If You Could See Me Now (32 page)

The sight was enough to bring a tear from a stone. It was an image her mother had stamped in her mind, an image she had whispered excitedly into her ear about moonlit dinners on the beach, so much so that her mother’s dreams had become her own. And there Ivan was, standing in the picture Elizabeth and her mother had painted so vividly and that had remained etched in Elizabeth’s mind. She understood the phrase, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, and so she unashamedly did both.

Ivan stood proudly, blue eyes glistening in the moonlight. He ignored her tears, or rather, accepted them.

“My dear”—he bowed theatrically—“your moonlit dinner awaits you.”

Wiping her eyes and smiling a smile so big Elizabeth felt she could light the entire world, she took his extended hand and stepped out of the car.

Ivan inhaled sharply. “Wow, Elizabeth, you look stunning.”

Elizabeth smiled proudly. “Wearing red is my favorite thing to do now,” she said, imitating him, taking his arm and allowing him to lead her to the dinner table. After much hemming and hawing Elizabeth had purchased a red dress that accentuated her slender
figure, giving her curves she never even knew she had. She had put it on and taken it off at least
five
times before she left the house, feeling too exposed in such a bright color. To prevent herself from feeling like a traffic
light she had brought a black pashmina to drape over her shoulders.

The white Irish table linen
flapped in the light, warm breeze and Elizabeth’s hair tickled her cheek. The sand was cool and soft beneath her feet like
fluffy carpet, but was protected in the cove from the sharp wind. Ivan pulled out the chair for her and she sat. He reached for her serviette, which had been wrapped in a stem of fuchsia, and he laid it on her lap.

“Ivan, this is beautiful, thank you,” she whispered, not feeling able to lift her voice over the peaceful lapping water.

“Thank you for coming.” He smiled, pouring her a glass of red wine. “Now for starters, we have foie gras.” He reached under the table and retrieved two plates covered with silver lids. “I hope you like foie gras,” he said, frown lines appearing on his forehead.

“I love it.” Elizabeth smiled.

“Phew.” The muscles in his face relaxed. “It doesn’t really look like grass,” he said, examining his plate closely.

“It’s duck liver, Ivan,” Elizabeth said, laughing, spreading some on her toast. “What made you choose this cove?” she asked, wrapping the shawl tighter around her shoulders as the breeze began to chill.

“Because it’s quiet and because it’s a perfect location away from streetlights,” he explained, munching on his food.

Elizabeth frowned slightly, but thought it better not to ask any questions, knowing Ivan had his own peculiar way.

After dinner Ivan turned to look at Elizabeth, who had her hands wrapped around her wineglass and was staring wistfully out to the sea. “Elizabeth.” His voice was soft. “Will you lie with me on the sand?”

Elizabeth’s heartbeat quickened. “Yes.” Her voice was husky. She couldn’t think of a better way to end the evening with him. She was longing to touch him, for him to hold her. Elizabeth made her way to the water’s edge and sat down on the cool sand. She felt Ivan padding behind her.

“You’re going to have to lie on your back for this to work,” he said loudly, looking down at her.

Elizabeth’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me?” She wrapped the shawl protectively around her shoulders.

“If you don’t lie back, this just won’t work,” he repeated, putting his hands on his hips. “Look, like this.” He sat down beside her and laid his back down on the sand. “You have to be
flat on your back, Elizabeth, it’s best this way.”

“Is it now?” Elizabeth stiffened and clambered to her feet. “Was all this”—she gestured around the cove—“just to get me
flat on my back, as you so beautifully phrased it?” she asked, hurt.

Ivan stared up at her from the sand, eyes wide, with a
flabbergasted look on his face. “Well . . .” He stalled, trying to think of an answer. “Actually, yes,” he squeaked. “It’s just that, it’s better when it peaks, for you to be
flat on your back,” he stuttered.

“Ha!” Elizabeth spat and, putting her shoes back on, she struggled through the sand to get back to her car.

“Elizabeth, look!” Ivan shouted with excitement. “It’s peaked! Look!”

“Uugh,” Elizabeth grunted, climbing the small sand dune to her car. “You really are disgusting!”

“It’s not disgusting!” Ivan said, panic in his voice.

“That’s what they all say,” Elizabeth grumbled, fumbling in her bag for her car keys. Unable to see into her bag in the dark, she leaned it toward the moonlight and as she glanced up, her mouth dropped open. Above her in the black cloudless sky was a hive of activity. Stars glowed brighter than she had ever seen before, some darting across the sky.

Ivan lay on his back, staring up also.

“Oh,” Elizabeth said quietly, feeling foolish, glad that the darkness was hiding her skin, which was absorbing the color of her dress. She stumbled back down the sand dune, removed her shoes, allowed her feet to curl into the sand, and took a few steps closer to Ivan. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.

“Well, it would be a lot more beautiful if you lay
flat on your back like I told you to,” Ivan huffed, crossing his arms across his chest and staring up to the sky.

Elizabeth placed her hand across her mouth and tried not to laugh out loud. The sound was muffled.

“I don’t know what you’re laughing at, no one accused you of being disgusting,” he said smartly.

“I thought you were talking about something else.” Elizabeth giggled, sitting down on the sand beside him.

“Why else would I be asking you to lie
flat on your back?” Ivan asked in a dull tone and then he turned to her, his voice raised a few octaves with mocking eyes. “Oh,” he sang.

“Shut up,” Elizabeth said harshly, throwing her purse at him, but letting her smile show. “Oh, look.” Elizabeth was distracted by a shooting star. “What’s going on up there tonight, I wonder.”

“It’s the Delta Aquarids,” Ivan said, as though that explained everything. Elizabeth’s silence made him continue. “They’re meteors that come from the constellation Aquarius, the normal dates are the
fifteenth of July to the twentieth of August, but they peak on the twenty-ninth of July. That’s why I had to take you out tonight, to complete silence, away from streetlights.” He turned to look at her. “So yes, all of this was just to get you on your back.”

They studied each other’s faces in comfortable silence until more action above diverted their attention.

“Why don’t you make a wish?” Ivan asked her.

“No.” Elizabeth laughed softly. “I’m still waiting for my Jinny Joes wish to come true.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Ivan said seriously. “They just take a while to process, you won’t be waiting long.”

Elizabeth laughed and stared hopefully up into the sky.

A few minutes later, sensing her sister would be on her mind, Ivan asked, “Any word from Saoirse?”

Elizabeth gave a single shake of her head.

“She’ll be home,” Ivan said positively.

“Yes, but in what condition?” Elizabeth said uncertainly. “How is it other families manage to hold it together? And even when they’ve problems, how do they manage to keep it from the rest of the people in their neighborhoods?” she asked in confusion, thinking about all the whispers she had been hearing over the past few days about her father’s behavior and her sister’s disappearance. “What’s their secret?”

“See that cluster of stars right there?” Ivan asked, pointing upward.

Elizabeth followed his hand, embarrassed to have bored him with talk of her family so much that he’d changed the subject. She nodded.

“Most meteors from a common meteor shower are parallel to one another. They appear to emerge from the same point in the sky called ‘the radiant’ and they travel in all directions from this point.”

“Oh, I see,” Elizabeth said.

“No, you don’t see.” Ivan turned on his side to face her. “Stars are like people, Elizabeth. Just because they
appear
to emerge from the same point doesn’t mean that they do. This is an illusion of perspective created by distance.” And as if Elizabeth hadn’t quite understood the meaning, he added, “Not all families manage to hold it together, Elizabeth, everyone moves in different directions. That we all emerge from the same point is a misconception; to travel in different directions is the very nature of every being and every existing thing.”

Elizabeth turned her head and faced the sky again, trying to see if what he said was true. “Well, they could have fooled me,” she said quietly, watching more appear from the blackness every second.

Elizabeth shivered and wrapped her shawl around her tighter; the sand was getting cooler with each passing hour.

“Are you cold?” Ivan asked with concern.

“A little,” she admitted.

“Right, well the night isn’t over yet,” he said, jumping to his feet. “Time to warm up. Mind if I borrow the keys to your car?”

“Not unless you intend on driving away,” she joked, handing them over.

He retrieved something from under the table once again and brought it to the car. Moments later, music was softly drifting through the open door of the car.

Ivan began to dance.

Elizabeth giggled nervously. “Ivan, what are you doing?”

“Dancing!” he said, offended.

“What kind of dancing?” She laughed, taking his extended hand, and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

“It’s the soft-shoe shuffle,” Ivan announced, dancing expertly in circles around her on the sand. “Also called the sand dance, you’ll be interested to know, which means that your mother wasn’t so mad wanting to do the shuffle
in the sand after all!”

Elizabeth’s hands
flew to her mouth; tears
filled her eyes with happiness as she realized he was fulfilling yet another of her and her mother’s intended activities.

“Why are you fulfilling all of my mother’s dreams?” she asked, studying his face and searching for answers.

“So you don’t run away like she did in search of them,” he replied, taking her hand. “Come on, join in!” he said, leaping around.

“I don’t know how!” Elizabeth laughed.

“Just copy me.” He turned his back and danced away from her, swinging his hips exaggeratedly.

Lifting her dress to above her knees, Elizabeth threw caution to the wind and joined in dancing the soft-shoe shuffle
on the sand in the moonlight, laughing until her stomach was sore and she was out of breath.

“Oh, you make me smile so much, Ivan.” Elizabeth laughed, collapsing on the sand later that evening.

“Just doin’ my job.” He grinned back. As soon as the words had left his mouth, his smile faded and Elizabeth detected a hint of sadness in those blue eyes.

Chapter Thirty

Elizabeth
allowed her
red dress to slide down her legs, gather at her ankles, and then stepped out of it. She wrapped a warm bathrobe around her body, pinned her hair up, and climbed onto her bed with a cup of coffee she had brought from downstairs. She had wanted Ivan to come to bed with her tonight, despite her earlier protests. She had wanted him to take her in his arms on the sand in the cove right there but it seemed the more she felt drawn to him, the further he pulled himself away.

After they had watched the stars dancing in the sky and then had themselves danced on the sand, Ivan had withdrawn into himself in the car on the journey home. He had asked her to let him out in the small town, from where he would make his own way home, wherever home was. He had yet to bring her there or introduce her to his friends and family. Elizabeth had never before been interested in meeting the others in her partners’ lives, with college boyfriends or with Mark. She felt as though as long as she enjoyed his company, whether or not she liked the company of those who surrounded him was irrelevant. But with Ivan she felt she needed to see another side to him. She needed to witness his relationships with other people so he could become the three-dimensional character she so desperately believed he could be. That was always the argument old partners had with Elizabeth and now she
finally understood what it was they were searching for.