If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (110 page)

“Is Lauren with you honey?” my mom asks.

“Yeah, she’s in the bathroom. She’s pretty overwhelmed with all of this. She didn’t expect to see me this morning. I’m guessing Cal came back,” I admit, feeling my stomach sink. “When she saw me, she seemed confused and upset but the worst part of all this is that I think she was disappointed that I was here and Cal was gone, but I mean what did I expect?”

“Oh honey. Please don’t think that,” my mom interrupts me.

“Well, son, that is the problem with you being with Lauren. She’s not rooting for you. It’s always going to be for Cal,” my dad interjects.

“William, you don’t know that,” my mom says defensively.

“I do know it. We all do. That’s why it’s best for her to leave once she gets Caylen,”

“What!” my mom snaps.

“Look what’s happened. He goes away with her alone for a few hours and Cal takes over. I told you she was the trigger.”

“We don’t need to talk about this over the phone,” my mom says.

“Mom’s right. I’ll see you guys soon, okay,” I say, hanging up.

I take a deep breath and see that I have several missed calls and voice mails. Aidan’s called me almost more times than my mom. That’s really not like him. I dial his number and after a couple of rings he picks up.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asks angrily.

“Look. I have a lot going on right now so if this isn’t important,” I cut him off.

“No it’s real important man,” he says, his voice completely somber, which is unlike him and I feel my heart beat speed up. What else can go wrong?

“What is it?” I ask reluctantly.

“It’s not something I think we should talk about over the phone dude,” he says, his voice hushed.

“Just tell me Aidan, I have too much crap on my mind to wonder what’s next,” I tell him frantically. There’s a long pause which seems like a thousand years.

“Just say it!”

“Look man, Lisa came over here yesterday crying she’s a fucking mess,”

“What are you doing?! What the hell are you doing, Aidan!” I hear yelling in the background. It’s Lisa. The phone becomes muffled.

“Hey! Hey guys what the hell is going on?” I yell loud enough I hope that they can hear me. After a few seconds I hang up the phone in frustration. I hear footsteps and see Lauren enter the room.

“Is everything okay?” she asks looking like the time in the bathroom did her well. Maybe I need to spend a few minutes in there.

“Lisa and Aidan are idiots that are trying to drive me crazy,” I say, trying to laugh off how worried I am. The expression on Lauren’s face doesn’t make me feel less worried.

“Oh Chris,” she lets out a deep sigh that worries me even more.

“Lisa called you while…while Cal was here and he blew up on her,” she says carefully.

“Oh no,” I say aloud.

“What the hell is he a jerk to Lisa for? What did she ever do to him?” I ask angrily and my phone rings. It’s Aidan again.

“Hey Chris.” It’s Lisa’s voice.

“Lisa. I’m so sorry. That w-wasn’t me. Whatever he said to you, ignore it...”

“Chris. It’s okay. I know,” she says, reassuring me.

“It’s not okay and I’m sorry,” I apologize again.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why were you and Aidan fighting?”

“You know me and Aidan. We’re always fighting,” she laughs, but it’s dry and seems forced.

“What’s wrong Lisa? Is this about what Cal said to you?” I glance over at Lauren who looks down uncomfortably. It must have been pretty bad to upset Lisa.

“He didn’t upset me Chris. I’ve been called worse. It’s a little strange when it sounds as if it’s coming from you, but it was nothing,” she says dryly.

“So everything is okay?” I ask unsurely.

“Yeah. Aidan just saw how upset I was and wanted us to talk about it,” she says, sounding nervous.

“If you weren’t upset over what Cal said to you, what was it?” I ask, sitting down on the couch and preparing for the worst because the way things are going now it has to be bad.

“It can wait. It’s not a huge deal with all you have going on now. Just when you get back, let me know so we can talk, that’s all.” Her voice is calming, that’s how she talks to the kids she works with and that is setting off all kind of alarms.

“Are you sure?” I ask her again.

“Positive. It’s nothing that can’t wait,” she says. I let out a deep sigh and glance over at Lauren who’s sitting quietly, listening. If it can wait I’ll let it wait. I have enough on my plate anyway.

“Okay. We’re heading back now I think. I’ll come over tomorrow morning if that’s cool,” I say with a shrug.

“Awesome,” she says quietly.

“Cool. Does Aidan need to say something to me?”

“No Aidan’s cool. Right Aidan?” she says tightly.

“Yup. I’m all good,” he responds dryly.

Whatever.

“Okay. Later then,” I say before hanging up the phone.

“Is everything okay?” Lauren says quietly and I run my hands over my face.

“They say it is, so if they say it’s okay, I’m going to let things be okay,” I say exasperated. She nods slowly, and looks down at her lap.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” I ask her. She looks up at me and lets out a breath.

“Lisa knew about Cal when you guys were younger,” she says in one breath. I feel my eyebrows shoot up. I definitely didn’t expect her to say anything about that. I was thinking more along the lines of what happened with her and Cal.

“No. Lisa would have said something,” I tell her and she starts to squeeze her wrist.

“Did Cal tell you that?”

“No. Lisa did,” her voice barely above a whisper.

“When was this?” I try not to sound annoyed, but I’m not very successful.

“It was about two weeks ago. She asked me to not say anything. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal until Cal blew up at her.” I shake my head.

“Did she say anything else?” I ask, nervousness in the pit of my stomach.

“No, but she asked me not to tell you for some reason. I didn’t want to break her trust but with everything that’s happened I just don’t want to keep secrets anymore, no matter how small,” she says, her big hazel eyes, sparkle with tears.

“I don’t want there to be any secrets between us either,” I tell her and a half smile spreads across her face and she takes a deep breath, sitting all the way up and facing me.

“Well, in that case, I think you should know that we slept together. Both you and I and me and Cal.”

Her statement is like a knockout punch. Her eyes stay on mine and don’t drift away. Me and her slept together? Then she slept with Cal? So many emotions are hitting me at once I don’t know what to respond to first. She’s looking at me for a response and I know there shouldn’t be any secrets between us but I really wish she could have waited before sharing one of these pieces of information with me. I open my mouth to say something and no words come out.

I slept with her? I’m angry because first, if we did have sex, it’s beyond cruel that I can’t even remember. Then, if we did, how could she turn around and sleep with Cal. I’ve only been out of it for two days.

“Please say something,” her voice is light, vulnerable and soothing and I don’t want to be soothed by her after hearing what she just said. I try to think of what to say to not screw this up and to make the gap that’s formed between us any wider but nothing is coming to me.

“I-I don’t know what to say Lauren…”

“Whatever you want to say. Just be honest please,” she says, her tone pleading. I feel anger starting to course through me. Bitterness creeping up and a jealousy I’ve never felt before. If I don’t say something now I’m afraid of what will to happen. I can’t say what I want to say, what I want to say will hurt her. But how could she sleep with him? After everything, how he lied to her, how he left her and Caylen, I wasn’t even gone a day, and she sleeps with him?

“I don’t remember, maybe Cal tricked you,” I say standing up from the sofa, trying my best not to be bitter.

“Well, the first time at least,” I say with a shrug. Her cheeks flush bright red and she looks away from me. I’ve embarrassed her. I’m embarrassed for the both of us. I can’t believe what I just said to her, I can’t believe this has even happened, that I have to say anything and…worst of all, how bad it hurts hearing what she just said.

“I’m going to get some air. I think we need to get back to Caylen,” I say, heading out the door.

H
onesty
should
be what works, no more secrets or lies. I thought that it would be better to just say it. To get the truth out in the open before another second passed. I didn’t know how he’d take it. Whatever he’d say or do, I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as facing off with Cal. That’s what I
thought
. Turns out this is worse, so much worse. For a brief moment I thought things would be okay between Chris and me. That he’d tell me everything was going to be okay and we’d move past it. That he’d say it wasn’t my fault and that he was sorry all of this was happening. That he’d maybe tell me how his biggest regret was not remembering. Instead, as soon as the words slipped out, a shell came over him. I saw it as it happened. He hardened toward me, a glint in his eye that for once wasn’t indifferent or confused.

He was angry, he was bitter and for that moment he couldn’t hide it. He tried to hide it which makes all of it worse but it was too much for him to even do that. What he said to me made me feel worse than when Cal screamed at me when he found out I slept with Chris. Well, at this point who knows if I slept with Chris, since he doesn’t even remember.