If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (71 page)

I’ll be her friend and she’ll see that we can be friends and have a relationship for Caylen’s sake.

“I’ll tell her before she goes back to Chicago,” I say, mostly to myself, ignoring the tightening in my chest and the growing tension in my head.

“And I think I should meet Caylen while they’re here,” she says, looking up at me with a small hopeful smile. I feel good about this and ignore the earlier tension I was feeling.

Tell me what you want….

Everything…

I hate this feeling. The nervousness, the anxiousness that starts in my stomach and spreads everywhere. I want it to go away. I want to feel fine about all this, but something’s tugging at my thoughts, suggesting that I’m about to fall down the rabbit hole.

I had another dream about Cal last night. It was the first night we had ever slept together. Everything happened as it did that night except when he asked me what I wanted and I told him everything, he told me I
couldn’t
have it.

I couldn’t have everything and I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

I woke up after that, before it even got to the good part. I haven’t had any of the good part in…I don’t even want to think about how long that’s been. What I have been thinking about is the last time I talked to Chris. How we talked for almost two hours and it flew by like minutes. It was the first time where the butterflies settled in my stomach, where there was no nervousness or anxiousness. He talked to me like a friend. I don’t think Cal and I ever talked like friends.

Just friends.

I’ve been trying to not think of Cal since this happened. I know focusing on him is the wrong thing to do but I can’t help it. Although I miss him, I am so angry at him for letting this happen, for never just telling me the truth.

Then again, this situation is pretty unbelievable. If he had revealed his condition when we first met, I probably would have headed for the hills. But once I fell in love with him, it wouldn’t have mattered. It would have been so much easier if he had just been honest with me. I wouldn’t have had those long sleepless nights worrying about him, and where he was. I would have known. Then again, Chris didn’t even know what was going on. I wonder how that would have worked out. It’s no use thinking about it now. It hurts too much. You would think it’d be harder for me to not think about him when I’m around Chris, but it isn’t. He and Cal are so different that it’s easier to believe this story when I can see the differences. It’s when I’m not around Chris that I start analyzing everything. I think about what it means when he’s not around; will he ever come back; if it was him who winked at me and called me gorgeous; did it even happened at all.

I’ve started to research his condition and see how many people live this every single day. Some have as many as ten or twenty alters. The word
alter
makes me cringe. To condense a person into an ‘alter,’ their life, their hopes, and their loves—I guess that’s because I fell in love with the ‘alter’. Chris hasn’t mentioned seeing anyone about his condition. He did say he didn’t trust his prior doctor…not that I blame him. I want to ask when he’ll be getting some help, but I guess since Cal hasn’t attempted to resurface, it’s not a priority for him at the moment. I don’t even know if he thinks it should be my concern. It’s when I start to think of things like this that the anxiety in the pit of my stomach starts and won’t go away.

I try to convince myself that these three weeks are going to go smoothly, that Caylen and the Scott’s will spend lots of time together, that Chris and I will have a better understanding of one another and everything will be sunshine and roses, but for some reason, as I approach their door, I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.

A lot of questions are going to have to be answered these next three weeks. That may not be easy. We’re going to have to find solutions that aren’t simple to come up with, but for this to work, we’re going to have to face them.

It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and Chris actually got called in to work today. He asked me if I wanted him to not go but I didn’t think it was necessary. He should be home soon anyway. What I didn’t expect was for Mrs. Scott to ask for me to come over as soon as I arrived. I’m halfway up the steps before she opens the door, grinning widely.

“Hi, Princess!” She rushes over to me and takes Caylen out of my arms. “I’m so glad you guys made it safely. How was your drive?” she asks, giving me a quick glance and a warm smile. She never takes her attention away from Caylen for very long. If it were anyone else I’d take offense, but with Mrs. Scott I know she means well.

“It was good. She slept most of the way,” I say, following her into the house.

“She’s such a good little girl,” she coos to her as we head into the kitchen. The smell of chocolate chip cookies greets us.

“I baked these just for you,” she says to Caylen. I hope I can at least have one.

“You don’t mind do you, Lauren?” she asks hesitantly.

“Only if I can have one,” I joke, and she laughs.

“Please, especially before Chris gets home. He can eat the whole batch by himself,” she says as she gives Caylen half of a cookie and hands me the plate. Like everything else she’s cooked, they’re delicious.

“I’m so glad you guys are here
and
I have a surprise to show you.” She picks Caylen up off the counter and gestures for me to follow her. She leads me to a room with a closed door.

“I hope you like it,” she says before opening it. When she does, she reveals a beautifully decorated little girl’s room. There’s a full-sized bed with a beautiful pink and white down comforter, matching curtains and pink flower decals on the white walls. There’s a white dresser beside a bookshelf stocked with children’s books, and a rocking chair with a teddy bear as big as I am. She puts Caylen down and she immediately makes her way over to the bear. I’m literally speechless. I can’t believe she did all this in two weeks.

“You like it?” she asks with a nervous smile. I feel tears in my eyes and blink them away quickly.

“I can’t believe you did all this.” I say as I make my way around it. It’s the perfect little girl’s room. Caylen has a beautiful room back home but the attention to detail Mrs. Scott put into this for a little girl she’s only met once—my little girl—lets me know, without a doubt, she’s been accepted into their hearts.

“That means you like it?” She chuckles. I nod. “I hope this wasn’t too much of an inconvenience?” I ask, still taking everything in.

“Well, this used to be my craft room. Whenever I do crafts, I typically end up in the living room or at the kitchen table so it really ended up being just a storage room. The moment you showed me Caylen’s picture I knew it would be hers. You really like it?” she asks genuinely.

“I love it.” I giggle. Caylen’s taken her cookie and is trying to feed it to the bear.

“Oh, Caylen, you’re going to get it all dirty,” I sigh, taking the cookie from her hand.

“You can get it as messy as you like. This is all for you and your mommy,” she says, sitting beside Caylen who has started to pull books off the shelves. Wait.
What did she just say?

“Excuse me?” I ask her, making sure I heard her right.

“Well that’s why I purchased a full-sized bed,” Mrs. Scott says, not taking her eyes off Caylen.

“I was just thinking it would be a little silly for you to stay at the hotel for three entire weeks, not to mention how expensive that would be when we have a perfectly good room for you here,” she says. My stomach feels as if I was just thrown off a high rise building. My mouth is dry and I’m trying to find my words. They should come out but none do. She can’t be serious, I can’t stay here. I’m growing accustomed to the fact that Chris isn’t Cal, and when I’m with him, I’m reminded even more of that, but he still has his face and his voice and I don’t know if I can take being around him 24/7.

“I really appreciate the thought but…I-I don’t know if that would be such a great idea Mrs. Scott,” I laugh, scratching my head.

“It’s a great idea, isn’t it Caylen?” she says happily, and I sigh. When she finally looks at me, her wide smile softens.

“Well, I’m really the only one here during the day. William is out handling things for the farm and Chris is teaching or at the community center when he’s not working with Will. I won’t be much of a bother to you, I promise,” she says, giving me a reassuring smile. I still shake my head.

“And since she’s only going to be here for three weeks, I’d love to spend as much time with her as I possibly can and the same goes for Chris and William. We’re a small town but I’d feel terrible knowing that the two of you were in a hotel, eating fast food and junk food when you could be having dinner with us,” she continues. I wonder if she really doesn’t get it. Doesn’t she realize I’m in love with her son? That I’m trying really hard not to be in love with him and being in such close proximity doesn’t help at all?

“And thinking of how much gas you and Chris will waste going back and forth, it just doesn’t seem logical,” she continues. It’s funny that her argument is that the logical thing to do would be to stay here. If only logic were involved, it would make sense, but there are so many other things besides logic involved. The logical part of
my
mind is saying to decline, stay at the Inn, and thank her again for the lovely room she created for Caylen.
But
the other part of me, the emotional and hopeful part, says to say thank you, hug her and pretend it’s not a big deal.

“It’s only three weeks Lauren,” she says with a warm smile that makes me feel like this is a great idea and that everything is going to be fine. Then that bitter, nervous, pessimistic side of me turns her words against me.

It’s only three weeks. That’s all you get.

“What did Chris say about this?” I ask, starting to hug myself. If he’s okay with it then I’m staying, if she hesitates for even a second, it’s off to the Ritter Inn I go.

“Chris thinks it’s a fantastic idea,” she says fluidly as she lifts Caylen up in the air.

Fantastic idea…Well, it looks like I’m staying.