If Only We Knew (7 page)

Matt ran to her hospital room after hearing her yell.

“I don’t want to do this anymore! Get it out now!” Shannon yelled at the nurse trying to calm her down. She took a deep breath. “I want drugs!”

“Ma’am, you said you didn’t want any drugs. It’s too late; you waited too long. You’re almost fully dilated,” the nurse said.

“I changed my mind. I need drugs
now!
” Shannon yelled in pain.

“Shannon,” he said, coming in the room, catching his breath.

She looked up in anger. “You’re the last person I want to see, so leave.” She grabbed the railing.

Matt stopped. “
Mamita
.”

“Don’t fucking call me that!”

“Sherry left town, but she’s on her way back.” He could see the pain in her eyes.

“I don’t want you here. Matt, you shouldn’t be here.”

“You need someone with you.”

“
Not you
.” Another contraction hit her, and she yelled, “I didn’t want this. I hate you for this. I hate you, Matt.”

He was confused, staring at her because of her outburst.
Why would she hate me?

“Sir, don’t take anything she says personally. Usually, expectant mothers will take out their frustrations on the father. She’s been in labor for eight hours; she’s tired and weak. Don’t take what she says here personally.”

He was about to tell the nurse he wasn’t the father but thought about it.
They might tell me I need to leave.
“She’s been in labor for eight hours which means she’s been going through this pain for eight hours. She wants drugs.”

“Sir, when she came in, she said she didn’t want any drugs, she was going to do it naturally. Now it’s too late because she’s too far along,” the nurse said, going to check Shannon’s condition.

The contraction was over, and he could see how tired she was. She stared into his eyes. “Matt, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I’m doing all of this because I love you.”

He stared back at her and
moved
toward her. He couldn’t believe what she was sa
id
, but then again, the nurse told him not to listen to what she was saying. He reached her bed,
tak
ing her hand and kissing it. “Shannon,
yo te amo tambien
,” he said, staring into her eyes, trying to calm her down.
Oh God, do I really?
He squeezed her hand.

“Sir, she is fully dilated. I’m going to get the doctor so she can start pushing before she gets any weaker.” The nurse left the room.

“Push, Shannon.” Matt wiped the tears and sweat from her face.

“I can’t push any more. I’m tired.” Shannon closed her eyes. “I’m done.”

Matt cupped her face and looked at her closed eyes. “Shannon, look at me.” She opened her eyes, staring back at him. “Shannon, push! You’ve been waiting nine month to see your baby.”

“I changed my mind. This hurts too much.” She closed her eyes again.

“I know it hurts, but I know you want to see your baby, so stop your whining and push.” He held her hand as she squeezed his.

“Don’t you talk to me like that!” she yelled at him,
and
continued
push
ing
.

He
watched what
the doctor
was doing
. “Push,
mami
, push.” She looked up at his smiling face. “I can see the head.”

She pushed several more times, and the baby was out. “It’s a boy,” the doctor said.

The doctor let her see her baby, placed him on her stomach, and asked Matt if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. Matt kissed Shannon’s hand and released it, then cut the umbilical cord. The baby started crying his lungs out. The nurse took him to the side and cleaned him up.

Matt walked back up to Shannon and wiped her forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m so tired.” Her eyes got heavy and
eventually falling
asleep.

“Is that normal?” he asked, looking at the doctor.

“Yes, her body is exhausted. She’ll be okay,” the doctor said, stitching her up.

They transferred Shannon to a private room. He sat in the corner
,
going over everything that had happened and how it would feel to have a baby of his own. He called Sherry, letting her know Shannon had a beautiful boy. He was waiting until Shannon woke up. After he made sure she was okay, he would leave.
Should I call Melvin and tell him? No, Shannon should be the one to tell him he has a son.

The nurse knocked on the door and came in with the baby wrapped in a blanket. “Sir, he weighed eight pounds, five ounces and me
asured twenty-one inches long.
I know it’s soon to say who the baby looks like, but he looks like you.” She smiled. “Would you like me to put him in the bassinet, or do you want to hold him?”

What does she mean he looks like me? Well, she thinks I’m the father. People always think babies look like someone when they don’t. “Yes.” He got up and took the baby in his arms.

“I’ll be back later to check in on the baby and
Ms. Jones
.” She walked out, closing the door.

The moment he looked at the beautiful baby, he fell in love. He pulled the cap off the baby’s head and combed his fingers through his black, straight hair. His lips were rosy pink, and he had the cutest nose. What he couldn’t understand was the color of the baby’s skin; it was lighter than his own.
How can two black people make a baby this color?
He counted the tiny digits. “Ten perfect fingers.” He traced the boy’s face with his fingers, memorizing every single detail. He smiled. “You’re beautiful.”

The baby slowly open
ed
his eyes. When his eyes were fully opened, Matt gasped, taking a deep breath, and his eyes teared up. “You’re my baby.” It was like looking into a mirror and seeing his own eyes. He bent his head and kissed the baby’s cheeks. “I have a son.” The tears ran down his cheeks. “I have a son.” Then he whispered, “I love you.”

He sat in the chair, just mesmerized, looking at his son. He held him for more than an hour, kissing him. “You’re mine.”

Shannon
’s eyes fluttered open,
waking up.

He looked over at her, still in shock at what he’d just learned.

“I want to see him.” She looked over at Matt, and extended her arms.

He got up, walked over to her bed, and put the baby in her arms. “He weighed eight pounds, five ounces and measured twenty-one inches long.”

“You’re so beautiful. I finally get to meet you. I love you, Matthew.” She kissed him with tears in her eyes, unwrapping the blanket, kissing his fingers, and taking off his socks to play with his toes. “These tiny feet kicked me. You loved Mommy’s ribs.”

“You called him Matthew,” he said, staring at his son.

She nodded, without looking at him. “After you,” she whispered, seeing the resemblance to his father.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Matt asked,
glaring
at her, holding back unshed tears.

“Tell you what?” She avoided his eyes.

“Look at me, Shannon.”

She wouldn’t. She kept staring at the baby.

“Shannon
!
” She slowly
glimpsed
back at him. “Why didn’t you tell me I was going to be a father?”

“Matt, I’ve told you over and over he’s not—”

“You can’t lie to me any longer.” He raised his voice. “Really look at our son and then look me in the eye and tell me I’m not his father. If you do, I want a paternity test.”

“I’m so sorry.” She kissed the baby.

“About what, Shannon?” he yelled.

“Don’t yell at me. I wanted to tell you, but you and Karen—”

“But Karen and me what, Shannon? He is my son. I would never turn my back on my child. I love him, and I just found out by
seeing
him that he is mine. Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I didn’t want to destroy your marriage. It was a mistake. I was willing to do it on my own.”

“Why? Why would you do it alone when I’m here and you know I would never turn my back on him, or you? You know what I went through when Karen lost the baby and then when we were told we couldn’t have kids. It destroyed me, and you kept this from me.”

“That’s the reason! Your wife can’t have children. Imagine how she’s going to feel when she finds out you had a baby because of a one-night stand.”

“You should’ve left that up to me. Now she doesn’t have time to accept it. If you would’ve told me when you were pregnant, she would’ve had time to deal with it.”

“I did try to tell you. I was going to tell you the night I found out, but I couldn’t because you’d lost your baby, and then again, the day you found out I was pregnant, I was going to tell you, but you told me she couldn’t have children. And you said you wanted a baby with your wife!” She raised her voice.

“You didn’t try hard enough. You had nine fucking months to tell me.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Matt,” she said between tears.

He couldn’t look at her. “I had a feeling, but I trusted you.” He dug into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and pulled out a picture. “Look, Shannon.” He held up the picture. She looked up. “I’ve had this picture of your sonogram with me since the day I went to your appointment. I felt something when I saw him, but I asked you, and you said no. I trusted you. I never thought you could look me in the eye and lie. You are one of the few people I trusted. Tell me, how can I trust you again?”

“I’m sorry.” The baby
whined
and chewed
on his fist.

He
placed
the picture in his wallet and put it back into his pocket. “I think he’s hungry. Are you going to breast feed?” He stared at her
big
breast.

“Yes.” She slipped her nightshirt up. The baby searched for her nipple and nurs
ed
. “Oh, God.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, walking closer to her
,
concerned
.

“It hurts. It feels like he’s pulling my insides out.” She tried to pull her nipple out of the baby’s mouth, but he kept sucking. “I can’t do this.” She was about to put her finger in his mouth and pop her breast out.

“You can do this. Grab my hand. I read in a magazine that the pain will eventually go away. Do you want the best for our baby?” He extended his
arm
.

“I do.” She grabbed his hand, and the pain began to subside just a little. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Shannon.” He gazed at her. He bent down and whispered in her ear, “
Gracias
.”

He could see she wanted to ask him for what, but she stayed silent. “For him. You’ve given me the best gift. I thought this day would never come.” He kissed her cheek.

“Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Yes, it will be hard for me to trust you again, but after seeing this little guy, how can I not forgive you?”

“Look at those gorgeous eyes.” She played with the baby’s hair. “I wonder if they’ll stay green.”

Thank you, God, for making him look like me.
He couldn’t believe that in less than twenty-four hours his entire life had changed. He’d become a father without even knowing it. “Can I burp him?”

She handed the baby over to Matt, and he began to
gently rub the baby’s back
, saying, “
Mi nene, te quiero.
”

Sherry burst into the room, holding a blue balloon that
said,
“It’s a boy”!

“I’m an aunt! Where is he?” she asked, looking at Shannon. Her jaw dropped when she saw Matt with the baby. “Hi, Matt! Let me see him.”

“Sherry, he just ate.” Shannon looked
over
at Matt.

She set the balloon on the side of the room. “So? I can burp him.” She
went over and Matt handed her
the baby from his arms
to hers
, took one look at the baby, and stared at Shannon. “Shannon,” she said, and then she looked over at him. “Matt, do you have something you need to tell me?”

“What do you mean?” Matt asked with a big grin as he settled into the chair next to the window.

“He looks like you, that’s what I mean. Don’t be stupid.” She turned, watching her sister’s reaction. “Shannon, is Matt’s the father of my nephew?” She kissed his little hands.

“Yes, Sherry, Matt is Matthew’s father. He wasn’t married
at the time
. It only happened once
.
”