If Only (40 page)

“Yes. When Dane told me
about you two it broke my heart all over again, and I regretted not calling
sooner. It was too late.”

In how many ways can two
people keep getting it so wrong?

“There were times I was
going to come to you. I considered it on countless occasions that first year,
before and after Jack was born, but I didn’t know if you’d be ready to accept
my son. As much as I wanted you, he was part of the package. If I’d known you
called I’d have come for you.”

“You were with Emily,
though.”

“I’d have done it, Callie. I
came so close, many times. Jack and the risk of hurting you, again, by asking
you to accept him was the only thing that stopped me. I couldn’t chance doing
that to you, but if I’d known about the call I would’ve been on the first
flight out to you. All I needed was some sort of sign, but you gave me
nothing.”

“Wow,” she whispers. “I
couldn’t even bring myself to call you. You’d have come to Scottsdale.”

“You’re here now, what
you’ve done is no different to what I would’ve done for you. I only wish I had.
We’ve thrown way too many years away.”

She sighs. “I really wish
you’d hit on me when you first knew you wanted me. Seduced me on your damn
table the day you pierced my nipples.” I chuckle hard, and so does she. “I’d
have freaked, Joe, you were way too hot.” She props herself up on her elbow,
the cream sheet falling to just below those lovely, tempting breasts. Her gaze
is accusing, she’s fighting a smile. It’s impossible not to grin myself.

“What?” 

“Dude, you haven’t even
taken me on a date.”

“You’re right.” I place my
hand behind my head, acting the man. “There’s no need to now.” I reach forward
and tug lightly on her nipple bar. “You’ve already given it up.”

Her eyes widen and she pokes
me in the ribs. “I don’t even have a comeback for that one.” 

It’s strange to think that
we haven’t been on a single date. We’ve had countless nights out, as a group,
we’ve been on a bunch of camping trips, and even almost gotten married. Yet, we
haven’t been on a date, just the two of us. I’ll have to do something about
that. 

The lighter sky accompanying the approach of twilight
keeps us in a deep shade of sapphire. We’re spooning, tightly, naked, close,
together, the soft tease of Joe’s breath at the nape of my neck, the warmth of
his flesh against mine, and the gentle movement of his lips on my skin as he
speaks.

We’ve talked for hours about
his experiences during our time apart; becoming and being a dad. I felt pure
joy and love hearing it all, I’ve devoured it greedily, and I’m positive I can
be with Joe as a father. I’ll never know if I could’ve done it before, but I do
know that coming back to San Francisco, to Joe, is the best decision I’ve ever
made.

We’re finally going to get
this right. No more
if
onlys
. No more regrets.

“You know I didn’t run off
and sell your ring, right?” I say, smiling.

He chuckles, his hold around
my waist tightening. “I know. And it’s not my ring, it’s yours.”

“I still want to marry you
someday, Joe.”

“I still intend on marrying
you someday.
Soon.”

“Maybe
not in Vegas.”

“Definitely
not in Vegas.”

Turning over to face him, I
snake my arms around his neck and he draws me closer. Our bodies perfectly
aligned, I look into his eyes, darker in my shaded room. “You realize this is
it,” I say, keeping my voice low, appropriate for the mood and the silence
throughout my apartment. “I’ll never let you go again. You’re mine, Joe.” I’ve
thought those words before and I meant them, but they lacked the determination
I felt when I
said
them just then. I know what it is to truly be without
Joe and I’m never going there again.

Tilting his head back, he
presses his lips to the tip of my nose. “I always was yours, Baby cake.”

This is so not the end! This is our brand new
beginning.
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