If You Can't Stand the Heat... (Harlequin Kiss) (14 page)

His memory should have faded but she could still remember, in high definition, her time spent with Jack. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the flash of white teeth, those wizard-like eyes that made you want to spill your soul.

She missed him—really missed him. Missed his manly way of looking at a situation, his clear-headed thought-processes, and she missed bouncing ideas about Pari’s off him. She missed her friend.

But more than missing him she was also now seriously irritated. Furious, in fact. Partly at Jack, for whirling out of her house like a dervish, but mostly at herself. How stupid was she to think that she could rely on him, that he wouldn’t drop her like a hot brick for a story, for a situation?

The men she was attracted to always ran out on her, so why had she thought it would be different with Jack? He’d been in her life for under a week and she was livid that, subconsciously at least, she’d come to rely on him in such a short time. For advice, for a smile, for conversation and company at the end of a long day. How could she have forgotten, even for one minute, that war reporters always,
always
left, usually at a critical time in her life?

She couldn’t help the memory rolling back—was powerless against the familiar resentment. She’d been fourteen and she’d entered a drawing of a lion into a competition in a well-known wildlife magazine. Out of thousands of entries throughout the country she’d won the ‘Young Teenager’ category. She’d been due to receive her prize at a prestigious televised awards ceremony. She’d spent weeks in a panic because Mitchell was on assignment, and the relief she’d felt when he’d arrived back home three days before the ceremony had been overwhelming.

Everything had been super-okay with her world. The thought of going up onto that stage in front of all those people had made her feel sick, but her handsome dad would be in the audience so she’d do it. She would move mountains for him.

Then someone had got assassinated and he’d flown out two hours before the event...which she’d been too distraught to attend.

Ellie
straightened her shoulders. She was
no longer that broken, defeated, sad teenager who’d flung her arms around her father and begged him not to go.

She sipped her water and narrowed her eyes. She’d looked up the political situation in Kenya, and while it was tense it wasn’t exploding. Jack hadn’t needed to high-tail it out of her house. He was running from her—probably looking for an excuse to get away from her hot and cold behaviour, her lack of confidence in that sort of situation and her disastrous bedroom skills. If Jack had bailed just because of that, if she never saw him again—and who knew if she would, since
she hadn’t heard from him since he’d left—
then good riddance, because then he was an idiot. As angry and...she searched for the word...
disappointed
as she felt, she knew that she was worth far more than just to be some transient woman who provided him a bed and some fun in it.

Ellie heard a long wolf whistle and looked up to see Merri leaving Pari’s, two bottles of water in her hand. She’d obviously left Molly Blue with someone in the bakery—probably Mama Thandi—and was sauntering across the road as if she owned it.

Merri handed her another bottle of water and sat next to her, stretching her long body. A car passing them drifted as the driver gaped at her sensational-looking friend. Merri, as per normal, didn’t notice. Ellie was quite certain that the majority of motor car accidents in Muizenberg were somehow related to Merri and the effect she had on men’s driving.

‘Now, tell me, why are you looking all grumpy and sorry for yourself?’

Ellie cracked open the second bottle of water and took a long swallow. How did she explain Jack to Merri?

The best way was just to blurt it all out. ‘I nearly slept with Jack.’

‘Good for you!’ Merri gaped at her. ‘Wait...did you say
nearly
? What is wrong with you, woman?’

There was no judgement in Merri’s voice, and Ellie knew that her ‘almost sleeping with Jack’ story wouldn’t even create a blip on her shock radar. Merri was pretty much unshockable.

Unlike her, Merri was a thoroughly modern woman. Not a drip.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Merri asked.

Ellie shook her head. ‘Yes. No. Maybe. Still processing. Very confused.’

‘So it wasn’t just sex, then?’

‘We didn’t get that far. I said that I wasn’t ready and he backed off.’

‘Nicely?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Was he nice about it? No tantrums, accusations, saying you led him on?’

Ellie shook her head. ‘Of course not. He just passed me my dressing gown and said goodnight.’

‘Huh. I
really
have to start dating nicer guys,’ Merri stated thoughtfully. ‘So why couldn’t you go through with it?’

Ellie looked out to sea and wondered if she could escape this conversation. As if sensing her thoughts, Merri hooked her arm in hers and kept her in place.

‘It was fine—great. I was totally in the moment and then—’ Ellie snapped her fingers ‘—like that, my brain started providing a running commentary.’

‘Oh, I hate it when it does that,’ Merri agreed. ‘I remember being so caught up in the intensity of being with this one guy, and then he took off his shirt and he had a pelt of chest hair. And back hair. It was like he was wearing a coat...
ugh
. My brain started making jokes at his expense. Does Jack have back hair?’

‘Uh...no.’

‘Did he make animal sounds?’

‘No.’

‘Talk dirty?’

‘No.’

‘Have a really small—?’

‘Merri!’ Ellie interjected, cutting her off. ‘He’s fine—gorgeous, in fact! He didn’t do anything wrong!’

‘Then what was the problem?’ Merri asked, puzzled. ‘He’s gorgeous, nice, and you were into him.’ She looked Ellie in her eyes and twisted her lips. ‘Ah,
dammit
, Ellie!’

‘What?’ Ellie demanded.

‘When you told me that Jack was staying with you we talked about you getting emotionally entangled with him.’ Merri shook her head in despair. ‘And you have, haven’t you?’

‘I’m not entangled with him. Or at the very least I’m trying not to get emotionally attached to him. When we were getting it on I had this thought that he could become a big thing if I let him.’

‘And how is that
not
getting emotionally involved with him?’ Merri demanded.

‘The key phrase is
if I let him
,’ Ellie protested.

Merri was silent for a while, and her voice was full of hope when she spoke again. ‘Are you not just getting lust and feelings mixed up? Sometimes sex is just sex and it doesn’t always have to be more.’

‘I know that...and I tried to think that. Unfortunately I can’t just think of him as a random slab of meat.’

‘Try harder.’ Merri sighed forlornly. ‘Have I taught you nothing?’ She narrowed her eyes in thought. ‘Maybe you need to practise the concept of casual sex a bit more? I have a friend who is always up to...helping the cause.’

Ellie hiccupped a laugh at Merri’s outrageous suggestion. ‘Thanks, but no. Really.’

They both heard Merri’s name being called, and across the street Mama Thandi stood with Molly in her arms, her face wet with tears. ‘I’m coming!’ Merri called back as she stood up.

She bent and kissed Ellie goodbye and a nearby jogger nearly ran straight into a lightpole.

Merri was right. She had to wrap her head around the concept of casual sex. And if—big if!—Jack came back, then she’d have to decide whether she could separate sex and emotion, because becoming emotionally attached to Jack would be a disaster of mega proportions.

They were fire and water, heaven and hell, victory and defeat. Maybe there
was
something fast and hot between them sexually, but fast and hot weren’t enough to sustain a relationship. Relationships needed time and input, and at the very least for the participants within said relationship to be on the same continent for more than a nano-second.

Like Mitchell, Jack was the ultimate free spirit: an adventurer of heart and soul who needed his freedom as he needed air to breathe.

Apart from the fact that she didn’t want to—was too damn scared to—become emotionally involved with a man who was just like her father, Ellie knew that she wasn’t exciting enough, long term, for someone as charismatic as Jack. Darryl had put her childhood fears and suspicions into words five minutes before he’d left her life for good.

‘You need to face facts, Ellie. You’re not enough—not sexy enough, smart enough, interesting enough—for a man to make sacrifices for. Nobody will give up their freedom and time for monogamy with you. Nobody interesting, at least.’

It was something she’d suspected all her life, and having someone—him—verbalise it had actually been a relief. Even if it had hurt like hell.

Ellie watched the afternoon crowds walk down the promenade, smiling at the earnest joggers, the chattering groups of women walking off their extra pounds. Kids on bicycles weaved through the crowds and skateboarders followed in their wake. It was a typical scene for a hot day in the summer.

Ellie saw a taxi pull up across the road just down the street from the bakery before she half turned to look at the sea. A number of cargo ships hovered on the horizon and a sailboat zipped by closer to shore. Reaching for her bottle of water, she looked back at the bakery and saw a man climb out of the taxi, his hand briefly touching his side. His broad shoulders and long legs reminded her of Jack...but this man had short hair, wore smart chinos, a long-sleeved white shirt with the cuffs rolled back and dark, sleek sunglasses. Then the sun picked up the reddish glints in his hair...

Jack?

Ellie yelped and dropped her water bottle as he paid the driver and pulled that familiar black rucksack from the boot of the taxi.

Jack... Jack was back.

Oh, good God... Jack. Was. Back.

As if he sensed her eyes on him Jack straightened and looked across the road. Ellie folded her arms and bit her lip. There was no way that she was going to run across the road like a demented schoolgirl and hurl herself into his arms...as much as she wanted to.

Ellie gnawed on her bottom lip as he lifted his rucksack with one hand, dropped it over his shoulder and slowly walked across the road. When he reached her he dropped the rucksack at her feet and sent her a small grin.

‘Hi, El.’

Ellie’s stomach plummeted and twisted as her name rolled off his tongue. She tucked her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and rocked on her heels.

‘You’re back. And you cut your hair...’ Ellie stuttered and her heart copied her voice.

The corner of Jack’s mouth lifted as he brushed his hand over his short back and sides. ‘Seems like it.’

‘I thought you would’ve headed home...’ Ellie said, wishing she could hug him and also that she could finish a sentence. What
was
it about this man who had her words freezing on her tongue?

His eyes didn’t leave hers. ‘I have a flat in London but it certainly isn’t home.’ His mouth lifted in that teasing way that she’d missed so much. ‘Besides, I paid you for three weeks’ board and lodging and I’d like to get my money’s worth.’

Ellie grinned. ‘That sounds fair.’ She could smell him from where she stood: sandalwood and citrus, clean soap and sexy male. Ellie breathed him in and again wished she were in his arms.

She looked up into his face and sighed at the stress in his eyes, the deeper brackets around his mouth. ‘Rough trip?’

He shrugged. ‘I’ve had worse.’ He took her hand and raised her knuckles to place a gentle kiss on them. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t call...I wasn’t sure what to say.’

Ellie’s eyes narrowed as she remembered that she was supposed to be cross with him. ‘I have to say that when it’s required you can vacate a house at speed.’

Jack pushed his hair off his forehead. ‘Yeah, sorry. I’m not used to explaining my actions... I’ve been on my own for too long and I’m not good at stopping to play nice.’

Ellie pulled her hand out of his and tapped her finger against her chin. ‘How’s my dad?’

‘He’s fine.’ Jack went on to explain what he’d done in Kenya, the outcome of the contact he’d made with his numerous sources. His words were brief and succinct but Ellie could hear the tension in his voice, saw pain flicker in and out of his eyes and wondered what he wasn’t telling her.

‘Something else happened. Something that rocked you.’

Shock rippled across Jack’s face. Then those shutters fell over his eyes and he dropped his gaze from hers, looking down at the pavement. When he lifted his head again his expression was rueful. ‘The sun is shining; it’s a stunning afternoon. I want to go home, climb into my board shorts and hit the surf. I just want to forget about work for a while.’

Ellie wished she could join him but gestured to the bakery. ‘I still have a couple of hours’ work to do.’

‘Of course you do. I’ll meet you back here at closing time.’ Jack picked up his rucksack and slung it over one shoulder. ‘It’s good to be back, El.’

Ellie watched him cross the street and turn the corner for home. Jack was back and the world suddenly seemed brighter and lighter and shinier.

That couldn’t, in
any
galaxy, be good.

* * *

‘So, he hasn’t made a move on you again?’

‘No, not even close. Then again, he’s barely spoken to me,’ Ellie answered Merri, who was in for the afternoon, helping her make Sacher Torte for an order to be picked up that evening.

Princess Molly Blue, as beautiful as her mother, was fast asleep on Mama Thandi’s back, held in place by a light cotton shawl wrapped around her back and Mama’s chest. Ellie looked at Mama, who was quickly plaiting strips of dough for braided bread; it really was a very efficient way to carry on working and let your baby be close to you. Ellie hoped Merri was taking notes.

‘What do you mean?’

‘He’s been back for two days and I’ve barely seen him.’ Ellie shrugged. ‘We eat supper together and then he disappears to his room to work.’ She tightened the ties of her apron and frowned. ‘There are friends, lovers and acquaintances. Jack left as a friend, was briefly—sort of—a lover, and he’s come back as the last.’