Ignite (40 page)

I love you, too
, I sigh.

Beneath my lips, I feel him smile. He pushes his hands in my hair and kisses me deeper, spreading fire through my veins, searing into my nerves, and melting my bones.

“Thank you,” Michael breathes through the kiss.

I pull away from his gentle lips agonizingly and look into his eyes, which impossibly appear warmer and brighter. “For what?” I ask softly.

“For loving me back,” he whispers as he pulls me into another deep kiss, his hands resting on my face like a wordless prayer.

Chapter 32

“We can’t stay here,” I say regretfully, looking back over the icy pond to the cave. “Azael knows where we are. Even if the cave is enchanted, he saw… He’ll be here soon.”

“We’ll run.” His voice is sure and filled with conviction. “Fugitives from Heaven and Hell. Probably going to cause a bit of trouble down the road.”

“Fugitives,” I repeat slowly.

Michael takes my hand in his and our bloodied fingers knot together, grotesquely beautiful.

“You didn’t try to convince me,” he says suddenly.

I look up at him. “Convince you?”

“I am no longer welcome in Heaven. I have nowhere to go, nothing to turn to. The only person I know outside of Heaven is you.”

“A demon,” I nod understandingly.

“But you didn’t try to convince me to fight with Hell.”

“Of course not. Just as you know me, I know you. It would have been pointless.”

He’s silent, listening.

“I don’t belong to Hell anymore,” I breathe. “The only reason I was going back was because you were gone. And if the only good thing in my life disappeared, I wouldn’t have been able to give up my brother. I’m not that strong. He’s all I have.”

“You’re all I have,” he whispers, pulling me into him and cradling his arms low on my back.

“Now you’re all I have left, too,” I say, resting my cheek on his chest. “And I wouldn’t trade it for all of the power in Hell.”

“But what if you had asked and I agreed to fight with Hell?”

I pull back from him, surprised. Arching an eyebrow, I ask, “You might have said yes?”

“If you had asked me, I might have.”

“For me?” My voice is incredulous.

“For you, I would do anything.” He brings his hand up to my face again, brushing the pad of his thumb over my cheek. “For you, I would do everything.”

I shake my head and grab his wrist, stilling his hand. “Don’t. I don’t want you to change who you are because of your circumstances. That is not the Michael I’ve…”
Fallen for.
“I wouldn’t want you to give up on all that is good just because Heaven’s given up on you. I almost did, and I would have lost myself completely. Giving in like that is like surrendering, letting others tell you who you are and what you stand for.” I bring his hand down between us and lace my cold fingers with his again, tying us together. “What’s the point of living a life someone else has designed for you? Is that really living at all?”

“But you didn’t ask,” he says, his eyes bright and smiling.

I twist the corner of my mouth up. “No,” I laugh. “I didn’t ask.”

“So now what?”

I shrug. “Like you said. We run.”

“As long as you’re next to me, I will run to the ends of the Earth.”

I roll my eyes. “Well that’s about as far as we’ll be able to go, seeing as neither side beyond these ends wants us. Can’t go up, can’t go down.”

A soft vibrating noise sounds from the ice, and I look over and see my pendant glowing. I let go of Michael and tiptoe over the ice, scooping up the cold, black chain of my necklace. Michael follows, picking up his sword and holstering it in his belt. He whispers something, and the blade shimmers once before disappearing completely.

I put the pendent on again, pulling my hair through the chain. The second the stone lands on my collarbone, Azael’s voice comes through, furiously screaming, his words as lethal as poison.

PEN! I’M COMING. HOLD THE LITTLE BASTARD DOWN. SAVE ME THE HONOR OF DECAPITATION.

My hands fly up to my head, holding my temples together so my skull doesn’t split apart. His voice is sharp and insistent, giving me a sudden migraine that feels like a blinding sunrise in my mind. I can’t escape it.

AZAEL!
I shout back, trying to stop him.
AZAEL, LISTEN!

His voice lowers several decibels, but he still is detailing the graphic ways he plans to kill Michael.

Goodbye, Azael.

He stops, his words clipping off mid-sentence.
Goodbye?

Michael watches me, and I know he can hear what I’m saying, what Azael’s saying. His eyes are slightly unfocused, concentrating like our conversation is slightly out of earshot. But he looks sad for me and I know he hears.

I’m sorry, Az.
I grip the stone in my hand.
I’m so sorry. I cannot kill him.

There is no answer.

I love him, and I
will
not kill him.

I feel my necklace become warm, the pendant heating up until it burns my hands. I let go suddenly, pressing my hands together to cool the burn. Michael steps forward and wraps his hands around mine, healing the welt.

“It’s okay,” he whispers to me encouragingly. “You are not alone in this.”

I bite my lip and continue.
I never wanted to hurt you, Azael. And I’m so sorry.

You think you love him?
His voices is low and smooth, sounding like a snake slithering through tall grass.

I do love him.

Well how cute is that? And it explains so much.

I’m quiet.

You don’t know what love is, Pen. You are a demon! There is no good in you, no hope for you.

His words knock the wind out of me, and I take a minute before answering. I look up at Michael.
There is always hope.

Azael laughs condescendingly.
Did he teach you that? Oh, poor naïve sister. I thought you were better than this.

Apparently I’m not.
I squeeze Michael’s hands and close my eyes.
If I ever meant anything to you at all, Az, please—let me go. Let
us
go.

He doesn’t even hesitate.
You think you can betray me and expect me to just ‘let you go.’
His laughter is bitter and he chokes on it, his voice hitching at the end with… grief? No Azael has never felt a moment of sadness in his life.
That’s just not in my nature. You think you are sorry now, but wait until I destroy everything you love. I’ll kill Michael in front of you and make you watch. And then, when you can’t take it anymore, I will kill you. Your happiness will burn you in the end. I’ll show you what regret truly means.

Az…

Besides, Pen. You still owe me that fight.

The hair at the back of my neck stands up, and I feel his threat through my bones. I remember him teasing me about this after I attacked him in the soul’s memory that one fateful day. It seems like forever ago, but of course he remembers.

You can run, sister, but you can’t hide. I’ll see you soon.

That was the same thing he said to me earlier, when I told him I was coming back to Hell.
I’ll see you soon.
But this time, he didn’t sound distracted by war preparations. He wasn’t excited to see me again and to fight with me in battle because he won’t fight
with
me anymore. He just wants to fight me. This is a promise, and one I’m sure he’ll keep.

While this feels like a goodbye, I know it’s not. I’ll see him again. It may not be soon, but I know we’ll cross paths again. He’ll even our score, even if it’s the last thing he does. This isn’t over. It’ll never be over until one of us dies.

The thought of killing Azael—my brother, the one constant in my life—makes me ill. We are two halves of one whole; neither of us is complete in the absence of the other. But things have changed.

He doesn’t need me anymore. He’s the second most powerful demon in Hell now, and no one, not even his sister, will see any mercy from him. I know he won’t hesitate to kill me or Michael. So when the time comes, I’ll have to kill him. I’ll have no choice.

I drop to my knees with Michael clutching my elbows, making sure I don’t hurt myself.

“Pen.” He wraps his arms around me.

I bite the inside of my cheek, my sharp teeth piercing through the soft flesh until I taste blood. I sit back, open my eyes, and see Michael watching me. I give him a weak smile, trying to reassure him I’m not completely broken.

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” Michael says quietly, and even though my eyes are welling with tears, I laugh.

“If it helps, he’s not too fond of me either. Not anymore.”

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I’ll get there.” I take a deep breath, clearing my mind. “I knew he wouldn’t leave Hell. I just—I hoped he’d let me go.”

“He can’t let you go because he loves you.”

I shake my head and drag the heel of my hand under my eyes. “Azael doesn’t love anyone.”

“You’re his sister. He can’t identify what he feels for you, but it’s love.”

“Maybe, but he doesn’t love me anymore. He wants me dead. He wants—he wants to destroy me.” I almost laugh, but it sticks in my throat, and instead my eyes well up.

Az and I never saw eye to eye, but we always protected each other. We always valued the other’s life as equal to our own. At least I thought we did. Maybe I was wrong…

“I knew I would be on my own. I just didn’t expect he would hate me so much.”

“Azael doesn’t hate you. And you won’t be alone. You’ll be with me.”

“Alone with you,” I say with a grin.

“It’ll be different on our own,” he says softly, taking my hand in his.

“We can’t keep a foot in both worlds. Eventually we have to choose, I think. And I choose…” My voice fades. I’m not sure exactly what I choose, but it’s not Hell or Heaven. “I choose something my own,” I finally say. “Something we will define together, that sees the good in
trying
and accepts people’s faults.” I look at him meaningfully. “I choose you.”

“I choose you, too, Pen.” A smile lights his face.

“You see the worst of me, but you love me despite the darkness you’ve found,” I say, incredulous.

“There is more light in you than you think,” he replies. “It’s just hard to see it when you’re so close.”

“But you see it?”

“I see it.”

I pause. “There’s a saying that I used to carry with me when I first fell from Heaven,” I tell him. “‘All things truly wicked start from innocence.’ It reminded me that sometimes the best intentions lead to the most disastrous results.”

“I’ve heard the angels say that. Something about how the road to Hell is paved with good intentions,” he agrees.

“I used to whisper it to myself every night when Azael went to bed and I was alone with my thoughts. I used the phrase to justify what I was doing. But I think I may have whispered it too many times, because eventually a human overheard.”

“Who?”

“Ernest Hemingway,” I smirk. “But I was thinking… Maybe the road to redemption can be marred with a few mistakes? Like an angel and a demon falling in love.”

He smiles wider and leans towards me, placing a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth. “We’re going to be alone in this,” he murmurs against me. “But at least we’ll be together.”

“Alone together,” I repeat, giving him another quick kiss before pulling us both to our feet. “And now we have to go.”

“Where will we go?”

“I heard Europe is nice this time of year.”

“I’ve never been to Europe,” he says cheerfully. He bends down and swipes up one of the round, smooth pebbles from the bank of the pond and slides it into his pocket.

“A stone?”

“To remember this moment, this place. Where you first kissed me.”

“That wasn’t a kiss!” I tell him, shoving his shoulder playfully. “I was saving your life.”

“And where I told you I loved you, where you said you loved me back,” he explains.

“A bit cheesy.” I roll my eyes. “You’re also forgetting that this is the place you almost drowned, the place you almost bled out. Oh yeah, and the place I almost had to kill you.”

“I prefer to remember the better memories.” He looks wistfully back at the cave. “Perhaps one day we’ll come back here.”

I grab his hand in mine and unfurl my wings, watching as his silver wings, still stained with blood, expand as well. “One day,” I promise.

A light rain begins to fall from the dark sky, washing away his blood from his wings, his chest, my hands, and the shore of the pond. Together we fly away, slipping farther and farther from the cave and the icy pond.

One day.

Chapter 33

Michael and I fly every day and every night, only stopping to rest for an hour at a time. We can’t risk Azael narrowing in on our location, so we keep moving. We make our way across the United States so quickly that it makes me dizzy. The states blur into one hazy memory until the land gives way to an expansive blue ocean that deepens into a cold black.