If Tomorrow Never Comes (Harper Falls Book 2) (27 page)

"I want you in my bed, Dani, you have no idea how much."

Dani felt a leap of hope but tamped it down. She didn't want to get ahead of herself or him.

"But?"

"You finish up in here, then we'll talk," Alex said, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

Dani gave him a reassuring smile. Talking was good—it was a start.

She joined him a few minutes later. He had made up one of the beds, three cots down from his. Well, she thought ruefully, it could have been worse. In a room roughly the size of a basketball court, he could have put her a lot farther away.

Seeing her, Alex pulled back the blankets.

"Are you going to tuck me in?" she asked lightly as she got in.

"That was the idea." He arranged the covers and then sat next to her on the mattress. "And then I thought I'd tell you a bedtime story, though I'm not sure it's the kind that's terribly conducive to a good nights sleep."

This was what she had wanted, but now that he was prepared to share some of his story, Dani felt a sliver of dread. It was one thing to speculate, it was another to know. Whatever Alex had done, whatever had been done to him, wouldn't change the way she felt about him. She just hoped she could find a way to let him know that. Words were fine, but she had to
show
him that no matter what, she was sticking. She wouldn't run, she wouldn't turn away.

Alex picked up her hand, absently rubbing the palm with his thumb, and started to talk. Low at first, hesitantly.

"I still can't tell you where we were or what why we were there."

"I understand."

"I had men, young men, counting on me, and I let them down."

Dani listened, her heart aching. She wanted to reach out, take him in her arms and tell him everything was going to be okay. But this wasn't about her. She had to listen without interrupting. When he was ready, he would tell her what he needed, and then she would try to give it to him.

"I can't get past it, Dani. I think I'm doing better, then boom, the dream comes back." Alex stood. Pacing didn't really help, but he couldn't sit still. "I don't even know what triggers it, if there
is
anything."

"I—"

"What? It's okay, I want to know what you think."

"I'm sorry I accused you of treating me like a hooker."

"Oh, baby." Alex sat back down. He ran his index finger along her jaw, gentle, soothing.

Dani leaned into his touch. She craved it, wanted him to know. The words weren't there so she hoped he could see it in her eyes.

"You paid women for sex."

"Dani, I—"

"No," she stopped him. "I'm not angry or blaming you—I understand. You sought a physical release and those women gave it to you. I was angry and hurt and unbelievably self-centered. I knew there had to be a good reason why you wouldn't stay the night, but instead of being reasonable, I lashed out. No wonder you were pissed off. I would have been, too."

"You didn't know, not any of it." Alex ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I could have hurt that woman, Dani, that's the point. She woke up with a crazed lunatic looming over her. Is it any wonder she ran screaming from the room? Hell, I'm lucky she didn't call the police."

"Damn it, Alex, you're too close to see any of this clearly and as a result you won't cut yourself even the tiniest bit of slack."

"The facts are pretty clear. My dreams are violent and I'm not safe to be around when I'm sleeping. I've already come close with a stranger, I can't take a chance on hurting you, Dani."

"I don't buy it," she said. "You didn't hurt that woman. From what you told me you
didn't
come close. I know I'm not qualified to analyze you. I will never understand what you went through, but I know you, I know what I've seen since you've been in Harper Falls. You aren't unstable, Alex. Do you think Jack and Drew would let you anywhere near guns and knives if they had any worries"

"I'm fine when I'm conscious."

Dani wanted to stamp her foot in frustration, but what she'd said was right. She wasn't in any position to judge his state of mind. He needed a professional to help him with that. The problem was, how to broach the subject. He'd told her about the Army psychologists, how little help they had been. Would he resent her suggestion that maybe it was time to try again?

"What did Tom have to say."

"Well, you're two steps ahead of me, as usual."

Dani laughed gently. "It didn't take much brain power to figure out why you were suddenly interested in hanging out with a bunch of guys, that are what? Twenty, thirty years older than you? They're all vets, right?"

"Ya, but how did you know?"

"Small town, remember? I recognized most of the names."

Alex shook his head, amazed. "I keep getting reminded how everyone knows everyone else around here."

"I wouldn't go that far," Dani said. "But I'd say I have a nodding acquaintance with a good ninety percent of the population."

"Well, it'll make those old coot's day when they find out you know who they are."

Dani smiled at the thought but just as quickly became serious again.

"Did they help?"

Alex nodded. "They gave me some…perspective."

"We can all use some of that every now and then."

"And Tom convinced me I should give therapy another try—it's time."

Dani wanted to leap with joy but instead asked calmly, "Why now?"

Alex smoothed the hair back from her face; so lovely and precious.

"When I left the Army, my world seemed pretty bleak. The last thing I wanted was to keep rehashing something I couldn't change. And maybe, I don't know, maybe I thought I deserved to suffer like it was my penance. But now?" He looked at her. "I have a reason to try and put it all behind me, or at least find a better way to live with it. My first session is next week."

Dani kissed him and sighed. She was happy, in spite of sleeping alone, with how the night was ending. Giving him one last hug she settled down on her ridiculously comfortable bed, waiting until he had climbed under his covers, telling her goodnight. When he'd turned off the lamp on his nightstand leaving them both in darkness, a lone beam of moonlight illuminating the strip of floor between them, she whispered, "Alex?"

"Hm?"

"You said there were a few people you trusted implicitly. Am I one of them? Do you trust me?"

He didn't hesitate.

"With my life, baby. With my life."

"THREE, NO FOUR. Jack has had to wipe those digital cameras four times, so I know exactly what you're talking about."

Dani had stopped by Rose and Jack's house, wanting some casual girl time. Tyler was in full work mode, her usual response when dealing with stress, so it was just the two of them. The subject of sex and the H&W security cameras had of course been a highly entertaining subject of conversation.

"What is it about that place that makes a person lose all sense?"

"It isn't the place, it's the men."

Dani couldn't argue with that, especially after the steamy morning wake-up call Alex had given her.

"Four times," Dani pondered. "Did you watch any of them?"

"Well… not the first, but after that I thought, what the hell. How many times do you get the chance to see yourself in action?"

"Quite a few, apparently."

"
Anyway
, when I suggested we take a peek, Jack, a man who is up for
anything,
actually balked. He might have even blushed a little, but denies it. So I pointed out that physically, we look as good as we ever will, so why not?"

"And?"

"Remember that episode of Friends where Rachel and Ross decide to watch their sex tape?"

"Right, it had been accidentally recorded."

"That's the one," Rose nodded. "Well, it was pretty much like that. For about thirty seconds we were each admiring how good the other person looked. I complimented Jack on how fast he can remove a bra, he praised my pants shucking abilities, well, you get the idea. And then boom. It went from all's good to kind of creepy, to yikes, to
shut it off, shut it off.
"

"So from now on you'll be more careful?"

"I highly doubt it. Jack refuses to shut down any security, no matter what. So we'll keep getting carried away, thank God, and Jack will keep getting rid of the evidence. How about you?" Rose asked. "Did you watch?"

"No, and if I had ever planned on being tempted, you just cured me of it."

"You never know until you try, but my advice? Don't." Rose poured herself another glass of tea from the clear glass pitcher that sat on the table between their two chairs. "Want some more?"

"No, thanks, I'm good.

They were outside in the backyard enjoying the warm afternoon, lounging under what had to be the biggest umbrella Dani had ever seen this close-up. It was a bright fire engine red and made from durable canvas. According to Rose, Jack made sure it could withstand any weather contingencies. It was only an estimate, but she calculated they could have gotten the entire Seattle Seahawks football team, including coaching staff, and their extended families under the thing with room to spare. But why was she surprised? This was Jack. If it wasn't over the top big why bother?

Dani shifted, thinking how comfortable her chair was. "I know how much you've been looking forward to getting this stuff. When did it come in?"

Rose looked around at the specially crafted pale green outdoor furniture, smiling with satisfaction. She fluffed one of the off-white cushions, giving Edgar a firm warning look. It said, this is new, do not under any circumstances use it as a chew toy.

"The company delivered yesterday afternoon, and let me tell you, it was quite the production."

"It's furniture," Dani said, perplexed. "Really great, weighs a ton, wrought iron furniture, but still. What was the big deal?"

"Jack." Rose laughed, remembering. "At best, he's a cautious person, but because of the bugs they found in your loft, he was in super security mode. I felt for the delivery men. Everything was checked and then checked again. Their truck, their phones, them."

"You're lucky they didn't dump the stuff in the driveway and leave the unpacking to you." Dani looked around at the twenty plus pieces. "Can you imagine trying to lug this stuff back here?"

"Luckily Jack is a very good tipper. But if they
had
revolted, I had two burly bodyguards to do the heavy lifting."

"Why two?" Dani had only seen one when she'd pulled up earlier. Alex had only let her come alone because he knew Rose's guy would be here; that and Jack had this place wired like Fort Knox. No one got in or out without his knowledge.

"Two delivery men, two bruisers, do the math."

"Where was Jack?"

"Here," Rose said, shaking her head with affectionate exasperation. "
Supervising,
he called it. I called it being an overprotective pain in the ass, the little dear."

"I think those listening devices freaked us all out."

"Jack told me Alex's theory."

Dani just sighed. "It's really more of a nontheory. He thinks it might be something or other to do with this or that." She shrugged. "You get the idea. I'm worried but not out of my mind with it."

"How did the sleepover go?"

"We slept—really well. Tell Jack I give those beds two thumbs up." Dani toyed with the end of her straw. Alex had been fine, no tossing or turning, no dreams. He had already told her that it wasn't a nightly thing and that was good, she didn't want him to suffer—in any way. Still, she had been hoping to get some idea of what they were dealing with. But no nightmare, no closer to understanding.

"The only good thing to come out of this bugging idiocy is that I get to spend the night with him, separate beds, twenty feet away. But being in the same room is progress."

"Dani," Rose started, concern in her eyes.

"What is it?"

"I know I don't have to tell you that I love you and I also know that people always preface things that way."

"Okay, you love me but…"

"Don't take this thing with Alex lightly." Rose hesitated, reluctant to offend or God forbid alienate a woman she considered more sister than friend, but this had to be said. "He's worried about hurting you. Don't dismiss that just because you've convinced yourself that he won't."

"He would never—"

"See, that's what I mean. Dani, we've all read the stories, seen them on the news. I like Alex, he seems as well adjusted as any of us, though considering my background, I'm not sure that's a very good comparison."

Rose had been through a hellish experience when she was a teenager, one that had colored the rest of her life. Jack had helped, and Dani would like to think her and Tyler's support had gotten her past some dark times. She wanted to be that for Alex, a friend to lean on or just listen. She wasn't naїve; she knew why Rose was worried and she didn't blame her. She knew life was full of risk and Alex was worth any and all of it. If there was anyone who should understand, it was Rose.

"I'll be careful." She looked her friend in the eye. "But I won't walk away. No matter what, I'm in for the duration."

Rose reached over and squeezed her hand. "You wouldn't be my Dani if you weren't. Just promise to be careful and tell me or Jack if you feel at all like you can't handle things. Your safety and well-being are the most important things. Don't screw around with them, got it?"

"Got it."

Dani was just about to bring up another sticky subject—Drew—when Rose's phone chimed.

"Tyler is at the gate." Rose tapped a few buttons. "There. Gotta love my guy's mad geek-tech skills. I don't even have to get off my duff to let guests in. Phone, iPad, laptop, they're all synced to the security system. If I'd known how handy the man would be, I would have asked him to marry me that first night instead of just propositioning him."

"And knowing Jack, he would have said yes." Dani laughed.

"Anybody home?" Tyler called out as she walked around the house. She knew them too well—on such a nice day they wouldn't waste it being inside.

"Hey," Dani said.