I Run to You (15 page)

He enjoyed women, liked them, flirted with
them every day,— he had women friends. But attraction, sexual
chemistry, was a different thing. He had crushed on Brook seven
years ago, knowing her as Madeline’s daughter when she was too
young in too many ways. He was not the kind of man a girl like that
dated. She had fallen in love with a damn Coburn.

Yet after the dance that night, the kiss, it
all melded together, attraction, chemistry, caring, wanting her.
Over the years, the occasional phone calls, cards, being friends—he
would think—she will find someone and fall in love, someone she
belongs with. Deal with it.

It was not as if he had stopped being with
women. It was just that what he felt for her filled a
place—reserved, special. She had not fallen in love with someone
else.

She’d come home.

She had been a virgin.

Damn. It was like flames erupting from the
moment they had seen each other in his restaurant.

How could he presume …?

Rafe dressed, wiping at the fog on the mirror
before running a comb through his inky, wet hair. He dropped the
comb on the sink edge and met his own stare one more time before he
pushed away, and left the bathroom.

~*~

Brook sensed the change in the air, and
different currents around him, the moment he appeared. Standing by
the counter to roll his cuffs back, Rafe’s naturally dark skin was
flushed from the shower, hair coal black, waving already. There was
tension and something else, around his sensual mouth.

She didn’t care what he had been. But now—she
knew— he did. He felt strongly about it. She had ruined things,
despite their lovemaking. Somehow, she had fallen short of maybe
what he’d needed, to trust her.

Brook. How could you be so dumb?

Rafe came over and stood, looking down at
her.

She realized, because he didn’t sit down that
he was going to leave.

Brook got to her feet, looking up at him
before her arms went around his neck.

Immediately he held her, tight, very tightly,
for an emotional second. The embrace became that—them, holding each
other. She, holding on, wanting to say what she wouldn’t have to—if
she hadn’t screwed up today.

Lips against her temple, he husked, “It’s not
the way I imagined our first time in bed would be. Not like, I
would have planned it. Even if I didn’t know you were still a
virgin.”

She snuggled her hold a bit. “It was sexy,
perfect. In spite of what you think, Rafe, I had opportunities.
Plenty of times. The right time, seemingly, the right feelings,
would be there—but I never could get past the final point. It just
did not happen. I didn’t feel like that with you. The instant we
met, it was there— all the intensity. When you showed up a while
ago, kissed me, I let it take me away. That hesitation never came.
Everything felt so right, so wonderfully right.”

“Brook—”

“It was meant to be.” She turned her face
into his neck and mumbled “If nothing else in my homecoming is
right, or for whatever reason I’m here again— those moments, the
pleasure, and you being the first, feels like a piece of my life
that was waiting for you, only you, to fill.”

He ran his lips across her forehead and then
stepped back, holding her hands, looking over her face.

“You’re not staying, are you?”

“No, mi amor.”

Her eyes stung. It hurt to swallow.
Nevertheless, she accepted that she was the reason for that
too.

Quietly he released one of her hands. They
walked outside, and down to his car. Brook let him cup her face
after he opened the car door, but the kiss he gave was on her
forehead.

It tore her up to feel the distance between
them.

He obviously needed space and had his own
emotions and thoughts churning.

She stepped back, turning, and was leaning
against the porch brace when he backed out.

Watching that car go down the road, tears
spilled down her cheeks.

~*~

Two hours of daylight were left when Brook
called her mother.

“Hey, baby. How’s your week been? How was
work?”

“Good, fine….”

There was a silence, then, “You’re crying.
Brook. What’s wrong? I heard about Karla, in town. Did she—

Wiping her cheeks, knees drawn up, seated on
the chase, Brook rasped, “Are you busy right now?”

“Never too busy for you. What’s wrong?”

“I—I need…Mom. I need to talk.”

“I’m on my way over.”

“No. No, I need to get out of here. Got any
coffee brewed?”

“I’ll have it ready. Are you sure Karla
didn’t—”

Brook cut her off, “You know Rafe and I were
dating?”

“Yes. I’m so happy that you—”

“—He just left….”

Since Madeline already guessed Brook was
crying, she said, “Come on, sweetie. I’ll be waiting for you,
okay?”

“Thanks, Mom. I’m just going to change.”

They clicked off and Brook walked through the
house, turning a lamp on, others off, before she went to her room
and changed into khaki pants and a cotton shirt. She tied a light
jacket around her waist and pulled on sneakers. Grabbing her purse
off the counter, she was soon in her car and driving to Mitch and
Madeline’s.

She had cried her make up off. Looking in the
rear view, the cold cloth she had held to her face had not helped.
At the moment, she did not care.

Mitch’s truck was beside Madeline’s jeep in
the drive. Her Mom took such good care of things, and the jeep
still looked new. However, it was just Madeline and Ruby she saw
sitting on the steps as she parked. Getting out, Brook felt that
warm rush of unconditional love as she walked toward them in the
lowering sun. They had always been her support system.

Ruby had on low-rise denims like Madeleine,
but her mother wore a white sweatshirt. Ruby— a funky tie-dyed
thing that skirted out at the waist. So Ruby. She cupped a mug in
her hand, and Madeline held two, as she stood and offered one, when
Brook reached her.

“Thanks.” Brook sensed them looking over her
face as she took the first needed mouth full and swallowed. Her
blotchy face—that probably looked worse than her crying had
been.

She lowered the cup from her lips, glancing
above them a moment to the porch.

Mitch leaned against the brace, hands in his
denim pockets, and light blue denim shirt unbuttoned. “You look
sad, baby girl.”

She smiled and shook her head. “Just…” She
shrugged.

He gave her a sympathetic smile, and then
said, “Madeline, why don’t y'all walk down to the barn? Show Brook
the new colts.”

Madeline looked back at him, troubled, but
Brook saw the love in his gaze as he winked and then pushed away to
walk inside.

When they did cross the yard, and take the
hilly path to the big barns, many of the pacing horses were
scattered on the hillside, grazing, and two dogs were romping in
the sweet grass.

Brook sighed as each woman linked their arms
on either side of her.

She mumbled, “I’m such an idiot.”

Immediately their arms went around her
waist.

Madeline admonished, “Whatever it is, Brook.
We all make mistakes.”

“It’s not a mistake. I just— screwed up—”

At the barn, Ruby and Madeline waited
patiently for her to elaborate, occasionally rubbing her back,
while walking with her as she pat the mares and foals in the
stalls.

Eventually they sat outside, able to see most
of the hollow from the slope; the old farmhouse, and down the way,
houses, gardens, while breathing the earthy scent of horses and sun
warmed grass.

Facing her, sitting close, making that secure
circle, Ruby and Madeline sat cross-legged on the grass. Brook the
same, fiddling with the sleeve of the jacket tied around her
hips.

She began softly, “As soon as I saw Rafe, I
felt this…intensity. Our first date was like nothing I’d felt with
anyone. Rafe’s everything he was before, but as a woman grown,
being with him—it’s, well, intense.” She peeked up to see a slight
smile on Ruby’s face.

Madeline was still waiting, still watching
her.

“You know what happened with Karla?”

Madeline nodded. “Coy told Sunny and he
called me, but Mitch and Jude knew via Coy. They’re taking a boat
out with Coy and Levi tomorrow, to try and talk to him about his
mother—” Madeline waved her hand. “We can talk about that later
though, tell me what happened?”

“I can’t believe it, even now. It seems like
something I’d never do.” Brook shook her head and looked down
again. “She—Karla—insinuated that she’d been with Rafe—and even
knowing how she is, what did I do? I go straight to the restaurant
and ask him—”

“Oh, Brook.”

Brook arched her neck, closing her eyes. “I
know. I know. It’s the same as accusing. And despite what I don’t
know about Rafe, I know he’d never do that…”

She lowered her chin and looked at Madeline.
“His face— eyes, filled with… something. As if, I’d shattered
something. He’d had higher expectations of me. I was
impulsive—insecure, for those brief moments. I know better. I know
him. Not just friendship. We both felt the chemistry and deeper
attraction when we were together. Everything—was just there. How
could I have thought that of him? He dates, I am sure. Or did. But
he wouldn’t be with her in any sense of the word.”

“What happened?” Madeline coaxed.

Brook looked between them. “As of this
morning, I’m not a virgin anymore.”

Ruby made a whoop sound, leaned, and hugged
her. “Girl, I didn’t know you still were.” She laughed.

“I was.” Brook told of the whole scene then,
her driving home and crying most of the way, appalled at what she’d
done five seconds after it was too late.

Meeting her mother’s eyes, letting Madeline
squeeze her hand after relaying that, Brook then lay back on the
grass.

Knees bent, one hand absently rubbing under
the shirt at her lower stomach and eyes gazing at a deeper blue sky
and lowering sun, she murmured, “Rafe had apparently followed me. I
didn’t hear him pull up. I was crying—standing in my room.” She
closed her eyes a moment. “He walked in, held my face in his hands,
kissed me—drowned me. Everything came unraveled inside me, in some
esurient way. All the reasons I never could get that far with
another man suddenly made sense. Because he felt, tasted, was, so
right.”

Madeline moved to recline by her side, softly
brushing her bangs back.

Ruby uttered, “Good. I am so surprised you
waited—but so happy. Dammit, I want to hear what it was like.” She
went to the other side, propped on her elbow. She rubbed Brook’s
shoulder.

With a half-smile, tears seeping that she
didn’t notice, Brook whispered, “Passionate, sensual. I suppose the
intensity in him, in me, waiting all these years—added to it. The
way he touched and kissed me, looked at me, I didn’t think of
anything. I just felt. And I felt— as if he peeled away some
invisible layer, exposed my senses, and introduced me to them.”

“Damn.” Ruby sighed enviously. “That’s good
sex for a first time. Good love, any time.”

Brook was caught up in the moments and
emotions again. “I felt like a woman I’d been waiting to meet
evolved right then. Sexual, aroused. Nothing existed or mattered
but flying, burning there, with him.”

She sniffed back the tears. “When he realized
I hadn’t been with anyone before—I could feel this struggle in him—
between tenderness…and hunger.”

“Shit. “ Ruby murmured, “I love that,
guy.”

Brook opened her wet lashes. Her voice thick
with tears, “I would never take that back. But even as I held to
that emotion, amazed at the change I already felt inside—feeling so
much toward him— more, different— I knew even before he said
anything, that he couldn’t savor it either.”

Madeline wiped tears off Brook’s cheeks,
kissed them, and held her moment. Eventually she and Ruby were both
lying beside Brook; they held her hand, while Brook finished
talking. Telling them what had passed after Rafe’s shower and her
walking him to the car.

Brook moaned, “I knew I could trust him. Why
did I do that? How could I let her provoke me? Let either of them
mess up something with Rafe? That is not supposed to be me anymore,
Mom. I’m not that girl.”

“I’m sure Rafe knows that.” Ruby insisted

“That’s the thing, Ruby. He does. I know he
does. Nevertheless, I really didn’t consider him. Anyone who knows
Rafe sees under his handsome exterior and easygoing style, he has
his own secrets, fears, defenses. He is a grown man. We were
supposed to be building a relationship. I just freaking messed
everything up.”

“You guys just made love. He probably has to
process the fact you’re twenty-four and you gave him your
virginity. For Rafe, that is no small thing. He’s had feelings for
you over many years.” Madeline flexed her fingers comfortingly.
“You said, he told you, it was all too soon. It is soon, although I
believe every woman knows the right man, the one to be her first—
no matter how long you have dated. I know Rafe well; I love him for
everything he is, Brook. He does not take things lightly. It’s just
my guess, but being a guy—waiting for your chance with someone,
once it comes, you want it to go right. He doubtless fantasized
about it.”

“I thought of him, over the years….” Brook
told Madeline finally about what he had said the night of the
prom.

“Yes. But, neither of you know each other in
that lover/relationship way. Fantasy is not the reality. We have
strengths and weaknesses, joy and pain in us. Our hang-ups are a
part of us, our vulnerabilities. That is a truth for both of you.
That’s part of who you are, and who he is, too.”

“I don’t regret it.”

“You shouldn’t, sweetie.” Madeline sat
up.