I'd Rather Not Be Dead (33 page)

“That's alright.” Finn hops
lightly into the water, ignoring the splash of cold. “It's not the
words that are important, it's the intent.”

“Right. Of course...” Ricky nods
through a frown and steps away. He starts backwards, then realizes
that it puts him in deeper water and makes a funny shuffle until
he's back on the bank near TOM's feet.

She's wearing the black boots
with the Sharpie rose on them, but I try to ignore the detail and
work on figuring out how to get Finn free from Elza's grip. His
face is twitching like an allergy sufferer who just walked into a
greenhouse filled with ragweed and I know he's trying to
reestablish control of himself, but he needs help.

Bess comes up beside me, Fray
close at her side. “That's right, baby,” she whispers. “Fight her.
You're stronger than she is.”

Finn squats, takes a hold of the
other me's shoulders and hefts her further into the pool. She jerks
as the water comes up over her chest, bucking against him when he
presses down on her. Her head goes under.

Fray, Bess, and I all jerk
forward, but catch ourselves. Fray frowns furiously, his head
tilted and his eyes flickering with what I hope are brilliant
thoughts about to solve all our problems.

Finn screams, letting go and
falling back to allow TOM to sputter to the surface. Spitting water
as she twists toward the edge of the pool, TOM lurches for dry
land.

She'd make it if it weren't for
Ricky jumping in the way.

“Leave her alone!” he yells,
smashing against her in a rolling tackle that takes both of them
back to Finn, who sits in the middle of the pool with his eyes
tightly shut while his body jerks and jolts.

“Get the Woodman brat out of
here,” Fray orders, looking at Finn's mom for long enough to get a
nod back before stepping cautiously toward the fracas.

“What are you doing?” I ask,
receiving only an annoyed shushing sound in response.

Finn's eyes are still closed,
but his arms have reached around to grab TOM. He's holding her
tightly, not letting her get away even though she's squirming
frantically, but he's not doing anything to hurt her. It's
impossible to tell if he's holding her because Elza wants to hurt
her or if he's doing it because he's trying to stop her from
hurting herself.

With one quick pull on her hair,
Finn's mom steps out of Shadow, plants her fists on her hips, and
glares at Ricky, who lets out a girlish gasp of surprise.

“Your mother would be ashamed of
you,” Bess opens, striking swiftly to the heart of the matter as a
gust of wind sweeps through the trees.

“No,” Ricky denies, shaking his
head. He backs along the edge of the water, coming up against the
mountain near where the pool disappears into rock. “No, my mom's
proud of me. I'm doing God's work!”

With a soft snort, I turn my
head from them and walk to stand by Fray, who's watching TOM and
Finn with an attitude of helplessness. I bite my lip and wish I had
a way to tell myself to stop struggling, to let her know all the
energy Finn's spending dealing with her would be better spent
breaking Elza's hold on him.

“God's work?” Bess sneers at
Ricky. “You honestly think that God wants you drugging an innocent
girl? God wants you drowning her?”

“Drew's possessed by a demon,”
Ricky explains, his face devoid of color.

“Ask about Tanya,” I interject,
not looking over. “She's sleeping off a dose in his car.”

Bess hisses, looking appalled as
only a librarian can. “How did Tanya offend God?”

Ricky struggles for breath. “She
didn't think we should force the demon out, but-”

“So you drugged her?”

Bess's tone would make the most
hardened of felons feel ashamed of themselves.

“She was going to tell!”

“Can't we help?” I ask Fray,
leaving him standing on the edge of the water to take a few steps
into the pool. It's a strange sensation to know you're standing in
water yet not feel wet.

“I'm trying to think,” Fray
hisses. “Don't do anything stupid.”

I don't bother responding to
him.

“I knew your mother,” Bess says.
“She wouldn't be proud of this. She'd be mortified.”

“She-”

“No!” The shout echoes from the
trees and I look at Bess in surprise. She's trembling with anger.
“You haven't been visited by an angel, child. You've been tricked
by a demon.”

No color at all in his face,
Ricky shakes his head in mute denial, but I can almost see the
pieces of fact clicking into place in his mind.

“You know God wouldn't ask
this,” Bess tells him, somehow making her voice softer and less
antagonizing. “You know your mother wouldn't ask it.”

“I-”

“You know it,” Bess cuts off
whatever comeback Ricky was forming. “I want you to go back to the
car and think about it. Think long and hard.”

He looks around Bess, sees TOM
and Finn, still in the same place in the middle of the pool. TOM's
getting stronger, trying harder to break free.

“I'll handle them,” Bess tells
him. “Go!”

He goes.

When she turns and I see the
expression in her eyes, I wonder how he kept himself from going a
long time ago. Most people would have taken one look and ran
screaming.

Seeing Bess is enough to stop
TOM's fight. Her eyes struggle to focus on the woman.

The sudden cessation of movement
makes Finn tense even more, until I start to wonder whether he's
strong enough to kill me just trying to hold on. I wade through the
pool until I can touch his arm. His muscles thrum with energy.
“Finn?”

His whole body shakes, causing
TOM to start wiggling again. She rams her head back, barely missing
his face. The water churns as she tries to move her legs, tries to
kick herself free.

“Ricky's gone, Finn. It's just
us.”

He laughs. It's an ugly sound, a
sound that didn't come from him for all that it burst from his
throat.

“She can't control you,
Finn.”

“What do you think I'm doing?”
Elza asks through Finn's mouth.

Bess snorts from somewhere
behind me. “Spare us the drama. If you were really in charge, she'd
be dead by now.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Finn's never going to hurt me,”
I state, perfectly confident that however freakish a hold Elza has,
it's not strong enough for that. “The second you push him, he'll
break free.”

His lips smirk and in a blur of
motion, he topples to the side, pulling TOM along with him until
they're both under the surface.

Bess and Fray spring into motion
of the same time, both of them grabbing at Finn. He lurches out of
reach just before they get to him, letting go of TOM and putting as
much space between them as he can.

When his eyes, wide and
horrified, lock onto mine, they're blazing with rage. But they're
his eyes again.

I leap at him, throwing my arms
around his neck and holding him as tight as I can. “Told her so,” I
whisper.

He hugs back, an odd tremble in
his hold.

“Mom,” he whispers, his voice a
portrayal of agony.

Mom? Secure in the vice of
apprehension, I turn. And instinctively, my arm shoots out in front
of Finn, as though my arm could possibly stop him from charging if
he broke out of his frozen state.

Near the living version of me,
who's crawled out of the water and is gasping for breath, Bess is
still in the pool, kneeling where she fell when she was trying to
get to Finn. But the personality glaring at us isn't Finn's mom.
It's Elza. She just changed bodies.

I grab Finn's and squeeze it
tightly. Please don't do anything stupid, Finn...

Eyes locked on Bess's, I summon
my anger, letting it shield against fear. Though I resist the urge
to look around Bess's body, I can hear TOM trying to catch her
breath nearby. She may have made it a few feet further away, but
she's nowhere near safe.

There's a smothered choke of an
uncared for car engine sputtering to life. Then the squeal of tires
peeling. “I think you lost your minion,” I tell Elza.

“I don't need him.”

She's too busy gloating to
notice Fray before he wraps his arms around her from behind.

“What the-” Bess's voice cuts
off and her eyes go wide.

Finn surges forward, proving my
restraining arm to be every bit as useless as I'd feared. Fray's
face is closed with concentration as Finn rushes in his direction.
I don't know what's going on, but interrupting it is probably
bad.

“Drew,” Fray grits from between
her teeth. “Elza's about to jump. I need you to catch her.”

Elza laughs, the sound of her
mirth striking notes of fear in me that none of her posturing
managed to produce.

In my mind, the imaginary book
slams open. Frantic, I wave a metaphorical pen in Fray's direction,
hoping like hell he has the energy to tell me how I'm supposed to
catch Elza, but he blasts the pen away, sending images of action
directly to my limbs. My body lunges forward.

The other me has even less idea
what's going on, but what she knows scares her. She screams and
starts to scamper away. But even with all the adrenaline that has
to be pumping through her system, she doesn't have full control of
herself yet. Her movements are awkward, ill-timed, and unfocused.
She staggers on all fours, trying to come to her feet but failing
several times before she makes it to a very wobbly version of
upright.

“Finn!” I yell. “Cliff!”

He stops a step away from his
mom, who shakes like he did when he was fighting Elza.

“We have her! Stop me!”

There's less than a heartbeat's
worth of hesitation before his head snaps to the living me and his
eyes go wide. He starts to run.

Fray spins, keeping Bess latched
against his chest while he turns until they can both see the wall I
woke up by. She kicks and lurches, but his hold is a vice. His head
bends until his lips are by her ear. “You want to see this.”

Elza stills, a smirk desecrating
Bess's lips. Green flickers against the fog of The Spirit, but dies
out after a brilliant flare. Elza laughs softly, as if she thinks
Bess gave up. I almost smile, certain she didn't.

Yards away, TOM sees Finn. So
she runs. Straight for the wall.

“Stop!” I yell. But Finn doesn't
hear me. Or doesn't think I mean him. So he doesn't stop. If
anything, he goes faster, reaching out to try to grab her before
she can fall over the wall.

Terrified and uncoordinated, she
stumbles closer to the edge.

“Drew!” Fray growls as I start
forward. “Trust him! I need you here.”

By the wall, TOM tries to take a
firm stance. Tries to meet Finn's rush.

Her hands in
front of her, she waits until he's close enough that he can
almost
¨C
almost! -
catch her. And then she pushes him as hard as she can.

But she can't move Finn. He's
stronger than she is, outweighs her, and isn't drugged. The shove
doesn't do a thing to him. All it does is throw the living me even
further off balance. She rebounds from the hit, tilts backward.

He tries to grab her, but she's
scared of him and she twists away.

She goes backwards.

And then, as Finn's hands try
desperately to stop her, she goes down. Over the wall. Through the
trees. To smash onto the rocky ground below.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Frantic, Finn moves like he's
going to jump after her.

“Finn!” I bellow, my voice
grabbing his attention just before the idiot jumps off the cliff
himself. He looks back at me, his mouth tight and his eyes swimming
in angry misery.

“Finn!” Bess's voice slams into
my ears, snapping my eyes to her. She wrests out of Fray's grasp to
sprint in her son's direction.

I jump forward, thrusting into
Elza as she stumbles behind Bess. She's still holding The Spirit
and when our bodies collide, the universe twists and the world
shatters in a roar of wind and a blast of fog.

I'm in The Spirit.

But I am not lost to it. I will
not be lost to it. There's no way I'm leaving Finn.

I don't have teeth to grit. I
don't have shoulders to square. No loins to gird or even breath to
take. But I do have terror. And anger. And I gather those to me,
harnessing their power to follow the directions Fray planted in my
memory so that I can force myself back into form and force the
hurricane of mist to move away from me until I'm in a pocket of
calm.

And now I do have teeth and
shoulders and loins. Now I'm me, standing in the middle of The
Spirit and shivering from the deepest cold I've ever felt.

To the side, another pocket of
stillness merges into mine. I nod to Fray as he walks from it. He
takes my hand and a warmth slithers over me. It doesn't defeat the
cold entirely, but it numbs the chill until I stop quivering.

Together, we move forward,
walking until the patterns of swirling mist alter.

Ahead lies a focus, a point from
which the winds blast. The eye of the storm, the calm heart in the
center of The Spirit. Elza's in the middle of it, her hands lifted
before her, their palms facing me and Fray.

The mist gathers, surges at
us.

And bends quietly around our
shield.

Again, Elza summons power,
throws it out. Watches it move harmlessly away from its target.
We're close enough to see the panic dawning in her eyes.

There's another blast of energy,
the strongest yet.

It slams against the barrier,
then slams through it.

I'm knocked from my feet, kept
from flying away only by Fray's latch on my hand.

Fray's arm jerks and I'm
standing solidly beside him again.

His fingers squeeze. Once.
Twice. Three times.

We rush ahead.

Our shields ram against Elza's
bubble.

I hope the bubble bursts.