Illegal Aliens (32 page)
In basic training, the first thing Private Glenn was taught was the proper name of his assault rifle: The Furstenburg. Yes, it was awkward and a bit clumsy, but deadly in combat. It was PFC. Glenn (drunk on wine liberated from the locked supply cabinet in the PX), who wrote the justly famous phrase, “First in peace, first in war, Furstenburg!” Then he burped and passed out.
Landing on RporR was officially made illegal.
With joyful celebrations, the FCT was reunited and began immediate work on their new job as the First Contact Team for the Galactic League, which included designing a mobile Command Bunker to be fitted inside the reconditioned
Ramariez
. In their off-duty hours, the humans introduced the game of poker to the Gees and did serious damage to the planetary economy before the rule of table stakes was invoked.
And then, there was the terrible punishment of Avantor, the junior grade avantor, and The 16.
* * *
Summoning their resolve, the Gee officers knocked on the door of the office assigned to their new commanding officer. A voice told them to enter.
Dressed in casual duty fatigues, Lt. Sakadea glanced up from his pile of paperwork at their approach and grinned.
“Avantor! The 16! What a pleasant surprise! Please, have a seat,” he said, gesturing at a couple of chairs.
“Thank you, sir, but no,” The 16 replied in a stiffly formal manner, handing the puzzled officer a featureless sheet of thin gray plastic.
At Sakadea's touch, cryptic symbols appeared on the sheet and the human reached for his English/Gee dictionary.
“We have been assigned to your military unit for retraining,” the avantor translated, the words stinging on her lips like lashes from a tiny whip.
The human went pale. Oh no, anything but that.
Avantor and The 16 felt sick in their stomachs, misinterpreting his expression as annoyance. Not even aliens wanted their company after their series of monumental blunders, and who could blame them?
With a mounting feeling of helplessness, the Marine officer scanned the plastic sheet, reading what few words he could. “If I have this right, it says here that you are supposed to report to me tomorrow at 0900.”
“Tomorrow, then,” the avantor snapped, and the Gees pivoted on their heels to leave.
“Wait!” Sakadea cried frantically.
They stopped, and The 16 turned. “Is it tomorrow already, sir?” he asked sarcastically.
The lieutenant rose from his chair and hurried about the desk. “No, but by then it would be too late.”
The 16 looked puzzled. “I do not understand.”
Lt. Sakadea ignored him. “Avantor, I don't know how your people handle this, but I have always been very sexually attracted to you and would like to engage in
fizzlorp
.” Kurt Sakadea hoped he had said that right, the medical manual which stated their races were sexually compatible did not have a pronunciation chart.
Both Avantor and The 16 blinked in surprise, and then slowly smiled. With only each other for sex on the old X-47-D, things had been pretty darn dull in bed. Now they were outcasts among their associates. Perhaps a mass joining with the humans is just what they needed to work off some tension and cement their new working relationship. What the Void, it couldn't hurt.
The 16 touched her hand,
Sounds good to me, my liege.
Then let's do it, studmuffin,
she sent in return.
“Accepted,” Avantor said, feeling a preliminary rush of passion tingle at her golden loins. “Gather four of your friends and meet 16 and I back at our room in say, ten Earth minutes?”
Kurt hesitated. “All males?” he asked.
In feather softness, the female reached out to caress his cheek. “That would be boring,” she murmured in reply.
“Definitely boring,” The 16 said, adding his two copper units. He wondered if human females could
mikgorgle
? They certainly were equipped for it!
Reeling slightly from raw lust, Lt. Sakadea felt his face burn at her touch. Hot damn, she was his kind of woman! The Marine glanced at his watch. “Ten minutes and counting!”
Very excited, The 16 scampered from the office. As Avantor strolled slowly away, already starting to unbutton her uniform top to expose the amber swell of her full breasts, the female Gee coyly added over her shoulder, “I’ll bring the nose flute.”
THE END
NICK POLLOTTA has written over 70 novels, ranging from Military/Thrillers to the best-selling Fantasy/Humor trilogy (soon to have its fourth volume),
Bureau 13
, with over a million copies sold worldwide. (available at
www.wildsidepress.com
) Nick resides in northern Illinois with his beautiful wife Melissa, three computers, two cats and an antiquarian book collection that someday will crush their house.
PHIL FOGLIO started as a fan artist back in the early 70s, for which he won two Fan Artist Hugos. Since then, he has worked as an illustrator for MAGIC, the Gathering, and is producing a monthly comic What's New With Phil & Dixie for
Dragon
magazine. He has written several short stories, done book covers for projects as diverse as the Klingon Language Version of Hamlet, Robert Asprin's
Myth Adventures
novels, and a memoir of San Francisco's gay leather scene. He has worked primarily in comics, where he has scripted such series as
Dynamo Joe
,
Starblazers
and
Plastic Man
, adapted stories by Harlan Ellison and Robert Asprin. Through Studio Foglio he self-publishes the comic books:
Buck Godot—Zap Gun for Hire
,
MythAdventures
,
XXXenophile
and his newest series,
Girl Genius
. He lives in Seattle with his lovely and talented wife Kaja, and extremely loud son, Victor. Their work can be seen, and purchased, from their website at
www.studiofoglio.com
. This is his first novel.