top of everything else!’

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. ‘How is Leah now?’

‘Very poorly. She’s bruised all over and her left eye is swollen shut. She’s got stitches in her hand where she tried to defend herself, and she’s badly shaken up. The police have taken a statement from her and she’s included all the times Chris assaulted her last summer, some of which even I didn’t know about. Chris has told the police he went to Leah’s flat to talk to her and she invited him in. At two in the morning and through a broken window? Fortunately the neighbours heard the glass smashing and called the police. When the police arrived they heard screams and broke down the front door to get in. He had Leah pinned to the floor and it took two of them to get him off. I think he would have killed her.’

I listened in silence, appalled and horrified at what I was hearing. I felt for Leah and I was also shocked at the apparent extent of Chris’s violence.

‘Leah is staying with us until she’s properly well,’ Mrs Jones continued. ‘Her doctor has prescribed a mild sedative for now, and he’s talked her into seeing a counsellor for therapy when she feels up to it. The poor lass has been to hell and back, but maybe some good will come out of all this in the end. That man’ – she meant Chris – ‘has finally shown his true colours and I hope social services are taking note. I want him locked up and the key thrown away, not only for what he’s done to Leah but for tearing our family apart.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I said lamely as Mrs Jones finished. ‘Please send Leah my best wishes for a speedy recovery.’

‘Thank you, I will.’

I knew that when Kitty phoned on Monday she would confirm or qualify exactly what had happened at Leah’s flat. It wasn’t that I doubted what Mrs Jones had told me – far from it, for she’d always appeared very honest and open – but past experience had taught me that when it came to family loyalties and protecting loved ones, situations could become grossly exaggerated, as feelings ran high, although I didn’t think that was so here. ‘I won’t be telling Alice any of what you have told me,’ I said. ‘It would make her very anxious and upset.’

‘No, which is why I didn’t say anything to her earlier. But what reason will you give Alice for her not seeing her father?’

‘I’ll ask Kitty what she wants Alice to be told, when she phones. Alice hasn’t asked why she isn’t seeing her
father, and Kitty may want to talk to Alice herself and explain.’

Mrs Jones gave a small humph. ‘I would rather it was you who talked to Alice. I don’t trust that lot not to make something up. Truth hasn’t been their closest bedfellow in the past.’

Despite Kitty being an excellent social worker, Mrs (and Mr) Jones still viewed the social services as the enemy, which was understandable given what had happened in the past, and even more understandable now if Mrs Jones’s account of Chris attacking Leah was correct. For if it was true, then it would substantiate what Mr and Mrs Jones had been claiming all along: that Chris was violent and abusive. It would call into doubt his honesty and suitability to parent Alice, and would also raise questions as to the competency of the social services when they had decided Alice should live with him.

There was little I could say to Mrs Jones other than reassuring her that Alice was fine, and that she was looking forward to seeing them at contact on Wednesday.

Sunday was taken up with unpacking, a week’s laundry and generally getting straight after our holiday. The children were happy to amuse themselves – mainly in the garden, as it was another lovely sunny day. Alice didn’t mention her father again or that she wasn’t seeing him, apparently accepting the suspension of contact as a fait accompli – almost as if she’d known all along that good sense would prevail and his crimes
would be found out. At dinner that evening I was pleased to see that Lucy ate most of what was on her plate – not a vast amount, but what she ate she enjoyed unreservedly and she even had a small helping of pudding. I breathed a sigh of relief, as too, I imagined, did Adrian and Paula, who were aware that Lucy didn’t always eat as much as she should and didn’t have weight to lose.

When I woke on Monday it was with a heightened sense of expectation, for I anticipated that the contents of Kitty’s phone call would be highly significant in deciding Alice’s future. That morning I found myself running through all sorts of scenarios in my head: from Alice going to live with her mother, who had made a miraculous recovery, to Alice being returned to her grandparents, who had been assessed as suitable and not too old to look after Alice, to Alice staying with me. And with this last one I pictured Alice as part of our family in a year’s time, five years’ time and forever, but I do this with almost all the children I look after. Goodness knows what size house I’d need if it ever became more than a fantasy!

As it was, when Kitty phoned that Monday afternoon the scenarios she described were very different from any of those of my speculation. They were also very, very worrying.

Having confirmed what Mrs Jones had told me – that Chris had broken into Leah’s flat and badly assaulted her – Kitty said: ‘Chris is out of police custody and on bail, and Sharon is very angry that contact has been
suspended. Their solicitor phoned me this morning and he is taking the department back to court this week to ask that contact be reinstated immediately. As he pointed out, Chris hasn’t been found guilty and it is not for the social services to prejudge him.’

‘But Chris has been charged with a very bad assault,’ I said, incredulous.

‘Yes, and breaking and entering, but his case won’t appear in court for weeks, possibly months, and in this country you are innocent until proved guilty. Sharon has told their solicitor that if they don’t see Alice during any of this time their relationship with Alice will suffer, which is true.’

I paused, struggling to understand the logic of what I was being told. ‘Chris has never really had a relationship with Alice, and I thought Sharon’s enthusiasm for parenting Alice was wearing thin. That’s what the contact supervisor said.’

‘It seems Sharon’s enthusiasm has resurfaced since Chris was arrested, and it is their right to see Alice. I shall argue against it, but it is possible the judge will decide that contact should continue while Chris is out on bail. It is supervised, after all.’

I steeled myself to ask the next question, dreading, yet half anticipating, what the answer would be. ‘But you wouldn’t still consider sending Alice to live with Chris and Sharon? Not when he’s shown how violent he can be?’

I heard Kitty’s silence and knew she too was struggling with her reply. ‘Chris won’t automatically be ruled out to parent Alice at this stage. He hasn’t been
convicted of anything, and it is possible there is another side to all this.’

‘Like what!’ I demanded rudely, my voice rising. ‘What possible explanation could there be for him breaking into Leah’s flat and badly assaulting her? He’s got a violent streak in him. Alice witnessed it last summer, and it’s not going to disappear. How long will it be before he hits Sharon, or even Alice? It would be ridiculous to consider sending Alice to live with him now.’ I stopped, aware I had probably said far too much, but if the social services weren’t going to protect Alice, then who was left but me? Although it wasn’t really poor Kitty who was to blame but legislation, policy and procedure.

‘I appreciate what you’re saying,’ Kitty said. ‘Believe me, and, off the record, I agree. I wouldn’t put my child in his care. But if Chris goes to court, admits to the charges and asks to go on an anger management course, it is quite possible he will get off without a custodial sentence. In which case Chris and Sharon could still be deemed suitable to parent Alice. He is her father, after all.’

I inwardly sighed. ‘And if he is given a custodial sentence? I hope you wouldn’t be thinking of Alice starting prison visiting?’ I knew from Kitty’s silence what her answer would be.

‘If Chris applies for contact I can’t rule it out,’ she said. ‘You know it’s felt that children should keep in touch with their natural parents wherever possible. If Chris’s barrister can make a case that shows Chris’s relationship with his daughter would suffer as a result of their
separation, then Alice could be visiting him in prison. I’d be against it, as Alice doesn’t have a long relationship with her father and she is quite young, but it would be for the judge to decide.’ Kitty paused. ‘Anyway, Cathy, I just wanted to let you know what the position is. I’ll phone again as soon as I have any more news. In the meantime could you tell Alice that she won’t be seeing her father tomorrow but she might on Thursday. Sorry to have to heap all this on you when you’ve just returned from holiday. I haven’t even asked if you had a nice time?’

All thoughts and therapeutic value of our holiday had disappeared with what I’d just been told and the effect I knew it would have on Alice. ‘It was good,’ I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. ‘Alice enjoyed it. I don’t know how she’s going to take all this. Since I told her she wouldn’t be seeing her father she has seemed quite relieved. She’s also taken it as a sign she won’t be going to live with him, although I’ve told her we don’t know that yet.’

‘When I see Alice I’ll try to explain,’ Kitty said, ‘but in the meantime can you prepare her for every eventuality?’

‘I’ll try,’ I said.

‘I won’t go!’ Alice said bluntly when I told her there was a possibility she would be seeing her father on Thursday. ‘I saw Nana and Grandpa yesterday. I love them, and I’m not seeing him.’

I didn’t say anything further; I’d done as Kitty had asked and had told Alice, but I saw no point in making
an issue of it now, when there was a chance the judge might not make the order to reinstate contact. If the judge did decide Alice should see her father, then I would speak to Alice when I knew for certain, but I quietly hoped this wouldn’t be necessary, for where was the logic in forcing Alice into a relationship with her father, now that he had shown his violent nature, when Alice hadn’t had a relationship with him in the past, and didn’t want one?