I Shot You Babe (18 page)

Marv: I check the list. Rubber tubing, gas, saw, gloves, cuffs, razor wire, hatchet, Gladys, and my mitts.

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S
IN
C
ITY

“What…what did you say?” Veronica was shaken now. Her lip trembled, and immediately I wanted to take all the things I’d said back.

“Look.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Just go and sit down. I have a few phone calls to make.”

“Cy! I want to—” she started, but I didn’t let her finish.

“Dammit, Ronnie! Just go up front! I’ll join you after I take care of something!” I’d never shouted at her before. I really rarely shouted at anyone. It wasn’t my way. Anger wasn’t my thing. So how did this woman inspire so much of it in me?

I didn’t wait to see if she left before ducking into the back room. Using Missi’s cell phone, I called the one person who could help us once we landed.

When I joined the group, there was enough tension in the air to choke a goat. A large goat with an enormous trachea. Ronnie sat alone in one of the seats, staring sullenly out the window. Drew was making banal conversation with Paris…something about research methods. Gin and Liv were looking at me meaningfully. Dak inclined his head toward Ronnie.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I took the seat next to her. Ronnie glared at me before turning her attention back to the window.

“I shouldn’t have come to your house and frightened you like that.”

“Did you kill Dekker?” She asked the one question I wasn’t expecting.

“No.” I wasn’t lying about that. Granted, I could’ve told her he was still alive, but I thought the less she knew, the better.

She turned her attention back to the window. I said nothing. Minutes passed. An hour passed. I was glad she didn’t speak. Mainly because I didn’t want to answer.

“How dare you?” she growled finally once we were flying over Mexico.

“Oh. You are talking to me.”

“You are so arrogant! Where do you get off treating people like that?”

“Well, I—”

“You think you have it all figured out, don’t you?” She was just warming up. “What makes you think you know me so well?”

“Clearly I didn’t know you at all,” I said softly.

She turned to face me. “And what in the hell do you mean by that?”

“You lied to me. You played me for a fool. And I fell in love with you,” I said simply, because there was no other way to say it.

Her face softened. “You…you fell in love with me?”

“Well,” I said, “don’t let it go to your head. Now that I know what you really are.”

And then her face hardened. The angles were so sharp and fierce you could open a bottle on them. “And what am I really?”

“A con artist.”

“What?” I was pretty sure her shriek could be heard on the ground.

“Like I said earlier: You played me. And you did such a good job I fell for it. Way to go.”

“How did I play you? What are you talking about?”

I was getting tired of this wordplay. My head hurt, and I was concerned that my upcoming actions would have irrevocable consequences. Arguing with Ronnie would only dull my wits, and I needed them.

“You led me to believe you were single…unattached. You led me to believe you were innocent and naive. Hell, you even told me you lived in an apartment when you really had a huge house!”

Veronica opened her mouth. Then she closed it. She opened it again, but something stopped the words from coming out. Clearly she needed time to construct an argument now that she was busted. I got up and moved to sit with my cousins. We had some work to do.

“I can’t believe we are doing this!” Liv whispered. “It’s so exciting!”

Gin smiled and patted her best friend’s hand. “Just remember to stick to the plan. If we all agree then there’s nothing they can do.”

Dak spoke up: “I love you.”

His sister turned to him. “What?”

Dak continued. “It’s true. You don’t even need to be here. And yet you are. Way to go, sis.”

Paris leaned in. “Are you sure we should land on the island? Maybe we should land in Ecuador and get a speedboat or something.”

I shook my head. “No good. We have to make a statement. You all called your parents, right?”

Liv nodded. “I read Dad the riot act first. I want him to know what he’s up against.”

“We are taking a huge risk here,” Paris replied.

I looked at my watch. “Let’s hope we’re right. Let’s hope this works.”

As if in answer to my words, the plane dropped in altitude. Within minutes we’d be arriving on the tarmac at Santa Muerta. And while I was hoping we’d survive the day, there was no way of knowing for sure.

“Cy.” Veronica laid her hand on my arm as I prepared to exit the plane. “I need to talk to you.”

“Not now, Ronnie.” And I meant it. I needed to keep my focus sharp.

“Okay. But at least let me thank you.”

This brought me up short, and I stopped in my tracks. “For what?”

“You are thinking of our best interests.” She looked back at Drew. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Believe me, Ronnie, what I am about to do will help me as much as it helps you.” Provided we didn’t die horrible deaths at the hands of our parents, that was.

“When you get back, I really need to talk to you.”

I really didn’t want to hear it.
Sorry, Cy. But I love him.
Even if it wasn’t that, it would be something equally as hurtful. Maybe dying at the hands of my mother would be less painful.

“Fine,” I answered, even though I didn’t mean it. “We’ll talk when I get back.”

I had given Ronnie and Drew strict instructions not to leave the plane. It was for their own good. Granted, the council had no idea they were here, and why would they? It was the safest place for them to hide—right out in the middle of the battlefield.

The five of us Bombays made our way to the headquarters, where a weird family showdown was about to take place. A sort of bloodless intervention, so to speak. Only this would lead to our not killing anymore instead of not drinking or doing drugs. It was kind of poetic, once you thought about it.

We found the council in the conference room, waiting for us. Mum was there with her brother, York. On her left were her cousins, Carolina and Pete. To their right were her other cousins, Cali, Missi’s mom, and her brother, Montgomery. For some reason the European branch was not represented, as their cousins Burma and Asia were missing. I didn’t mind having fewer dangerous council members to deal with. The Europeans were pretty laid-back. If we could make this happen, they would go along with it.

“Sit down, kids.” Mum motioned to the opposite side of the table. We took our seats. This was going to be a little awkward.

“It has come to our attention,” Uncle York began, “that you don’t approve of our policies.” He said it as though we were naughty employees in the boardroom. Hell, he was even wearing a suit.

This was unexpected politeness. With many families there was at least shouting and expletives…maybe a hurled beer bottle. In our family at this point the pistols usually came out. Mexican standoffs were de rigueur. We were trained at the age of eight in how to deal with that situation.

“That’s right,” Gin said loudly.

Carolina shook her head. “Gin, you shouldn’t even be here. You’re retired.”

Gin slammed her hand down on the table. “Why does everyone keep saying that? I’m really getting pissed off about that!”

“She really is,” Dak said in a stage whisper to his mother. “You should’ve heard her on the plane.”

Carolina turned to me. “Coney, are you refusing to accept your assignment?”

I nodded. “That’s right.”

Mum clapped her hands together. “You have to kill Dekker. You have to bring Veronica Gale here.”

I shook my head. “No.”

My mother looked from her left to her right. “We have a contract to honor. And we need to know more about Gale and her friend.” She looked at the folder in front of her. “This Drew Connery could be a terrorist.”

“No. Being a Rhodes scholar does not qualify him as a terrorist. The Republicans tried that with Clinton and it didn’t stick. Both Veronica and Drew are innocent of what happens here.”

Uncle York spoke up. “Look, I don’t care about the other two, but we have a contract for Dekker’s head. We can’t ignore that.”

Cali agreed. “The Bombays have given out assignments to be accepted without question for four millennia. Why should you get to question things?”

“Why not?” came a voice over the PA. Cali cringed as the voice of her daughter bellowed from the speakers overhead. “For chrissake, Mom! You sent me on a damned reality show, where I almost killed the wrong guy, just so you could set me up with a man!” Missi appeared in the doorway and walked toward us. There she was, my ace in the hole. And I knew her recent experience gave the council reason to rethink this.

“And you did find a man!” Cali seemed surprised her daughter wouldn’t get the logic. “You found Lex! Because of us!”

Missi stopped and placed her hands on her hips. “This is idiotic. You are all manipulating us into doing whatever you want! You’re using these assignments to run our lives!”

Our parents looked at one another. Did they get it?

“The truth is,” I said, “we aren’t going to work for the family business anymore.” I gave them a moment to let it sink in. By the looks on their faces, I was pretty sure they hadn’t seen that coming.

“And we are conducting an audit to review our finances,” Paris added.

“And we never, ever want to know if we have killed anyone who didn’t deserve it.” Liv’s voice trembled with rage.

The council was stunned. They had no idea we would demand the disbanding of the family industry. In the past, the old guard would have shot us. Would they do that?

“You can’t just quit!” York protested. Somehow I took his words to mean that we couldn’t quit because he was never able to.

Paris sputtered, “This isn’t a fraternity! You can’t just do things because they were done to you.”

“Don’t you see?” Dak said calmly. “The time for things like this is over. The Dark Ages ended centuries ago. This is civilization. We can’t keep killing people.”

Liv shouted, “And we sure as hell aren’t going to kill anyone just because you think we should!”

“We won’t allow it,” Cali said with steel in her voice.

There it was. The threat.

“Are you going to kill your own children?” Gin shouted. “We represent the majority of our generation. You’ll be wiping us out.”

“And you’ll have to raise our kids!” Dak threw in somewhat unhelpfully. From what I’d heard about Carolina Bombay’s obsession with babies, I thought that was more of a strike against us.

Missi joined us at the table but didn’t sit down. “You will have to kill us. Because we are never going to kill anyone for you again.”

I fist-bumped her. It wasn’t something I’d ever done, and likely wasn’t something I’d ever do again, but I did it anyway.

Agent Sands (in Marlon Brandon voice): Failure to appear at meetings at designated times will result in forfeiture of protection…protection you will definitely need.

—
O
NCE
U
PON A
T
IME IN
M
EXICO

If you are going to make an ultimatum, you have to be ready to back it up. Once you say with absolute certainty that you will not do something, there is no going back. The Bombays have followed this flawed logic with a religious zeal that would have made Hitler envious. Family members who refused to participate in the business were “liquidated” immediately—usually by another family member.

It was a delicate and unstable way to approach life, but that was our culture. Some cultures wrestled over their differences. Others used a game of chess or a “dance-off.” We usually made one another bleed to death. Every family was different.

I was not an only child. But my brother had been such a supreme asshole that I felt like one. Dak and Paris had their sisters. They were lucky. And I was lucky that they included me in that group. And it helped make it that much harder for the council to disagree with us if they had to wipe out all their children. That was a plus for us.

So we glared at one another over a conference table for at least ten minutes, each side hoping the other would suddenly jump up and laugh and yell, “Just kidding!” But that wasn’t going to happen. And we’d use shrapnel instead of confetti.

We’d made a very dangerous move here. And we weren’t even armed. Well, Missi was. She had a button that could electrocute the council. Hopefully we wouldn’t need to use it.

While we sat there in silence, each side hoping their glares were dramatic enough to influence the others, all I could think of was Ronnie. I had it bad. It sucked that she loved Drew. But even if I died, she’d live—I’d tipped the pilot a lot to take them back home if we didn’t return. I hoped she’d take care of Sartre. I loved that little rodent. Considering that guinea pigs only lived about four years, I thought it was ironic that she might actually outlive me.

Still nothing was coming from the council side of the table. I expected our parents to scream, shout, even cry to get us to change our minds. I didn’t expect what happened next.

“What the hell,” Pete spoke up in his gravelly voice. “I’ve been wanting to retire for years.”

“It’s not like we need the money…” Montgomery ventured timidly.

The others looked at one another, then turned to us and nodded simultaneously.

“Right,” York said. “Tradition is so overrated.”

We stared at them as if at some point they were all going to burst into flames. That would have surprised us less than the words that came out of their mouths.

“You’re serious?” Gin squeaked.

Her mother nodded. “Why not? I want to spend more time with my grandchildren, not stuck on this island handing out death sentences.”

The others seemed to agree. Was this for real? How did that happen? We weren’t even that persuasive.

Dak eyed them suspiciously. “You mean I can stop training Louis? And I never have to train Sofia?”

Carolina snorted. “Like I want that precious little girl to kill people! Now, that doesn’t mean she won’t be taught how to fend for herself.”

We watched in awe as the council stood up and made small talk. This had really happened. Without bloodshed. Holy shit.

My cousins hugged their respective parents, who in return hugged them back. Mum came over to me and threw her arms around my neck. After a few seconds, I held her. It was over. It was—

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.

And in a split second, the Bombay Council lay twitching on the floor. I knew Missi had something rigged up with the last council where she zapped them at a crucial moment. But I’d never seen it. It was somewhat disturbing to watch our sixty-plus-year-old parents twitching like lobotomized electric eels at our feet.

“Missi!” Liv screamed. “You were only supposed to do that as a last resort!” She ran to help her father up.

Missi shrugged. “When was I ever going to get to do it now that we’re going legit? Besides, these bastards just put me through a month of unmitigated hell for a stupid reason.” She smiled innocently. “A girl’s gotta have a little fun now and then.”

It was over. Four millennia of wet work were over without so much as a whimper. How about that? I might have waxed more philosophical on it if I didn’t have a planeload of turbulence waiting for me on the tarmac.

I left the others to negotiate the terms of the dissolution of the company and made my way to the plane. And even though we had just scored a major victory without spilling so much as one drop of blood, my mood worsened with each step.

Ronnie had something to say. No doubt it was that she had chosen Drew over me. Perhaps she’d twist the knife and tell me why him. Whatever it was, this was going to be unpleasant.

I found her sitting alone on the steps of the jet. I didn’t want to talk to her. But since I’d just dragged her into another hemisphere, I guess I owed her something.

“Hey,” she said.

“Come on. We can take you two home now.” I took her hand to lead her up the steps but she pulled out of my grip.

“You are so wrong about me.” She wasn’t pleading. She just wanted me to know.

I cocked my head to the side. “Am I?”

She nodded. “You never gave me a chance to explain. And I’m really pissed off about that.”

“Well, the feeling’s mutual, because you didn’t try to explain.” My brain hurt. I wanted to go home, sleep for a week, then think all this through.

“Okay. I guess that’s somewhat true,” Ronnie said after a moment.

“Well, here’s your big chance. Go ahead. Explain it.”

For a second I thought she was going to get angry and refuse to talk.

“Drew isn’t my boyfriend.”

“What?” Not a great response, but considering the month I’d had, it was a respectable one.

“He isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Oh. Right.” I’d had enough of this. If she wanted to play games I had Risk and Sorry on the plane.

“He’s gay. And he’s my cousin,” Ronnie said, a slight glimmer of victory in her eyes.

“Right. And the Victorian house is really several apartments.” Oh, that nasty sarcasm.

“No, Drew is house-sitting for a professor who is on sabbatical in Paraguay. My apartment is being renovated due to an asbestos problem.”

Oh. Shit. I had hated her over asbestos.

“You never gave me the chance to explain,” she concluded. “If you had, you would’ve known that.”

I didn’t say anything, so of course she decided it was a good idea to continue.

“What is it with you men, anyway? All I’ve learned from being around you that no matter how well educated and worldly, you are still jealous, possessive and love to fight. You jump to conclusions at a moment’s notice and never stop to think about it—”

“Maybe you’re right,” I cut her off. It was too painful to hear that she had such a low opinion of me. Hell, I had a low opinion of myself.

“And then, after dumping me unceremoniously without so much as an explanation, you leave. And a few weeks later, you show up again with a file full of…” The words choked in her throat. “Full of ugly things I’d rather not have known, thank you.” She paused. “You came by just to hurt me even more. Just to prove you were right. And then you left, again, without allowing me to explain.”

Somehow, Veronica had managed to make herself really angry at me all over again. And I just stood there and let her.

She pushed past me and climbed aboard the jet. We didn’t speak all the way back to Cedar Rapids.