I'll Be There (16 page)

“You breathe all the air in the room,” Bertie used to tell her. “And there’s no more left for anybody else.” It was funny when Bertie had said it. And it had always been all right with Bertie for Cee Cee to be the one with the big hungry ego. Bertie was content to play the part of the fan. But J.P.‘s frail ego had doomed the continued success of their marriage.

When they walked into the dressing room, Nina and Richie were

I’LL BE THERE

105

each staring at their respective hands of cards. Nina picked one up from the pile on the table then shrieked a winner’s shriek.

“I cleaned you out,” she said giddily, then jumped to her feet and did a little dance.

“The kid’s a mechanic,” Richie said, “I never saw anybody that lucky in my life. I’m taking you out to the casino and getting you a job as a dealer.”

The two of them were oblivious to Cee Cee and John in the doorway.

“Hahhh!” Nina hollered. “Pay up, pay up.” Then she looked over and said a casual “hi” to Cee Cee, who introduced John Perry, but there was no recognition from Nina at the name, she just nodded an uninterested hello, then gathered up the cards and shuffled as John watched appreciatively, smiling at the characteristics he immediately recognized in her.

“Looks just like the Bert I remember,” he said.

Hearing that made Nina look up at Cee Cee. “You mean this is

John Perry, your ex-husband?” she asked surprised.

“One and the same.”

Richie looked at John now for the first time too.

“Wow, this is an honor,” John said, reaching to shake Richie’s hand. “John Perry, this is Richie Charles …”

But before Cee Cee finished John was already going on about the HBO special of Richie’s he had seen a few weeks earlier, remembering some of Richie’s jokes and talking about them with a fan’s wide-eyed admiration while Richie smiled a half smile, which looked more to Cee Cee as if he was baring his teeth. It was an expression she knew Richie gave to strangers he didn’t trust. Silly, she thought. It’s just harmless old J.P. And starry-eyed at that over meeting Richie. How the worm turns, she thought, remembering the way she had idolized John the year they met, trying to act as if she had it all under control when all along she could barely sleep at nights for fantasizing about him. And now here he was, looking kind of down at the heels and acting like some fan who just fell off the turnip truck. She could even see an expression on Nina’s face as she looked at him as if she was wondering what the big deal had been about this guy.

“I owe you two bucks,” Richie said to Nina. “I taught you too good.”

106

IRIS RA1NER DART

“Well now, bow’s this for an idea? What if I get room service to bring some food up to the suite and we have a little party?” Cee Cee asked.

“Not for me.” Richie stood. “I’m gonna turn in and lick my wounds after the beating | just took from the hustler over there. Nice to meet you,” he tossed over his shoulder to John as he left.

“I’m tired too,” Nina said, following Richic, “and I already ate. Goodnight,” she said and was out the door.

“She gorgeous,” John said, looking after her, and Cee Cec was glad when she felt a surge of pride instead of jealousy.

“I’ll change,” she said, and after she took her clothes down from a hanger in the big mirrored walk-in closet, she stayed in there to change out of the dress she’d worn onstage, thinking it was oddly modest of her since this was someone who had seen her naked every day for more than ten years. But this was a different naked body, she thought, looking down at herself. The aging version, and she didn’t want him to look at it and compare it to the way he remembered her. Stop, she thought. Don’t get all hot and bothered about this visit. He’s married. He’s here on business. She emerged wearing a black sweater and black pants, holding her stomach in, trying to decide if she should remove the elaborate stage makeup and risk him seeing the comparison to her own pale skin.

“You’ve never looked better to me,” he said, and there was that look on his face again. Maybe she’d leave the makeup on.

“It’s the first time in my life I can eat anything I want, because I probably sweat off five pounds a night out there,” she said, wondering if she should take him upstairs to the suite and order some champagne. No, that would be seductive and she didn’t want to do that. Somewhere in Ohio this man had a family waiting for him to come home. Too bad, she thought, then wondered to herself if maybe fucking your ex-husband shouldn’t count as cheating. After all, she’d already done it with him so many times in this lifetime, how could a few more hurt?

“Your act is wonderful,” he said. “You’re better than you’ve ever been.”

“For an old broad,” she joked.

“Not old to me,” he said.

I’LL BE 7’!fERE l(/7

“True. But then, you are a senior citizen.”

“Don’t knock it. We’re an interesting group. We’ve lived. We’ve loved. What’s the song from The Boy Friend about artists?”

Cee Cee thought, then laughed when she remembered the song and sang, “‘The modern painters of today may paint their pictures faster. But when it comes to making love, you can’t beat an old master.’”

“Precisely,” he said.

A seduction. Was this a seduction? Boy, it felt good. Stop, stop. He’S married, she thought, but she couldn’t stop the fantasies that danced in her head, and the rush of physical memories her body had of his. He had been one hell of a lover. Of course, at that time in her life she knew no comparison.

“How’s your father?” he asked.

“He’s okay, just okay. Sick enough lately to have to go back to a nursing home where he sits and grumbles about everything.” Again they looked long at one another.

“I’ve never stopped loving you,” he said all of a sudden, and those were exactly the words she’d been thinking about him just before he said them, but she was afraid to say them back to him, couldn’t say them back to him. He was married. Married.

“My marriage to Kate is over,” he said, as if he’d just been reading her mind.

She tried to see if there was any flicker on his face that might let her know whether or not that was a lie.

“Who asked you?” she said afraid now and turned away to busy herself, packing up a little cosmetics case.she carried between the dressing room and her suite upstairs every evening, John’s last statement resonating inside her, making her heart beat faster and her face feel hot. What if what he had just said was true and the reason he had come here was not business but to test his feelings for her. To see if now that they both had changed and grown he would finally be capable of handling her success.

“Nobody asked me,” he said gently, “I was just confiding in an old friend. Maybe just looking for a shoulder to cry on.”

“I’m sorry to hear it’s not working out,” she said, but it was a lie. She continued to pack her makeup, but she was rattled now and

108

IRIS RAINER DART

dropped two of her makeup brushes to the floor, stooped to pick them up. One of them rolled away and after she grabbed to retrieve it, she was about to stand when she felt him close behind her, and as she stood slowly he moved tight against her, and she could feel his hardness pushing against her back and his arms go around her.

“I knew the minute I saw you how much I still love you, Cee Cee,” he said.

When she looked straight ahead she could see the two of them in her giant makeup mirror, and it was an odd picture. Her stage made up face, grotesque with huge eyes and the thick false lashes it was necessary for her to wear in order for her eyes to be seen from the back of the massive showroom. And in those eyes the confusion she felt having him there behind her, wanting her, saying the things he was saying.

Now he was nuzzling her neck, her ears, her shoulders, calling up sensations she never thought she’d have again.

“J.P.” She turned to face him, and he took her face in his hands, but before he could kiss her she pulled away.

“John, listen to me. I’m not just me now. I’m a family. With that little girl, and believe me when I tell you that both of us have been

through the ringer.”

“Cee Cee…”

“Wait. I’m just telling you, I’m standing here looking at you, and what I see is not just some guy who happens to look good, although you sure as hell do look divine. But I see my husband, okay? Yeah, my ex-husband, but it doesn’t feel that way. It feels to me like ‘Oh,

here’s John who went on a little vacation and now he’s back.’”

“Well, maybe you’re right about that.”

“No, I’m not right about that. You married someone else. You must have loved her. You created children with her, children you raised and loved and who would be sick if they thought their father was in Atlantic City right now making a grab for his ex-wife, even if they are my fans. Believe me, J.P., my body remembers everything about yours. I mean, I look at you and I can hardly stand up for wanting to climb all over you and fuck your socks off.” He laughed a little burst of a laugh, but Cee Cee’s face was serious. “Trust me, in the last two minutes I’ve already gone so far as to figure out if it would

I’LL BE THERE

109

be hotter to do it on the sofa or on the cold tile floor. But as sure as I’m standing here, I know if you come back to me now or next year or when we’re too old to remember how to do it, it’s got to be after you straighten out your other life first. Go home. Work it out with Kate. Sit down and talk to your kids. And if you’re going to get out of Ohio, get out for reasons that are about you, not about me. Because if you don’t, after all the shit I’ve already put that kid through, you can bet l won’t let you touch me with a ten-foot pole.” There was no sound in the chilly dressing room until he joked, with a half smile, “So you do remember everything about my body.” That made her laugh.

“Tell me about the business you have in New Jersey,” she said. “It’s silly,” he told her. “I mean maybe it’s really silly. Though part of me loves the idea. The Sunshine Theater is for sale again. It’s been through several owners since I gave it up, and the current owner tracked me down to see if I was interested in owning it again. I still know enough people on Long Beach Island who might back me, and I’ve got some dough of my own I could put in from the sale of the theater I owned in Steubenville. I’ve been teaching since then, and directing Shakespeare in Chagrin Park in the summers. So I’d just do my summers in Beach Haven instead, the way I did years ago.”

“You were so good at it,” Cee Cee said, feeling herself falling into the familiar old position of massaging his ego.

“Want to be my backer?” he asked, but she was sure he was joking. I’ll change the name and call it the Cee Cee Bloom Playhouse. Kind

of like the Helen Hayes Theater.”

“Thanks anyway,” she said.

“Cee Cee, you’re right about me straightening out my life first. You should know though that Kate had a four-year love affair with, of all people, our pediatrician, and we almost broke up over that but

“No, I shouldn’t know that,” Cee Cee said, shaking her head. But it was information which made her feel a little less guilty for wanting to drag this married man inside the mirrored closet and watch on every side while she peeled away all of his clothing and then worked on him until he exploded. Drive him crazy the way she had during all the years they were together.

110

IRIS RAINER DART

“Go home,” she said, “and let me know how it all works out.” After a ninute he gave her a pained smile and hugged her. This time it was just a friendly hug, and then he left, and she wondered as she listened to the sound of him walking to the stage door, opening it, and leaving, if she’d ever hear from him again.

The first weeks alter their return from Atlantic City were the calmest Nina could ever remember since she’d come to live in Cce Cee’s world. At first she thought it was just the comparison of their peaceful Malibu house to the chaos in the hotel in Atlantic City, which had been filled with the constant undercurrent of room service, maid service, laundry service, and the casual way the people from Cee Cee’s show felt free after a light knock on the door to wander in and out. Or maybe the calm was the result of Cee Cee’s seeming more sure of herself. As if being able to put together an act, and then get the offer of a mammoth five-year contract from Caesars Palace, had given her confidence in her continuing ability to survive no matter what happened to her television show.

But more probably the calm could be attributed to the fact that John was calling every day from Ohio, keeping her up on the progress he was making in straightening out the end of his marriage, making plans with his children, and peace with the wife he was leaving in order to move to Los Angeles. He had already managed, he told Cee Cee and she lightly mentioned to Nina, to find himself a job in L.A., through an old summer stock friend who had become a movie producer. John would be the producer’s development executive, which meant he would read scripts that had been submitted to the producer, and then advise the producer as to which of the scripts could be turned into a film that would make a lot of money.

John admitted to Cee Cee that he didn’t have a clue what it was that made one film more commercial than another, but he had read William Goldman’s book Adventures in the Screen Trade, which said that the thing to remember about the movie business was that “nobody knows anything,” so he figured it might as well be him making money from not knowing anything as anybody else.

“Are you having R.J. Wagner-Natalie Wood fantasies about your ex?” Hal asked Cee Cee. He stopped by to watch her show shooting one afternoon while he was in Los Angeles for negotiations with Uni

I’LL BE THERE

111

versal Studios because they were trying to buy the film rights to Penny Candy, his second Broadway musical.

“You mean do I think I’ll marry him again?”

“Forget I asked. There’s a funny little look in your eyes that tells me you’ve entertained the thought more than six or seven hundred times.”