If You Could See Me Now (42 page)

“Hello,
Elizabeth.” Sam’s
mother opened her front door wider and welcomed her in.

“Hi, Fiona,” Elizabeth said, stepping in. Fiona had been taking Elizabeth’s relationship with Ivan so well during the past few weeks; they hadn’t discussed it directly, but Fiona was being as polite as she always had. Elizabeth was thankful there was no awkwardness between them. Unfortunately, she was worried Sam hadn’t taken it as well. “I came around to have a chat with Sam if that’s OK, Luke is so upset without him.”

Fiona looked at her sadly. “I know, I’ve been trying to talk to him all week about it, maybe you can do a better job than me.”

“Has he told you what it’s about?”

Fiona tried to hide a smile and nodded.

“Is it about Ivan?” Elizabeth asked with worry. She had always worried that Sam would be jealous of the amount of time Ivan was spending with her and Luke, and so she had invited him over to the house and included him in Ivan’s activities, as much as possible.

“Yes,” Fiona answered with a broad smile. “Six-year-olds can be funny can’t they?” Elizabeth relaxed at
finally learning Fiona hadn’t a problem with the time she and Luke had spent with Ivan, and was putting it down to Sam’s behavior.

“I’ll let him tell you in his own words,” she continued, leading Elizabeth through her home. She had to
fight the urge to look around to see if Ivan was there. As much as she was here to help Luke she was also trying to help herself;
finding and returning two best friends was better than one and she ached to be with Ivan so much.

Fiona pushed open the playroom door and Elizabeth entered. “Sam, honey, Luke’s mom is here to talk to you,” she said gently and for the
first
time, Elizabeth experienced a warm glow when she heard those words.

Sam paused the PlayStation and looked up at her with sad brown eyes. Fiona left them alone to talk.

“Hi, Sam,” she said gently. “Mind if I sit down?”

He shook his head and she balanced herself on the edge of the couch.

“Luke tells me you don’t want to be his friend anymore, is that right?”

Unashamedly, he nodded his head.

“Do you want to tell me why?”

He took a moment to ponder that and then nodded. “I don’t like to play the same games as him.”

“Did you tell him this?”

He nodded.

“And what did he say?”

Sam looked confused and shrugged his shoulders. “He is weird.”

A lump formed in Elizabeth’s throat and she was immediately defensive. “What do you mean, weird?”

“At
first
it was funny but then it just got boring and I didn’t want to play anymore, but Luke wouldn’t stop.”

“What game is that?”

“The games with his
invisible friend
.” He put on a bored voice and made a face.

Elizabeth’s hands grew clammy. “But his invisible friend was only around for a few days and that was months ago, Sam.” Sam gave her a funny look. “But you played with him too.” Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?” “Ivan what’s his face,” he grumbled. “Boring old Ivan who just wants

to spin on chairs all day, or have mud
fights or play chasing. Every single day it was Ivan, Ivan, Ivan and”—his already squeaky voice raised a pitch— “I couldn’t even see him!”

“What?” Elizabeth was confused. “You couldn’t see him? What do you mean?”

Sam thought hard about how he could explain that. “I mean, I couldn’t see him,” he said, simply shrugging his shoulders.

“But you played with him all the time.” She ran her clammy
fingers through her hair.

“Yeah, because Luke was, but I got sick of pretending and Luke wouldn’t stop, he kept saying he was
real
.” He rolled his eyes.

Elizabeth placed her
fingers on the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know what you mean, Sam. Ivan is your mum’s friend, is he not?”

Sam’s eyes widened, he had a startled expression. “Eh, nope.”

“No?”

“No,” he confirmed.

“But Ivan minded you and Luke, he collected you and brought you home,” Elizabeth stammered.

Sam looked worried. “I’m allowed to walk home by myself, Ms. Egan. I only live two doors away.”

“But the eh, the em . . .” Elizabeth suddenly snapped to attention, remembering something; she clicked her
fingers, making Sam jump. “The water
fight, what about the water
fight in the back garden, it was you, me, Luke, and Ivan, remember that?” she probed. “Remember, Sam?”

His face paled, he nodded slowly, and he said, “There was only three of us.”

“What?” she shouted louder than she meant to.

Sam’s face crumpled up and he began to cry silently.

“Oh, no.” She panicked. “Please don’t cry, Sam, I didn’t mean to.” She held her hands out to him but he ran toward the door, shouting for his mother. “Oh, I’m sorry Sam, please stop. Ssshhh,” she said quietly. “Oh god,” she groaned to herself, listening as Fiona hushed him.

“I’m sorry, Fiona,” Elizabeth apologized.

“It’s OK.” Fiona looked a little worried. “He’s a little sensitive about it.”

“I understand.” Elizabeth gulped. “About Ivan.” She swallowed again and got to her feet. “You know him, don’t you?”

Fiona’s brow wrinkled. “What do you mean by know him?”

Elizabeth’s heart raced. “I mean, he’s been around here before?”

“Oh, yes.” Fiona smiled. “He was here many times with Luke, we even had him over for dinner.” She winked.

Elizabeth relaxed, but was unsure of how to interpret the wink. She placed her hand on her heart and it began to slow down. “Phew, Fiona, thank god.” She laughed with relief. “For a minute there, I thought
I
was going mad.”

“Oh, don’t be silly.” Fiona laughed, placing a hand on her arm. “We all do it, you know. When Sam was two years old, he went through the exact same thing.
Rooster,
he called his little friend.” She laughed. “So believe me, I know exactly what you’re going through, opening car doors, cooking extra dinners, and setting an extra place at the table. Don’t worry, I understand, you were right to play along.”

Elizabeth’s head was beginning to spin, but Fiona’s voice kept going on and on.

“When you think about it, it’s
such
a waste of food really, isn’t it? It just sits there through the entire meal completely untouched and
believe
me I know, I was keeping an eye on it. I’ll have no spooky invisible men in this house, thank you very much!” She laughed.

Moisture was rising to Elizabeth’s throat. She grabbed on to the corner of the chair to steady herself.

“But, like I said earlier, that’s six-year-olds for you. I’m sure this so-called Ivan will disappear in time; they say they don’t last for more than two months, really, he should be gone soon, don’t you worry.” She
finally stopped talking, but moved her face quizzically toward Elizabeth. “Are you OK?”

“Air,” Elizabeth gasped. “I just need to get some air.”

“Of course,” Fiona said, hurriedly leading her back toward the front door.

Elizabeth charged outside, taking in big gulps of air.

“Is everything OK? Can I get you a glass of water?” Fiona asked worriedly, rubbing her back as Elizabeth leaned over facing the ground, with her hands resting on her knees.

“No, thanks,” she said, quietly standing up. “I’ll be OK.” She wandered off unevenly down the path without a good-bye, leaving Fiona staring after her nervously.

Once back in her own house, Elizabeth slammed the front door behind her and slid down to the
floor
with her head in her hands.

“Elizabeth, what’s wrong?” Luke asked worriedly, still in his pajamas and barefoot as he stood before her.

She couldn’t answer. She could do nothing but go over the past few months, over and over in her mind, all her special memories and moments with Ivan, all their conversations together. Who was there with them, who had seen them, spoken to him. They had been in crowded places, people had seen them together, Benjamin had seen them, and Joe had seen them. She kept on thinking back over everything, trying to remember moments when Ivan had conversations with all of these people. She couldn’t be imagining all this. She was a sane, responsible woman.

Her face was pale as she
finally looked up to face Luke.

“Ekam Eveileb,” was all she could say.

“Yep.” He giggled. “It’s backwards language. Cool, isn’t it?”

It took Elizabeth seconds to work it out.

Make Believe
.

Chapter Forty-Two

“Come
on,
”
Elizabeth
shouted,
pounding on her horn, to the two coaches inching by each other slowly on the main street of Baile na gCroíthe. It was September and the last of the tourists were passing through the town; after this the busy village would return to its usual silence, like a banquet hall the morning after a party, leaving the locals to tidy up and remember the events and people that came through. The students would be heading back to college in the neighboring counties and towns and the locals would once again be alone to struggle with their businesses.

Elizabeth held her hand down on her horn and blasted it at the coach before her. A sea of foreign faces turned around in the back of the bus to glare at her. Beside her, the locals spilled out of the church, after attending morning mass. Taking advantage of the glorious sunny day, they gathered around in groups on the street, chatting and catching up on the week’s events. They too turned to stare at the source of the angry beeping, but she didn’t care, she was following no rules today, she was desperate to get to Joe’s as she knew he at least could admit to seeing Ivan and her together, putting an end to this cruel and bizarre joke.

Too impatient to wait for the coaches to pass each other, leaving the car in traffic, she jumped out and ran across the road to the café. “Joe!” she called, charging in through the door. She couldn’t keep the panic out of her voice.

“Ah, there ye are, just the woman I was lookin’ for.” Joe stepped out from the kitchen. “I want to show ye my new fancy machine. It’s—”

“I don’t care,” she butted in breathlessly. “I’ve no time. Just please answer me this question. You remember me being in here with a man a few times, don’t you?”

Joe looked up to the ceiling in thought, feeling important.

Elizabeth held her breath.

“Aye, I do.”

Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank
god
.” She laughed, a little too hysterically.

“Now could you pay attention to me new device,” he said proudly. “It’s a brand-new coffee makin’ machine. Makes these espressos and cap’chinos and all.” He picked up the espresso cup. “Sure that would only hold a drip. Brings a whole new meanin’ to the phrase ‘hot drop.’ ”

Elizabeth laughed, so happy about the news about Ivan and the coffee, she could have jumped over the counter and kissed him.

“So where is this man?” Joe asked, trying to
figure out how to make Elizabeth an espresso.

Elizabeth’s smile faded. “Oh, I don’t know.”

“Gone back to America, is he? Sure, doesn’t he live there in New York? The Big Apple, don’t they call it. I’ve seen it on the telly and if you ask me it looks nothin’ like an apple at all.”

Elizabeth’s heart pounded in her chest. “No Joe,
not Benjamin
. You’re thinking of Benjamin.”

“The fella you had drinks with in here a few times,” Joe confirmed.

“No.” Elizabeth’s anger rose. “Well, yes I did. But I’m talking about the other man who was with me here.
Ivan
is his name. I-v-a-n,” she repeated slowly.

Joe made a face and shook his head. “Don’t know an Ivan.”

“Yes, you do,” she said rather forcefully.